Please help me!! - 12/09/05 05:24 PM
My husband and I are suppose to have our 6 month anniversary later this month and have been together for almost 6 years. We spent Thanksgiving at my parents house and my parents had to fight (which they do every holiday and I am use to it). He came from a divorced home where his father was very abusive. Thanksgiving night, we had a long talk, well mostly he talked, about how our marriage is unsuccessful and we need to work on our fighting because he doesn't want to end up like his or my parents. He also won't pretend that he is happy. He kept putting words in my mouth and saying that I said this or that, that I wasn't happy. I mean sometimes I am not happy but overall I am very happy. We agreed that we would work on us and kind of left it at that. Most of his unhappiness doesn't stem from our relationship, but from the fact that I support us. I have two jobs and he only works part time so he feels like a failure. He is going to school in January and hopefully will find something really good from that.
Recently, a couple that we both know broke up. He is closer to them than I am and has been hanging out with the female ALOT after the breakup. It seems like all he wants to do is talk to her and ignore me. I was pretty annoyed about this and probably 2 days after Thanksgiving and the whole talk, I said something about it. He got angry with me and then called her to tell her that I didn't like it. Apparently she said that she didn't want to be in the way and wasn't going to talk to him or hang out with him anymore. Right after this he didn't wear his ring for 1.5 to 2 days and now has it on the opposite hand. We are suppose to be separated now(which I somehow got myself into because I said we shouldn't just go get a divorce). The separation is almost the same as not being separated, except he is suppose to be allowed to do whatever he wants, we still talk about the future and such. He said he needs to be able to support himself and pay for himself and such. I think it has more to do with the fact that he doesn't want to stop being friends with this girl. I tried to get him to read His Needs, Her Needs with me but he refuses and got mad at me last night when he saw me reading it. We don't have any real problems, we fight sometimes but so does everyone. I am not ready to give up on our marriage but he seems more than willing to throw in the towel in order to hang out with this girl.
To top it all off, I found out that I am pregnant the weekend after all this happened. He says that he is happy about the baby and he'll always be their for him/her. But I really need him to be there for me right now. Every conversation we have about this ends with him saying we have been trying to work everything out and it hasn't work, if we have to make it work its not worth it. I didn't even know he was this unhappy with our relationship. Probably a month ago, he was telling people that being married was great, it was the best thing he ever did.
I have been trying not to argue, and just hang out and be friends (apparently thats what he wants) and to build up points in my Love Bank, but it seems no matter what I do, he has to call HER everyday and go see her and if she and I are both around, he pays WAY more attention to her. I am afraid to say anything to her because she will probably complain to my husband and that will make him angrier at me and if I tell him that he has to choose, at this point, I think he'll choose her. I don't think it's anything but friendship now but I know where it will lead if he doesn't stop seeing her so much, and I don't know if I can deal with that. He says he still loves me and wants us to remain friends but we don't work as a couple.
Please help! I don't know what to do! I keep thinking if they would just get into a fight then maybe he wouldn't hold her in such high regard, but what are they going to fight over? Their lives dont really intersect unless they are hanging out, having fun.
Recently, a couple that we both know broke up. He is closer to them than I am and has been hanging out with the female ALOT after the breakup. It seems like all he wants to do is talk to her and ignore me. I was pretty annoyed about this and probably 2 days after Thanksgiving and the whole talk, I said something about it. He got angry with me and then called her to tell her that I didn't like it. Apparently she said that she didn't want to be in the way and wasn't going to talk to him or hang out with him anymore. Right after this he didn't wear his ring for 1.5 to 2 days and now has it on the opposite hand. We are suppose to be separated now(which I somehow got myself into because I said we shouldn't just go get a divorce). The separation is almost the same as not being separated, except he is suppose to be allowed to do whatever he wants, we still talk about the future and such. He said he needs to be able to support himself and pay for himself and such. I think it has more to do with the fact that he doesn't want to stop being friends with this girl. I tried to get him to read His Needs, Her Needs with me but he refuses and got mad at me last night when he saw me reading it. We don't have any real problems, we fight sometimes but so does everyone. I am not ready to give up on our marriage but he seems more than willing to throw in the towel in order to hang out with this girl.
To top it all off, I found out that I am pregnant the weekend after all this happened. He says that he is happy about the baby and he'll always be their for him/her. But I really need him to be there for me right now. Every conversation we have about this ends with him saying we have been trying to work everything out and it hasn't work, if we have to make it work its not worth it. I didn't even know he was this unhappy with our relationship. Probably a month ago, he was telling people that being married was great, it was the best thing he ever did.
I have been trying not to argue, and just hang out and be friends (apparently thats what he wants) and to build up points in my Love Bank, but it seems no matter what I do, he has to call HER everyday and go see her and if she and I are both around, he pays WAY more attention to her. I am afraid to say anything to her because she will probably complain to my husband and that will make him angrier at me and if I tell him that he has to choose, at this point, I think he'll choose her. I don't think it's anything but friendship now but I know where it will lead if he doesn't stop seeing her so much, and I don't know if I can deal with that. He says he still loves me and wants us to remain friends but we don't work as a couple.
Please help! I don't know what to do! I keep thinking if they would just get into a fight then maybe he wouldn't hold her in such high regard, but what are they going to fight over? Their lives dont really intersect unless they are hanging out, having fun.