My story is posted in Just Found out and Recovery but here is a short version. D-Day 11/20/04 by reading husband email. First and still he will not admit there was anything physical going on just needed someone to help him understand what I was doing to make him feel so unloved. But this "friendship" lasted for 8 months. Anyway since then whenever we talk can never be about the "affair" it always gets turned around to how I had been making him feel for the 13 years we were married. So I read Surving an Affair and Torn Asunder. Have been trying to work on relationship. H refuses to read the books so it is hard for me to get him to understand steps, ENs etc.(he hasn't even completed assignments MC gave us) So we walk around being nice to one another like neither of us have a problem. Mine the affair, his the way I've treated him.We started counseling and at the last session I lost it. Told him and MC and I can't keep reliving what he thinks I did to him and as far as I was concerned the M is over.

I feel like if he can't absorb my pain over his actions than it will be easy for him to repeat them. Am I wrong?

I feel like he is saying what he did was okay because I was not always uplifting his ENs. Am I wrong?

I am just rambling tonight because I so confused. I just wany to wake up and know this was all just a bad dream.