Do you ever feel so broken that you feel like you're dying from the inside out?
Right now that's how I feel. My WH just got back from a business trip tonight and I called him to see how the trip went and just to have a nice conversation (working on Plan A), he was very distant and didn't want to talk to me. After we got off of the phone I sent him a text msg saying "Do you just not want to talk to me at all, cause that's how I feel. Like you're able to completely separate yourself from me and it doesn't phase you at all" He then replied that we have issues and talking to me reminds him of those and makes him angry. The text conversation progressed and he says... "I miss u so much but if I can't be me and u cannot trust me 2 not have an affair then we cannot be". I just found out about his EA 2 weeks ago and he denies everything and then gets angry at me and tells me that I'm trying to change him. I don't know what to do... I've lost my H and my best friend all in one and I cant even see through the tears to know if I'm mispelling words.
Shannon, I am sorry you are hurting so badly. Does it help to know he is just following the typical WS script? Hon, stick to one thread so people know your story. You can always change the thread title to update how you are feeling but you are likely to get better advice and support if you keep your thread going. Sending you MB hugs {{}}
. "I miss u so much but if I can't be me and u cannot trust me 2 not have an affair then we cannot be".
Please let him know that trust must be EARNED, it is not an entitlement. You would be insane to trust an untrustworthy person. Don't let him bully you into silence by demanding a level of trust that he doesn't deserve. He is simply trying to get you to shut up. Tell him he has to EARN trust.
FF,
Thank you. I'll remember that.
JM
Honey, please stop crying. Like FF just said, it seems like all of our WS's say and do the same things. you are just starting out in all this mess that i refer to as hell. And its going to get worse before it gets better. Please do all the reading you can on this site, it will help you to get a better understanding of what is happening and why. If it makes you feel any better we have all been where you are. I was there myself in June I think it was. My H and I have since reconciled and are in recovery (sometimes rocky). Hang in there, everyone on this board is here for you.
I thank God for y'all and for finding this site, thank you for being here. I'm sorry for anyone that has ever felt like I do right now. Ok, enough self pity for me.
Another development... WH and I were supposed to go away for the weekend, on the advice of my IC, she said it might be good for thw two of us to get away and focus on one another and having a good time together, taking us out of the normal, restrictive, responsible environment. Its one of the only things that kept me going this week and in the midst of our text msg battle he says lets just forget this weekend; I broke down, I cried, I feel like I begged and then he just said "I'm done talking to you" and hung up. I know I know... read... I'm working on it.
Thanks again to everyone.
Shannon
My h had told me he couldnt stand to be around me or even look at me because of his GUILT! Your trip probably wouldnt have helped too much, (unless you could have managed to go the whole weekend with no LB's) This awful thing just has to run its course. Do you know who the OW is? Have you exposed the A to everyone who can put pressure on your WH to end his A?
So let me see if I have this straight. He wants you to trust him, so he breaks his word to you about your weekend plans. Yeah, that will work. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
At some point when he's had a chance to cool off, maybe you can tell him politely that it would help a lot in building trust for him to keep his word about plans with you.
Shelly,
I have a sneaking suspicion that he feels the same way. We spoke last Monday the day after D Day and he seemed truly remorseful (although he didn't admit anything); everyone that I've talked to says that he seems more angry about getting caught than anything else.
I do know the OW and she was a professed 'friend', I have not contacted her at all since D Day; I'm afraid of what I might do or say; and I have to admit I am afraid of my H's anger if I were to do that. He has made the promise of NC, but I believe she was on the first portion of his business trip with him. We all three work together at a fairly large company... I want to clarify that I almost never see him at work becuase of the size of our company and the different job functions we perform; OW however, has more contact with him through work because their departments coincide a little more. He is planning on quitting by June, possibly sooner, so that'll help with the NC; but I don't think that he's really willing to follow through with it. He seems to be banking everything on MC.
A little history... the first A he also denied and denied and denied and still denies even in the face of surmounting evidence, and then when he did admit anything, he admitted it begrudgingly because he had no other choice than to face the facts staring at him. Anyway... after 8 months of hell (just like this now) and me moving on and giving up (we were not married then) he began to prove his love and commitment to me... giving me radical honesty, opening his cell phone and e-mail and palm pilot information to me with minimal discomfort... after give or take 2 years of this we got married, I thought we were happy and then in November it started with the "I'm done trying" and then tonight he sends me a msg that says "We tried it your way and it didn't work".
I have another question for anyone that can give me some insight... LB's... how can I set boundaries without them being LB's? My H accuses me of trying to change him and "forcing" him to agree to things he otherwise wouldn't have (he is of course referring to the 'rules' I laid down about him being open and honest with me at all times, and always being willing to answer any questions I may have had). I don't honestly know if I was using LB's with my 'demands', we were not together and he wanted to know what he could do to make it work... so I told him what I needed and wanted and if he couldn't give it to me then that was ok because I'd moved on... Sigh... sorry for the rambling... I just can't believe I'm here again in this same spot, but almost surely worse off than I was the first time because I feel even more stupid; I feel even more like a fool for believing he really did want to be with me enough to change those things.
I know there's a lot here
wow. when you say your WH says you are trying to "change" him, it sounds like when MY fwh used to tell me he didnt like me trying to "control" him. Translation? He is not ready to give up OW no matter what he is saying to you. I'm sorry I dont have any LB advice to give you, (im afraid i was never any good at that part of plan A) but I just know one of the "wiser" ones will jump in with some answers. Oh, and btw, if you do expose the A or talk to OW, be prepared for anger on his part. My fwh was so angry at me for speaking to ow that he threatened me with D and seen a lawyer. They all do that when you start to inject a little reality on their fantasy world.
Michelle
rule number in the top five of plan A
NO RELATIONSHIP TALK...
Plan A when WS returns from a trip should be upbeat...
glad glad to hear from here..
welcome him home....
happy flirty voice...
engaging him a witty/funny thing that occured while he was away...
speak of missing him...
WS love love to play they are victim to controling BS who don't trust them and won't ever let them have a moments peace from their 'badness..."..
and you played right in to his hands...
if you were mopey
sad
emotional
anything that solidifies that this is so far in to the ditch it can't be fixed ...
cause guess what OW is like when contacted...
happy to hear from him
nice to him
warm to him
complimentary
etc
etc
etc....
following human nature who would YOU choose to talk to..
even when distant be upbeat..
cut the conversation on you end..
in fact cut it off with oooh...gotta run expecting a call from a friend...
or going here...without much detail...
not sitting there text messaging woe and angst....
this is the heart of plan A..
instilling hope and glimpses a BS can move on..which DOES not equal forgetting...
you have to play each and every contact to your advantage...
so that it is pleasant
ego gratifying
and
leaves them wanting more...
easy...nope!!
but this can be done for short time..with a goal of plan B...that leaves them reeling from being cut off..
will try to find my plan A post and bump it for you...
NO RELATIONSHIP TALK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ark^^
Ok no excuses, I really was trying to make the conversation upbeat. But I know when he didn't respond in any positive manner I brought it up <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
So.. this morning I saw him and he pulled me close and held me and told me I hope you know that I really love you, but we have some issues and we tried doing it by your rules and it didn't work for me so hopefully in MC we can find a middle ground. We're going to go away this weekend and I think it'll be fun; we've NEVER had a problem having a good time together as we have a lot of the same interests. I know I have to stay strong and be happy... any tips/tricks on how to do this when the blues start to hang over me?
I'll look for your Plan A post and I saw one out there from Luminare.
Thanks Ark,
I've read a lot of your posts and you always give excellent advice.
One other question for this weekend. One of the hardest things that I've had with implementing Plan A has been the way my upbeatness is received, its met with anger, frustration, backlash; initially I can do it, but when the reactions come is when it gets the hardest.
Ark^^ I think you'd be proud of me... I know I am. I just got off the phone with H, very good conversation, I kept it really light and even made a joke. He's taking a leave of absence from work which was just approved so I was very supportive and encouraging. Anyway... just had to give myself kudos you know?! He actually sent me a text msg with a <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />... now the key is to just keep it up right?
Thanks to all.
H just told me he's not in love with me anymore, it hurts SOOOO BAD. I just want to die. I need help. Please.
Shannon, I know it doesn't really help to know this but he is just following the WS script. I am sorry you are hurting. How is your plan A going?
Hi Just married,
I'm new at this also and my WH has said the same thing and in the next breath he tells me he does love me. This OW has truly fogged your WH's mind. Dont pay attention to his talk. Keep up with Plan A and remember to be strong. I'm sure there will be others to give you great advice and support.
BS 25 me
WH 26
DD- 6
DD-4
D-Day- 4/1 What an April Fools joke! Wish it was! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />
FF,
I thought my Plan A was going good... I faltered today and brought up R, but we've been havinga good time or so I thought. We spent the weekend in Tahoe and I was really proud of myself, kept away from LB's only discussed R when he brought it up and only to the point where it could go rationally. We have MC setup for Tuesday of next week, he just looks at me with such anger and it feels like there's hate in his eyes, he says its not hate, he's just not in love with me anymore. I know this is typical, but I never knew that it would destroy me so. I don't understand, he says I've met all of his EN and that there's nothing more that I could do. I want to scream at him why why why... I asked him when it happened he said he didn't know... but then again I wasn't really expecting him to.
I want to talk to him, but I know it won't go anywhere; the conversation deteriorated after that, I broke down - still am broken, I feel like humpty dumpty. I know everyone here has felt some form of this or another but HOW do I get through this, HOW, I want to give up, roll over, you know?
I'm sorry I feel like such a child for even writing this, I just don't understand and I don't know what to do. I want to lash out I want to scream and I want to give up on everything all at the same time.
Enough Rambling.
I'm sorry I feel like such a child for even writing this, I just don't understand and I don't know what to do. I want to lash out I want to scream and I want to give up on everything all at the same time.
Yes, it is very painful and no one here would discount your feelings. Can you go exercise and work it off?
FF,
I'll try and do something like that.
My friends just want me to throw my ring in his face and take the leap to tell him its over and I'm done carrying a dead relationship.
ShouldI, he says he loves me he's just not in love with me, how do you stay so strong? I don't know how, we've only been married for 8 months and he's not in love with me anymore; how and why? How could I be so blind to that? Shouldn't I have known, I thought we were happy and that we were both happy until the last couple months.
Why does it feel like I'm the only one that cares about saving this marriage? Is it worth it for me to even try?
Just Married,
I just wanted to check in and give you my support such that it is.
Really only you can answer that question: Is the marriage worth saving?
Friends tend to give you opinions that are needless to say rather uninformed. They don't know how you feel about your H
Maybe it would help to make a list of all the posative reasons for which you married him.
Mac
Mac,
Hello again, you always have a way of cutting to it. I do have a question though, i make this list of all the things that I married him for, a lot of them seem to have gone to the birds the last couple weeks, should I not count those? I just feel like I've lost hope, I feel like I have nothing.
I think I'm gonna log off now because I am just feeling sorry for myself and that kinda irritates me. I just wish I could erase that last 6 months of my life and start it all over again... knowing what I know now. Beam me up Scotty... or beam me away.
Good night and thanks to all for your support and kind words.
Shannon, if you are listing reasons you m'd him you have to discount recent behavior IMHO. Your H is gone replaced by the WH alien creature. Your friends are not living your life, only you can make the decision for YOU. Now you don't have children and do have loads of time to start over so that option is always available. What do YOU want?
The pain is pretty much constantly there now, after the development on Tuesday night when he told me he wasn't in love with me anymore, I became numb, and now I feel empty and there's a dull ache in that emptiness where something used to be.
I'm getting further along in Surviving an Affair and its really really hard to read because everything screams at me "this is the life you've been living".
WH will not acknowledge any fault for anything, I'm trying to keep a plan a going, but I think I may just be better off going straight to plan b. I'm already out of the house and living with my girlfriend, I've been coming home on the weekends to spend either with just him or him and his daughter. We've agreed at this time not to tell his daughter becuase we're still trying to work things out and she's only with us every other weekend; I'm finding it harder and harder every day to control the emotional mood swings and outbursts so I told him this morning that I would not be coming home this weekend. He was angry at me for that, I don't know if its because he really does know how much I do for him and his daughter or if its simply because I'm the one that said it instead of it being his idea.
I feel like I'm losing my love for him and my desire to try... any suggestions/thoughts/comments?
Thanks to all who have responded in the past, you've been wonderful. Extra special thanks to you FF - always being there.
I guess with this post I'm hoping for guidance. WH said he was no longer in contact with OW as of 2 weeks ago, I drove by her house at 5:00 AM this morning and he was there... I couldn't stop myself I was like a possessed person, I went to the door and rang the bell and knocked for at least 3 minutes and I'm being very very generous with not exaggerating the time there.
So... its over, he told his daughter tonight that we're no longer going to be married and he left me several msgs before doing so that basically said "I hope you don't live to regret this" and "I can't believe you're letting us throw the last 5 years away".
I love him so much but am I really supposed to believe they were just talking? And why was he there in the first place if he really wanted to work things out. He says he has to have female friends and I've done nothing but take away all of his friends because everyone that he's ever felt comfortable with I've put restrictions on their friendship... what he doesn't say is that he has a history of deceitful and secretive friendships with other women and that when I found out about the secret meetings and the lies is when I asked him to put an end to the friendship. GAAAAHHH... I know this is not new to any of you, but he says that he hopes I find the perfect man I'm looking for and that nobody envisions opposite sex friendships the same as I do... being here and reading dr harley's books, makes me realize that's not true however.
Anyway, I was hoping for some advice about this... I feel completely shattered (surprise), I don't know what to do next; I can't trust him at all for anything, and he refuses to take any blame and blames me completely (ok I guess those mean the same thing). I keep thinking, yeah I have time, but I'm 27 and I still want a family, there were so many things that we were compatable on, our tastes, our hobbies, our work, everything; will I ever find that again?! Will I ever want to that's not with him?
I want to talk to him and I called him to try, but he hung up on me, I think he was angry because I made him follow through with letting his daughter know about the separation.
Any ideas?
{{{{JM}}}}
when I found out about the ow and let her know loudly that we were still married, (he told her we were D'd) my h came to my house and told me it wasnt going to work out between us and he was going to see a lawyer about a D. needless to say it didnt work out that way. Your H is addicted, like a heroin addict. if you do not want a D stay in your plan! lucky him it wasnt me at ow's door. I would have kicked the door in!
will I ever find that again?! Will I ever want to that's not with him?
I want to talk to him and I called him to try, but he hung up on me, I think he was angry because I made him follow through with letting his daughter know about the separation.
Any ideas?
First, {{{{hugs}}}} I am so sorry you are dealing with this!
Yes, you can and will find love again. You are
only 27 and have your whole life ahead of you!!
Are you ceratin that you do not want to salvage your M?! It is still possible but it would take alot of sacrifice on your part and I am not sure that you are wanting to do this...
And he really thought you'd buy he was "just talking" at 5am?! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> You have more self-control than me, girl... I think there would have been some window smashing if not some head smashing going on! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />
Since this is all so raw, so fresh... you really need to take a step back. Remove yourself from the situation, do not engage him, withdraw, go "dark".
I feel for you so much and sorry you have so much crap to deal with right now. Hopefully there will be some more experienced MBs around soon!
Take care of you!!
...and FWIW, my H had two As also!! Why are these men so stubborn?! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />
Shelly, I am so glad you are still around!! Are you taking care of yourself, also?!
Hey TN! Im alright, I lurk alot while I try to figure out what I want out of life, but JM's thread draws me out because its so familiar. You are so right, she (JM) has a lot of self control, guess what would have happened if I had been there? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />. JM if I can help you in anyway through my own experience I'll try.
TNT and Shelly,
Thank you both, I know from reading SAA that my situation is not unique and also from readint the posts on these boards, they have helped me more than anyone can ever know.
TNT, to answer your question, I don't know, right now the pain is so strong you are right I'm raw and I think I need to take a step back. The emotional abuse and the mental abuse (mind-F@#$ing - as my friends so elegantly put it) is devastating.
I sent him a msg this morning saying that I am still planning on going to the MC on Tuesday for myself and if he wants to join me he can. UGH... he lashed out and told me he gave me plenty of chances. I guess I feel like it'll just be easier to give up you know? To move on rather than risk the chance of going through this again. We've been together for going on 5 years (including 8 month of back and forth after first A), we've only been married since July, and right now I could not ever imagine having children with this man even if we were to work things out (and having a family is not a dream I want to give up on). Of course, as you said TNT, it is still raw and fresh so maybe in a month or two or six I'll see it differently.
Thanks to all of our for your thoughts and for sharing your experiences with me. Knowing that I'm not alone in all of this has really helped me to get through a lot of the pain.
Shannon
Ok so its been shortlived, but I'll still be around lurking, I just wanted to share this last piece of e-mail between WH and I; I'm sure this probably breaks all the MB rules for confrontation, but I think this is for the best. Thanks to all who have offered such wonderful advice and support. IF you do read the e-mail below, know that its pasted from outlook so you'd have to read from the bottom up.
"Shannon" wrote:
This is what you focus on, out of everything else I've said... the restriction would not be necessary if there was trust, but that has been completely destroyed.
-----Original Message-----
From: WH
Sent: Tuesday, April 19, 2005 3:24 PM
To: BS
Subject: RE:
"if we tried to work things out would be so restrictive and confining that if you don't hate me already for what I "forced" you to do, you surely would"
There lies the problem. A marriage should not have to be restrictive
"Shannon" wrote:
I don't know what you're doing either, one sentence makes me feel like you still want me and you still want things to work out and the next makes me feel like you're extremely grateful to be rid of me. You say its painful for people to say that you left me for someone else, then why did you do it, why?
Trust is something that is extremely difficult to give and to rebuild after its been broken, but its one of the most delicate things in this life and its so easily broken - seems unfair that something so hard to build could fall apart so easily. I gave you myself, my trust and twice you shattered it. You've said it yourself so many times, that you can't be with someone that doesn't trust you, but I ask you this as your friend, not as your wife and not as your partner, but as your friend; what actions have you taken to ensure that trust is protected and nurtured? Would it be lies? Would it be deceit? Would it be secrecy? (there's a difference between secrecy and privacy and I respect your privacy, but I despise your secrecy). Would that be the anger that you lash out with because you don't like having to answer for yourself?
We want different things in a relationship, I thought we wanted the same things and believe me... you want pure emotion from me... I LOVE YOU, I [email]F@#$ING[/email] LOVE YOU and I want to be with you and I would love it if we could work things out, I want my life back and I've said that to you over and over and over again, and you reinforce it by telling me you're not in love with me anymore and saying repeatedly that we're done, we're done, we're done, its over, its over, its over and it doesn't matter anymore cause we're done; then telling me how horrible of a person and wife that I have been, suffocating and smothering you and insecure and all I talk about is myself and I'm selfish and never look into myself for any fault - yes all of these things reinforce the fact that there is no resolution. Nothing that you've done or said in the last couple weeks other than agreeing to go to marriage counseling has made me think that you want to work things out, and yet you did that on the premise of a lie. Do I want to believe you, yes I do - more than I could ever explain, I want to! Can I? No, not right now and I don't know if I'd ever be able to trust you like that; the kind of relationship that we'd have if we tried to work things out would be so restrictive and confining that if you don't hate me already for what I "forced" you to do, you surely would. I want to be married to someone that always considers my feelings and does what he can to protect those feelings. I want to be married to a man that would not do something behind my back that he knew would upset, hurt or damage me should I ever find out. I thought I had that in you.
I'm sorry if I was curt on the phone, I just saw that you'd called and saw the msg so I called, I didn't listen to it until after we'd spoken so I really do hope everything is ok because I do care.
-----Original Message-----
From: WH
Sent: Tuesday, April 19, 2005 2:15 PM
To: BS
Subject: RE:
What is it that you want me to say because whatever I say you won't believe. You want me to explain the time from Friday morning? I could but you wouldn't believe me right?
I love you so much and it is so painful for people to say that I left you for someone else.
I don't even know what it is that I'm doing because nothing that I say or do will bring you back right?
All of my hopes and dreams have been crushed as well.
Thank you for sounding like you gave a damn about what I called you for!!!!
"Shannon" wrote:
Being faithful to someone should not be something you do because someone asked you to do it, and whether you want to admit it or not, whether you had sex with someone else or not, you still were unfaithful to me. With all the lies and all of the manipulations that you've put me through, just in the last 3 weeks. You know these are the same things that you said to me 3 years ago and yet you were doing things on the side then. You used to say to me when we got back together that you made your bed and now you have to lie in it, then it turned into why do you need to know, that's none of your business. What part of marriage and two becoming one does not make sense? Everything that you do affects me, EVERYTHING, because even if I don't know about it, it changes a part of you.
One of your arguments over the last few weeks has been that I knew who I was marrying, Yes you're right and so did you, you made me promises that you refused to keep and that you consciously schemed and plotted to do. You lied to me repeatedly, but you don't want to see that as being unfaithful and untrue in the marriage even though when we got back together I asked you to please not try unless you could give all of yourself to me and be completely open and honest. Things were so great for so long and then since we got back from our honeymoon things started to change; they were slight at first and I thought it was just because of year-end with work but then things started spiraling out of control. You want to claim that you never cheated on me, yet a promise that you made to me about calling only me beautiful was broken regularly, you just forwarded me an e-mail from Kjerstin last week that you'd sent her before any of this came up where you'd called her beautiful... and yet you used that in one of your accusations against me, saying that you never say that to anyone else. I thought we were gonna work things out and you said that you would end your friendship with Michelle, yet YOU WERE AT HER HOUSE, lights off, 5 minutes to get to the door, she never shows her face and you ask me what I'm doing there.
I wanted to work things out and I would have done anything to do that, I'm really not surprised that you didn't show today at the counseling, but I was hoping that you would; I don't know why, but I was hoping. You say that I never want to admit any fault, but the truth is every time you point the finger at me I've looked within myself to see if there was anything wrong with what I did or what I asked. Whether FRIEND or LOVER, you CHOSE Michelle over me AGAIN!!!! When you went to her house on Friday morning you CHOSE HER, when that was the LAST person you should have gone to talk to.
You always seem so worried about what other people think, this is the same as last time as well; yet if you really talk to any of those people they probably don't know anything at all. You are pushing every one away with your anger. Your mother, father and sister have all called me and you know what I told each of them, I haven't lashed out and berated you, I've said you need to talk to him about what's going on I don't think its right coming from me. Whoever you've been hearing from via e-mail at work has either seen it or has heard it from someone else. I don't need to be right and I don't need to embellish the facts of what happened, they speak for themselves. I have not told anyone that I caught you in bed with another woman, I haven't told anyone that you were having a sexual affair with someone, anyone that I have clued in on what is going on knows about the text msg and knows about friday morning, just as I did, they can connect the dots.
You say you don't consider us friends after this, FINE, close me out of one other part of your life... its funny to me that you felt so closed off being with me, I wouldn't let you have female friends and having me as your best and only close female friend was the most awful fate in the world, yet look at where life has turned.
"All of that holding out and being good for what .... for you to think that the person that I did have sex with is the last person I ever would have considered when we were together." This is just great for you to say this... I'm sure she's already taken over her spot on my side of the bed, that's where she always wanted to be. Holding out, being good... was it really that hard to do? This is the saddest thing for me and one of the most hurtful, is that it was a conscious effort for you to be faithful, you had to try, when as my husband it shouldn't have even been a second thought.
"But it doesn't matter right? As long as you appear to be the one that was slighted and discarded right? It doesn't matter how I feel or what I needed or what I felt was forced on me right?"
I don't CARE what people think, tell them whatever you want, I DID NOT LEAVE YOU, YOU CHOSE. You felt forced? Then fine, you should feel good now because you're not forced anymore, now you don't have to be married to me anymore and you can do whatever and whoever you want. What you needed, what you needed; you needed to have an inappropriate friendship despite its effect on our marriage/relationship.
People are e-mailing you that you've hurt me, well you have, repeatedly, with your actions and your words, you've destroyed all the love in my heart and you've trampled it, you discarded the most precious gift I could have given you, everything that was me, my dreams, my love, my hopes; you discarded it like it was nothing. You betrayed me. From the moment you kicked me when I was down and called me a drama queen because my whole world had just come crashing down. How many other lies have you told me, Good GOD I don't even want to know because I need something to hold onto, some element of truth, I need to believe that our whole relationship wasn't a lie, and that at some point it was good.
I'm trying to pick up the pieces of what used to be my life, thank you for making that a little bit easier with your anger and your manipulation.
I meant what I said, I do love you, although this last couple days has really bankrupted my love account for you, I do still love you and I want you to be happy; I have not been vindictive or snide or untruthful in anything that I've said or done; although this e-mail comes close. I really am sorry if I've come across nasty in this, but I really just need to say these things to you, and hopefully you'll listen, but if not then what can I do, right?
-----Original Message-----
From: WH
Sent: Tuesday, April 19, 2005 12:36 PM
To: BS
Subject:
You know what pisses me off the most ... it's that I have NEVER tried to be more faithful to somebody than I was with you and STILL it bit me in the [censored]. I think of all of the times that I could have had a little play on the side and I never did. We're talking in AZ, in San Diego in Sacramento and I always stayed faithful to you because you asked me to be and you were worth the effort. All of that holding out and being good for what .... for you to think that the person that I did have sex with is the last person I ever would have considered when we were together.
Now, I'm treated as if I did something wrong. Nobody talks to me at the paper now and I get glares from people whenever I'm there. Now, I'm getting e-mails from Pro, from people I thought were my friends saying some pretty mean things and accusing me of hurting you. But it doesn't matter right? As long as you appear to be the one that was slighted and discarded right? It doesn't matter how I feel or what I needed or what I felt was forced on me right?
So thank you for all of that but PLEASE do not send me jokes or pictures as if we're friends. We are not and I do not see us being friends after this!!!
If I were you, I would edit that name and email address out of this post.
Susan <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
Thanks Susan,
I was editing as you replied, didn't have preview first selected.