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This 2002 Movie was playing on cable today again and it really shows how an accidental affair really begins. In the movie, it shows the OM as a flirt and a Player. The WW became infatuated with the OM and it showed how she even tried to resist the affair. The WW kept taking those damaging luring steps to allow the affair to happen and it then flurished into a full blown PA.

Even after over 20 months past our DD, this show still gives me the creeps. I have seen it several times and I don't really want to see it, yet I do. Kind of like MB, I don't really want to read the affair stories, yet I still do. The show almost helps you understand how so many of these affairs happen simply by fate and by accident.

I was one of the lucky ones to save my marriage and the MB tools made it happen. We have our fairly normal life back again. The thoughts of the awful affair period never leaves you but you learn to accept the facts as they are and go forward.

My FWW expresses she still cannot believe she allowed herself to fall into the trappings as she did and still regrets the pain she caused so many people to feel.

TooSoon


Married 20 yrs at time of affair DD: 1/16/04 NC: Since 4/14/04 FWW: Workplace EA for 8+ months. MC: For Awhile Recovery Begins When All Contact Ends. Progress: Doing very well.
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I had the same reaction. Morbid interest.

But the murder thing is over the top. Also when I look around Blockbuster there are lots of B movies combining murder and affairs. Why is that?

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That was an awesome movie. Did you catch how addicted she was to the OM? That movie perfectly showed the different stages of an affair as we know it. [except for the last part, of course!]


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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I think people simply break after betrayal is discovered. The one and only thing in your life that you know is really yours and you can count on always being there, is gone with a bad choice of a wayward spouse.


Married 20 yrs at time of affair DD: 1/16/04 NC: Since 4/14/04 FWW: Workplace EA for 8+ months. MC: For Awhile Recovery Begins When All Contact Ends. Progress: Doing very well.
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Not sure I belive in what you would call an "accidental" affair, simply because we all face tempation every day, and we all have choices in life. To cheat or not too. I have heard people use the excuse it was an accedent in many affairs, but the thing is, its not an "accident" to trip and fall up in the bed with someone, its a choice. EA affairs are a little differnt because we can't always control the heart or mind, but that to is still a choice as well.


Joe

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While I agree affairs are never purley accidental - the proces for alot of them seems accidental.

For example once I was in a full blown EA, I just wanted to spend time with OM, I NEvER EVER planned on it becoming phyical on the firt occasion, or even the second occasion...I had planned on just spending time, enjoying his company, and ensuring it didn't become physical.

But the seconds leading up to the beginning of the sexual encounter - it was me who didn't stop it, it was me who went through with it and it was a split second choice that I made without weighing concequences or thinking about my actions. So that was not accidental...but in a sense it was too...

The second time sex happened (and the last time) was the night b after the first time, I went to say goodbye as I was heading home from out of town. I swore it wouldn't happen again, i jsut wanted to see him - I promised myself it wouldn't happen again - swore it wouldn't - yet as soon as a kiss began I made a poor choice in that split second...not thinking of anything but that moment...Accidental? Not at the moment, but in the grander scheme of things it was a way accidental - there was no planning for it become physical.

Ultimately - even in that split second, it was my choice and no accident - I always had the choice...I truly did...I just didn't see the obvious no choice at that split second..how sad <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />


Dorry (aka Deeplysorry)
me FWW - EA/PA fall of 2004
FWH EA/PA late spring 2005
Got our acts together July 2005 and started recovery.

The Recovery Guide for WW's (Wayward Wives)
Dorry's Story

[color:"blue"]Excuses are easy...change is hard....[/color]
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The WW left home to go into the the City of NY and literally fell down. Mr Wonderful came to her aid and rescue but began flirting with her. They showed her as a vunerable woman who immediately became infatuated and took the OM's bait.

She didn't set out to have the affair but she got bit by the fog and there was no turning back from there. She did become addicted as Melody said but the lead up to the affair began by accident.

I think Dr. Harley or in one of the books I read described how two people eyes can meet as you are passing down the hall at the office is enough to begin an affair. Chemistry, hormones, or whatever kicks into high gear and the eurphoric butterfly feelings kick in.

The lesson to be learned for us all is to be on guard at all times and to treat our spouses as a treasure.

toosoon


Married 20 yrs at time of affair DD: 1/16/04 NC: Since 4/14/04 FWW: Workplace EA for 8+ months. MC: For Awhile Recovery Begins When All Contact Ends. Progress: Doing very well.
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I still cannot watch that movie.

I remember I freaked out when I watched "enough"....was with my girlfriends and had to walk out of movie...I started getting a bit hyperventilated...

can't do it.

maybe ever.

We don't have to walk around worshippng our spouses. we aren't supposed to. but we should learn about their en's and how to be an effective spouse...and meet their needs...some people do expect to be treated as nothing less than perfect and have some feeling they are entitled...

and it's the entitled ones..

that walk down the office halls..

catch somebody else's eye...

feel the adrenaline rush...

and act on it.


Fidelity is a choice.

Love is a choice.

Marriage is a choice.

and in saying that....
ADULTERY IS THE BIGGEST CHOICE PEOPLE MAKE...ONLY TO REGRET.


me:37 BS; s:7; xh:38; OW:26;eloped w/OW 1 wk after D: 12/29/03. OC born 3/17/04. Happy! Blessed to be the mother of a wonderful son..great profession..Life's good!
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Saw that movie on the plane back from a trip overseas in 2003 after wife had asked for legal seperation. As I watched it many things came to mind and for the first time I had a lot of questions about my own marriage....I had some funny feelings as I watched it.

Knowing what I know now...I can't watch it...my FWxW was not in that type of an affair...it was with someone 2 states away....who she rarely saw...but....that train ride home is exactly how she described herself in Las Vegas after the time she let him in her hotel room....makes me want to puke....too damn real...


Me BS - 44
FWW- 42
EA for 4 years with fellow employee
became PA in Jan 04 - I knew of this one.
Seperated/ Divorced July 03
2 sons 14 & 12
D Day -6/26/04- PA in 1998 for about 1 year- I had NO idea.
recovery and reconciliation began 6/27/04

Remarried 2/18/06

My story?? Click below.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Main=129980&Number=1575914
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Oddly enough I saw this very movie about a few weeks before,wow,I just remembered something.I saw this movie a few weeks before my WH told me about his cheating.I remember sitting on the couch alone,talking to him on the phone about it since he was away at work.He seemed very interested in my viewpoint.ugh.

Anyway,it was hard to watch and now having been through the A I don't think I would want to ever see it again.To me it was very realistic,looking back.Definitely no accident and not fate though.Each and every action was a choice,right down the line.The secrecy and feelings you could see on Diane Lanes face as she rides home,her little secret fantasy taking off and her deceit beginning.The new clothes,the disinterest in her H,forgetting about her own son waiting at school,desperation and addiction as Mel mentioned.Then the rage and the murder and regret at the end.All too real.Very sickening.Very sad.

TooSoon,glad you made it after all.

O


BW(me)40 DDay 10/11/03 Divorcing 'The Reformer'- enneagram type 1 ~Let Higher Minds Prevail~ --------------- ~Life isn't complicated,we make it that way~
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The scene in the movie that gets me, is at the train station where she is trying to decide whether to call OM for that first time. She knows exactly where she is heading to and she does it anyway.

I hate that, because I have done that-knowingly made that absolute worst decision knowing how it would pan out. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" />

Last edited by Jean36; 10/30/05 05:12 PM.

Me-41 BS (FWS)
DH-41 WS (FBS)
2DD's- 10 and 12
Married 15 years
Separated for 2 years after my A
Reconciled for 1 year before his A
D-day for his A 8/23/05
WH moved out 9/16/05
Divorce final 1/23/07
Affair ended or month or so later
My Story
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Jean, I remember that scene. I know were I in her shoes at that exact moment, my thought would have been "you are going to regret this!!!" That little voice always make an appearance whenever I make bad choices and that little voice is always right.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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I was lucky to save the marriage, but it was only by the Grace of God and MB tools.

I think the people are vulnerable from their stale and boring marriages and when someone flatters them and fulfills that need for attention they are not getting at home, it doesn't take much for something to start. When I say it was accidental, I do not believe Diane Lane left the house that day to have an affair. An opportunity was presented to her and she went with it by her choice. Had she altered her day that day and not went to the book store, it would not have happened. I believe in the accidental happening theory.

My FWW says she never set out to fall in love with her OM, but it grew by accident and before she knew it, she was completely head over heels in love for him and way in over her head.

She acted on her desire to allow it to grow. That part was no accident.

TooSoon


Married 20 yrs at time of affair DD: 1/16/04 NC: Since 4/14/04 FWW: Workplace EA for 8+ months. MC: For Awhile Recovery Begins When All Contact Ends. Progress: Doing very well.
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What's the name of the movie?


BW 43 me
FWH 39
M 1992; DD 18. 13
OC 8-05 - no contact
In recovery 8 years
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BETRAYED

with Richard Geer and Diane Lane. It is a very realistic movie on an affair.


Married 20 yrs at time of affair DD: 1/16/04 NC: Since 4/14/04 FWW: Workplace EA for 8+ months. MC: For Awhile Recovery Begins When All Contact Ends. Progress: Doing very well.
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I think the movie is called "Unfaithful":

Is this the one?
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0250797/


Me-41 BS (FWS)
DH-41 WS (FBS)
2DD's- 10 and 12
Married 15 years
Separated for 2 years after my A
Reconciled for 1 year before his A
D-day for his A 8/23/05
WH moved out 9/16/05
Divorce final 1/23/07
Affair ended or month or so later
My Story
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Another film that does an excellent job of looking at the dark side of infidelity is *In the Bedroom*. It stars Sissy Spacek and the point of view is largely that of the OM's parents.

And then, of course, there's the queen of all anti-cheating movies, *Fatal Attraction.*
Mulan


Me, BW
WH cheated in corporate workplace for many years. He moved out and filed in summer 2008.
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Marisa Tomei's character in In the Bedroom was divorced. She had divorced her H for his abusive behavior and then become involved with a younger man. Her X was unwilling to let go and acted as if they were still married and she was being unfaithful, but that was part of his abusive behavior-treating her as if she were a possession.

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***Marisa Tomei's character in In the Bedroom was divorced. She had divorced her H for his abusive behavior and then become involved with a younger man. Her X was unwilling to let go and acted as if they were still married and she was being unfaithful, but that was part of his abusive behavior-treating her as if she were a possession.***

Actually, I think she was not divorced but separated. That left it even more of a grey area. The story showed, though, that the powerful emotions aroused by this stuff are no respector of such details -- not in the WW, the BH, the OM or even the OM's parents.

It's a good film.
Mulan


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It reveals how a person can get caught up in emotion and disregard the feelings of the spouse.


Thankful for all that I have not lost. Struggling with what I have.
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