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Joined: Dec 2004
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Hello all...

Maybe some here will remember me...but for those who are new, a short recap:

I met my WW at 17, moved in as a senior in HS, married at 23, supported her through some undergrad, moved to Philly in 2000 so she could attend Podiatry School, supported her throughoout that endeavor, moved from Philly to LA for her to attend her residency...where after a short 4 months in LA, "fell in love" with another resident, also married, plus had a child...

I moved back to Houston, filed for D on her in June of 05, D was final in Nov of 05 - I gave up in the D, I just wanted it finished. I haven't seen her since then despite the fact that I presently reside no more than two miles from her current residence - our original home, although I have bumped into her mother on a couple of occasions...

I was returning from Austin and swung through the town where her mother has her country home...I had a couple of remaining things in her barn, so I decided to drop in on her mom. I was expecting to see only her mother, as she generally doesn't visit all that often. Imagine my surprise when I saw her, and "met" her BF, aka the OM, upon arriving. I say "met" because I chose to not address him, in either a positive or negative way. As far as I am concerned, he is not worthy of even my acknowledgement. But I didn't react the way I thought I might, and haul off and hit the guy. I was actually in a bit of an amused mood, knowing what kind of crud befell them already, and how much more is in store for them in the future. I also noticed how much weight my ex had gained - all of the weight she lost during the D, and then some.

Now don't get me wrong, I am not saying I was happy that such things are happening to her, because I still do care for her, but simply because I no longer have to deal with all of the mess that her entire family seems to somehow find. The stories I have heard, both from her mother and through the grapvine, have more than convinced me that I am lucky to have had the out she so generously gave me, even if I could not see it at the time.

It was a bit liberating to see what could have become of my life had she not made that crucial mistake. I never realized how very unhappy I was back then. I guess until a person has a more proper frame of reference, one cannot properly guauge our states of mind. I never knew how much more life had to offer, until this event took place.

We chatted amicably about the animals and such things, I retrieved the items I had left behind in her mother's barn, and then, after chatting with her mother briefly, I departed...in quite a decent mood.

My life, although still not where I want it to be, has turned for the better since it all came tumbling down. I seek new experinces and have developed new dreams...ones that were never even a consideration before in my life. I read and search for new perspectives on every facet of my existence... I have a new desire to live, and a renewed passion for life. I have learned that life is NOW. That is all we have. And I had been wasting far too much of it planning for a future...one that didn't come. I have learned to balance work and play better (although I did go through a period of over-correction and almost played exclusively). I write now, which I never did before. I get so much pleasure from helping my friends and close acquaintences with insights, much of which I learned from the process of surviving the A...

I wanted to post this here so that others may see something from my example. When my d-day hit me, I was devastated. I couldn't imagine living without my WW. I was honestly a raging co-dependent. I even seriously contemplated suicide on two seperate occasions. But although the path was amazingly difficult, and there were times I thought I couldn't bare any more pain, I pulled through. And I sometimes think that there was no other way for me to pull myself out of the mindset I had developed. I needed something to shake me to my core, to break me down to nothing...so I could rebuild again properly.

I know I have not "arrived." My life is far from perfect now. But I feel so much better equipped in so many areas due to this experience. Things like interactions with friends, romantic relationships, business dealings, and most of all, my spirituality, have all been affected by this event.

I hope I may offer some solace to those here hurting tonight, and offer my love to you all. I wish to give each of you a kernel of hope...even if the unthinkable happens, there is life beyond your marriage.

It may even be better than you have ever known.


-TM


BH (Me) 32, WW 38 no kids been together 14.5 yrs. married 9 D-day 12/5/04 D final 11/23/05, she got it all...I just wanted out. Done with her...selfishness is not a virtue
Joined: Mar 2003
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I've looked for an update from you. It sounds like you are doing well.
Are you still pursuing your education...and eventually med school? Or are you still running your business that keeps you traveling a lot?

Last edited by Trix; 10/12/06 09:23 AM.

Married 1976
Me:BS
Him:FWS
MB Weekend March 2003
2 S's: '77 & '80, 1 D: '82
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clap clap clap clap clap!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
for travellinman

may Grace continue to reign down on you....

ARKie....

Joined: May 2004
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Travellin,

So good to hear from you and about you.Sounds like life is getting back into perspective.

Congrats and pop in every once in a while and keep us updated.

PS I am sure your happiness absolutely killed her. Be prepared sometime,somewhere your ex will show up!


Divorced:
"Never shelter anyone from the realities of their decisions": Noodle

You believe easily what you hope for ernestly

Infidelity does not kill marriages, the lying does
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Hey TM

What a mature attitude you have ! And I am delighted you are so strong and happy.

I know what you mean about the problems of your XW has helping you. It may not sound very charitable but I feelsimilarly about OM in my sit.

He has just about shovelled whats left of his life into a sack since d-day and that has helped me cope with my loathing for him.

I can now foresee a day when I could hear he won the lottery and it wouldn't bother me.

Not yet though <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

May your blessings yet multiply, mate.


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If I had KNOWN that bobpure was gonna show... I would have written

SAINTS on BIKES
it's TRAVELLINMAN!!!!

ps mr bobpure...your story on your anniversary trip....
made me tear up...
it was one of the loveliest things I have ever read here...
I was honored that you shared it.....(but I was at work so I couldn't respond....then)

arkie

ARK^^

Last edited by ark^^; 10/12/06 09:40 AM.
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TM,

Very good! I hope I continue down the same road you are on. You have definitely come out on top!!


Standing in His Presence

FBS (me) (48)
FWW (41)
Married April 1993...
4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B))
Blessed by God more than I deserve
"If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"

Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
Joined: Dec 2004
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It definately good to hear from each of you. Thank you for the kind words and encouragement.

To answer some questions: I a presently still unearthing myself from a significant debt load, much of it due to the D, so I have decided to stay with my same ol' company for the forseeable future...although I am beginning to branch out into another arm of my profession - one that is much more profitable but eats up many weekend nights. It was where my passion truly lay, but I decided to give it up years ago so I could spend that time with my wife. Since that is no longer a constraint, I am quickly "gearing up" to start a new phase of my company.

I have also rekindled my love affair with music, albeit more of an electronic sort. I am officially a DJ, and my first public gig was about three weeks ago. Although I do not presently see this becoming a true vocation, it is a fun and rewarding avocation...and where my heart lies.

Med school is still in my future, potentially. I have yet to rule that one in or out. I am learning to let go of my worry for tomorrow, and simply accept things as the way the are...the way they had to be.

I have drawn inspiration and instruction from a myriad of sources, and have incorporated them into my persona. Many of you here have profoundly affected my progress...in a positive direction. I consider the selfless and loving work so many here spend so much time and effort doing, the absolute work of angels. Your love and good deeds get mutiplied further than you can ever imagine...

A quick aside regarding the OP's that we deal with: We must let go of that hatred. I know how easy it is to say, and how hard it is to do...but think about it - when you get angry/upset how many bad things occur in the body: Blood pressure rises, vessels constrict, heart rate increases, and you release cortisol (a damaging chemical) into your bloodstream. So in essence, someone's actions have caused us to feel upset, and we turn around and punish ourselves for their actions... Seems kinda foolish, don't it? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

A quick poem I wrote a few months back:

the path is littered
with the remnants of our shattered past.
but the past is the fertile ground
in which the lessons of today
sprout the promises of a new tomorrow.


-TM


BH (Me) 32, WW 38 no kids been together 14.5 yrs. married 9 D-day 12/5/04 D final 11/23/05, she got it all...I just wanted out. Done with her...selfishness is not a virtue

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