What I've Learned-Hopefully Someone Else Will Learn Too - 04/22/04 01:58 PM
I would like to post a little encouragement for those that are still struggling with the fact that their restoration still hasn't taken place and wondering if it ever will. Take note, this is aimed mostly at the women on here.
As most of you regulars know, I had also belonged to a group called Restore Ministries run by Erin & Dan Thiele. This couple was seperated for 2 years before Dan wanted to come home. From a woman's perspective, Erin advises women on how God restores M's & what we, as women, do to tear our own houses apart (never thought of it that way before this).
Between the things I learned through that ministry & the MB prayer group, I managed to survive 5 months of torture until my H decided to return home. Until then, I was pretty much on these 2 sites daily & reading Psalms for encouragment & Proverbs for wisdom every day. I would like to share what took me so long to learn (through RM weekly accountability list) & maybe it will help those who are new here & looking for some kind of guidance.
1) Spend time with God daily - Sometimes I wouldn't be looking for anything in particular in the Bible, so I would pray first to receive God's guidance on what He would have me learn for that day. I also receive a "Thought for the Day" through Mountainwings.com at work. Lo & behold, it's usually something I need to hear that day.
2) Read or listen to materials that encourage restoration - I had books like How God Can & Will Restore Your Marriage, books that showed me how to be a good, biblical wife for when he did return.
3) Praise God when you're feeling your worst - No matter how I felt that day, I continued to praise God, continued to give Him the glory! I made a list of things to be thankful for & add to this list each day. This helped me, after a while, be content with being alone & I wasn't too lonely w/o my H here.
4) Keep your eyes focused on how you can improve yourself, not what faults your H has - Boy, were my eyes opened! I was contentious, bitter, prideful, & so on & so on. How could I focus on my H when I had so many things to work on about myself?
5) Pray a hedge of thorns around your H daily.
6) Stand in the gap for him - Pray over your H daily. I live by The Power of a Praying Wife. I never realized the power a wife has over her H in prayer until now. I still pray for him daily.
7) Fasting - Fasted once a week with MB. I could not fast as much as I wanted since I was losing weight so rapidly, but it really helped on certain situations that I was struggling with, it broke the yoke.
8) When faced w/a crisis, cry out to God - Read my Bible as much as possible through my tears & cried for mercy to our Almighty Father. Asked for forgiveness I don't know how many times.
9) No gossiping - This was a really hard lesson for me. I always shared EVERYTHING with my family & friends. I had to learn not to downgrade my H in front of them as this showed him disrespect & in the Bible we are told to respect our H's. This was a VERY hard lesson for me to learn.
10) Don't pursue him - This was EXTREMELY hard cause I missed hearing his voice when he wouldn't call or come by. Sometimes I made excuses of why I needed to talk to him. This was easy because we have children & one of them is ALWAYS needing something! So, needless to say, this took me a WHILE to learn this lesson. When we would speak, I had to remember to be pleasant, to listen more than I spoke, to not interrupt him or try to correct him. My H hated this about me, correcting him when he was wrong. He felt as if I was always trying to show how much smarter I was than him. Although unintentional, it still hurt him deeply. Now, I listen more, speak less & not argue w/him. It is far better to agree w/someone or not say a word than to create strife. It will only add more fuel to the fire & push him farther away!
11) Finally, I had to remember to remain humble & try my best to be content w/the journey that God was leading me on & to be at peace with God's decision of aloneness, if that was what He chose for me.
I wish I could tell all of you to follow this list & boom - your H will return, but I can't. I can only offer my experience & my graciousness to my Almighty God. He helped me get to the point that I was ok with who I was w/o my H around. He helped me be ME. In Oct., I felt so alone, like I could do nothing, be nothing, w/o my H's presence. But God showed me the truth, that I was a forgiven soul who needs Him desperately & depend on Him to make myself complete. Without GOD, I am nothing. W/o my H, I am ME w/o a mate. Thank you God for showing me who I am!
The only thing I can tell you is that you WILL be ok. As long as you let God lead you, you will overcome, learn some things along the way, change yourself for the better, & hopefully, when you're BOTH ready, God will lead you back to each other.
God's blessings to all of you today!
As most of you regulars know, I had also belonged to a group called Restore Ministries run by Erin & Dan Thiele. This couple was seperated for 2 years before Dan wanted to come home. From a woman's perspective, Erin advises women on how God restores M's & what we, as women, do to tear our own houses apart (never thought of it that way before this).
Between the things I learned through that ministry & the MB prayer group, I managed to survive 5 months of torture until my H decided to return home. Until then, I was pretty much on these 2 sites daily & reading Psalms for encouragment & Proverbs for wisdom every day. I would like to share what took me so long to learn (through RM weekly accountability list) & maybe it will help those who are new here & looking for some kind of guidance.
1) Spend time with God daily - Sometimes I wouldn't be looking for anything in particular in the Bible, so I would pray first to receive God's guidance on what He would have me learn for that day. I also receive a "Thought for the Day" through Mountainwings.com at work. Lo & behold, it's usually something I need to hear that day.
2) Read or listen to materials that encourage restoration - I had books like How God Can & Will Restore Your Marriage, books that showed me how to be a good, biblical wife for when he did return.
3) Praise God when you're feeling your worst - No matter how I felt that day, I continued to praise God, continued to give Him the glory! I made a list of things to be thankful for & add to this list each day. This helped me, after a while, be content with being alone & I wasn't too lonely w/o my H here.
4) Keep your eyes focused on how you can improve yourself, not what faults your H has - Boy, were my eyes opened! I was contentious, bitter, prideful, & so on & so on. How could I focus on my H when I had so many things to work on about myself?
5) Pray a hedge of thorns around your H daily.
6) Stand in the gap for him - Pray over your H daily. I live by The Power of a Praying Wife. I never realized the power a wife has over her H in prayer until now. I still pray for him daily.
7) Fasting - Fasted once a week with MB. I could not fast as much as I wanted since I was losing weight so rapidly, but it really helped on certain situations that I was struggling with, it broke the yoke.
8) When faced w/a crisis, cry out to God - Read my Bible as much as possible through my tears & cried for mercy to our Almighty Father. Asked for forgiveness I don't know how many times.
9) No gossiping - This was a really hard lesson for me. I always shared EVERYTHING with my family & friends. I had to learn not to downgrade my H in front of them as this showed him disrespect & in the Bible we are told to respect our H's. This was a VERY hard lesson for me to learn.
10) Don't pursue him - This was EXTREMELY hard cause I missed hearing his voice when he wouldn't call or come by. Sometimes I made excuses of why I needed to talk to him. This was easy because we have children & one of them is ALWAYS needing something! So, needless to say, this took me a WHILE to learn this lesson. When we would speak, I had to remember to be pleasant, to listen more than I spoke, to not interrupt him or try to correct him. My H hated this about me, correcting him when he was wrong. He felt as if I was always trying to show how much smarter I was than him. Although unintentional, it still hurt him deeply. Now, I listen more, speak less & not argue w/him. It is far better to agree w/someone or not say a word than to create strife. It will only add more fuel to the fire & push him farther away!
11) Finally, I had to remember to remain humble & try my best to be content w/the journey that God was leading me on & to be at peace with God's decision of aloneness, if that was what He chose for me.
I wish I could tell all of you to follow this list & boom - your H will return, but I can't. I can only offer my experience & my graciousness to my Almighty God. He helped me get to the point that I was ok with who I was w/o my H around. He helped me be ME. In Oct., I felt so alone, like I could do nothing, be nothing, w/o my H's presence. But God showed me the truth, that I was a forgiven soul who needs Him desperately & depend on Him to make myself complete. Without GOD, I am nothing. W/o my H, I am ME w/o a mate. Thank you God for showing me who I am!
The only thing I can tell you is that you WILL be ok. As long as you let God lead you, you will overcome, learn some things along the way, change yourself for the better, & hopefully, when you're BOTH ready, God will lead you back to each other.
God's blessings to all of you today!