{{{{ cyberhug }}}}

Since I can't give you one in person.

I remember, when my sister died, that I wanted to talk about her, remember her, and sometimes just giggle or gripe about her, and it made people uncomfortable because they were afraid of Grief and Loss.

I'd love to hear about your mom if you want to talk.

Rosie, I am very sorry about your sister. That had to have been devastating.

You are right that folks are very uneasy around grief. I was at a meeting at work once and asked a coworker from another state why she wore her wedding ring on her right hand. She responded that her husband had been killed. I asked her questions all about it and she was so happy to be talking about him. I looked around our table and noticed the absolutely horrified look of my other coworkers! I could tell they wanted so badly for this conversation to end! lol

Isn't it funny how people are so uncomfortable about death? We cheat those experiencing loss out of the opportunity to share warm memories. My precious nephew passed at the age of 14. That was 15 years ago. I finally was the one that got my sister to start talking about him. I just would make comments during casual conversations with her about things I remember about him. It helped her to finally start talking. {{BR}} sorry about your sister. Pep, I hope you have someone to share your many treasured memories of your mom with.

I don't feel the need to talk about Mom right now ... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I feel like she is inside me right now, and we want to be alone with each other a little bit <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Isn't that interesting?

Actually, Pepper, that's beautiful.

My precious grandmother died six months ago and it seems like everyone thinks I should be over it by now.

She was my biggest champion and loved me (truly) unconditionally. I miss her like crazy. I still talk to her sometimes... and wonder if she can hear me (I hope so!).

She was a devout Christian, and I know she's with Jesus, whom she loved so much. It makes me feel good to know that.

Thank you for letting me talk for a moment.

PS: Hi BR! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Oh, and forgive me for not saying how terribly sorry I am for your losses, BR, Pep, and FF. ((((Hugs))))

Aren't you sometimes overwhelmed with the bittersweet moments in life?

I know I am ....

The price of true love and deep intimacy is this ... eventually we must part .... one way or another.

the beauty and the pain is all mixed up inside me ... and I LIKE it !!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

I know! Me, too!

And I feel utterly different about death now, too. But in a way, it's more about life than death: I am thinking about how I want to live my life in a more meaningful way... a more compassionate way.

Beauty and pain... yes. I feel my insides all mushing up again... the tears welling... and it is good to remember...

Losses are hard. Losing loved ones are harder. Even miscarriages are hard.

Holding onto memories are one of the things that helps me through these hard times. With miscarriages though, the memories aren't really there. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Hugz to u all. Thanks for sharing. It is good to reflect a put things in proper perspective every so often.

BTW, Cheryl, is that U? Howz it?

Hugz,
L.

Tiny threadjack: Orchid, Yep it's me! I'm good, how are you doing??

Dear Mom

I miss you today. I have some things to share. Mia is going to her big dance. You would love her dress !!! It's a creamy-dreamy dress that is beautiful and flattering, not too old and not too young and not too sexy. It's fresh and lovely. You would approve.

I was remembering all the fancy dresses you made for me. All the fittings. Me standing on the table while you inspected your handiwork with straight pins in your mouth, carefully placing the pins just so ... my dresses were always perfection, one-of-a-kind inspired creations straight from your heart and hands ... and I was so accustomed to being blessed this way that I was never grateful enough.... like any spoiled teenager I just assumed you'd always be there to make me clothes that everyone envied.

So, THANKS MOM for all the fantastic expert seamstress hours you toiled in my behalf .... I was really special wearing one of your creations.

I do wish you could be here and see your grandkids.

I miss singing with you. Louie was asking me about some song I was singing other day (~You Are My Sunshine ~ ) ... he asked me if it was an old traditional folk song. I told him yes. He asked where I had learned it. I told him about how we used to entertain ourselves on long car trips and campng trips to Yosemite by singing harmony. I smile thinking about how we'd sing ~~ We Ain't Got A barrel Of Money ~~~ I always thought that song was written especially for our family because it seemed to fit our circumstances. LOL And I loved to sing with you ~~ You Can't Holler Down My Rain Barrel ~~ You Can't Climb My Apple Tree ... what a goofy song !

I know you would be turning 80 years old Thursday ... but I will never see you as an old woman Mom. You are forever young and beautiful in my heart .... and laughing ... You laughed a lot.

I will miss you until the day I die. There is a part of me missing without you. But there is also a larger part of me filled by you. It seems that whenever I cry for you, I usually end up laughing in the end ... remembering things that brought me joy.

On your birthday I will celebrate by crying a bit more and laughing a lot more.

Come see me in my dreams Mom. Anytime. I love you...... yes.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I've cried with you and laughed with you about your Mom.

I still do.

This post made me cry. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" />

God bless you my friend.

Susan

Wow, Pep.....that letter to your mom is beautiful. She is right here with you. In your heart and still touching your lives.

Thank you sooo much for sharing. It helps us get back our focus and put our appreciation where it s/b.

Btw, those songs are memories for me too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> I love those oldies but goodies. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Much aloha,
L.

I am so touched by the shear joy you have in your memories of your mom. Thanks for sharing her with us. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hi Pepperband,

I am sorry for your loss. It is lovely that you share such incredibly good memories with her... Going through the passing of a family member is so hard...

I know when I lost a brother to an accident in his 30s it took me two years to realize on all levels that he was gone. That moment came in a department store when I had picked up a shirt I knew he would like for Christmas and was standing in line to pay for it - when it dawned on me I would never be buying him another gift... I just collasped in grief. Sometimes your mind will only allow you the pain you can endure.

Death is a mystery - one we will all get to explore. I had a dream some years back - that was a real comfort. I dreamt I was floating near the ceiling of an emergency ward room above my body surrounded by three doctors. (I have a condition written in on my donor card that death is to be confirmed by three independent opinions - don't want to wake up missing anything!)

One was picking up my hand and saying what a waste. My hands looked great - manicure - jewelery etc but the rest of me was a mess. Looking down I was filled with a profound sense of freedom and peace. No sadness at all if anything I felt full of anticipation and curiousity. I had no desire to go back into that wreck of a body. I was eager to be going somewhere...

Then the dreamscape suddenly shifted to me walking by a white van on a construction site and turning in a split second to see a bobcat ploughing towards me. I awoke in a start at the point of impact - with every detail fresh in my mind. I always thought of this dream as a gift because it made me realize that death may just be an adventure..

Keep a journal by your bed. I'm sure your Mom will come to visit....

Pb

Dear Pep ~ your Mom sounds absolutely beautiful. I bet she is so proud of you.

Thank you for sharing her with us.

Hi Cheryl - glad to see you around.


Everyone one else ~ My sister died 8 years ago - its not a new loss, but thank you. I'll never stop loving her and grieving her absence in my life, but its now bittersweet memories instead of the rollercoaster of emotions of new grief.

I just remember the most distressing and selfish thing I encountered was most people not wanting to talk about death or grief or pain. At first I thought it was because they didn't care, later I discovered it was because it made them feel uncomfortable due to their own fears.

In my situtation, what made it worse, was those that those that did want to talk about my sister made her out to be some kind of super human saint that just wasn't her at all.

I just love your letter to your Mom Pep ~ it made me laugh and cry. I need to call my mom and tell her that I love her. Thank you for reminding me of how precious mothers are.

***sigh***

Too many tears,,,,,

I really miss my mom....

awwwww Nerly

I know .... tears shared

((( Pep )))

You are OUR sunshine !!!

Best regards - Carnation

That was a beautiful letter, Pepper! ((((Pepperband))))

Thank you all for sharing your memories.

I am sitting here crying.... I still have my mom - who doesn't really know how much of a 'rock' she is in my life, and I can't imagine what it will be like the day she will no longer be there. I am one of two children, and I love love my brother who I don't see that much anymore (not in the same city, family and work commitments).

You are right. While it may hurt to imagine the day our 'loved ones' will no longer be aliv (or are no longer alive and remember them), I feel so so lucky to have them in my life now.

I guess that's life..... pain and joy.

Those that I love are in my heart for always..... I miss seeing them now, imagine when they are no longer alive!

I love you 'guys', did you know that?

For a few weeks after my grandmother's passing I had some significant dreams... one especially where she told me that she came only to tell me that she loved me.... she was all about giving, so this was no surprise to me. It *was* bittersweet, though. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" /> It felt so real.

I did put a journal next to the bed... to keep the memories of what she said in the dreams...

I also made a memory book. It has specific moments throughout her life - up to and including her memory card from the memorial service.

Pepper, you're such a great writer. Like me, I suspect you have your letter and other memories put somewhere special so that your children can eventually have them and pass them down...

This is the most wonderful legacy a person can give, I think. To be thought of with such love... and it goes on and on and on throughout time...

Awesome!