Met the OM and Talked, - Marriage Builders® Forums

I donâ€™t know if I should stick with Plan A I donâ€™t think my wife will go back with me. She is a member of friendster and she put it single on her status. By the way I met the affair OM in person and we talked and asked him if what heâ€™s intension to my wife? He said he is serious to my wife but he is married too and willing to leave his wife and 4 kids for my wife. Its hard to control the anger but I did it no harm happened, I even gave my business card. He works double job just to suvive. I advice him to stay with his family, and told him that and let me take my wife back.

I asked him if he likes my wife so much I am willing to let her go, but I told him that we have daughter together and my daughter is my life and I hope he can give my daughter and my wife a good life. I told him that why not just fix his problem with his family and talk to his wife and take care of his kids. He said that he will try and try to leave my wife as well.

Time will tell if he is going to do it, but I think my wife love him so much and I donâ€™t think she will come back to me, but like I said time will tell. I love my wife so much but what should I do from here? Should I just let her go and moved on? She said she is filing for divorce but she never filed it. Should I ask her to file it or just let it go?

Yikes - with a wife and 4 kids I hope he makes darn good money. This is completely crazy - don't think it will last.

Have you done a solid Plan A? Is there anyway to notifiy his wife?

Wife and 4 kids?

IMHO this may make things easier for you in a plan A/B. Hopefully you can expose to HIS wife and she will want to save their marriage. I cant see her wanting ot go out on her own with 4 kids if she can help it.

I talked to my daughter today and for some reason my wife doesnâ€™t even want to talk to me at all. She is trying to stay away from me and I think she will never come back to me ever think I change my mind to get back with her I think it is better of let her go. I love her so much and its really hurt for me to let her go, but she is hurting me to much right now and I hope someday she will realize that I tried everything to be with her and she refuse everything, Renewing our bows next year I want to marry her again and be with her with a good family. But I think I am taking everything back after she turn me down. I think she loves to **** around with our guys than being with me. She publish it on friendster that she is now single and our divorce is not even apply yet or being process. I love my wife but sometimes you need to let them go cause you love them so much, in able to survive life.

what is your reputation by having boy friend while still married: and did I mention your name maybe you want me to mention it right now.

My wife wrote:
you hate me that much that you have to
published our personal problem...okay so be it...you tell me to watch my reputation? your the one ruining it.. if this is how you play it then..just for that you will loose me for ever... henry is no longer in my life. what ever it is that you did to scare him he is gone...

> a MIKE a wrote:
> > Hi All, As you can see, my wife status shows SINGLE and our divorce is not even filed yet. I would like to let everyone know that I met her boy friend in person and we talked his name is Henry he is married with 4 kids. Wife tells me that she loves him. My love for her starts turning in
to hate, the way she treat me right now. She lied, lied, lied, about everything. She is living in the fantasy lalalaland, Affair starts early this year and they are still together. Divorcing me for him

Tell his wife!!!

Then click on the link in my signature line and get started on Plan A. Your daughter is worth it.

wife said that she will never come back to me no matter what, I asked her if what did I do wrong to treat me like this and she hang up the phone on me. what should I do now? her reason is she can create new affair if the OM is gone she can always find new one.

HL,

QUIT listening to what your W says. People in affairs do NOT talk sense. After the A is over they look back at what they did and said and absolutely cannot believe it was them. So QUIT believing her.

You have had some very experienced and wise posters give you some excellent advice, yet I don't see you even acknowledging their efforts. Please answer their questions and reply to their posts. This board is full of loving, giving, supportive people but they cannot help nor support someone who appears to post in a vacuum.

I know you are hurting and you have probably read what was posted and may have even acted on some of it. Unless you tell us, we have no way of knowing that. To us it just looks like you are ignoring some excellent (and very basic) advice.

Looking forward to your reply.

turtlehead

Thanks for the advice, and everyone, seems to be working everything I learn from here. I met the OM in person and he told me that he will go away. Wife still living in the fantasy, but for some reason today, I saw her while I drop off my daughter to her house, gave her hug and kiss and seems to be everything is calm. But for some reason I am giving up about our marriage, No matter what happened I dont think I can be with her again. My wounds is healing and I dont want to feel this pain all over again. Thank you so much for all the advice and I will keep posting for update or information.

RH advice me as well about the situation, He gave me good sample DRUG ADDICT cannot let go the niddle, If you are making them choose between (ME or DRUGs) they still pick the DRUGs but when you take that away from them they will hate you, and say all the bad things to you.

turtlehead

Thank you so much! and stay the same I will always be here.

What are the three RINGS of MARRIAGE?

Engagement RING

Wedding RING

SUFFERING

I would like to move to PLAN B, wife and boy friend got back together again. I want to think of it that WIFE died last month 11-11-04 and the person I see or talk to is a GHOST, I am still feeling HURT its been (5) Five Months we've been separated. Affair is been 11th Months. SHe pick the OM.

Stay in Plan A, and let his wife know what is going on. Yes, your wife will be angry, but she will get over it.

Hate,

Don't beleive what the OM says. He said he will "go away?" I wouldn't take his word for it.

Tell his wife about the affair. She has a right to know...and to make her own decision about whether she wants to stay married to this guy.

Don't think yo uare sparing her by not telling her. You aren't. And...if you DO tell her, you make it a lot more likely that the OM actually WILL stay away.

Bad thing is I dont know his WIFE and I dont know where he live. I will try to find more information about him and try to do what needs to be done.

Hi All,

Mission accomplish I found the OM mans wife, after running 20 years back ground I got the phone numbers on every each related relatives of the OM. I told the wife everything and she was SHOCK, Mission accomplish I told the wife about the affair. Thanks to all for the advice and thanks to RH heâ€™s advice is one of the big help.

HATE LOVE,

ur welcome. I hope you also let OMW know about this site.

Now it is a waiting game. Your WW will scream, yell and say very hurtful words to you. Just remember she is an addict ...it is her addiction talking. Sit and watch if A would be ended. Read up shattered dreams's post.

-rh-

Hi ALL:

I am hopeless and I think no matter what I do wife will never come back to me again. What should I do to survive weekends and holidays? I feel so lonely everyday, It's been 5th months and I thought I got through this already and I am just going down hill everyday. I am slowing down on drinking now too, because I start feeling pain in my liver, Feels like acid is eating my internal organ. I have lots of friends in the club and makes me feels UP when I am around them and they keep telling me to moved on and let the wife go. It's not easy to let go 11th years being together and 9th years Married. I still want to save the marriage but I am loosing my hope. Should I give up or just follow the flow in the river and dont look back anymore.

I just miss my daughter she is 8yo, I love her so much, She asked her Mom if she ever love me before and her Mom reply saying "I used to LOVE your Dad but now anymore." My daughter love me so much too.

Should I give up or just follow the flow in the river and dont look back anymore or just hang in and wait for her to come back.

I am so sorry that you have to have this pain. I know how bad it is.

Either way that you decide it's going to be painful for you.

I believe in marriage and I believe that it is very important for children to have both parents together in a good marriage. If only for the sake of your daughter I would try my best to do whatever I could to save your marriage.

Affairs don't usually last since they are based on fantasy. While you are waiting for the affair to end try to improve yourself. Try to determine what your wife's needs are and learn how to meet them. Even if your wife does not return to you you will be better equipped to meet someone else.

<blockquote>quote:<hr /> Try to determine what your wife's needs are and learn how to meet them.<hr /></blockquote>I am trying to make it up everything I can but wife shut me down and I feel like I am not enought for her. She even told me that her affair with this man is always can be build to another man. It's like she is telling me that I do not exist at all. I love her so much and all and I am about to give up everything. She can't even give me her cell phone number, its been 3 months now. I think because I hack in to her voicemail before and she dont want it to happened again.

HL,

Listen carefully: Figure out your Wife's needs, NOT the WS' needs......then step back and only fill them when you are in plan A and you are sure it will be impacting your wife. If it misses and collides with the WS, then you should expect it to blow up.

Now what was babbled to you was definitely from a WS. Not from you wife.

Do you miss your wife or this WS person? Who do you want back?

L.

HATE LOVE,

You are hanging w/ the wrong crowd. Stay away from bar and women in the bar right now. You are a drink away from being WS. I have a sad story about a MBers that went to the dark side. I don't want it to happen to you.

It is in WS's script to discourage BS so that they could blame it on you. They will say and do mean thing to make you go away ... stick it up and don't take it personally.

If she wants Dv ... let her file
If she wants to continue A ... why do you want to make it easier for her ?.

Get AD ... you need it.

-rh-

Also realize that it takes time for things to sink in. If you consistently show improvement in yourself and don't allow her babble to discourage you, eventually she will see that you are different; that you have made real changes. She will look at you with new eys.

Just hang in there. Read MB concepts, learn, acknowledge your mistakes to yourself and be patient. It's a marathon race, not a sprint. Don't expect immediate results and don't get discouraged when it seems that nothing is changing. If you make the effort things will change but very gradually.

HATELOVE,
I'm sorry for what you're going through. Please listen to the wise people here!

You said,
<blockquote>quote:<hr /> wife said that she will never come back to me no matter what, <hr /></blockquote>Don't listen to that! I was the WS and there was a time I'm sure I would have said that to my H if he would have let me talk to him.

Your wife is in the throes of a sick addiction. I was there, too.

Do Plan A. Don't hook up with another woman--stay away from bars, etc.

My H and I lived apart for 3 1/2 years and divorced but we are remarried again. Your marriage can survive this!

Hopeful_person

PS by the way the ExOM left his family and moved 600 miles to live near me. It was a disaster. The whole thing is an ugly nightmare as I look back on it. I'm ashamed of it, truly. But just remember your wife is not thinking clear. Be kind, and do a Plan A! Your strength and warmth will shine through.

Edited to add: Wanted to second what Legato said. It is a marathon race! I did a Plan A so to speak on my husband for 16 months before I saw any results at all. (that was all done post-divorce)

[ December 18, 2004, 10:47 AM: Message edited by: hopeful_person ]

Hi All:

Thanks for all the advice thank you so much, And one thing I've done today that I shouldn't is when i was calling my daughters cell phone my wife answer the phone and "Itold her that I miss her so much and I love her" she reply thank you, and gave the phone to my daughter. I think that is a big mistake, I shouldn't said anything like that. Oh well, I hope I didn't create any bad things, but today I picked up my daughter and spend my whole day with her. I miss her so much and we had fun together. Thanks every body for all the advice, Please stay the same keep it up thanks (smile)

TO ALL:

I found a good quote:

It is easy to be independent when you've got money. But to be independent when you haven't got a thing that's the Lord's test.

HL,

Well at least your are seeing it and hopefully the next time you are tempted, you will think before you speak. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> But in case you don't and you start babbling before you realize you have just put your foot in your mouth....try to remember you can always say.... 'oh, who is this? Oh, my W? I thought it was _______. Sorry. Anyways W, while I have you on the phone let's talk business..... ' <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Good comeback line that will have her wondering who you meant to say that to. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

L.

<blockquote>quote:<hr /> Originally posted by Bryanp:
Hello,

She believes telling you the truth to be controlling behavior on your part? Oh please...
What does she get out of it by telling you the truth? Oh please.....

She is not serious. If you do not have honesty in your relationship and if she continues to refuse to break off contact with the OM then you are simply wasting your time. If the roles were reversed, I think she would be saying the same things as you are saying.

You judge people by their actions and not by their words. Her actions speak volumes. How can you remain in a relationship when your spouse continuously lies to you and only admits the truth when confronted with the proof? Who wants to live a life like that? These are her choices and these will be her consequences. I wish you luck. <hr /></blockquote>BRYANP:

I like what you said about her, Same issue what I am going through and (Baammm!) you hit my situation on this post. Makes me feel good about your post thank you so much. Thank you...