My wife says she needs space. - 02/15/07 11:47 AM
First, I know this is long, but I haven't had a good night sleep in over a week, Please be patiant.
Me and my wife have been married for almost 4 years. I love her so much. Recently she went on a bussiness trip for work that lasted 3 weeks. After 2 weeks I went to visit her and everything seemed fine. After about 2 hours we got into a fight about her wanting to go out with just her and her friends. I agreed it should be that way sometimes, but sometimes I want to come with. It turned into a huge disagreement and I ended up asking her if she even wanted to be married. She said she wasn't sure and started to give me a speech about how we are different and how she didnt regret the past years. I wish I never had brought it up. I told her i wanted to try to make it work. I don't think it's that bad. I asked her if she'd try and she said things would have to change.
I realize that I have been controling over the money, but we only have so much. I realize that we both got lazy in our marriage and we both need to start trying harder for each other. I also realize that she needs to do things without me, but it's hard for me, anymore, to do things without her.
I was staying with her for 2 more days. They seemed fairly good. We made some future plans to revisit the place in the summer. And also take a train to chicago for a weekend. On the last night she sat next to me and said, "so are we going to try and make this work?" I said I wanted to and then asked her if she did. She responded I don't know what i want.
Now I don't know what to do. I am willing to give her space, let her go out with only her and her girlfriends. I am willing to make myself better or at least try. She however is not seeing my point of view. i tell her that we are married, its okay to go out, but spending the night at a girlfriends is not what married people do. she disagrees.
I also told her it really bothers me that she goes to dance clubs without me. I like to dance to. She says it;s not a big deal. I don;t think she cheeting. There are no guys involved here.
I guess my question is. I am willing to try, she says she's willing, but at the same time she says she doesn't know if she wants too. Lately (I forgot to mention shes not back from her trip, she comes back friday 02/16/07). I have been trying to give her a bunch of attention and she feels like I am smothering her. She also says I need to start being more independant of her. I do agree, but it's hard.
What do I do to make this better?
I know we love each other very much. She sent me valentines cards before the fight and they said things like.. I miss you so much........ I miss being close to you....You are my one true love....I care for you deeply... you are very special to me...
How do I help myself to stop thinking about it and reflect a possitive atmosphere for her.
Everynight, i have bad dreams, where she is with me and then decides to leave me (Not the marriage, but at the moment) for her friends and she wants them more than me.
Please help!!! I know my marriage can work.
Me and my wife have been married for almost 4 years. I love her so much. Recently she went on a bussiness trip for work that lasted 3 weeks. After 2 weeks I went to visit her and everything seemed fine. After about 2 hours we got into a fight about her wanting to go out with just her and her friends. I agreed it should be that way sometimes, but sometimes I want to come with. It turned into a huge disagreement and I ended up asking her if she even wanted to be married. She said she wasn't sure and started to give me a speech about how we are different and how she didnt regret the past years. I wish I never had brought it up. I told her i wanted to try to make it work. I don't think it's that bad. I asked her if she'd try and she said things would have to change.
I realize that I have been controling over the money, but we only have so much. I realize that we both got lazy in our marriage and we both need to start trying harder for each other. I also realize that she needs to do things without me, but it's hard for me, anymore, to do things without her.
I was staying with her for 2 more days. They seemed fairly good. We made some future plans to revisit the place in the summer. And also take a train to chicago for a weekend. On the last night she sat next to me and said, "so are we going to try and make this work?" I said I wanted to and then asked her if she did. She responded I don't know what i want.
Now I don't know what to do. I am willing to give her space, let her go out with only her and her girlfriends. I am willing to make myself better or at least try. She however is not seeing my point of view. i tell her that we are married, its okay to go out, but spending the night at a girlfriends is not what married people do. she disagrees.
I also told her it really bothers me that she goes to dance clubs without me. I like to dance to. She says it;s not a big deal. I don;t think she cheeting. There are no guys involved here.
I guess my question is. I am willing to try, she says she's willing, but at the same time she says she doesn't know if she wants too. Lately (I forgot to mention shes not back from her trip, she comes back friday 02/16/07). I have been trying to give her a bunch of attention and she feels like I am smothering her. She also says I need to start being more independant of her. I do agree, but it's hard.
What do I do to make this better?
I know we love each other very much. She sent me valentines cards before the fight and they said things like.. I miss you so much........ I miss being close to you....You are my one true love....I care for you deeply... you are very special to me...
How do I help myself to stop thinking about it and reflect a possitive atmosphere for her.
Everynight, i have bad dreams, where she is with me and then decides to leave me (Not the marriage, but at the moment) for her friends and she wants them more than me.
Please help!!! I know my marriage can work.