Exposure-confronting OW-HELP - 03/01/06 04:32 PM
New on this site and glad I found it.
H confessed his A a month ago. Hurt, angry devasted and every emotions any BS have experienced, I threw him out but not before I called his best friend (a counselor) to get him whom he has been staying with, 10 minutes away. OW lives 2 hours away. He confessed his A because the OW threatened him that if he didn't leave me, she would come over and tell me of their A herself. The A went on for two years, less than a year after we got married. The next day, I told his friends, family. He didn't expect I would expose him.
I contacted the OW the next day after finding phone records that night after WH was kicked out. Since WH lied about the length of the A (he said 6 months, OW said 2 years). The OW was right. Needed to know from OW if she were pregnant. She wasn't. It wasn't a screaming conversation.
A week after the D-Day, WH and I have talked a great deal and somehow reconnected emotionally and physically. We saw each other 2-4 times a week. I now realize that was a bad thing to do. We know we still love each other and have said to each other that we haven't given up on our marriage. Yes, trusting his words have not been easy.
He started counseling yesterday and was advised to take a two week to a month or so "sabbatical" leave to find himself. More confused, I'm not quite sure how his sabbatical will help our marriage. I thought part of the rebuilding is for both to seek counseling. But a 2 week to a month or so or being by yourself? I don't get it. Is this what marriage counselors advise when a WH or WW is lost? Can anyone shed light into this? Or is WH trying to pull another fast one just so he can get together with the OW?
Meanwhile I know from phone records he still calls her, but the length of their conversation seem shorter than before the discovery.
I've read posts on the pros and cons of confronting OW. But the posts on Exposure is compelling me to contact OW, via email and give her a taste of her own medicine. It seems that PLAN A is not working, because last month's phone records showed he still called her. Like any OM or OW, she's still waiting for WH to waltz into her life.
The message I would tell her is this:
"Since you caused nothing but pain in our marriage, my husband and I, I will give you a taste of your own medicine.
But first, I want to make it perfectly clear with you that I LOVE MY HUSBAND to the core of my being. And I know my husband have always loved me and still does which is why he never left me for you. The one positive thing that came out of this nightmare is that your affair with him helped us reconnect. For that I have you to thank.
If you so much as to try to contact, call or email my husband on ANY level at ANYTIME regardless for ANY reasons, including and especially forwarding this email to him, I will expose you and let your family and friends, especially your daughters, XXX and XXXXX know that you have been having an affair with my husband and that you delibirately threatened my husband that you would come over to our house to hurt me if my husband did not leave me for you.
You have ONE chance to make the right decision."
Anyone out there with any suggestions? Yes, I will be seeing a separate therapist next week. MB has been my only outlet. And yes, I have all the info I need to successfully carry out this threat.
So any one with similar experiences would love to hear from you. I'm emotionally exhausted and lost am myself as to where to go from here.
H confessed his A a month ago. Hurt, angry devasted and every emotions any BS have experienced, I threw him out but not before I called his best friend (a counselor) to get him whom he has been staying with, 10 minutes away. OW lives 2 hours away. He confessed his A because the OW threatened him that if he didn't leave me, she would come over and tell me of their A herself. The A went on for two years, less than a year after we got married. The next day, I told his friends, family. He didn't expect I would expose him.
I contacted the OW the next day after finding phone records that night after WH was kicked out. Since WH lied about the length of the A (he said 6 months, OW said 2 years). The OW was right. Needed to know from OW if she were pregnant. She wasn't. It wasn't a screaming conversation.
A week after the D-Day, WH and I have talked a great deal and somehow reconnected emotionally and physically. We saw each other 2-4 times a week. I now realize that was a bad thing to do. We know we still love each other and have said to each other that we haven't given up on our marriage. Yes, trusting his words have not been easy.
He started counseling yesterday and was advised to take a two week to a month or so "sabbatical" leave to find himself. More confused, I'm not quite sure how his sabbatical will help our marriage. I thought part of the rebuilding is for both to seek counseling. But a 2 week to a month or so or being by yourself? I don't get it. Is this what marriage counselors advise when a WH or WW is lost? Can anyone shed light into this? Or is WH trying to pull another fast one just so he can get together with the OW?
Meanwhile I know from phone records he still calls her, but the length of their conversation seem shorter than before the discovery.
I've read posts on the pros and cons of confronting OW. But the posts on Exposure is compelling me to contact OW, via email and give her a taste of her own medicine. It seems that PLAN A is not working, because last month's phone records showed he still called her. Like any OM or OW, she's still waiting for WH to waltz into her life.
The message I would tell her is this:
"Since you caused nothing but pain in our marriage, my husband and I, I will give you a taste of your own medicine.
But first, I want to make it perfectly clear with you that I LOVE MY HUSBAND to the core of my being. And I know my husband have always loved me and still does which is why he never left me for you. The one positive thing that came out of this nightmare is that your affair with him helped us reconnect. For that I have you to thank.
If you so much as to try to contact, call or email my husband on ANY level at ANYTIME regardless for ANY reasons, including and especially forwarding this email to him, I will expose you and let your family and friends, especially your daughters, XXX and XXXXX know that you have been having an affair with my husband and that you delibirately threatened my husband that you would come over to our house to hurt me if my husband did not leave me for you.
You have ONE chance to make the right decision."
Anyone out there with any suggestions? Yes, I will be seeing a separate therapist next week. MB has been my only outlet. And yes, I have all the info I need to successfully carry out this threat.
So any one with similar experiences would love to hear from you. I'm emotionally exhausted and lost am myself as to where to go from here.