First Year a Disaster, Is Second Year gonna be the same? - 10/08/06 09:57 PM
My hubby and I gotten married when he was 19 and I was 18. We are very mature for our ages. He's in the military, and is usually gone. I was a stay-at-home mom the first four months, and I was always there when he needed, tended to his every need and really was placing myself on the back burner. Before we were married, we were happy despite the drama that persisted. Everything was okay for that first three months, until they announced the date that he was to be deployed to Iraq. He considered me naieve and lazy and immature and depressed. I admit, I was depressed because we were VERY far from my hometown, but I knew I was in good hands. We had some problems before leaving Northern New York, but they were squashed before I went back to Memphis, TN. When he was deployed, I was doing okay while living with my mom and caring for our two children...until he came home for R&R. While he was there, he had major drama with his mom and he was going through post-war stress (always looking over his shoulder when he was driving and walking around open spaces) and despite that, I was always by his side. After he left, my mama gotten fired from her job of 11 years and she needed financial help. With the bank account that I had, while my husban deposited money in, I helped her. The thing that I did wrong was not telling him. After I realized what I had done, I gotten so depressed that I had to be on anti-depressants for a while. After a while, I moved back to New York State with base housing. He came home a month after I moved up here..sadly to a barely furnished house. He was okay for about two weeks, then that's when I've recieved harsh words about the harm that I placed my family in, the irresponsibility of money management, the slow pace I was moving in trying to get into school and working, the way that I dressed, the kind of clothes that I wear, how I grocery shop, how I take care of our children...pretty much everything that I did or do. After a month being back, he decided to send me back to Memphis with seperation papers, but didn't follow through.
Fast forward to the recent situation that happened Friday. I was home alone and my intuition told me to look into his email. There was a letter to another female that said that he enjoyed her being around him and loves waking up next to her. Red flags instantly flew up. He was gone with his friend to drop him off at the airpotr, a comrade buddy that I know. Twoo days later, he came back, and was checking up on us. I was talking to my male brother-friend of 5 years about the whole situation online. I had called my husband some really bad names, and hubby read my IM. He was instantly mad. I was on the phone with my grandmother in Memphis while he was having what I call a "****** fit". When I gotten off the phone, he was wondering why did I do such a thing and I told him that I thought he was cheating. He flew off the handle, yelling, calling me bad names, and said **** you and stay away from me. I'm calm in the whole situation because where I came from, when a man is accused of cheating and he flies off the handle, that means he's 100% guilty. He actually went through my IM conversation trying to catch me doing wrong! I admit, I was pretty angry at him and said some nasty things to a male friend. He's already feeling like I'm at fault for everything in his life, so this is just the icing on the cake. Then he calmed down a bit and asked me what proof that I had that he's cheating, and i pulled up the letter. He started laughing about it. Cheating isn't funny to me. He was telling me that I had competition out there, and he thinks this marriage is a mistake.
If I have a chance with this matter, let me know. I apologized to him about the hurtful things that I said to my friend, but he doesn't believe me. If there is hope, where is it? There is so much I can take.
Fast forward to the recent situation that happened Friday. I was home alone and my intuition told me to look into his email. There was a letter to another female that said that he enjoyed her being around him and loves waking up next to her. Red flags instantly flew up. He was gone with his friend to drop him off at the airpotr, a comrade buddy that I know. Twoo days later, he came back, and was checking up on us. I was talking to my male brother-friend of 5 years about the whole situation online. I had called my husband some really bad names, and hubby read my IM. He was instantly mad. I was on the phone with my grandmother in Memphis while he was having what I call a "****** fit". When I gotten off the phone, he was wondering why did I do such a thing and I told him that I thought he was cheating. He flew off the handle, yelling, calling me bad names, and said **** you and stay away from me. I'm calm in the whole situation because where I came from, when a man is accused of cheating and he flies off the handle, that means he's 100% guilty. He actually went through my IM conversation trying to catch me doing wrong! I admit, I was pretty angry at him and said some nasty things to a male friend. He's already feeling like I'm at fault for everything in his life, so this is just the icing on the cake. Then he calmed down a bit and asked me what proof that I had that he's cheating, and i pulled up the letter. He started laughing about it. Cheating isn't funny to me. He was telling me that I had competition out there, and he thinks this marriage is a mistake.
If I have a chance with this matter, let me know. I apologized to him about the hurtful things that I said to my friend, but he doesn't believe me. If there is hope, where is it? There is so much I can take.