Hi Joan,
I sincerely hope that you are doing OK and are over the worst of being in NC. It is brave of you to post on a board like this.
One thing that struck me about your previous post was this:
I know I will be crucified by the readers of this discussion board. I have been having an affair for 4 years with an older man who is married that I met at work. I know I was wrong. But I wasn't happy, I'm always looking for more and I admit I wanted the attention and love this person wanted to give me. I've tried to end it so many times but I can't seem to live without him in my life. I'm going around and around on this merry go round and I want to jump off but I'm too scared that my ego cannot survive without this man.
I too am married and have been for almost 30 years. Please help me. I'm messed up I know
There is no "I'm sorry, but..." when it comes to adultery. You have to be sorry - full stop. "I'm sorry, but..." really means "I'm not actually sorry". I hear these kind of justifications and rationalizations from my adulterous wife all the time.
I know you have been married almost as long as I have been alive and feel like I should still respect my elders - please own total responsibility for your decisions.
I sincerely wish you the best with your recovery and hope that you have told your husband. I doubt that he would throw away 30 years of marriage with you but he will be angry and hurt for a long time. You owe it to him to tell the truth - your marriage will then survive and you can prevail as a couple.
Good luck