The way to tell if WS is blowing smoke or really truly ready to set things right - 06/04/05 04:46 AM
I posted a personalized version of this to Danigirl, then read another post from someone who's WS is apparently still "playing her".
Since my own husband isn't truly "there" yet (the OW in my case is made of electrons on a computer screen and he still visits her/them regularly), and I'm living in my 180 world, I don't know from experience that this ever happens in real life - Mimi says it does, and a few others...
But I know what I'm looking for!
What true repentence from the wayward, mentally, emotionally and physically adulterous life looks like to a betrayed spouse:
As you can tell by my intro - I don't talk much about my situation with infidelity - but I'm close to the end of my rope tonight. It's a good thing he's out camping with our son.
Since my own husband isn't truly "there" yet (the OW in my case is made of electrons on a computer screen and he still visits her/them regularly), and I'm living in my 180 world, I don't know from experience that this ever happens in real life - Mimi says it does, and a few others...
But I know what I'm looking for!
What true repentence from the wayward, mentally, emotionally and physically adulterous life looks like to a betrayed spouse:
Quote
You will get word from an intermediary, or the postman that there is a support check for your children waiting for you to pick up that you didn't have to legally wrangle out of him/her.
You will hear of him holding down a job and attending 12 step meetings for his sexual, alcohol and drug addictions (and any other addictions). BUT IT WON'T BE FROM HIM/HER. (S)He's too busy focusing on doing the work of recovery rather than "saying all the right things" to convince you (s)he's working recovery.
Debts that have forced you to live an extremely impoverished life will start to get paid off directly by the man/woman responsible for running them up catering to be with the OW/OM.
You will find out the OW/OM left town never to be seen again. You'll be able to tell by the shockingly clear air when you're around a formerly wayward spouse rather than any direct messages attempting to convince you there's no contact.
Resources you have long been without will be provided by someone working hard to make amends, rather than convince you that they're truly sorry for what they've done.
This will happen over a period of months and years before your formerly wayward spouse approaches you to ask for your trust. By then it will have been already earned by the walk, not the talk.
He/she will not ask or expect to move home (back into your heart) any time soon. Your happiness, peace and safety are the ultimate goals at this point for the truly formerly wayward spouse, even if it's with another relationship post divorce.
You will hear of him holding down a job and attending 12 step meetings for his sexual, alcohol and drug addictions (and any other addictions). BUT IT WON'T BE FROM HIM/HER. (S)He's too busy focusing on doing the work of recovery rather than "saying all the right things" to convince you (s)he's working recovery.
Debts that have forced you to live an extremely impoverished life will start to get paid off directly by the man/woman responsible for running them up catering to be with the OW/OM.
You will find out the OW/OM left town never to be seen again. You'll be able to tell by the shockingly clear air when you're around a formerly wayward spouse rather than any direct messages attempting to convince you there's no contact.
Resources you have long been without will be provided by someone working hard to make amends, rather than convince you that they're truly sorry for what they've done.
This will happen over a period of months and years before your formerly wayward spouse approaches you to ask for your trust. By then it will have been already earned by the walk, not the talk.
He/she will not ask or expect to move home (back into your heart) any time soon. Your happiness, peace and safety are the ultimate goals at this point for the truly formerly wayward spouse, even if it's with another relationship post divorce.
As you can tell by my intro - I don't talk much about my situation with infidelity - but I'm close to the end of my rope tonight. It's a good thing he's out camping with our son.