I finally met the OM...and I was amused.(plus an update) - 10/12/06 08:50 AM
Hello all...
Maybe some here will remember me...but for those who are new, a short recap:
I met my WW at 17, moved in as a senior in HS, married at 23, supported her through some undergrad, moved to Philly in 2000 so she could attend Podiatry School, supported her throughoout that endeavor, moved from Philly to LA for her to attend her residency...where after a short 4 months in LA, "fell in love" with another resident, also married, plus had a child...
I moved back to Houston, filed for D on her in June of 05, D was final in Nov of 05 - I gave up in the D, I just wanted it finished. I haven't seen her since then despite the fact that I presently reside no more than two miles from her current residence - our original home, although I have bumped into her mother on a couple of occasions...
I was returning from Austin and swung through the town where her mother has her country home...I had a couple of remaining things in her barn, so I decided to drop in on her mom. I was expecting to see only her mother, as she generally doesn't visit all that often. Imagine my surprise when I saw her, and "met" her BF, aka the OM, upon arriving. I say "met" because I chose to not address him, in either a positive or negative way. As far as I am concerned, he is not worthy of even my acknowledgement. But I didn't react the way I thought I might, and haul off and hit the guy. I was actually in a bit of an amused mood, knowing what kind of crud befell them already, and how much more is in store for them in the future. I also noticed how much weight my ex had gained - all of the weight she lost during the D, and then some.
Now don't get me wrong, I am not saying I was happy that such things are happening to her, because I still do care for her, but simply because I no longer have to deal with all of the mess that her entire family seems to somehow find. The stories I have heard, both from her mother and through the grapvine, have more than convinced me that I am lucky to have had the out she so generously gave me, even if I could not see it at the time.
It was a bit liberating to see what could have become of my life had she not made that crucial mistake. I never realized how very unhappy I was back then. I guess until a person has a more proper frame of reference, one cannot properly guauge our states of mind. I never knew how much more life had to offer, until this event took place.
We chatted amicably about the animals and such things, I retrieved the items I had left behind in her mother's barn, and then, after chatting with her mother briefly, I departed...in quite a decent mood.
My life, although still not where I want it to be, has turned for the better since it all came tumbling down. I seek new experinces and have developed new dreams...ones that were never even a consideration before in my life. I read and search for new perspectives on every facet of my existence... I have a new desire to live, and a renewed passion for life. I have learned that life is NOW. That is all we have. And I had been wasting far too much of it planning for a future...one that didn't come. I have learned to balance work and play better (although I did go through a period of over-correction and almost played exclusively). I write now, which I never did before. I get so much pleasure from helping my friends and close acquaintences with insights, much of which I learned from the process of surviving the A...
I wanted to post this here so that others may see something from my example. When my d-day hit me, I was devastated. I couldn't imagine living without my WW. I was honestly a raging co-dependent. I even seriously contemplated suicide on two seperate occasions. But although the path was amazingly difficult, and there were times I thought I couldn't bare any more pain, I pulled through. And I sometimes think that there was no other way for me to pull myself out of the mindset I had developed. I needed something to shake me to my core, to break me down to nothing...so I could rebuild again properly.
I know I have not "arrived." My life is far from perfect now. But I feel so much better equipped in so many areas due to this experience. Things like interactions with friends, romantic relationships, business dealings, and most of all, my spirituality, have all been affected by this event.
I hope I may offer some solace to those here hurting tonight, and offer my love to you all. I wish to give each of you a kernel of hope...even if the unthinkable happens, there is life beyond your marriage.
It may even be better than you have ever known.
-TM
Maybe some here will remember me...but for those who are new, a short recap:
I met my WW at 17, moved in as a senior in HS, married at 23, supported her through some undergrad, moved to Philly in 2000 so she could attend Podiatry School, supported her throughoout that endeavor, moved from Philly to LA for her to attend her residency...where after a short 4 months in LA, "fell in love" with another resident, also married, plus had a child...
I moved back to Houston, filed for D on her in June of 05, D was final in Nov of 05 - I gave up in the D, I just wanted it finished. I haven't seen her since then despite the fact that I presently reside no more than two miles from her current residence - our original home, although I have bumped into her mother on a couple of occasions...
I was returning from Austin and swung through the town where her mother has her country home...I had a couple of remaining things in her barn, so I decided to drop in on her mom. I was expecting to see only her mother, as she generally doesn't visit all that often. Imagine my surprise when I saw her, and "met" her BF, aka the OM, upon arriving. I say "met" because I chose to not address him, in either a positive or negative way. As far as I am concerned, he is not worthy of even my acknowledgement. But I didn't react the way I thought I might, and haul off and hit the guy. I was actually in a bit of an amused mood, knowing what kind of crud befell them already, and how much more is in store for them in the future. I also noticed how much weight my ex had gained - all of the weight she lost during the D, and then some.
Now don't get me wrong, I am not saying I was happy that such things are happening to her, because I still do care for her, but simply because I no longer have to deal with all of the mess that her entire family seems to somehow find. The stories I have heard, both from her mother and through the grapvine, have more than convinced me that I am lucky to have had the out she so generously gave me, even if I could not see it at the time.
It was a bit liberating to see what could have become of my life had she not made that crucial mistake. I never realized how very unhappy I was back then. I guess until a person has a more proper frame of reference, one cannot properly guauge our states of mind. I never knew how much more life had to offer, until this event took place.
We chatted amicably about the animals and such things, I retrieved the items I had left behind in her mother's barn, and then, after chatting with her mother briefly, I departed...in quite a decent mood.
My life, although still not where I want it to be, has turned for the better since it all came tumbling down. I seek new experinces and have developed new dreams...ones that were never even a consideration before in my life. I read and search for new perspectives on every facet of my existence... I have a new desire to live, and a renewed passion for life. I have learned that life is NOW. That is all we have. And I had been wasting far too much of it planning for a future...one that didn't come. I have learned to balance work and play better (although I did go through a period of over-correction and almost played exclusively). I write now, which I never did before. I get so much pleasure from helping my friends and close acquaintences with insights, much of which I learned from the process of surviving the A...
I wanted to post this here so that others may see something from my example. When my d-day hit me, I was devastated. I couldn't imagine living without my WW. I was honestly a raging co-dependent. I even seriously contemplated suicide on two seperate occasions. But although the path was amazingly difficult, and there were times I thought I couldn't bare any more pain, I pulled through. And I sometimes think that there was no other way for me to pull myself out of the mindset I had developed. I needed something to shake me to my core, to break me down to nothing...so I could rebuild again properly.
I know I have not "arrived." My life is far from perfect now. But I feel so much better equipped in so many areas due to this experience. Things like interactions with friends, romantic relationships, business dealings, and most of all, my spirituality, have all been affected by this event.
I hope I may offer some solace to those here hurting tonight, and offer my love to you all. I wish to give each of you a kernel of hope...even if the unthinkable happens, there is life beyond your marriage.
It may even be better than you have ever known.
-TM