dancer,
I posted this on the "marriage friendly workplace" thread....but I also wanted to share it with you:
I was responding to this post.
I have thought a lot about this as well. Everyone says EXPOSE TO THE WORKPLACE! I just don't get it, unless the waywards work together.
I imagine if I were having an affair and my H told my boss. He would probably be like- "oooookaaaay....." I mean, not because he agrees with my actions- but really, what is he supposed to do? It really is none of their business. BTW- I have never been a WP Just a scenario.
I believe exposure should be made to persons who have the ability to influence the end of the affair- not just to merely embarrass the WP- and that is really the only thing you can accomplish by exposing at work when the WP'S don't work together..JMO
liz,
I've been here a long time. I've seen workplace exposure work very well. Some bosses will say "ooooooookay"...but I know plenty of bosses who didn't. I've also seen it fall flat and even occasionally really backfire. Each person has to look at their situation and decide if will benefit their situation.
*editted to add: I believe it DOES benefit our community to expose these things....but I'm a little militant about these things. I'm a very strong marriage advocate....it's just who I am.
As you suspect....it works best when both affair partners are working at the same company, especially if one is in a subordinate role to the other and therefore exposing the company to harrassment charges. Even if they don't work together....some workplaces....like churches, religious schools, small family run businesses, or even large companies that have strict codes of conduct, or strict rules about using the computer/company phones for personal business will often take action. Exposure certainly does cause embarassment (but if someone is acting in such a way that they need to be embarassed if others find out...whose fault is that?). It definitely has a purpose however (embarassment is
not the purpose...it's the consequence)....the purpose is to put pressure on the affair by destroying the secrecy that feeds it and an environment that enables it.
As a marriage advocate....I think affairs are everyone's business. Infidelity and divorce are undermining the sanctity of the family, and the security of children in this country.....with long term effects. It's easier to look the other way. It's easier to say nothing.
That's why it's so easy to have an affair. I want to make it harder and more uncomfortable to leave spouses and children. I want to raise the consciousness level of people around me about this epidemic so that people don't become desentized or say "ooooooooookay".
Remember that famous case where that girl in New York got murdered in front of all those people and no one went to her assistance or called the cops? That's what's happened with infidelity.....and I'd like to see that change.
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There's no doubt it's a risk. Weigh your risks, but if you decide to expose or not expose....make it for the right reasons.
Good Luck <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />