The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Laura Schlessinger - 07/13/06 05:06 PM
**The book I'm referring to isn't spoken of as a book that directly deals with infidelity. However there may be tips in it useful in an effort to restore a marriage.**
The title in my post is a book written by Dr Laura, the radio host. It gives her view of how women should take care of their husbands. I listened to the audio book and it actually is talking to wives who often find themselves unhappy in their marriage and wanting more. It addresses many of the negative influences that have contributed to the break down of marital relationships and thus the family that have to do with guess who? Women.
I thought, "Crud, another women save the world, be a good girl, do everyhting right type of thing, Good grief isn't there something in this freakin' world that women aren't responsible for!" Needless to say, I was hot at the title of the book but decided to take a look inside.
Much to my surprise the book wasn't what I thought although initially she seems to be steering that way. As I got into listening to the book I realized that Dr Laura made a' many
a good points that got me to thinking over my persepctive and focus. The book actually takes a load off.
She explains some of the counfusion that women have in expecting certain things from men that they may not be able to give because they see things differently. She tries to get us, ladies hipped to understanding and accepting that we may be stepping over our hubbies boundaries by trying to make them see things this way or that or in my case by trying to control them.
I'm relieved that she helps to break down where the misconception in male and female perspective may be, so we don't upset our pretty little heads all the time about everything that we think needs straightening with our husbands.
Dr Laura, feels that we are actually the ones that hold the ticket to making a marriage happy provided that our husband aren't abusive, narcisist (please excuse if misspelled) womanizing types, affair having and lingering-in types. And even in some situations of infidelity, she feels that a wife may be able to help a husband who has been in affairs come around.
She talks about beliefs and idealisms of the feminist movement that seem to steer women of today toward believing that they can do without the man and that men are disposable. She addresses how we think we want to be independent of our men when we really should be learning how to love our men in an interdependent sort of relationship, I guess you could say.
She addresses the cloudliness that wives often have about how their husband are to make them happy and understanding him as a he-man accepting him as such and understanding the women as the she-man and not attempting to change the role of either. She addresses how men and women interact deal differently with discussing matters.
I must say I have in times past gotten in trouble in my marriage because of the things that I felt that my husband had to do and how he had to see things my way and the attitude of entitlement and wanting to correct him and so on and so on.
I feel that she does a wee bit of woman bashing but the empowerment that she speaks of to women is far more helpful than the small bit of negative things that she attributes to women. And furthmore on these issues one can choose to eat the fish and throw out the bone, so to speak.
To be honest, I've been on MB for a while. My attitude about my husband and my marriage has been negative. I was stuck in the rut of trying to make my H do this and that for me. I've gotten into LBing because I felt I had to correct him for this and that. I felt I couldn't accept him for who he was and saw him as wrong on most things. How in the world did I think I could fall in love with him again if I felt he was so wrong as an individual?
There has been a lot of confusion in my mind of what I really wanted from him. I put so much strain on myself trying to make him be as I thought he should be. And of course at times I thought I was hiding how I felt but could tell in the often unhappy frowns and frustration in his face that my motive and thoughts were quite transparent.
Anyway this book is one that I felt I had to sit back and do some introspection about to see if it really made sense to me. If you've read it, I'd like to know what you think about it.
Just a note, the book isn't perfect. There are some things that to me, are extreme. However those things are far less important than the positive things that Dr Laura mentions that are worth considering, for me that is.
Another point I forgot to mention. Dr Laura also talks about how a woman's roles change when they become mothers. She talks about how we forget about making ourselves attractive for our husbands and wanting them sexually (and showing it) and initiating and being a "girl" for him. I find the latter part particularly important. When my H was in the affairs with other women one of the things I read in his email with them is that they seemeed like boyfriend and girlfriend.
I had become my H's mother. I have always been the mothering type. But when my H had affaris on me I felt I had to become his mother to the fourth power. I felt he had done me so wrong. He was wrong and needed correcting. So I attempted to correct him in everything and in every way. I was never happy with him.
Part of that was my wanting to make him pay for what he did and the other part was my trying to control things so he didn't hurt me again. I'm not at all saying he was right (to cheat on me) or that I was wrong. However I'm saying that there were some things that I didn't really consider. I began reconsidering how I felt about taking on this role and letting go of it.
The title in my post is a book written by Dr Laura, the radio host. It gives her view of how women should take care of their husbands. I listened to the audio book and it actually is talking to wives who often find themselves unhappy in their marriage and wanting more. It addresses many of the negative influences that have contributed to the break down of marital relationships and thus the family that have to do with guess who? Women.
I thought, "Crud, another women save the world, be a good girl, do everyhting right type of thing, Good grief isn't there something in this freakin' world that women aren't responsible for!" Needless to say, I was hot at the title of the book but decided to take a look inside.
Much to my surprise the book wasn't what I thought although initially she seems to be steering that way. As I got into listening to the book I realized that Dr Laura made a' many
a good points that got me to thinking over my persepctive and focus. The book actually takes a load off.
She explains some of the counfusion that women have in expecting certain things from men that they may not be able to give because they see things differently. She tries to get us, ladies hipped to understanding and accepting that we may be stepping over our hubbies boundaries by trying to make them see things this way or that or in my case by trying to control them.
I'm relieved that she helps to break down where the misconception in male and female perspective may be, so we don't upset our pretty little heads all the time about everything that we think needs straightening with our husbands.
Dr Laura, feels that we are actually the ones that hold the ticket to making a marriage happy provided that our husband aren't abusive, narcisist (please excuse if misspelled) womanizing types, affair having and lingering-in types. And even in some situations of infidelity, she feels that a wife may be able to help a husband who has been in affairs come around.
She talks about beliefs and idealisms of the feminist movement that seem to steer women of today toward believing that they can do without the man and that men are disposable. She addresses how we think we want to be independent of our men when we really should be learning how to love our men in an interdependent sort of relationship, I guess you could say.
She addresses the cloudliness that wives often have about how their husband are to make them happy and understanding him as a he-man accepting him as such and understanding the women as the she-man and not attempting to change the role of either. She addresses how men and women interact deal differently with discussing matters.
I must say I have in times past gotten in trouble in my marriage because of the things that I felt that my husband had to do and how he had to see things my way and the attitude of entitlement and wanting to correct him and so on and so on.
I feel that she does a wee bit of woman bashing but the empowerment that she speaks of to women is far more helpful than the small bit of negative things that she attributes to women. And furthmore on these issues one can choose to eat the fish and throw out the bone, so to speak.
To be honest, I've been on MB for a while. My attitude about my husband and my marriage has been negative. I was stuck in the rut of trying to make my H do this and that for me. I've gotten into LBing because I felt I had to correct him for this and that. I felt I couldn't accept him for who he was and saw him as wrong on most things. How in the world did I think I could fall in love with him again if I felt he was so wrong as an individual?
There has been a lot of confusion in my mind of what I really wanted from him. I put so much strain on myself trying to make him be as I thought he should be. And of course at times I thought I was hiding how I felt but could tell in the often unhappy frowns and frustration in his face that my motive and thoughts were quite transparent.
Anyway this book is one that I felt I had to sit back and do some introspection about to see if it really made sense to me. If you've read it, I'd like to know what you think about it.
Just a note, the book isn't perfect. There are some things that to me, are extreme. However those things are far less important than the positive things that Dr Laura mentions that are worth considering, for me that is.
Another point I forgot to mention. Dr Laura also talks about how a woman's roles change when they become mothers. She talks about how we forget about making ourselves attractive for our husbands and wanting them sexually (and showing it) and initiating and being a "girl" for him. I find the latter part particularly important. When my H was in the affairs with other women one of the things I read in his email with them is that they seemeed like boyfriend and girlfriend.
I had become my H's mother. I have always been the mothering type. But when my H had affaris on me I felt I had to become his mother to the fourth power. I felt he had done me so wrong. He was wrong and needed correcting. So I attempted to correct him in everything and in every way. I was never happy with him.
Part of that was my wanting to make him pay for what he did and the other part was my trying to control things so he didn't hurt me again. I'm not at all saying he was right (to cheat on me) or that I was wrong. However I'm saying that there were some things that I didn't really consider. I began reconsidering how I felt about taking on this role and letting go of it.