Leave Board? - 01/14/00 03:39 PM
I know I shouldn't have anything to do with this board anymore. Sometimes I think I lurk and post here just to keep the hurt alive. Like somehow I can change what happened in the past if I never let it go. I don't want emotional scar tissue to form I want just a scab there that I can rip off. So my hate is renewed that this time I can do something about it. I have to admit that part of me wants to keep my hate alive with the fervent hope I can somehow get my pound of flesh yet. This hate is just eating my soul up<BR>It's so hard to 'let it go' like my wife constantly suggests. She doesn't have those horrible, sickening images of her and her scum running through her head night and day like I do. It's been over two years since discovery and some days the hurt is as fresh as the first instant she admitted she had cheated. <BR>The irony is that our marriage is better than it ever was but oh my God the demons that haunt me every waking minute! I just can't shake them, they ebb and flow in my mind. Some times moving to the forefront and then receding other times but ALWAYS there. ALWAYS THERE. Sometimes it seems so hopeless. We have shared many tremendously tender loving almost surreal moments during our recovery. But so many times the dark chill of the demons drifted into the warm sun of our love like a dark cloud. I just don't know what to do. If I thought the demons would haunt me until I died I think I would hope that would come sooner rather than later. <BR>Just how long does it take to get over it?