FL,
I will explain without getting spiritual.
It is simple, you train yourself to resist the negative thoughts (the devil).
Ever notice how different kids learn differently? Some by reading, some by hearing, some by experienceing, some by discussing. I mean, kids learn from all four, but kids have a method that works "best" for them. That is the foundation of training yourself. Find a method that works and use it to train yourself.
If your IC is "good" (IMHO) he/she will be trying different techniques to get you to focus on the positive instead of the negative. You need to find yourself a technique to learn to help you RETRAIN the way your neurons in your brain actually fire. YEARS of reacting "badly" for your own mental health has developed habits in the way your neurons fire. So they "naturally" react in an unhealthy way. Why? You trained 'em that way.
Like a student of martial arts, or a ballet dancer, doing the same moves ad nauseum. They are developing their "muscle memory." So that they can execute a complex maneuver without thinking. The repetition "wears in" a neruon firing sequence which becomes a preferred path for the signals from the brain to the body to follow. And then to us, it looks effortless.
Bottom line: If you want a conditioned response, you have to condition for the response.
Here are "some" techniques from various situations. Try 'em. Stick with what works. But it takes time.
If you tend to get worked up over your phone calls at work, put a note on your phone that says "I WILL CHOOSE MY EMOTIONAL RESPONSE" so you see it BEFORE you answer the phone. Read it, say it, THEN answer.
When you are relaying how you reacted badly to your IC, you will invariably discuss how you could have done it better. You may be working on several issues. Pick the one that is MOST IMPORTANT to fix. When you discuss a good reaction in this area, reinforce it tactily. Some people pinch their fingers together. Some people tug on a special bracelet. Cross your fingers. Tug your earlobe. A tactile reminder (that you don't do out of habit.) This technique works well for some (not for me). Then, when you get in a situation, stop and perform the tacile reinforcement. It will give you pause and remind you of all the good responses.
Come up with a personal code of conduct. Like the Boy Scouts. Write it, print it, whatever on something you have with you all the time. (Mine is on the cover of my Dayrunner.) Then, when you have down-time, don't daydream, start to memorize FL's code of conduct. You will find it is there when you need it later. Add to this list, as you need to work on things. Mine covers the gamit - being a better engineer, husband, father, person.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Exerpt from NCWalker's list as an example:
1) Never forget the assumptions that go with the theory.
2) Don't put off the documentation - do it as you hear it.
9) Joy can be found in any circumstance.
10) Always make sure the mission is understood when received and clear when given.
16) Always remember to consider the downstream effects of what you do.
19) Before starting, run through the circumstances for failure.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I keep adding to the list when there is something I need to work on. Keep it positive. It should be a list of what to DO, not a set of rules dictating what NOT to do.
Your first one might be:
1) I will not let a situation get the better of my emotions.
2) If I am thinking of something that bothers me, I will think of something else. (NOTE: You MAY actually want to spell out a happy thought to think about).
I don't know, FL. I have made this whole trip without heavy drinking, or ADs, or other things I consider crutches (sorry to everyone, don't mean to offend, but that is how I feel about that stuff). I have bad days. And when I do, I am usually kicking myself for not CHOOSING to have a good day.
All it takes is practice. Try different things. Don't worry if others think they are stupid. We are talking your emotional health here.
Reward yourself with something you enjoy on the good days - the days you "win" at this battle. DO NOT reward yourself for COMFORT. That will just start an addiction. If you want that carrot, you get it when you PICK your mood and not let the enemy get the better of you.
Discipline. Practice. Train yourself. Keep a journal of your progress, good and bad. Review it at the end of the week and steel your mind to do better the next week.
You WILL see improvement. Funny thing about that. We are happiest when we are improving, not when things are going good. If we were happiest when things are wonderful, why all the griping when we are on vacation?
Lean on me anytime.
NCWalker