A new Valentine's Day tradition. - 02/11/07 02:44 PM
I'm a FWS, I ended the A in Sept 2003, my H had no idea about the A, but the guilt of keeping it from him about killed me. I confessed it to him in Dec 2004. Our marriage has improved and is better than I ever had expected marriage to be.
Our first Valentine's Day together was a nightmare. Now we just try to get through it w/o either of us bringing up that really bad day back in 1987. Since 87 we have always just viewed it as any other day.
What I would like to do this year is change how we feel about Valentine's Day and do something special for my H. I know I don't have much time for planning and I don't want to do the traditional dinner and candy. There is nothing A related that should cause him any triggers so that shouldn't be an obstacle.
Does anyone have any suggestions or really great ideas of things they have done? My first step will be to search for a card from the heart because I know he won't expect anything like that since I never buy him cards.
The reason I feel it's important to start something new is because he isn't in the same place I am in in recovery and overall happiness. I just started reading HNHR for the second time. It was the first book I read in 2003 after I ended the A. I can tell I'm doing something wrong lately, I can see it in his eyes. I asked him if he is in the same great place I am in and he admitted he is not.
I've been reading around here since Jan and I see where I am making some mistakes, not intentionally, but by becoming relaxed and comfortable because I am so happy.
Don't get me wrong, I know this isn't a cure all, but I do think it will be a nice thing to jump start things again.
Thanks everyone for your suggestions.
Our first Valentine's Day together was a nightmare. Now we just try to get through it w/o either of us bringing up that really bad day back in 1987. Since 87 we have always just viewed it as any other day.
What I would like to do this year is change how we feel about Valentine's Day and do something special for my H. I know I don't have much time for planning and I don't want to do the traditional dinner and candy. There is nothing A related that should cause him any triggers so that shouldn't be an obstacle.
Does anyone have any suggestions or really great ideas of things they have done? My first step will be to search for a card from the heart because I know he won't expect anything like that since I never buy him cards.
The reason I feel it's important to start something new is because he isn't in the same place I am in in recovery and overall happiness. I just started reading HNHR for the second time. It was the first book I read in 2003 after I ended the A. I can tell I'm doing something wrong lately, I can see it in his eyes. I asked him if he is in the same great place I am in and he admitted he is not.
I've been reading around here since Jan and I see where I am making some mistakes, not intentionally, but by becoming relaxed and comfortable because I am so happy.
Don't get me wrong, I know this isn't a cure all, but I do think it will be a nice thing to jump start things again.
Thanks everyone for your suggestions.