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Joined: Oct 2003
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I would like to post a little encouragement for those that are still struggling with the fact that their restoration still hasn't taken place and wondering if it ever will. Take note, this is aimed mostly at the women on here.

As most of you regulars know, I had also belonged to a group called Restore Ministries run by Erin & Dan Thiele. This couple was seperated for 2 years before Dan wanted to come home. From a woman's perspective, Erin advises women on how God restores M's & what we, as women, do to tear our own houses apart (never thought of it that way before this).

Between the things I learned through that ministry & the MB prayer group, I managed to survive 5 months of torture until my H decided to return home. Until then, I was pretty much on these 2 sites daily & reading Psalms for encouragment & Proverbs for wisdom every day. I would like to share what took me so long to learn (through RM weekly accountability list) & maybe it will help those who are new here & looking for some kind of guidance.

1) Spend time with God daily - Sometimes I wouldn't be looking for anything in particular in the Bible, so I would pray first to receive God's guidance on what He would have me learn for that day. I also receive a "Thought for the Day" through Mountainwings.com at work. Lo & behold, it's usually something I need to hear that day.
2) Read or listen to materials that encourage restoration - I had books like How God Can & Will Restore Your Marriage, books that showed me how to be a good, biblical wife for when he did return.
3) Praise God when you're feeling your worst - No matter how I felt that day, I continued to praise God, continued to give Him the glory! I made a list of things to be thankful for & add to this list each day. This helped me, after a while, be content with being alone & I wasn't too lonely w/o my H here.
4) Keep your eyes focused on how you can improve yourself, not what faults your H has - Boy, were my eyes opened! I was contentious, bitter, prideful, & so on & so on. How could I focus on my H when I had so many things to work on about myself?
5) Pray a hedge of thorns around your H daily.
6) Stand in the gap for him - Pray over your H daily. I live by The Power of a Praying Wife. I never realized the power a wife has over her H in prayer until now. I still pray for him daily.
7) Fasting - Fasted once a week with MB. I could not fast as much as I wanted since I was losing weight so rapidly, but it really helped on certain situations that I was struggling with, it broke the yoke.
8) When faced w/a crisis, cry out to God - Read my Bible as much as possible through my tears & cried for mercy to our Almighty Father. Asked for forgiveness I don't know how many times.
9) No gossiping - This was a really hard lesson for me. I always shared EVERYTHING with my family & friends. I had to learn not to downgrade my H in front of them as this showed him disrespect & in the Bible we are told to respect our H's. This was a VERY hard lesson for me to learn.
10) Don't pursue him - This was EXTREMELY hard cause I missed hearing his voice when he wouldn't call or come by. Sometimes I made excuses of why I needed to talk to him. This was easy because we have children & one of them is ALWAYS needing something! So, needless to say, this took me a WHILE to learn this lesson. When we would speak, I had to remember to be pleasant, to listen more than I spoke, to not interrupt him or try to correct him. My H hated this about me, correcting him when he was wrong. He felt as if I was always trying to show how much smarter I was than him. Although unintentional, it still hurt him deeply. Now, I listen more, speak less & not argue w/him. It is far better to agree w/someone or not say a word than to create strife. It will only add more fuel to the fire & push him farther away!
11) Finally, I had to remember to remain humble & try my best to be content w/the journey that God was leading me on & to be at peace with God's decision of aloneness, if that was what He chose for me.

I wish I could tell all of you to follow this list & boom - your H will return, but I can't. I can only offer my experience & my graciousness to my Almighty God. He helped me get to the point that I was ok with who I was w/o my H around. He helped me be ME. In Oct., I felt so alone, like I could do nothing, be nothing, w/o my H's presence. But God showed me the truth, that I was a forgiven soul who needs Him desperately & depend on Him to make myself complete. Without GOD, I am nothing. W/o my H, I am ME w/o a mate. Thank you God for showing me who I am!

The only thing I can tell you is that you WILL be ok. As long as you let God lead you, you will overcome, learn some things along the way, change yourself for the better, & hopefully, when you're BOTH ready, God will lead you back to each other.

God's blessings to all of you today!

Joined: Jul 2003
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Hi Yvette,

I was just working with a gal who has been divorced and is standing for her marriage as well. I was asking God for direction and He toldme to come to Prayer Requests. Low and behold there was your post. Funny how God would have you posting what you did,knowing I would need it this very day. If it is ok with you, I would like the two of you to talk via email, and you two can take it from there. Please let me know if that is OK!

God Bless Yvette
sg

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Hi Single!

Perfectly fine with me. Any way I can help. My e-mail address is cherfan31@comcast.net. As you can tell by the screen name, I am a HUGE Cher fan!

Peace,

Joined: Jun 1999
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What a blessing you are Yvette. Thank you so much for sharing your testimony. I needed to be reminded of what I should be concentrating on. God bless you!!!

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Humbly, thank you for your kind words, AW. Haven't heard from you in a while. How are you doing? It's good to see your name up here again!

Joined: Mar 2004
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Hi Y,

Can you tell me more about the book "How God Can & Will Restore Your Marriage"? Is this from the Restore Ministries?

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Ruffled,

Yes, that book is from Restore Ministries. Their website is Restore Ministries This book is very, very helpful. It shows us women how we tore our own houses down with our own hands. How we didn't have Jesus as the foundation. Yes, we think we do, but in reality, we have put our H's as our idols (I know that was MY case anyway) & somehow lost Jesus as the head of the family. It shows us how to live truly biblical lives as a wife & become the wife that is talked about in Proverbs 31.

For example, I'll go through some of the chapters. Who was your first love? Did you put God first or your H? I know in my case, I put my H on a pedestal without realizing it. I was idolizing HIM. So many people would say to us, HOw come you two have been together for so long? What's your secret? I would, without meaning to, get a swelled head. In my mind, it was like, yeah, my H's great. He doesn't get angry a lot, he doesn't beat me, he doesn't drink, yada, yada, yada. I thought he was everything. He could do no wrong overall. After all, I had it better than a lot of others. In the process, I wasn't giving God the glory, I was giving my H the glory. Don't know if that makes any sense.

It talks about a contentious woman - Boy, I fit that to a tee! I would argue with my H all the time when I just KNEW he was wrong! I NAGGED him all the time. This drew him further & further away! I came back at him insult for insult, telling him how he should act & when he was going against what God wanted. This wasn't my job to do. I should have been praying for him, not insulting him. One scripture points this out, how it will push him away - Proverbs 21:8 - It is better to live in a corner of the roof, than in a house shared with a contentious woman. And what happened? He LEFT! He lived in the corner of the roof rather than share a house with ME! Boy, is that a lesson to be learned!

Did I speak all the time with kindess on my tongue? Heck no! I disrespected him by telling other people his faults, complaining about him to my family & friends. I showed him no respect at all and we are told to RESPECT our H's, not downgrade them.

It shows us how to listen more than speak. I was a talker! Always giving people my opinion & trying to change their view to mine. Mine was right, why shouldn't they see things MY way? This is how we "win our H's without a word". It shows us how to BEHAVE like a biblical wife, not telling our H's how we've changed, but BEHAVING so he can see it & in turn, he will respond to that.

Very interesting reading. I learned so much from this book. And then there's a workbook that goes along with it called, A Wise Woman Builds Her House by a Fool Who Tore Hers Down with Her Own Hands. This has exercises in it that help a great deal. Things to do that will help you in your standing. It also tests your wisdom of how much you've learned from the scriptures.

Oh, another thing. Too many parents disrespect their H's in front of their children. When the father doesn't pick up the kids when he says he's going to or does something he's not supposed to. HOw many mothers complain about it in FRONT of their children? This makes the children disrespect their father & creates more strife. This is UNacceptable! Now if the children see things on their own & form their own opinions, that's one thing, but hearing it from their mother, that creates disrespect for their father & in actuality, has them breaking the commandment to honor their father. The book also talks about that.

You can learn so much from these books. I know I did. If you can't afford them or anything, I would be happy to lend you mine. As long as I can share what I've learned with other women, I would be happy to do it. If you're interested, just let me know. I'll send them to you. I hope this helps. Sorry if I got too long-winded!

God's blessings be upon you today!

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Ruffled,
I have an extra copy of the book. It is very good and will help you a lot. I'm rereading my original copy and still working on the workbook. If you order the books in a packet from the website, you can be signed up for membership with the site which helps you get a prayer partner and other benenfits.

Lunadove

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StandingTogether: You have written such a wonderful testimony. Thank you. We, as christians, need to affirm each other in all areas of our life. You have given so many great tools to deal with this situation. I have used many of those you listed. It has helped my marriage and other relationships as well. I am thankful that God has lead others to this site,MB and to other christians who are trying to guide and affirm our sisters and brothers. Peace

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Standing Together, LunaDove,

Thank you!
You have shared so much insight... you've shed some light to my own behaviour in my own home. I appreciate it. I need to constantly remind myself to be gentle and loving, less righteous and more respectful.

It is especially hard to do all these when I am frustrated or angry with my husband. Gosh, sometimes I pick on everything he does, or doesn't do! But when you reflected this image of me in my husband's eyes, I tell myself, no. This is not the way I want him to see me. There must be a better way.

Thank you for offering to share the books, but I would not trouble you as I live in Asia. I will try to order them from the net instead.

Thank you again, and God bless.
Ruffled


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