This 2002 Movie was playing on cable today again and it really shows how an accidental affair really begins. In the movie, it shows the OM as a flirt and a Player. The WW became infatuated with the OM and it showed how she even tried to resist the affair. The WW kept taking those damaging luring steps to allow the affair to happen and it then flurished into a full blown PA.

Even after over 20 months past our DD, this show still gives me the creeps. I have seen it several times and I don't really want to see it, yet I do. Kind of like MB, I don't really want to read the affair stories, yet I still do. The show almost helps you understand how so many of these affairs happen simply by fate and by accident.

I was one of the lucky ones to save my marriage and the MB tools made it happen. We have our fairly normal life back again. The thoughts of the awful affair period never leaves you but you learn to accept the facts as they are and go forward.

My FWW expresses she still cannot believe she allowed herself to fall into the trappings as she did and still regrets the pain she caused so many people to feel.

TooSoon

I had the same reaction. Morbid interest.

But the murder thing is over the top. Also when I look around Blockbuster there are lots of B movies combining murder and affairs. Why is that?

That was an awesome movie. Did you catch how addicted she was to the OM? That movie perfectly showed the different stages of an affair as we know it. [except for the last part, of course!]

I think people simply break after betrayal is discovered. The one and only thing in your life that you know is really yours and you can count on always being there, is gone with a bad choice of a wayward spouse.

Not sure I belive in what you would call an "accidental" affair, simply because we all face tempation every day, and we all have choices in life. To cheat or not too. I have heard people use the excuse it was an accedent in many affairs, but the thing is, its not an "accident" to trip and fall up in the bed with someone, its a choice. EA affairs are a little differnt because we can't always control the heart or mind, but that to is still a choice as well.


Joe

While I agree affairs are never purley accidental - the proces for alot of them seems accidental.

For example once I was in a full blown EA, I just wanted to spend time with OM, I NEvER EVER planned on it becoming phyical on the firt occasion, or even the second occasion...I had planned on just spending time, enjoying his company, and ensuring it didn't become physical.

But the seconds leading up to the beginning of the sexual encounter - it was me who didn't stop it, it was me who went through with it and it was a split second choice that I made without weighing concequences or thinking about my actions. So that was not accidental...but in a sense it was too...

The second time sex happened (and the last time) was the night b after the first time, I went to say goodbye as I was heading home from out of town. I swore it wouldn't happen again, i jsut wanted to see him - I promised myself it wouldn't happen again - swore it wouldn't - yet as soon as a kiss began I made a poor choice in that split second...not thinking of anything but that moment...Accidental? Not at the moment, but in the grander scheme of things it was a way accidental - there was no planning for it become physical.

Ultimately - even in that split second, it was my choice and no accident - I always had the choice...I truly did...I just didn't see the obvious no choice at that split second..how sad <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

The WW left home to go into the the City of NY and literally fell down. Mr Wonderful came to her aid and rescue but began flirting with her. They showed her as a vunerable woman who immediately became infatuated and took the OM's bait.

She didn't set out to have the affair but she got bit by the fog and there was no turning back from there. She did become addicted as Melody said but the lead up to the affair began by accident.

I think Dr. Harley or in one of the books I read described how two people eyes can meet as you are passing down the hall at the office is enough to begin an affair. Chemistry, hormones, or whatever kicks into high gear and the eurphoric butterfly feelings kick in.

The lesson to be learned for us all is to be on guard at all times and to treat our spouses as a treasure.

toosoon

I still cannot watch that movie.

I remember I freaked out when I watched "enough"....was with my girlfriends and had to walk out of movie...I started getting a bit hyperventilated...

can't do it.

maybe ever.

We don't have to walk around worshippng our spouses. we aren't supposed to. but we should learn about their en's and how to be an effective spouse...and meet their needs...some people do expect to be treated as nothing less than perfect and have some feeling they are entitled...

and it's the entitled ones..

that walk down the office halls..

catch somebody else's eye...

feel the adrenaline rush...

and act on it.


Fidelity is a choice.

Love is a choice.

Marriage is a choice.

and in saying that....
ADULTERY IS THE BIGGEST CHOICE PEOPLE MAKE...ONLY TO REGRET.

Saw that movie on the plane back from a trip overseas in 2003 after wife had asked for legal seperation. As I watched it many things came to mind and for the first time I had a lot of questions about my own marriage....I had some funny feelings as I watched it.

Knowing what I know now...I can't watch it...my FWxW was not in that type of an affair...it was with someone 2 states away....who she rarely saw...but....that train ride home is exactly how she described herself in Las Vegas after the time she let him in her hotel room....makes me want to puke....too damn real...

Oddly enough I saw this very movie about a few weeks before,wow,I just remembered something.I saw this movie a few weeks before my WH told me about his cheating.I remember sitting on the couch alone,talking to him on the phone about it since he was away at work.He seemed very interested in my viewpoint.ugh.

Anyway,it was hard to watch and now having been through the A I don't think I would want to ever see it again.To me it was very realistic,looking back.Definitely no accident and not fate though.Each and every action was a choice,right down the line.The secrecy and feelings you could see on Diane Lanes face as she rides home,her little secret fantasy taking off and her deceit beginning.The new clothes,the disinterest in her H,forgetting about her own son waiting at school,desperation and addiction as Mel mentioned.Then the rage and the murder and regret at the end.All too real.Very sickening.Very sad.

TooSoon,glad you made it after all.

O

The scene in the movie that gets me, is at the train station where she is trying to decide whether to call OM for that first time. She knows exactly where she is heading to and she does it anyway.

I hate that, because I have done that-knowingly made that absolute worst decision knowing how it would pan out. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" />

Jean, I remember that scene. I know were I in her shoes at that exact moment, my thought would have been "you are going to regret this!!!" That little voice always make an appearance whenever I make bad choices and that little voice is always right.

I was lucky to save the marriage, but it was only by the Grace of God and MB tools.

I think the people are vulnerable from their stale and boring marriages and when someone flatters them and fulfills that need for attention they are not getting at home, it doesn't take much for something to start. When I say it was accidental, I do not believe Diane Lane left the house that day to have an affair. An opportunity was presented to her and she went with it by her choice. Had she altered her day that day and not went to the book store, it would not have happened. I believe in the accidental happening theory.

My FWW says she never set out to fall in love with her OM, but it grew by accident and before she knew it, she was completely head over heels in love for him and way in over her head.

She acted on her desire to allow it to grow. That part was no accident.

TooSoon

What's the name of the movie?

BETRAYED

with Richard Geer and Diane Lane. It is a very realistic movie on an affair.

I think the movie is called "Unfaithful":

Is this the one?
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0250797/

Another film that does an excellent job of looking at the dark side of infidelity is *In the Bedroom*. It stars Sissy Spacek and the point of view is largely that of the OM's parents.

And then, of course, there's the queen of all anti-cheating movies, *Fatal Attraction.*
Mulan

Marisa Tomei's character in In the Bedroom was divorced. She had divorced her H for his abusive behavior and then become involved with a younger man. Her X was unwilling to let go and acted as if they were still married and she was being unfaithful, but that was part of his abusive behavior-treating her as if she were a possession.

***Marisa Tomei's character in In the Bedroom was divorced. She had divorced her H for his abusive behavior and then become involved with a younger man. Her X was unwilling to let go and acted as if they were still married and she was being unfaithful, but that was part of his abusive behavior-treating her as if she were a possession.***

Actually, I think she was not divorced but separated. That left it even more of a grey area. The story showed, though, that the powerful emotions aroused by this stuff are no respector of such details -- not in the WW, the BH, the OM or even the OM's parents.

It's a good film.
Mulan

It reveals how a person can get caught up in emotion and disregard the feelings of the spouse.

Your answer?..............

Proverbs 6:20 My son, observe the commandment of your father And do not forsake the teaching of your mother;
Pro 6:21 Bind them continually on your heart; Tie them around your neck.
Pro 6:22 When you walk about, they will guide you; When you sleep, they will watch over you; And when you awake, they will talk to you.
Pro 6:23 For the commandment is a lamp and the teaching is light; And reproofs for discipline are the way of life
Pro 6:24 To keep you from the evil woman, From the smooth tongue of the adulteress.
Pro 6:25 Do not desire her beauty in your heart, Nor let her capture you with her eyelids.
Pro 6:26 For on account of a harlot {one is reduced} to a loaf of bread, And an adulteress hunts for the precious life.
Pro 6:27 Can a man take fire in his bosom And his clothes not be burned?
Pro 6:28 Or can a man walk on hot coals And his feet not be scorched?
Pro 6:29 So is the one who goes in to his neighbor's wife; Whoever touches her will not go unpunished.
Pro 6:30 Men do not despise a thief if he steals To satisfy himself when he is hungry;
Pro 6:31 But when he is found, he must repay sevenfold; He must give all the substance of his house.
Pro 6:32 The one who commits adultery with a woman is lacking sense; He who would destroy himself does it.
Pro 6:33 Wounds and disgrace he will find, And his reproach will not be blotted out.
Pro 6:34 For jealousy enrages a man, And he will not spare in the day of vengeance.
Pro 6:35 He will not accept any ransom, Nor will he be satisfied though you give many gifts.

In His arms

Re; Unfaithful

My STBXW had a barely controlled aura of " I can hardly wait to watch it" when she saw the movie advertised. Since she had always had a lukewarm reaction to any Gere movie and hated any woman that was beautiful like Lane, it struck me funny that she looked for it with such anticipation.

DUH, I was such a dummy! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

While your answer to many of lifes question may be found in the Bible, non-christians like myself tend to stick with the reality of things, so in response to the original question, murder+sex = alot of DVD's and movie tickets sold, simple as that

Hanzo:

I must admit, we are Christians but during my FWW's affair, she was throwing it all out the window. Christianity was not an issue at all for her at the time of the offense. The fog overtook her completely. But, her making the committment back to the family was partley because she wanted to do what she thought God wanted from her. She still had severe withdrawal from her OM.

Desperate BS's sometimes do desperate things as shown in the movie.

TooSoon

I understand and agree that that is what sells movies. On the concept of reality, by quoting the Bible, I am sticking with reality. You may chose not to accept that reality...that is your choice. but to say that non-christians stick with reality and Christians don't is rather offensive...and blatantly untrue.

In His arms.

I taped the show, Unfaithful, yesterday and was watching it again today. I am amazed how it showed the WW living a dual life with the OM and her BS. It became difficult for the WW to keep it up and she gradually became disconnected from her BS. THe BS was sensing it and began questioning her love for him etc. BS's really do know in their heart or at least I did.

The WW became so addicted to the OM, she wanted to stop the affair but couldn't. It was too late when she finally did, and she immediately became more physical with her BS by holding his hand etc. I was reliving the emotions of the movie as the scenes were unfolding. I saw my wife in the WW and me in the BS. My wife was dating a man 18 years younger than her much like the movie where her OM was the younger lover.

Ouch, this movie is a hard one to watch and relive.

TooSoon

This is kind of what happened with me. The first time we met...it was major chemistry with om. We both brushed it aside said...another time...another place... we would exchange #'s but were married. That was that...then one month later...a chance encounter again. I never thought I would see him again. It was one in a million. But, when we did have that run in...he said it had to be destiny.
Me? ... I said "no, you are the devil". Oh how I wish I would have run from that devil.

Back to the movie...the part that got me was when you see her emotionally distancing herself from her bh Gere. I mean that is exactly what I did. I fought it so hard but it happened. I disconnected completely. I tried not to but it was impossible.

When Diane Lane is in the tub...Gere wants to get intimate and she can't. Also, when she is in the train on the way home crying b/c she can't believe what she had done...AAAHHHHHH!
When she finally reaizes that she had forgotten her son...that this thing had taken over and she HAD to end it. She is in the kitchen crying hysterically and she leaves OM a message saying" I can't do this anymore...it's all the lies"... I did that so many times...

You know the part where she asks Gere?what did you DO to him?(om) Gere shouts "I wanted to kill you...not him."

Affairs are just bad, bad , bad. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Brandi...
brand new me

Brandi: I never said this online before but your comment made me think of this. After the affair and during recovery, my FWW told me when she with the OM once she glanced at him from the corner of her eye in a very quick glimpse, she said she saw her OM with horns coming from his head. She said it was almost a subconcious look but when she got her senses a short brief second later, he was just her OM with no horns. Personally, I believe that was a real sign for her to see but she was too much in the fog to stop anyway, but it stayed in her mind.

The OM was quite the aggressor. After DD, he played hard ball and was fighting for "his" rights to my wife. He was jealous when we went away for an overnight and fought hard to break our marriage.

My FWW went to our bedroom everynight, drank a lot, and became totally disconnected from me too. She would allow me to have sex with her but it was not intense or emotional, just sex. She would not let me kiss her during the affair. When I caught the affair, she immediately admitted to the affair and said, "the problem you have is I am in love with the OM".

At DD, I too wanted to kill the OM and myself but that was only a passing thought. Later and after I knew his name and address etc. my FWW said to me, "don't mess with the OM, he has a gun and knows how to use it" I said if I really wanted to kill him, he would have been dead by now. I think the emotions shown by the desperate BH in the movie are so real when the OM was killed that is could happen to anyone. The stakes are too high.

TooSoon

Brandi:

How long did your affair last. Ho long before PA began and how long have you been in recovery?

Funny. I mentioned this movie a while back in a post. At sometime during my FWH's A, but before D-day. I started to watch this movie. I didn't like the way it felt, so maybe my sixth sense was telling me something even then, but I never finished watching it. While it was on, my H came in the room and asked what I was watching and I told him. Later, I asked him if he had ever seen it because I wanted to know how it ended. He very quietly said, well he killed the OM.

Looking back, I think I can actually see the torment in his face at that moment.

I can't watch that movie ever even tho I am a huge Diane Lane fan. Far too close to home for me.

Hey TooSoon...

I will start a new thread...is om really a devil!!! You can ask me questions there.

Take care,
Brandi

I just watched this movie on TNT Sunday. My H had asked me what I did all day while he was gone Sunday and I told him I got interested in a movie. He said oh what was it about.
I had to change the story around a little bit because I did not want him to know.

M 26
H 28
married 7 years
DS 6 yrs old
D day 3 Sept 05
PLan A 21 Sept 05

TooSoon,

I had a similar moment which was very unnerving to me.When my WH was still living at home but I knew the A was still ongoing,contact was still ongoing,I was about to bring some laundry down to our basement and I glanced into my(now) office at my WH who was,as usual,sitting at the computer,he looked at me and I saw the most evil look I had ever seen.It made me shiver and it sounds like a movie scene but I have never seen my WH look like he did that day,ever.He was truly looking like he was something not himself,evil? I'll never forget that look.It made me realize,to this day as well,that he won't change and is very much still selfish and inside his own world,sneaky,dishonest and hurtful.ugh,I am just glad not to be around him anymore.

O

On the issue of the devil...

When a husband and wife get together intimately, it is said that angels gather and applaud.

When two people get together who arent married...who do you think gets together and applauds? Obviously, it would not be angels, nor Christ nor God. Oh, there are people applauding...you know who they are.

I have no doubt that Satan sent the OM to my wife...as he sends all OPs to WSs. That is why it is laughable when a WS says this person is their soulmate (only if you sold your soul to the Devil)...or even more so when they say that God wants this.

Adultery, pre-marital sex, etc...all do not involve God. All involve Satan.

Now, doesnt that take the fun out of it for you? Knowing that if you are having sex with someone you arent married to, that demons are in the room and God has left the building? Even when it is two single people dating.

We want to see things in 3D...but there is another dimension to this. There is a spiritual battle out there...and that battle can wreck our lives and wreck our eternity. If we choose to do things our way, count on God not being a part of it...and Satan laughing his butt off.

In His arms.

"so in response to the original question, murder+sex = alot of DVD's and movie tickets sold, simple as that"

Not really so simple as rental fees, but more a human emotion taking over that has been well documented by police reports and courtrooms. There are many a men and women in prison doing life sentences for murdering OM/OW in a fit of rage. These people are not unlike your next door neighbor or friends. They just lost it in a blink of an eye and committed murder and now they live with that fact everyday.

I guess this true reality TV, all rapped up into a movie called "Our lives, like it or not".

Isn't hat weird October, how different people are give the glimpse that these people saw as better described by Mortaman. The devil is in play and from the fog state, it is called love and romance, fate, and destiny.

Thanks for the good posts and comments.