In Love But Have Serious Concerns - 04/22/04 09:56 PM
Hello,
Thank you all for allowing me to post my problems here. I really need an objective outlet.
Here is the story:
I met my girlfriend six months ago at a public function. The attraction was instant and mutual. We talked every night for hours, and were together every available moment. One early weekend was so special, love was mentioned and agreed upon. We also agreed to date only each other, that we both wanted marriage and love, so we would date with that goal in mind. I then visted her parents for a week. During this time, we were already talking marriage, and it was perfect.
Right after that is when "the problem" happened, and that is the point of this post. Do I have a problem, or am I wrong? What happened is this:
While I was at her house, four men called within three days, all of whom she had dated. I answered the phone with one of them, and he was combative and jealous towards me. Turns out he has been a friend of hers since high school, all through her previous 18 year marriage. The others were men she dated since her divorce. I was and still am hurt because she acted surprised that I was concerned and hurt. She says she did nothing wrong, and apologized for the jealous guys behavior.
To her credit she seems to have stopped communicating with them, but after the promises between us, and meeting her parents, discovering that she still was very chummy with men who she had dated seemed like betrayal.
The next thing is that she has many men friends, and three of them are "business" friends, but she knows their home numbers, and they do her some favors. Futhermore, we were at a gathering recently and a perfect stranger asked me if I knew one of the men she was friends with, did I think he was decent, and did I know his wife. She was implying that my girlfriend was having an affair with this married man.
Today a business associate of hers, who is married, told me that he was sorry my fiance was getting married because he will miss flirting with her.
In fairness, we have talked about all of these issues, and she seems to agree with me. The other boyfrineds are seemingly going away, and she has reduced the very intimate level of communication with her "associates". I love her when we are together, but still cannot rid myself of the shock I had when I learned that during the first three months of an intense love affair, where we promised each other that we would be monogamous, she was still talking with other boyfriends.
In addition, some of her friends, and even a family member has warned me that she is "spoiled", "selfish", and that they "wish me luck with her".
I am in love with her, and when we are together it is wonderful, but I have this nagging feeling and have had some blatant warnings that she is at best selfish, and at worst not trustworthy.
I want to stay with her because I am afraid that I may blow the best thing that has ever happened to me, but then again I am old enough to know that when you have cause for concern, there is usually reason.
My judgment is poor because I fell hard for her, and recognize that I may be wrong and acting from emotions.
Any reponses would be most welcome.
Thanks,
Thank you all for allowing me to post my problems here. I really need an objective outlet.
Here is the story:
I met my girlfriend six months ago at a public function. The attraction was instant and mutual. We talked every night for hours, and were together every available moment. One early weekend was so special, love was mentioned and agreed upon. We also agreed to date only each other, that we both wanted marriage and love, so we would date with that goal in mind. I then visted her parents for a week. During this time, we were already talking marriage, and it was perfect.
Right after that is when "the problem" happened, and that is the point of this post. Do I have a problem, or am I wrong? What happened is this:
While I was at her house, four men called within three days, all of whom she had dated. I answered the phone with one of them, and he was combative and jealous towards me. Turns out he has been a friend of hers since high school, all through her previous 18 year marriage. The others were men she dated since her divorce. I was and still am hurt because she acted surprised that I was concerned and hurt. She says she did nothing wrong, and apologized for the jealous guys behavior.
To her credit she seems to have stopped communicating with them, but after the promises between us, and meeting her parents, discovering that she still was very chummy with men who she had dated seemed like betrayal.
The next thing is that she has many men friends, and three of them are "business" friends, but she knows their home numbers, and they do her some favors. Futhermore, we were at a gathering recently and a perfect stranger asked me if I knew one of the men she was friends with, did I think he was decent, and did I know his wife. She was implying that my girlfriend was having an affair with this married man.
Today a business associate of hers, who is married, told me that he was sorry my fiance was getting married because he will miss flirting with her.
In fairness, we have talked about all of these issues, and she seems to agree with me. The other boyfrineds are seemingly going away, and she has reduced the very intimate level of communication with her "associates". I love her when we are together, but still cannot rid myself of the shock I had when I learned that during the first three months of an intense love affair, where we promised each other that we would be monogamous, she was still talking with other boyfriends.
In addition, some of her friends, and even a family member has warned me that she is "spoiled", "selfish", and that they "wish me luck with her".
I am in love with her, and when we are together it is wonderful, but I have this nagging feeling and have had some blatant warnings that she is at best selfish, and at worst not trustworthy.
I want to stay with her because I am afraid that I may blow the best thing that has ever happened to me, but then again I am old enough to know that when you have cause for concern, there is usually reason.
My judgment is poor because I fell hard for her, and recognize that I may be wrong and acting from emotions.
Any reponses would be most welcome.
Thanks,