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#338546 05/05/01 10:40 PM
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This has been such a long hard road. I could really use a break from all the hell. Sometimes i do wonder how much does God think i can take. The walls are closeing in on me and there doesnt seem to be a way out. I know ive been here so many times before, but im getting tired. Pleas pray God would give me strenth to make it the rest of the way, and some provisions would also be nice.<BR>Mark

#338547 05/05/01 11:00 PM
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Dear Mark,<P>I feel your pain and know what it is like to be discouraged.<BR>I am encouraged when I read my books and watch tapes from this site <A HREF="http://www.restorem.org." TARGET=_blank>www.restorem.org.</A> Have you been here? If not please go and read the testimonies. Please read post To Gentle. I posted something from the workbook that tells what are trails do for us. I am praying for your family. <BR>Have the faith to get out of the boat and walk on water. <BR>gentle

#338548 05/07/01 12:43 AM
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Mark,<P>It is true. The road we travel is long and hard. Sometimes, I too wonder how much God expects for us to handle. I know He will not give me more that that which I can bear. But it is difficult to remember that when feeling so low and desperate, and tired.<P>I will pray for you and your family as I pray for me and my family. We all need to raise each other up in the spirit of the Lord and even when we are discouraged and feeling despair, He will hold onto us and help us get through.<P>You are in my thoughts,<BR>sun

#338549 05/06/01 02:09 PM
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Mark, God KNOWS how much you can take. Trust Him. Communicate with him all the time, ask for reassurance from Him. Read James chapter one. I will pray for you brother.<P>In Him, <P>Mike

#338550 05/08/01 05:22 PM
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Mark, you are an inspiration and you are so thoughtful and kind. Look out for any little remainders of pride and get rid of them. Ask the Lord to purify your heart and to give you signs of His love every day. He will. Notice the sun when you talk to Him. Does it peek out from behind a cloud right when you need a lift? Does a stranger show an act of kindness? Do you remember to pray for someone who is sick? Do you feel a sense of calm? God speaks to you in all these ways. He is with you and He is carrying you through the worst times. If we want to walk, we have to fall. He is teaching you to be an Olympic sprinter ;-)<P>Jesus, please bless Mark and strengthen his faith and perserverance. Lift him up to You and fill him with Your Sweet Holy Love. Jesus, You are the Son of the Creator. All power has been given to You. You can do anything You desire. Please help Mark today and bring him closer to You. Let him understand Your will and desire to fulfill it. I ask this in Your Holy Name. Amen.

#338551 05/08/01 07:45 PM
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Thank you all, and Trying, you really encouraged me with your kindness as well. I feel a calm, and peace today, still i have this sadness in my heart. I will humble myself to the Lord and listen to any areas that God needs to heal, before He restores my marriage. May God be glorified by this all.<BR>Mark

#338552 05/09/01 09:28 AM
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Mark<P>Could it be that the Lord wants to make you stronger? I felt like you did, I screamed at God..I became angry..and after my tantrums....I felt Gods peace. Mark, He is working on you at this time and let Him do it. Ask for his will be done, NOT yours. Yes, the road is lonely..and scary..but every time I felt that way I would cry out to God..today I am a new christian in Christ. My H is not home yet, but I am working on my relationship God..asking Hmim for a much deeper one. Mark, it is happening...I feel now I can tell others I have let go of my will...and seek the Lord in everything I do. I have been lonely oh so lonely, scared and in agony. The winter months were the worse..God led me to a deeper commitment with him..and what a relief...H is showing signs of coming out of the fog..he goes back in at times...but I let God do his thing. It is wonderful....i have no fear, God is taking care of me and I have learned to accept his blessings, even when they are so small you don't relize what it is. Once we give up our will the battle is over.<P>Lord, touch this man..I lift him up to you. Lord, show him what he must do give him answers..quiet him with your peace. Let him hear your small voice in the quietness of the night. Convict his heart to what your will is not his will. Comfort him Lord in his uncertainity..show him how to put each foot forward every day. I ask you Lord to bind the evil one from his heart, Lord fill those spaces the evil one has dewelled in.<P>IJN Amen<P>Kathie

#338553 05/09/01 10:11 PM
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Thank you Kathy for your prayers and encouragment. Ive been on my face for over 3 years now. Ive learned along the way that Trusting in Gods will has to be a daily thing for me, cause i tend to take it back unintentionally. May God strenthen us all that are going thru this hell. IJN, Amen<BR>Mark

#338554 05/10/01 08:29 AM
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Mark....<BR>in your pain God is making you what he wants you to be. Being in his will is a daily thing..every morning I ask him for his will and what I can do for him this day. As hard as it may be we are on his time.. You will come out of this much stronger..and have a real desire for the Lord. Mark, he is taking you to another level....go with Him<P>Kathie

#338555 05/13/01 05:18 PM
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Kathie, i appreciate your insight. I know what God is trying to do in my life. Ive been to many levels. I have a great desire to spend time with the Lord daily, cause ive been humbled and im in tears and God is my only comfort. If i could spend my entire days on my face with the Lord i would. But i cant , i have to survive. Im being attacked from all sides. God wants me to trust Him no matter what, and just when you think youve got it, the no matter what just keeps coming and doesnt stop. My family has now turned on me like a pack of wolves and joined hands with my wifes evil family also to form an alliance againts me. I am very hated and now my family has keeped my son away from me with their money, seeing that im almost homeless again, they now have that power and are using it to its fullest. A day doesnt go by now that something new from hell doesnt come at me. I do wish God would take me to another level, right out of this hell that is called life. Im going between anger and sorrow right now. My emotions are out of my control. Only God can help me. I do know this, the enemy wouldnt send all of hell againts me and has for years now, if i wasnt close to the Lord. Right now though, im feeling like Elijah did, when after one of his greatest victories ran from Jezebel to the mountains and sat under a tree and told God he had had enough, he wanted to go home now. My family also said i couldnt possibly have any faith in God, cause look at my life, its just about finished. God hasnt lifted a finger to help me. Im a lunitic. They believe in God, i dont. They play God, i dont is the truth. God did warn me this would happen soon. Just didnt want to believe it. I had so much hope after so many years, and now its gone. My only hope now is being with the Lord, when this hell is over. The sooner the better cause im totally worthless to God now. Forgive me for not sounding so rightous right now, cause i dont feel so rightous. His ways are too wonderful for me to comprehend, His ways are so above our ways. The Lord wont give me more than i can handle, etc. My last pastor said i very much know the truth. Solomon said, with much wisdom, comes much sorrow. Its a no win situation. Oh i love the consider it pure joy the most. Just pray for me, im not into all the great things God wants to do for me today or the high calling level he wants to bring me too. I just need prayer and some hope that someday Gods name would be glorified by my life, instead of such a shame and reproch.<BR>Mark

#338556 05/14/01 07:50 AM
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Lord, lift Mark up and give him encouragment, please Lord give him your strength. We know Lord, when we are at our lowest point, that is when you gently pick us up and carry us through the storm. This man is suffering so much Lord, take him under your wing love him, take care of him. Lord, speak to him in the quiet of the night, let him feel your presents show him your will oh Lord. Lord, please take the logs from his families eyes, show them how wonderful this man is and how much he loves you. Lord, we know you allow depression, and from that can come the blessings from you. Loneliness is part of this awful feeling, our self-worth is so low at this point. Lord Jesus, lift Mark from the black cloud he is under. Show him you love, Lord, let me FEEL your love. Protect him Lord, from the enemy..bind satan from him Lord, and fill those crevices that the enemy has dwelled in. Lord may your will be done....<P>IJN amen<P>Hang in there Mark, when we are at our lowest point that is when God starts working. <BR>kathie

#338557 05/15/01 12:20 AM
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Mark, I am with you. I think you need some extra help here. You are so tired and have been through so much. You are not at all beaten and God is definitely not through with you yet. Your family sounds like Job's friends. They were wrong and so is your family.<P>You are suffering too much, though, if you want to die. I think you should get a little help. Is there a doctor that you could trust or a counseling center nearby? Your wife needs you strong - your son needs you strong. Get the help the Lord sends. He does not ask us to do it all ourselves. He sends us people to help.<P>Lord, please help this man who has such deep abiding faith in You. Pull him out of his depression and help him stay well. Help him to feel good about himself and to find some stability. Send him some good people to help him out. I ask this in Jesus' name.

#338558 05/15/01 10:37 PM
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Thank you dear sisters kathy and trying. God has allowed this for His purposes. He has also keeped me from medical insurence for a reason, or i would be so loaded on happy pills, like when this all began and then they took them away from me and i wasnt so happy anymore. They put me in a looney farm of hell. I withdrawed off of xanax and wanted to kill myself. God pulled me thru, and He didnt baby me either, He rebuked me. So i just got on my face at the time and seeked the Lord with all i had and He came and gave me peace and rest. Read the book. Anyway, i really dislike the enemy coming at me as soon as i wake up to steal my rest in the Lord. I usually have to get home, im workin part time now, and let out my tears and then i just cry to the Lord, and He gives me peace praise Jesus. Im just really being attacked hard right now from so many directions. Im ready for bed now and resting in the Lord. I praise God for all your love , prayers and concern. We are real family and You all have really lifted me up.May God richly bless your lives, and show you much mercy, cause you have done the same, and His word says He will.IJNA<BR>Mark

#338559 05/16/01 07:51 AM
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Mark....I am here for you, just know I care so much what happens to you. You're hurting bad...God knows this. However, I firmly believe He has something so wonderful for you. Mark, you are growing in His love and grace. God brings us to the pit of fire, and then He slowly rebuilds us. Keep saying out loud Satan I rebuke you, get out of my life. Then pray that God will fill those crevices that Satan has dwelled in. Or you may have to go to a minister and ask for help. "seek and you shall find". Hang in there bud...I'll keep checking in to see how you are doing.<BR>Kathie

#338560 05/16/01 04:32 PM
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I'm with you today. We all are. You are not facing this alone and you are doing very well. Just relax and give it over, every bit of it. Apparently God didn't want you to be just 14 karat gold - He's going to make you 22 karats ;-)<P>You really have been through a lot but I'm sure you are a light for a lot of people. They may not be ready to understand that but you are.<P>Don't be alone in your depression though. Are you home all alone after work? Do you have somebody to talk to? Do you know the people you work with? Who can you count on when you need it? Is anyone there? <P>I am too far away to come visit... but you must have someone. Otherwise, go to a church and sit in the Lord's presence. Find a good priest or minister. You sound too depressed to me. I don't believe you have to just feel this way. I think you need some support. Let us know who is helping you and whether you have a church. You are in a dangerous situation, I think. The enemy can't touch you when God is with you so don't be afraid of that. he is absolutely afraid of you. <P>Your fears and depression are too strong to just fight alone. Don't be proud about it - nobody could do what you have already done. Get someone to guide you and try to surround yourself with Christian love. God bless you.

#338561 05/18/01 12:30 AM
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I have been given some verses that I want to share with you, Lostpup:<P>GOD WILL BE THERE FOR YOU WHEN YOU NEED HIM-<BR>'Fear thou not; for I am with thee; be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.' Isaiah 41:10<P>YOU HAVE BEEN GIVEN A DIVINE CALLING TO RESTORE YOUR MARRIAGE-<BR>'And all things are of God, who hath reconciled us to Himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation;' 2 Corinthians 5:18<P>TURN TO GOD, AND HE WILL GRANT YOU WHAT YOU WANT-<BR>'Delight thyself also in the Lord; and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart.<BR>Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in Him; and He shall bring it to pass.' Psalms 37:4/5<P>I need this often myself, so I went to Restore Ministries, printed out a page, looked the verses up online, printed them out, and I carry them with me. I have them pretty much memorized by now, but reading them often is a good affirmation for me. I am even going to put them on MP3, and listen to them as much as possible.<BR>I pray for Grace and strength for us both. I have many moments of doubt and weakness, but God makes me strong when I ask for His Grace, guidance, and intervention. Be strong, you are doing His will, and He will help you. God smiles when we do His will. Don't try to second guess His plan. Watch for clues. Read my post about my wife's BIG plan to move out. I gave her the divorce, and SHE HAS NOWHERE to go. I'm sure she will work that out, but...God listens, brother, ask Him with a pure heart (which I am certain you have), and give it up to Him.

#338562 05/17/01 03:15 PM
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Dear Trying, i have no one that is a support in my life. I suppose Job didnt either. All i have is God. I find a church and the people are so nice at first, then many become convicted cause they left there mates to serve God better among many other excuses, and i didnt even put anyone down for there own sins, i only wanted support for my fight. Others give me their faith without works. They say their prayers are with me as they go home to their beautiful houses, wives and children and polish there BMW's etc. Im really not bitter, just disallusioned. Right now im being attacked left and right. Phone, mail, doorstep, my mind, no job,getting kicked out of where i live with no where to go,etc. Where is God??? Even emails. Its not letting up and some days i just beg God to take me. My wife's taking the deals from the devil like usual, and she doesnt have the mental capability to trust God at all. My sister has offerd her help now, just like her mother has, with the same conditions, that she have nothing to do with me. Its so hard to believe. I have done absolutly nothing to deserve this treatment. My sis wants me away from her, so she wont get better or heal. My sister has made it clear to me that she will stop at nothing to keep my son, which she now considers hers. If she has to destroy my wife, so be it. She is glad my life is in ruins, so i cant help anymore, and thus my family cant come back together. She is now kicking me as im down allong with the rest of the family to finish me off. Ive already been thru so much hell, and its just starting all over again. If my wife and i are doing well and getting close to being back togeher , as always all hell breaks loose. It has never failed. We were almost back together and now i dont have much hope left. Ive already been thru the worst. I cant comprehend why, i have to go thru it again and again and again. It all just happenes over and over again. What is God doing to me? I dont know of anybody that wouldnt of given up for a fraction of the hell ive been thru, yet where is Gods help. Of all the woman ive known in this world, my wife is the least worth this kinda hell. But i know in my spirit that she is precious to the Lord, so i press on againts all of hell. Thank you Trying and Kathy for your love and support. I dont know how long i can keep in contact at this point. Im loosing everything. My life is just cursed. I hope someday God will have some mercy.<BR>Mark

#338563 05/18/01 07:58 AM
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Pup..<P>DON'T GIVE UP!!!!! Do you have a church? You need to go and find a spiritual counselor. PLEASE..call the church and let them help you. Mark, they are kind, helping people. They can advise you what to do, where to go. Is that what God is telling you. He has brought you so low, and now is the time to rebuild yourself. Get to a minister, ask for help. This is not hopeless...Mark, you have to take care of yourself. Ask God to lead you to someone who can help you. They can pray over you, and bind the enemy from your life, Mark that is what you need. You don't feel God's peace, love or grace. And once you are prayed over, you will have the hope. Please let me know how you are doing.<P>Kathie

#338564 05/18/01 11:38 AM
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Lord, Mark needs You to show Your face. Allow him to see a glimpse of Your glory. Allow him to feel the love of Your Sacred Heart. Allow him to rest on Your shoulder.<P>Lord, for some reason there is enmity in Mark's own family. Help everyone to relax, to understand the other point of view, to love again.<P>Keep his son in your arms, Lord. Lift Mark, his son and his wife up to You and keep them there until they heal. Allow him to see if he has made any mistakes or hasn't forgiven someone in his life. Allow him to forgive, to feel Your peace and to courageously bring peace to others.<P>Lead him to a church where he will feel loved. Show him Your path so when You let him down from your arms he can follow it. I ask this in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. All glory and honor to You, Lord.

#338565 05/19/01 04:21 AM
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Thank you dear sisters for your prayers and concern. Most of the time i do have Gods peace thru this. Im just being attacked so much lately that it gets hard to find that rest in the Lord. Right now, im in His peace and my fears are far from me, Praise Jesus. God has allowed this attack to purify me some more. Im not afraid of my enemy. I put my faith and trust in the Lord. The enemy dont like that. I havent lost my faith, or given up... I had a blessed day with my wife also. I have grown closer to the Lord, this last week so i suppose God is getting the glory out of all this. I pray that God strenthens us in Christ Jesus, and that God gets some serious glory out of our lives as we take the narrow road. <BR>Mark

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