Today is 5 weeks since my D-Day and I've gladly realized I'm not so sad anymore and we're truly on the recovery road. So, I thought I'd start this thread vs. my profoundly sad that a lot of my new friends have been posting to. I am very thankful to this board and the big part it has played in me getting to this point!

(((March)))

Thanks Drex...right back at you. I saw a post you wrote on filling the hole re: your return to church. I'm so happy to report my FWH went to worship service and sunday school yesterday for the first time in months. It was pretty hard on him...you know Baptist preachers always have to mention adultery/coveting/etc....but he actually went down to the altar to pray of his own free will. It means the world to me to see him getting his life back on track spiritually.

What did you say to him to encourage him to go back to church and convince him that God's forgiveness is unconditional? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Right after D-day he went through a time needing assurance of some things he already knew re: God and forgiveness. He's spent most of his life in church till this all started 6 years ago. I didn't realize why he wouldn't get involved anymore. He used med school/studying/long work hours as an excuse. I wish I'd gotten to the heart of it sooner. Yesterday was actually the first time he could go to church. I just simply asked him on Saturday if he was going and he said yes. I think God has a hold of him.

Drex...on my other post you said you were "cornfuzzed" for confused...are you from the South? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I grew up in Arkansas. Lived 10 years in Texas, 9 of those in San Antonio. WW was 7 when she moved to Alabama with her family where she grew up. So, yeah, I guess you could say I'm from the South. I live in SC currently, but it's a different kind of south from what I grew up in. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hi March, I'm glad to hear you're on the upswing of the roller coaster. ;-) I've had a pretty wild ride over the last few days, but today was okay.

The wedding was allright. We were late which I think helped me to be distracted. There was sadness, but also good friends and laughter. I kept myself busy helping at the reception.

Of course though, there's usually something brewing and I blew up that night b/c my H forgot the bread w/our take out dinner. I was so darn mad it was ridiculous! I almost walked out on him w/o my shoes! LOL! He was saying, "It's just bread" and I'm thinking "Heck no, it's NOT just bread." We talked it out and had a pleasant evening.

Today was good, we talked about my EN's and protecting our weaknesses. We've been reading CheatedOn and IamSosorry's threads; it generates some good discussions for us.

It's funny how similar our experiences are. When we went to church for the first time after d-day (Easter Sunday) I asked my H how communion was for him and he said it was the first time he had taken it w/a clear conscience in years. Years! I was a little stunned, but not really surprised if that makes sense. Since then he has been reading and praying and even changed the music he listens to. He has also struggled w/God's grace over the 13 yrs he's been a Christian.

As you and I have said, it stinks that something so devastating had to happen to get us back on track, but I just have to remember that all this pain pales in comparison to our reward in heaven!

What have you found the most helpful during this time? Have you read any good books, bible verses, songs, etc.?

Happy to hear that things are getting better for you M27.

May I just say that I find it AMAZING that you seem to be doing so well (relatively speaking) after a mere 5 weeks. And I certainly don't want to put a damper on your good spirits but please do make sure you're not rushing yourself to get better TOO fast. 5 weeks is a very short time to be already on the road to recovery. Obviously it's good you're making such fast progress ... just don't push yourself too hard ok.

Hey Drexxell, SC is the only kind of south I know. It's why I say wrestlin, runnin, riddin, and all those other southern words that turn ing into in sounds. It's where I was born and raised.

Drex... I spent most of my formative years in Arkansas! Your cornfuzzed gave you away!
AskMe..I thought it was spelled wrastlin!

I was wondering how the wedding went. Glad you survived. I understand the bread thing. A few weeks ago we went out and when I discovered he left my doggy bag at the restaurant I thought I'd go postal.
I'm so proud of your H's positive changes. I know this will all be worth it.
As for what I'm doing, IDK if I have any thing great to add...I've just now gotten to where I can focus on things again. Praise music is helpful. Rather than intense bible reading, I have a bible promises book with verses grouped by topic that has been good. I think my best medicine has been my kids, reading this board and starting to get out into the world again. My B-day is this week. I'm anxious to see how that hits me...

L77... I understand what you are saying. I know it's fast but I have a few thoughts on that. One, that is totally my personality. I've hardly ever let the sun set on my anger towards anyone. I'm not a grudge holder and get over stuff fast. I'm a glass half-full, look at that bright side, look at the big picture, look at the end result kind of gal. Also with two little ones and a H that works 80 hours a week and almost everything on me, I can't wallow too much. I don't think I'm skipping stages or shelving things too fast. You have to do what you have to do. Also my H has come clean, done the right things. We really had a very positive marriage overall before so that helps. Also with his problem being due to SA there are somethings that make it easier to accept if that's possible. There was not any long-term bond with anyone. Heck, he didn't even know 3 of the 4's real names. Luckily, they didn't know his either. Last but not least, I've truly been so carried by the Lord. Hope this isn't too rambling. Thanks for your support and concern.

We finally got to go to our first session with someone and it went great. While my H and I already felt strongly about the sexual addiction problem, some of the information we were given definitely provided us with light bulb moments. When we got home he immediately started researching our health benefits and looking into Celebrate Recovery so I was very excited. He has been the classic case of someone who was sexually abused as a child saying I don't think about it, it doesn't bother me. To see him truly realize how it did in fact effect him is in someways heartbreaking and in other ways exhilirating b/c I know that is a great part of the battle and truly dealing with this is what will allow our marriage to survive.

I'm glad you had a good counseling session. It is good to know he is able to realize the effect and impact the abuse has had on his life. Just realizing that impact will be of great importance in overcoming the addiction he has been battling. God bless you both in your journey ahead.

Thanks so much for all your support and encouragement. I've been telling him about you. Are you doing okay???

I'm doing great considering all things in life. There have been books I have read before in my early years and I thought what an amazing testimony. They struggled through those hard parts of life and made it through. Heck, those people had it easy. They need come to my house for a while. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I wish I had time to list out all the things that keep happening. The people at work tell me I have a black cloud that follows me around. They just wonder why it hasn't caused a solar eclipse yet. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

You know your husband is also welcome to ask me anything anytime he wants to as well. And I have a book I could send him that was written by my pastor/mentor, which might help with his struggle. If you are interested, just let me know.

Like I told you in the email it makes me think of Job.

A righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all. Psalm 34:19

I'll let my H know...

Out of PSALMS 68 I always find comfort in these verses, since I never had a father growing up. In fact I was about 7 years old when it really hit me hard that everyone else had a dad, but my mother didn't even have the same name as I did, because she had been remarried and divorced again.

But let the godly rejoice.
Let them be glad in God's presence.
Let them be filled with joy.
Sing praises to God and to his name!
Sing loud praises to him who rides the clouds.
His name is the LORD--
rejoice in his presence!
Father to the fatherless, defender of widows--
this is God, whose dwelling is holy.
God places the lonely in families;
he sets the prisoners free and gives them joy.

That is a wonderful passage for you to claim. Psalm 23 has always been one of my favorite Psalms. A Psalm that means a lot to me right now is 32:7...You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance. I know there are those that very much question when someone is at the point I appear to be at so quickly but I have just felt so protected and surrounded by God's grace.

Where ya been? It's kinda like missing my soaps not seeing poasts from you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> (Just kidding, I don't watch soaps.)

Just been busy b/c H was off work this weekend. Funny re: soaps. That's a joke we have, he always jokingly accuses me of just sitting around all day and watching soaps...I don't...it's more like TLC,Phil and Oprah...I've now told him I sure don't need soaps or the reality version of them..Phil and Oprah...b/c my life turned into one! He went to Chicago a couple of weeks ago and I told him he'd better stay as far away from the Oprah studios as possible and run if he saw a camera approaching him...Ha, Ha! I posted to your Translator thread...We had a good weekend too. Just seems like things are more back to how they used to be but with an improvement which is wierd for me to say b/c really things weren't bad before. Our initial counseling session was with a pastor and I'll now be scheduling for him to see a licensed christian counselor for IC to address his SA as a child and of course the current issues.

It's good to know that you're doing well. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Sometimes, I used to watch those reality soaps just to be able to tell myself that "At least my life isn't as FUBAR as the people on TV right now." hehe What a concept, right?

I've pretty much maintained an 'even' ride on the roller coaster since Friday. We had a fuss Thursday after MC that started from me expressing feelings and her taking offense to them. It turned into a fuss about something completely stupid after which we made up, yadda yadda. Seems to be kind of a pattern for us.

When I kept having to drive all over the flipping country to get my car that the mechanic couldn't seem to fix properly (always on Saturdays), we'd end up fussing on Saturdays and whatever plans we had were toast for that day. Not because we were fussing all day, but because by the time I got home from driving all day and we had our fuss, it was really too late to do anything.

One fuss a week is better than one fuss a day. Hopefully, they become fewer and fewer. I guess time will tell. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> It's been 6 weeks and I don't feel like my stomach is going to evict itself from my body by way of my nose any more. I think the reality of how slow a process this could be is starting to kick in.

I still worry about her saying she knows she committed to the set amount of sessions with MC. I worry that she'll just finish those and say she's done with it. I worry that she's doing all this encouraging to get me back into school so that I'll have financial burden and no income and she'll have an upper hand to file for D and try to take the kids.

I'm going to wrap it up for now though. I've got IC in less than 2 hours, then errands to run after that. That's what started the fuss Thurs was when I expressed my worry about me going back to school.

Sorry about dumping on you in your own thread! Feel free to vent on mine whenever you like. LOL I'll check on you later on. I'm glad you feel you're doing well. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Best wishes. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I would say only one fuss a week is good...in any relationship, at any stage. There's always going to be something to hash out or just days when you are tired or grumpy and make a mountain of a mole hill. I know even with my doing "good" right now, I feel like I still get upset over something and it's really not what it appears. I think it's the hurt from all this that bubbles under the surface. You are right...this is going to be a long process and slow at times, rapid at others.

Regarding why she wants you to finish your education, remember not to put words in her mouth. Her motives may not be at all what you think.

As for IC, my H went for the first time last night. He was able to talk to me about it quite a bit. Of course, nosy me would have liked to know every word. He told me a lot. He didn't really want to discuss his homework. I think it is related to the SA that occurred to him as a child so I totally respect that. Hope you have a good session today. As for your MC, I do hope she will go beyond what she has committed to. Just keep remembering that no matter what she does, you are doing your part and that is all that you have full control over.

My H and I have a date tonight so wish me luck...no line dancing for us so we won't have hurting feet like you two!

What I like about two-stepping and waltzing etc is the physical contact. Lots and lots of physical contact. We dance REALLY close sometimes.

IC was ok. More of a info gathering kind of thing. I was able to vent to an actual human instead of a computer (not that there aren't people behind the screens so no offense meant to anyone and don't flame me).

I wasn't complaining about being sore so much as just saying we danced until we hurt! It was a great time. We plan on going back this coming Sat. Prolly gonna do a picnic on Sun with the kids. Take a frisbee, have a good time.

We had family game night last night. Played Sorry and Mastermind. Had a pretty good time.

So far as her motives for my education, the trust just simply isn't there. It's like, you know someone is a prankster and a practical jokester, so every time you're around that person, you're "on guard" whether they have something planned for you or not. If she's genuine about it, that's all fine and great, but I don't want to find myself up poopy creek without a paddle.

Have fun on your date. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I don't think anyone would take offense at you being happy to vent to a real live person.

Sounds like you all have some good family time going on.
That must make your W happy. Women love that!

I understand your "on guard" attitude. I do hope she's genuine but know only time will tell.

Our date was pretty good. I won't go into the gory details but I love busted once...we recovered from that.

I had a horrible dream last night that I came home and he was on the computer. He had to quickly leave the office and I locked the door and discovered he was chatting in his old Married but looking room. I read pages of pages of dialogue and was in hysterics. The nightmare seemed so real and lasted forever. Of course when I woke up, I felt like cr*p. I'm just now starting to feel okay. It made me realize how I would feel if he fell off the wagon. My heart rate goes up just thinking about it...

Hi March,

I totally can relate on the nightmare thing. I had one a couple of weeks ago that felt SO real. The second time my H went to the OW, he got up at 2:30am w/the excuse that he had an early job that morning. Well, that's exactly what the dream was; that I woke up and he was gone, etc. It was so scary.

Hang in there...that's all we can do. We've had some rough days over the past couple of weeks, but we're working through them which is encouraging. My H went to a different Christian 12-step last Fri which he really liked (he didn't like the first one he went to). I was so glad, b/c I really wanted him to go, but he didn't think he needed to. I just told him that I needed him to go and he ended up having some really good revelations.

I pray you guys get exactly the right kind of help you need and that if you don't at first that you keep looking till you do find it. Take care!

March,

Shame on you for LBing! (grabs licorice sticks) And yes, WW had fun with family game night, but only because she thoroughly WHIPPED the respective arses of her family members at Sorry. LOL (That game is so cut throat and vindictive)

I hear you on the dream thing. I sat straight up in bed the other night, out of breath, mad as all get out, heart rate up. I won't go into the dream because I really don't care to remember it, but OMG was I mad. Even though I knew it was a dream, it took me an hour to calm down enough to get back to sleep.

A day, a step, one leg, one bite. It's all one at a time. Sometimes when WW and I are together, it feels like there's nothing wrong. Sometimes, my imagination runs wild and I end up hating myself. I try to look at it like the HI LO game on The Price Is Right. I rolled a 2 with the die. The odds of the number being higher are good. It quite possibly can only get better from here, right?

24, Good to see you. Welcome to our mess. LOL

Best wishes. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

24give...good to hear from you again. Glad to know you are making it through the rough days. Won't it be nice when they are fewer and further between? Sorry you've had the nightmares too. IDK about you but it has basically wiped me out for today. I'm sure I'll be better tomorrow. As Scarlet says, Tomorrow is another day!

I'm glad he found a 12 step program he likes. My H has started IC and is considering our Celebrate Recovery program. It may be hard for him to do both working 80 hours a week. Our insurance will only cover IC so I think I may do that. It won't cover MC but his IC counselor said he would eventually do some sessions with both of us...kind of two for the price of 1.

Ow, Drex...I feel the wrath of the licorice stick! I also feel your pain on the nightmare. I'm so not wanting that to happen again.

I haven't played Sorry in years. I do remember it could get vicious.

Yes, it surely can get better from here.

Oh, has your wife seen the Every Woman's Battle book? They have a website and it has a lot of WW's on the message board who are Christians.

March,

I haven't heard of that one. I'll have to look at it soon. I doubt WW has seen it either. She's not real receptive to a whole lot right now anyways. I'm gonna post an update to my sitch on my thread so I don't jack yours. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I can't remember, Drex, but I know you said your wife had not been receptive to church recently. Does she have a trusted, female Christian friend that might be of any help??

If she has any close friends here, I don't know about them. For the last 14 months, she's been gone more than she's been home, you know. TDYs and a deployment. Hasn't had too much of a chance to get in tight with anyone, plus people come and go in a unit fairly often.

MC went ok last night. Got some resolutions, made progress. Most importantly, no steps backward. We're frequently the last couple she sees in the evening and every time, she'll run over our allotted time with us. Last night is was 45 minutes over! We're going to have to do something nice for her.

We're going dancing tonight for sure, maybe going out again tomorrow night.

So, how's you? (slides coffee mug over) It's going to be a good day today. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I'm glad the MC session was a progressive one. Sounds like you have a great counselor.

I'm sorry she doesn't have a friend there that could help. Is there anyone that lives away that could? IDK that may not be what she needs at all...

Hope you all had fun dancing. Did you close the place down?

I'm doing pretty good. I've had my coffee and I'm trying to get geared up for a few more days being pretty much alone with the kids. These times when he's not around are so much harder for me. That's when it is harder to focus on current good behavior vs. old behavior!

Hope you have a great day!

March,

Well, we discovered some things Friday night. First, we discovered that on Fridays here, it's line dancing night. Saturdays is 2-stepping. With some of the other mixed in. I'll never understand why they play Hip Hop in a country bar. I guess it's a chance for the "rhythmicly challenged" to express themselves.

We went to 2 different clubs on Friday. In general, we had a good time. The next time we go out, though, it'll definately be on a Saturday to go dancing. Unless we want to take dancing lessons (which I'll get to in the next paragraph), then we'll have to go on Fridays again.

Trying to get someone to play a waltz in this state is horrid! With some patience and a couple of dead presidents I got it done though. We hadn't been dancing in a while so we're kind of out of practice. We know what we're doing, just kind of out of sync with each other. WW kind of got irritated with me about it, but she realized it wasn't just me. I told her we'll just have to keep going dancing until we get back to where we used to be. Every other week on Friday is 2-step dance lessons for the fancy kind of stuff. I think that's what we're gonna do.

I've got a long post of csj if you want to trot over and take a peek. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

How did your Mother's Day go? Anything special happen? I hope it was great.

Anywho, I've got to get a move on. Things to see and people to do! Errr, things to do and people to see!!!

Best wishes. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I read your post on CSJ...Wow...on the way out of town for a week. You are in my prayers! Yes, I did have a good Mother's Day!

Hi March- just checking in to see if you're back from your trip. I bought Every Man's Battle for my H today and for myself I bought Living With Your Husband's Wars by Marsha Means. Her husband wrote Men's Secret Wars (which is probably similar to EMB) but they didn't have it at the store I went to. Let us know how things are going. Take care.