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[ November 07, 2004, 12:03 PM: Message edited by: cipher ]

I'm curious about this one too. My sceduled DV-Day is just over 4 months from D-Day.

It is anaverage. Everyone is different.

[ November 07, 2004, 12:05 PM: Message edited by: cipher ]

[ November 07, 2004, 12:06 PM: Message edited by: cipher ]

6 months if contact continues. If contact truly ends, the A ends quicker. Just remember, the A really does not end until the WS ends it! But light of day usually starts the process, contact prolongs the process and the WS ends the process.
Roman121

If I understand correctly and you just want to hear people's experience ...

My FWH confessed all his affairs. So there was zero time between D-Day and the affairs ending, because he always ended them before he told me.

Hope that helps.

BH03

I'll let you know......5 mos of PA and counting. I'm not expecting the knock on the door next month.

She's moving her stuff out today.

I hope the other responses are more positive.

I thought the general rule was 6 months to 2 years. That is what Jenn told me anyway... and I thought that is what SAA said too.

We are on month 9 and she is living with OM on nights when she doesn't have the kids.... so 50% of the time. Once the D is final i assume it will be more like full time. I keep looking for cracks in the armor, but it just appears that she is having the time of her life. Oh well... I'm getting over her anyway (somedays more than others) and really just want it over.

Well WMWB??? I am right with you yet again. My WW is with OM anytime she doesn't have the kids. I look for the chinks in the armor, don't see any, she just seems to be having a blast. My shrink says I have taken the right steps toward getting her back but some days I'm not sure if I want to, others I know I don't. Trying to see and communicate with her as little as possible now.

hope you get more replies, i'm interested to find this out too. of course me telling you that every situation is different to a certain extent, is not going to sound new to you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> but anyway i don't have a situation to share since it's only been a few months for me and the A is still going on but i will see at the 6mos mark as well (august) not that that will change my plans but i'm interested to see that's all. i can say that i'm sending continued prayers to you and everyone at MB.

Well for me I am going on almost 8 months since DDay.But the problem I see in my situation is that my WH is in a long distance A,so conceivably,this could go on forever.They give each other dribs and drabs of e-mails,cell phone calls and an occasional weekend away somewhere where they don't get to see what it's like living together in the real world.But it's already not as fantasy like as it was in the beginning.Life has started to seep in and who knows what their plans are. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

O

My H told me of his EA 3 weeks after it started and refused to do NC with OW.
The EA went full-on for 2+ months then dwindled.
By 4 months post DDay he was pretty well done with her.
He finally wrote her a NC letter (full of "I'll always care for you but this is the way it must be" - puke!) a year post DDay.

I've also heard that the longer the A went on, the longer it takes to die and recover from. I think my H's EA was only "on" for 4 months. It started intensely without the "getting to know you" period, since they were highschool sweethearts and knew each other well - or at least they had fond memories of each other, youth, and a carefree time.

I will echo what someone else said on here, though - it only dies after the WS wants it to die.

Hmmm...I think my W's A was pretty close to the book, timewise. EA became PA after a couple of months, at which time she told me. She didn't do NC until months later, although contact lessened not many weeks after dday, as they knew each other through work, and she got fired.

From her confession until the end of surreptitious contact, probably about 4-5 months.

So, you have 4-5 replies. IIRC a sample of about 20-30 randomly chosen from a population allow accurate calculation of statistics with pretty high confidence levels. Probably responses to a post do not qualify as "random".

Hope you find some encouragement. This stuff is really tough to deal with.

Mine was a long time after D-Day...probably 12 to 18 months.

Another factor here I think that is important to consider is whether WS moves in with OP...my WS has not done this...he has his one room place and sees her on occasion but has literally thrown himself into building up a new business...from what I can gather the A first started in June 2002 so it will be almost two years coming up..he is stating he is just about done with her so time will tell..

I wondering the same thing.

A started in October 2003

D-day was January 7, 2004

WH Moved out March 4th, 2004

Started To Expose May 21, 2004

So which day do I go by, the only problem is that she lives in a state where you can get a divorce in 6 months. OWH filed January 6, so a divorce will be final soon. I'm afraid she will start putting pressure on him to D me. He has not mention anything about divorce to me yet. Maybe by exposing and her putting pressure on him, maybe he will come out of his fog and take responsibility for our marriage.

I'm trying to be patient and work on myself, it would be nice to have home before our anniversary in July, or B-day in September. Love to have home by Christmas.

I am suprised and apparently need much understanding of the Plan A.
I'm only in a little over a month of WH moving out to spend nights with OW. I see him fairly frequently and we talk more then ever but honestly I'm feeling a little stupid being "nice" to someone that has ripped my heart out.
Don't get me wrong, I see and believe we have something that can be saved, but I also know the longer it goes the harder my heart becomes.
How are ya'll managing past 6 months? I'm stuggling at one month now.

Common sense tells me this OW is a gold digger and will eventually show her ways. But meanwhile he is having cake and eating it too as we "both" supply him with his needs.

Coping skills? how are ya'll managing?

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Coping skills? how are ya'll managing? <hr /></blockquote>For me Plan B was the way to go...my WS moved out in Oct to find himself ( and I might add to be able to contact OW without being under my scrutiny <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> )...it was at this time we were seeing each other quite frequently and going to counselling...he continued this way close to Christmas when I caught him at OW's place ..I then told him I was going to file he turned things around and dropped her again for a time..fast forward to Feb of this year..I took a three week vacation with girl friends...WS knew I was going to file as soon as I returned ...turned around again and we get together for awhile but again I found out he has kept contact by email...I finally find this board ... find Plan B helps with out of sight out of mind and gives you the chance to work on yourself...contact only brings pain...Plan B states to WS...when you get rid of OW only then can you come see me and we will talk...since then I have made a new circle of friends...and I think WS is amazed by my strength and change...we are only separated ( not legally) so I have contact by email only in regards to finances or things to do with household bills.. I do think Plan B may be working as WS has indicated OW is not what she seems to be but time will tell...I personally could not have cope without Plan B ...

EA = started 6/02
Dday - 1/03
2nd dday - 9/03
WH Moves out 10/03; lives w/OW (divorce started)
Divorce Final: 4/04 **still lives w/OW & son

No sign of EX coming out of fog - wouldn't take him back anyways, even if he begged me too!

I guess almost two years?

D-day was 1/5/04, just to say that wasn't about A, but our M (total fog). WH move to own apartment (for space, blah, blah, blah) within week. Became total depressed and on A-Ds 2 months later. So used that as a start date. Now after a great Plan A and Hope, SH$t, Hope, SH$T, I am ready to Plan B---6 Months--RIGHT ON TARGET. YOU WILL KNOW WHEN TO PLAN B!!

I really do believe that A is starting to end, but WH needs to justify it now (that would be the reason for all the SH$T I am now receiving). Worse part--I think OW is getting fed up and threatening to leave (of course, they can always pick up another, especially if they are single). This just makes my WH want her/chase her more.

How I wish I could see the future. It has been 4 months since d-day here and no sign of A ending.

My fear is that this A could last 2 years. I know it can not last forever but I am afraid it can outlast me.

My WH's OW lives out of state so they see each other twice a month. During these visits I have our kids her ex has hers. Their time together is still pure fantasy w/o bills, laundry or sharing time with others. It is so frustrating.

Please someone lie to me and tell me their time together is not as enjoyable as I imagine.

LJ, I don't think I would be lying to tell you its not what your imagination makes of it. I told my shrink that my imagination is probably far worse than what is actually happening and he agreed wholeheartedly. I don't think he would do that just to make me feel better..............

My WW is spending more time with OM now that I have the kids for the 1st 6 weeks of summer vacation. Is them spending more time together likely to speed-up the demise of the A???

My husband has been involved with OW for 10 months now (started in August 03). He has been living with her since May 1 (with the exception of a 36 hour reconcilliation May 11-12). I asked him to leave since he wouldn't agree to NC.

He isn't entirely happy living with her. He doesn't have a car and only works one day a week. I try to remain optimistic. In September it will be one year from D-day and I will access then if I should divorce or wait longer. I am currently in plan B, but am communicating with H at times.

firefly

So does 6 months generaly hold true? Or is it more or less in the experience of these boards?
Gotta keep in mind that most people who end up here at MB are not necessarily "typical".
The 6 months are for ALL affairs.

FYI: My (ex's) affair is now at 5 years, 3 months. (Do I win something?) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

[ November 07, 2004, 12:05 PM: Message edited by: cipher ]