Stigma associated with "divorce"...how it affects future relationships? - 07/18/05 10:37 PM
Hey all...I am struggling with the whole post-divorce relationship thing as I feel like a legitimate man I have met is scared about getting involved with me and even stated, "I really want to get to know you better BUT I think you have too much [censored] going on with your divorce." He also stated his concerns about me being "on the rebound", which is NOT AT ALL my style. Now, I'll be the first to admit that our first night together was great but had some faults in that it was very emotional time for me seeing that this night happened to be the 1-year anniversary of d-day...perhaps he sensed this as I know true emotions cannot be hidden. Furthermore, I wasn't exactly prepared for the level of intimacy that we both engaged in...was excited about it BUT I had never been so physically impulsive in my life (even with ex WH) so there was some definite feelings of guilt which I have a feeling he sensed too. Perhaps his vantage point is legit...perhaps I do have too much [censored] going on with my divorce BUT I am at a point that I don't even desire my ex WH and am very intrigued about the connection we both felt that night and the very obvious commonalities that exist between the two of us. Anyways... I provide a little more hx below...would love your thoughts to help my ignorant dating mind!!!
We have had minimal contact since that night together. However, the other day, we happened to both be at a race only he was accompanied by another woman. They didn't seem to be intimate at all (and BTW,from what I gathered when I met him, he is not shy about PDA). He did introduce the two of us when I said hi but there was a definite awkwardness in the air. I just played it cool and went on with my own business after briefly talking to the two of them. During the post race festivities, I noticed on a few occasions that he was watching me. Of course, I was checkin him out from the corner of my eyes too...couldn't help it. When there is sexual energy, is it always this weird?
To make matters worse, he just happened to pop up on my Match.com matches...had no idea he was on this but I suppose when you are overseas at war, it serves as a mechanism to interact with others??? Our profiles are freakishly similar. And to further complicate things, we have the same friends too. We hadn't previously met yet since he was active duty Navy (at war) and I was living the married life in years past.
I know it is healthy to have these crushes but I am frustrated that he has all this hesitation secondary to the divorcee stigma now placed on me. Anyways, I need some help. This weekend, we both are attending a big party for a local runner. We both are bringing dates other than each other. My date is merely a friend. I know he is not serious with anyone either...most likely is bringing a match.com gal. Per the usual, I will get out of my typical athletic attire and get dressed up. Last time I was dressed up at a party with him though, he ended up grazing towards me, we talked the night away, discovered a multi-faceted connection which lead to an intimate night/morning together. Anyways, I feel like a lil school girl because I am all excited to see him at the party this weekend but am not sure exactly how I should react based on these past couple months. I know he is resisting me because of my divorce situation but there is a definite connection that exists and my emotions are lightyears beyond where they were a couple months ago. It is true when they say time heals! I may get some help from all the party goers as the whispers in the air have been pointing to an "us" that doesn't even exist. Any input or feedback...how should I handle the party this weekend? I plan on just saying hi, introducing my date to him, and interacting with all the other party goers as I normally would, letting him make a move if he so chooses.
Thanks for any input you can provide for a very ignorant post divorce dating mind....Muels
We have had minimal contact since that night together. However, the other day, we happened to both be at a race only he was accompanied by another woman. They didn't seem to be intimate at all (and BTW,from what I gathered when I met him, he is not shy about PDA). He did introduce the two of us when I said hi but there was a definite awkwardness in the air. I just played it cool and went on with my own business after briefly talking to the two of them. During the post race festivities, I noticed on a few occasions that he was watching me. Of course, I was checkin him out from the corner of my eyes too...couldn't help it. When there is sexual energy, is it always this weird?
To make matters worse, he just happened to pop up on my Match.com matches...had no idea he was on this but I suppose when you are overseas at war, it serves as a mechanism to interact with others??? Our profiles are freakishly similar. And to further complicate things, we have the same friends too. We hadn't previously met yet since he was active duty Navy (at war) and I was living the married life in years past.
I know it is healthy to have these crushes but I am frustrated that he has all this hesitation secondary to the divorcee stigma now placed on me. Anyways, I need some help. This weekend, we both are attending a big party for a local runner. We both are bringing dates other than each other. My date is merely a friend. I know he is not serious with anyone either...most likely is bringing a match.com gal. Per the usual, I will get out of my typical athletic attire and get dressed up. Last time I was dressed up at a party with him though, he ended up grazing towards me, we talked the night away, discovered a multi-faceted connection which lead to an intimate night/morning together. Anyways, I feel like a lil school girl because I am all excited to see him at the party this weekend but am not sure exactly how I should react based on these past couple months. I know he is resisting me because of my divorce situation but there is a definite connection that exists and my emotions are lightyears beyond where they were a couple months ago. It is true when they say time heals! I may get some help from all the party goers as the whispers in the air have been pointing to an "us" that doesn't even exist. Any input or feedback...how should I handle the party this weekend? I plan on just saying hi, introducing my date to him, and interacting with all the other party goers as I normally would, letting him make a move if he so chooses.
Thanks for any input you can provide for a very ignorant post divorce dating mind....Muels