Im discouraged - Marriage Builders® Forums

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This has been such a long hard road. I could really use a break from all the hell. Sometimes i do wonder how much does God think i can take. The walls are closeing in on me and there doesnt seem to be a way out. I know ive been here so many times before, but im getting tired. Pleas pray God would give me strenth to make it the rest of the way, and some provisions would also be nice. Mark

Dear Mark,I feel your pain and know what it is like to be discouraged. I am encouraged when I read my books and watch tapes from this site <A HREF="http://www.restorem.org." TARGET=_blank>www.restorem.org.</A> Have you been here? If not please go and read the testimonies. Please read post To Gentle. I posted something from the workbook that tells what are trails do for us. I am praying for your family. Have the faith to get out of the boat and walk on water. gentle

Mark,It is true. The road we travel is long and hard. Sometimes, I too wonder how much God expects for us to handle. I know He will not give me more that that which I can bear. But it is difficult to remember that when feeling so low and desperate, and tired.I will pray for you and your family as I pray for me and my family. We all need to raise each other up in the spirit of the Lord and even when we are discouraged and feeling despair, He will hold onto us and help us get through.You are in my thoughts, sun

Mark, God KNOWS how much you can take. Trust Him. Communicate with him all the time, ask for reassurance from Him. Read James chapter one. I will pray for you brother.In Him, Mike

Mark, you are an inspiration and you are so thoughtful and kind. Look out for any little remainders of pride and get rid of them. Ask the Lord to purify your heart and to give you signs of His love every day. He will. Notice the sun when you talk to Him. Does it peek out from behind a cloud right when you need a lift? Does a stranger show an act of kindness? Do you remember to pray for someone who is sick? Do you feel a sense of calm? God speaks to you in all these ways. He is with you and He is carrying you through the worst times. If we want to walk, we have to fall. He is teaching you to be an Olympic sprinter ;-)Jesus, please bless Mark and strengthen his faith and perserverance. Lift him up to You and fill him with Your Sweet Holy Love. Jesus, You are the Son of the Creator. All power has been given to You. You can do anything You desire. Please help Mark today and bring him closer to You. Let him understand Your will and desire to fulfill it. I ask this in Your Holy Name. Amen.

Thank you all, and Trying, you really encouraged me with your kindness as well. I feel a calm, and peace today, still i have this sadness in my heart. I will humble myself to the Lord and listen to any areas that God needs to heal, before He restores my marriage. May God be glorified by this all. Mark

MarkCould it be that the Lord wants to make you stronger? I felt like you did, I screamed at God..I became angry..and after my tantrums....I felt Gods peace. Mark, He is working on you at this time and let Him do it. Ask for his will be done, NOT yours. Yes, the road is lonely..and scary..but every time I felt that way I would cry out to God..today I am a new christian in Christ. My H is not home yet, but I am working on my relationship God..asking Hmim for a much deeper one. Mark, it is happening...I feel now I can tell others I have let go of my will...and seek the Lord in everything I do. I have been lonely oh so lonely, scared and in agony. The winter months were the worse..God led me to a deeper commitment with him..and what a relief...H is showing signs of coming out of the fog..he goes back in at times...but I let God do his thing. It is wonderful....i have no fear, God is taking care of me and I have learned to accept his blessings, even when they are so small you don't relize what it is. Once we give up our will the battle is over.Lord, touch this man..I lift him up to you. Lord, show him what he must do give him answers..quiet him with your peace. Let him hear your small voice in the quietness of the night. Convict his heart to what your will is not his will. Comfort him Lord in his uncertainity..show him how to put each foot forward every day. I ask you Lord to bind the evil one from his heart, Lord fill those spaces the evil one has dewelled in.IJN AmenKathie

Thank you Kathy for your prayers and encouragment. Ive been on my face for over 3 years now. Ive learned along the way that Trusting in Gods will has to be a daily thing for me, cause i tend to take it back unintentionally. May God strenthen us all that are going thru this hell. IJN, Amen Mark

Mark.... in your pain God is making you what he wants you to be. Being in his will is a daily thing..every morning I ask him for his will and what I can do for him this day. As hard as it may be we are on his time.. You will come out of this much stronger..and have a real desire for the Lord. Mark, he is taking you to another level....go with HimKathie

Kathie, i appreciate your insight. I know what God is trying to do in my life. Ive been to many levels. I have a great desire to spend time with the Lord daily, cause ive been humbled and im in tears and God is my only comfort. If i could spend my entire days on my face with the Lord i would. But i cant , i have to survive. Im being attacked from all sides. God wants me to trust Him no matter what, and just when you think youve got it, the no matter what just keeps coming and doesnt stop. My family has now turned on me like a pack of wolves and joined hands with my wifes evil family also to form an alliance againts me. I am very hated and now my family has keeped my son away from me with their money, seeing that im almost homeless again, they now have that power and are using it to its fullest. A day doesnt go by now that something new from hell doesnt come at me. I do wish God would take me to another level, right out of this hell that is called life. Im going between anger and sorrow right now. My emotions are out of my control. Only God can help me. I do know this, the enemy wouldnt send all of hell againts me and has for years now, if i wasnt close to the Lord. Right now though, im feeling like Elijah did, when after one of his greatest victories ran from Jezebel to the mountains and sat under a tree and told God he had had enough, he wanted to go home now. My family also said i couldnt possibly have any faith in God, cause look at my life, its just about finished. God hasnt lifted a finger to help me. Im a lunitic. They believe in God, i dont. They play God, i dont is the truth. God did warn me this would happen soon. Just didnt want to believe it. I had so much hope after so many years, and now its gone. My only hope now is being with the Lord, when this hell is over. The sooner the better cause im totally worthless to God now. Forgive me for not sounding so rightous right now, cause i dont feel so rightous. His ways are too wonderful for me to comprehend, His ways are so above our ways. The Lord wont give me more than i can handle, etc. My last pastor said i very much know the truth. Solomon said, with much wisdom, comes much sorrow. Its a no win situation. Oh i love the consider it pure joy the most. Just pray for me, im not into all the great things God wants to do for me today or the high calling level he wants to bring me too. I just need prayer and some hope that someday Gods name would be glorified by my life, instead of such a shame and reproch. Mark

Lord, lift Mark up and give him encouragment, please Lord give him your strength. We know Lord, when we are at our lowest point, that is when you gently pick us up and carry us through the storm. This man is suffering so much Lord, take him under your wing love him, take care of him. Lord, speak to him in the quiet of the night, let him feel your presents show him your will oh Lord. Lord, please take the logs from his families eyes, show them how wonderful this man is and how much he loves you. Lord, we know you allow depression, and from that can come the blessings from you. Loneliness is part of this awful feeling, our self-worth is so low at this point. Lord Jesus, lift Mark from the black cloud he is under. Show him you love, Lord, let me FEEL your love. Protect him Lord, from the enemy..bind satan from him Lord, and fill those crevices that the enemy has dwelled in. Lord may your will be done....IJN amenHang in there Mark, when we are at our lowest point that is when God starts working. kathie

Mark, I am with you. I think you need some extra help here. You are so tired and have been through so much. You are not at all beaten and God is definitely not through with you yet. Your family sounds like Job's friends. They were wrong and so is your family.You are suffering too much, though, if you want to die. I think you should get a little help. Is there a doctor that you could trust or a counseling center nearby? Your wife needs you strong - your son needs you strong. Get the help the Lord sends. He does not ask us to do it all ourselves. He sends us people to help.Lord, please help this man who has such deep abiding faith in You. Pull him out of his depression and help him stay well. Help him to feel good about himself and to find some stability. Send him some good people to help him out. I ask this in Jesus' name.

Thank you dear sisters kathy and trying. God has allowed this for His purposes. He has also keeped me from medical insurence for a reason, or i would be so loaded on happy pills, like when this all began and then they took them away from me and i wasnt so happy anymore. They put me in a looney farm of hell. I withdrawed off of xanax and wanted to kill myself. God pulled me thru, and He didnt baby me either, He rebuked me. So i just got on my face at the time and seeked the Lord with all i had and He came and gave me peace and rest. Read the book. Anyway, i really dislike the enemy coming at me as soon as i wake up to steal my rest in the Lord. I usually have to get home, im workin part time now, and let out my tears and then i just cry to the Lord, and He gives me peace praise Jesus. Im just really being attacked hard right now from so many directions. Im ready for bed now and resting in the Lord. I praise God for all your love , prayers and concern. We are real family and You all have really lifted me up.May God richly bless your lives, and show you much mercy, cause you have done the same, and His word says He will.IJNA Mark

Mark....I am here for you, just know I care so much what happens to you. You're hurting bad...God knows this. However, I firmly believe He has something so wonderful for you. Mark, you are growing in His love and grace. God brings us to the pit of fire, and then He slowly rebuilds us. Keep saying out loud Satan I rebuke you, get out of my life. Then pray that God will fill those crevices that Satan has dwelled in. Or you may have to go to a minister and ask for help. "seek and you shall find". Hang in there bud...I'll keep checking in to see how you are doing. Kathie

I'm with you today. We all are. You are not facing this alone and you are doing very well. Just relax and give it over, every bit of it. Apparently God didn't want you to be just 14 karat gold - He's going to make you 22 karats ;-)You really have been through a lot but I'm sure you are a light for a lot of people. They may not be ready to understand that but you are.Don't be alone in your depression though. Are you home all alone after work? Do you have somebody to talk to? Do you know the people you work with? Who can you count on when you need it? Is anyone there? I am too far away to come visit... but you must have someone. Otherwise, go to a church and sit in the Lord's presence. Find a good priest or minister. You sound too depressed to me. I don't believe you have to just feel this way. I think you need some support. Let us know who is helping you and whether you have a church. You are in a dangerous situation, I think. The enemy can't touch you when God is with you so don't be afraid of that. he is absolutely afraid of you. Your fears and depression are too strong to just fight alone. Don't be proud about it - nobody could do what you have already done. Get someone to guide you and try to surround yourself with Christian love. God bless you.

I have been given some verses that I want to share with you, Lostpup:GOD WILL BE THERE FOR YOU WHEN YOU NEED HIM- 'Fear thou not; for I am with thee; be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.' Isaiah 41:10YOU HAVE BEEN GIVEN A DIVINE CALLING TO RESTORE YOUR MARRIAGE- 'And all things are of God, who hath reconciled us to Himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation;' 2 Corinthians 5:18TURN TO GOD, AND HE WILL GRANT YOU WHAT YOU WANT- 'Delight thyself also in the Lord; and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in Him; and He shall bring it to pass.' Psalms 37:4/5I need this often myself, so I went to Restore Ministries, printed out a page, looked the verses up online, printed them out, and I carry them with me. I have them pretty much memorized by now, but reading them often is a good affirmation for me. I am even going to put them on MP3, and listen to them as much as possible. I pray for Grace and strength for us both. I have many moments of doubt and weakness, but God makes me strong when I ask for His Grace, guidance, and intervention. Be strong, you are doing His will, and He will help you. God smiles when we do His will. Don't try to second guess His plan. Watch for clues. Read my post about my wife's BIG plan to move out. I gave her the divorce, and SHE HAS NOWHERE to go. I'm sure she will work that out, but...God listens, brother, ask Him with a pure heart (which I am certain you have), and give it up to Him.

Dear Trying, i have no one that is a support in my life. I suppose Job didnt either. All i have is God. I find a church and the people are so nice at first, then many become convicted cause they left there mates to serve God better among many other excuses, and i didnt even put anyone down for there own sins, i only wanted support for my fight. Others give me their faith without works. They say their prayers are with me as they go home to their beautiful houses, wives and children and polish there BMW's etc. Im really not bitter, just disallusioned. Right now im being attacked left and right. Phone, mail, doorstep, my mind, no job,getting kicked out of where i live with no where to go,etc. Where is God??? Even emails. Its not letting up and some days i just beg God to take me. My wife's taking the deals from the devil like usual, and she doesnt have the mental capability to trust God at all. My sister has offerd her help now, just like her mother has, with the same conditions, that she have nothing to do with me. Its so hard to believe. I have done absolutly nothing to deserve this treatment. My sis wants me away from her, so she wont get better or heal. My sister has made it clear to me that she will stop at nothing to keep my son, which she now considers hers. If she has to destroy my wife, so be it. She is glad my life is in ruins, so i cant help anymore, and thus my family cant come back together. She is now kicking me as im down allong with the rest of the family to finish me off. Ive already been thru so much hell, and its just starting all over again. If my wife and i are doing well and getting close to being back togeher , as always all hell breaks loose. It has never failed. We were almost back together and now i dont have much hope left. Ive already been thru the worst. I cant comprehend why, i have to go thru it again and again and again. It all just happenes over and over again. What is God doing to me? I dont know of anybody that wouldnt of given up for a fraction of the hell ive been thru, yet where is Gods help. Of all the woman ive known in this world, my wife is the least worth this kinda hell. But i know in my spirit that she is precious to the Lord, so i press on againts all of hell. Thank you Trying and Kathy for your love and support. I dont know how long i can keep in contact at this point. Im loosing everything. My life is just cursed. I hope someday God will have some mercy. Mark

Pup..DON'T GIVE UP!!!!! Do you have a church? You need to go and find a spiritual counselor. PLEASE..call the church and let them help you. Mark, they are kind, helping people. They can advise you what to do, where to go. Is that what God is telling you. He has brought you so low, and now is the time to rebuild yourself. Get to a minister, ask for help. This is not hopeless...Mark, you have to take care of yourself. Ask God to lead you to someone who can help you. They can pray over you, and bind the enemy from your life, Mark that is what you need. You don't feel God's peace, love or grace. And once you are prayed over, you will have the hope. Please let me know how you are doing.Kathie

Lord, Mark needs You to show Your face. Allow him to see a glimpse of Your glory. Allow him to feel the love of Your Sacred Heart. Allow him to rest on Your shoulder.Lord, for some reason there is enmity in Mark's own family. Help everyone to relax, to understand the other point of view, to love again.Keep his son in your arms, Lord. Lift Mark, his son and his wife up to You and keep them there until they heal. Allow him to see if he has made any mistakes or hasn't forgiven someone in his life. Allow him to forgive, to feel Your peace and to courageously bring peace to others.Lead him to a church where he will feel loved. Show him Your path so when You let him down from your arms he can follow it. I ask this in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. All glory and honor to You, Lord.

Thank you dear sisters for your prayers and concern. Most of the time i do have Gods peace thru this. Im just being attacked so much lately that it gets hard to find that rest in the Lord. Right now, im in His peace and my fears are far from me, Praise Jesus. God has allowed this attack to purify me some more. Im not afraid of my enemy. I put my faith and trust in the Lord. The enemy dont like that. I havent lost my faith, or given up... I had a blessed day with my wife also. I have grown closer to the Lord, this last week so i suppose God is getting the glory out of all this. I pray that God strenthens us in Christ Jesus, and that God gets some serious glory out of our lives as we take the narrow road. Mark

We are with you. God is working through you. You are NOT alone. Please do find some extra support. Back in Job's time, there wasn't a church like today. Find a good minister to talk to.I am so happy that you are doing better - I am praying for you.

Mark, we hear your pain. Funny you should mention Elijah because the first moment I read your post Elijah being fed by the ravens and ministered to by angels came to mind.It feels like God hasn't lifted a finger, dear Mark, but I believe He is working in your life. I am in a total different circumstance than you and yet at the same point of having to rely on God the hardest. He is really dealing with me about not trusting Him. God corrected me with a verse from Proverbs this week--I have been treasuring my anger at my church leaders (I am a minister and a WS now forgiven) and have even allowed hatred into my heart. Proverbs 18:12 If your heart is proud, you will be destroyed. So don't be proud if you want to be honoured. OUCH!!!! I am not saying this verse as a judgement on you--just sharing what God said to me and it hurt but it helped.Then I found some awesome verses..You are so on the right track by crying out to God even when His presence seems withdrawn. God will honor that for sure. This verse is so cool--PROVERBS 19:21 YOU MAY HAVE MANY PLANS IN YOUR HEART. BUT THE LORD'S PURPOSE WINS OUT IN THE END.PSALM 86:11+ LORD, TEACH ME HOW YOU WANT ME TO LIVE. THEN I WILL FOLLOW YOUR TRUTH. GIVE ME A HEART THAT DOESN'T WANT ANYTHING MORE THAN TO WORSHIP YOU.LORD, MY GOD, I WILL PRAISE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART. I WILL BRING GLORY TO YOU FOREVER. GREAT IS YOUR LOVE FOR ME.I wish you could have been at my church today...the pastor's wife received a song from God in which He spoke His love over the congregation. He advised, Lose yourself-find me. He said the angels weep over us singing sweetly I love you. The last couple lines were His saying: I love you--I am here.don't let the devil rob you, Mark. Jesus came to give you abundant life. Receive it..even in bite-size pieces for now. The person who said to look for the sunlight behind the cloud is right...find Him in the nooks and crannies.Mark, people told me that maybe God allowed all the stuff to happen to me (not blaming Him or implying He planned it) to bring me to a whole new place. I thought that was disgusting because I couldn't forgive myself. But now only 3 months later I have found the courage to pursue my lifelong dream. It's gonna be a long tough road but Jesus is with me. Sorry..the preacher girl in me got a little carried away. Oh, Jesus, wrap Your arms of love around your precious son, Mark. Restore him to hope and health and thank You that he can cry out to you even in the most hopeless helpless moments. Release him from the hell he is going through. Miraculously cause his wife's family to be merciful to him. Restore, Lord, oh , restore. Infuse Mark with your joy. Take away the pain and fill him up with You. And yes, Lord, Jehovah-Jireh, our Provider,minister to his physical needs for shelter, food, clothing, work...give him the sound mind You promise us all.Mark, as my Aussie pastor (up here in northwest Canada) would say, "bless ya heaps"!!!! Big hug!!!! ------------------ Fresh Start

Amen Fresh start, i do receive what you have said and much is from the Lord. I too have had a hard time forgiving some brothers and sisters in my last church because they told me to divorce and find a godly wife.(they were divorced) It was like, God healed my heart of unforgiveness in such a big way with my wife, for she has done more to me than all my worst enemies combined and God gave me such a love for her. The enemy was angry and came at me in another direction. My own family is persecuting me now. I have to forgive so many people now, its overwealming. Hatred has risen from my heart just last week and asked God to take it and He was faithful. I believe God allowed all this to happen in my life, cause i needed to be humbled and thrown into His arms as i in fact was. Nothing else could of done it quite like this trial. Yes God does work out all things for the good of those who love Him. God has dealt with so many things in my heart thru this all. I had no idea of all the junk that was in there. I still pray for God to expose it all. He has been faithful so far. There are still areas that i dont fully trust God in, like finances. He just took them away so now i have to learn the hard way like usual. It has been very painful at times also. Thank you for your prayers and encouragement. P.S. I live in Corvallis , Oregon , not far from you. Mark

My brother is always telling me that the worst sin is pride, because that's the one that even the best Christians can fall into. Well - I agree with you Mark that God wants to talk to us through these trials. I hope my pride is going to disappear. (It sure has taken a beating lately...) I do think this trial was the one thing to get me to get very real with God. I feel closer to Him, to my family and to my husband's family now. It upsets me that you're going through family trouble because that's what we all need to rely on. I don't understand what it is. I just pray everyone's eyes will open and accept the love you want to give them and they are shutting out.Lord, continue to draw Mark to you. Help him to love his whole family, to turn the other cheek. Lord, none of us are good at that. Only You can change us and purify us to be a reflection of Your glory. Please help his family to support him in every way and help his wife to heal with him in You.

Yes pride is an ugly one and comes out of nowhere at times. I thought mine was compleatly shattered, and some situations just bring it back out. I came from a well off family, and when my parents divorced 12 years ago, my safty net disappeared. My mom could no longer get me any money from my dad-lol. Then one day after 5 years of marriage, my wife gambled and did drugs and left us compleatly broke. I had to find out what it was like to be poor. She didnt care, she came from a poor family, she thought it was funny,then she left. Anyway. Ive been humbled in some big ways. Being poor brought me really close to the Lord, so it wasnt so bad. I used to be such a pridful sick man. when i was younger, id sit there doing a cocaine deal and snort a big line and say, i wonder what the poor people are doing. Well, now i know, Prasin Jesus, and full of love for the lost and hurting. I am thankful to have suffered for the sake of Christ, for He suffered dearly for me. When you have been forgiven much, you will love much, and i had a huge debt. I suppose God knew i was the only person on earth that could handle the job of my wife. Its funny, but i sometimes acually consider it a privlage. That could only be the strenth of the Lord. Thank you trying for your encouragement and careing. Mark

Mark...Sometimes the Lord takes from us what is in His way. He had to do something drastic to get your attention and this is what it's all about. When we are the needest, that is when He appears. Money is the root of all evil...Mark, you are growing in the Lord, but let me ask you one question. If you had all that money today, would you be walking with the Lord? He wants to make you so strong in your Christian walk, and if everything was ok today, which way would you turn? That is why we wait upon the Lord, He knows when we are ready, ready to walk in the spiritual world, that is when the pain eases. Your doing great..pray without ceasing. Kathie

Kathy, to answer your question, if i was financially well of and remained that way, i would of never walked closely to the Lord. I took His grace for granted many years. When i had financial security, i didnt need to cry out to God. I also forgot who blessed me financially. Years ago, my wife and i seperated for the first time and we were well off financially, and even was put in her grandmothers will and it was a large summ of money. That started WWIII within the family and her mother seeked to destroy us, cause she got cut out. My wife and i didnt want that to happen or the money, but her mother thought differntly. Her grandmother is a puppetmaster anyway and was bored. They think it will happen again if we get back together, yet i nor my wife will accept being put in the will again, but tell her greedy evil mother that. So its money that is destroying us still, cause they are all using it againts us now, to keep us down. My family included. Still, being so poor and having so much againts me really makes me feel helpless, cause it appears that they are succeding in there evil plans. Im just having a hard time right now understanding as to why that ive grown so close to the Lord now, that He seems to do so little to help me. I grow so weary at times. At the end of my days i rest in the Lord. I get peace and comfort. But when i awake , the enemy says let the games begin. I cant take my focus off the Lord much anymore, or i fall into despair. I would like to get out on parole. How many tears must i cry, before God answers my prayers. My life feels so worthless. Its like if God wants me to be close to Him, and i am, then why should He keep me here anymore. Why not just take me home. He who finds his life will loose it, he who looses his life for Christs sake will find it. Give me restoration or give me death. I dont want nothing inbetween. God knows my heart, i have nothing to hide. Lord, give us all strenth in our time of need. I praise Jesus for brothers and sisters that stand together in this narrower road of marital restoration that most just dont want to walk on, and sometimes i cant blame them, but The Lord said build for yourself treasures in heaven and not here on earth where moths and rust can destroy. Amen? AMEN! Mark

Lostpup, you hang in there too. Your words to me have been up-lifting and renewed some hope that I thought was gone. You also must remain steadfast in the Lord. Let God work on the stituation and just try and stay out of His way.(that is the hard part). I went to a Christian Counselor Friend who gave me some good advice. He said that God has his hand on the situation and that I should stop trying to fix it. It lighten the load that I had put on myself. I will pray for you situation and that God will ease your suffering. God truly is Good and we must trust him.

Hi Mark..STAND FIRM!!!! AND WAIT UPON THE LORD. OUR DAYS, MONTHS AND YEARS ARE FLEETING MOMENTS IN THE LORDS EYES. IF WE WAIT ON HIM, OUR LIFE IS HIS. WHAT CHANCES DO YOU HAVE FOR PAROLE? I AM NOT UP TO SPEED ON YOUR BACKGROUND..HOW LONG OF A TIME DO YOU HAVE? MARK, EVERYTHING GOOD COMES FROM THE LORD...ASK HIM FOR HIS ARMOUR TO PUT ON TO GUARD AGAINST THE ENEMY....I TOO, HAVE TO KEEP ON EYES WIDE OPEN, AND KEEP THE ARMOUR OF GOD ON. SATAN IS ALWAYS KNOCKING ON MY DOOR. BUT THE LORD STANDS FIRM ON HIS WORD, AND HE WILL TAKE CARE OF BOTH OF US. I PRAY FOR YOU EVERY DAY.. IN GOD'S WAY KATHIE

.[This message has been edited by Eagleheart (edited June 28, 2001).]

Eagleheart... I appreciate your response. However, some people are not as far as you are in their spiritual journey. For many money CAN BE the root of all evil. Some are tempted more than others, and one can always fall from grace when it comes to money. Yes, many christians have been blessed with money, it is wonderful to see them use their gifts from God, for God. Just as long as they do not forget who blessed them with such wealth. We are human, money can get in the way of our relationship with God...when we are weak the enemy attacks from all sides, and money can be the root of all evil. Remember, anyone can fall at any time!. I rejoice that you have been blessed, and are using it for God's purpose, don't ever forget you could fall at any time. God Bless

Eagleheart, thank you for your wisdom and concern. Not to be pridful or think im anything, but i do pray for my enemies. I pray blessings upon them, i pray God will save all of their souls, and that is the greatest blessing of all. I have some enemies that have done the most hidious things to my family, especially my wife. One man took atvantage of her mental illness and drew her away from me by turning her into a junkie. He also gave her Hep C, and used my ss# to rack up major bills. Thsi man might as well be the devil himself. If i hadent learned to forgive this man,and pray for him, i would of killed him instead. He is now dying and going back to prison. I hope to see him in heaven, so God can have the last laugh at the devil. If i hadent found rest in the Lord thru my trials i would of died of a heart attack, by which i had a few minor ones, when i hadent found rest in the Lord , when my hell on earth began. Still like all of us, we have our days of disallusionment and pain that makes you wonder when God will answer my prayers. Hey, i would just like an answer, not my way but His way. My way would of been to call it quits on my wife and move on, like the rest of the world. I didnt want to believe God could restore such a mess. Its insane to believe that in the eyes of the world. But this is the direction Gods Holy Spirit lead me in, thru drawing closer to the Lord, and there were times when i said No God, you have got to be kidding. Id give up on her and i would have to walk away from the Lord, so i wouldnt hear that God would restore my marriage. When id loose my peace, i would draw near to God again, hopeing that He wouldnt bring up the fact that He wanted to restore my marriage, which by the way is about as bad as they come. He would bring it up and put such a love in my heart for my wife, and i would start praying for her again. After 3 years we are very close, she has hit bottom, but still struggles with mental illness and just when we were about to get back under the same roof, i lost my job and all provisions. At least my wife and i are close. But she still is at risk of loosing it, or going back out to shoot dope. As far as most of my brothers and sister out their that claim to know so much about the Lord, i see very little faith with actions. I love my brothers and sister here, cause we all share in our same struggles and we encourage and lift each other up. We can also be honest about how we feel inside and hopefully not be judged. I will wait on the Lord until He answers my prayers, His way. Until then, i press on. I wont always feel so blessed or be happy about my situation, but what can i do, but Trust God, even when i dont feel like it. I hope and pray all is well with you Eagleheart. May the Lord keep you under His wings and shed great grace and mercy upon your life. Mark