How long will WSs hang on to an A that has gone bad? Limited EN and multiple LB - 06/29/07 03:07 PM
Anybody have an opinion on how long waywards will put with having limited EN met and being LBed continually?
I've gone through the EN and tried to guess at what EN OW is meeting for WH.
1. Affection: - I'm assuming this one. I don't really think it is very consistant anymore but I imagine there is some. DDs say they still "kiss" like a peck but haven't "made out" in a while.
2. Sexual Fulfillment - <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Not as much as at the beginning I'm sure. Let's just say WH has some "issues" and an A can't fix it.
3. Conversation - I think this one is getting met to some degree. They talk about work, me and Bab's WH, etc. But I don't think they talk on a "deep" level about what is really going on inside them. WH told me as much around the beginning of the year (6 months into the A). "Even when she is there, I'm alone"
4. Physical Attractiveness - <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> I'm going to really assume this one. I think she is a dog but WH must have found something attractive about her.
The lovebusters (some EN of OW are actually LB for WH and vice versa):
1. Financial Support: Their finances are mostly split. They have separate sides of the refrigerator, etc. OW gets after WH if he spends too much of his own money. "You know we can't be spending money like that!"
2. Domestic Support: OW is obsessive compulsive when it comes to a clean house, car, etc. WH has to do dishes, vacuum, keep the house nice, etc. Bab's takes a rag with her when they get in the car so she can wipe it down each time. WH very seldom helped with housework when he was at home and when he did acted like he was doing ME a huge favor. I considered his domestic duties to be outside working on the vehicles when it was necessary and on rare occassions, would rake and mow the lawn.
3. Family Commitment: WH does NOT like Bab's son and Bab's does not like our DDs. Alot of tension and friction when kids are at WH house.
MIL birthday is today and WH had DDs yesterday so they took his mom out to dinner and bought her gifts. Bab's was invited but refused to go. WH mother has always been the epicenter of his life. For Bab's to be unwilling to go to her birthday dinner is HUGE.
4. Honesty and Openness: Ain't none of that going on.
5. Recreational Companionship: WH was always an outdoors kinda guy. Bab's is very much a city girl. Watches TV and does her nails, goes "out with the girls" sometimes.
6. Selfish Demands: All over the place! Bab's likes it her way and gets quite vocal if she does not agree.
7. Disrespectful Judgements: Bab's tells WH how to do things and what is the "right" way. Made him wash his hands again one day because she didn't hear the water running when he did it the first time. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />
8. Angry Outbursts: Yup, DDs have heard those too. Bab's and WH had a loud verbal disagreement and Bab's walked out saying "whatever" and slamming the door behind her. WH HATES slamming doors and the term "whatever", to him you might as well say "kiss off, buddy"
9. Annoying Habits: I'm sure they are there. I don't know what she does, but I know what he does that annoyed me and I'm pretty easy going. My house didn't have to be impeccable, her's does.
10. Independent Behavior: Yup, this is happening too. WH is trying to rebuild a motor in one of his trucks and because he does not have a garage, he goes to his buddy's house (which is out by mine) and Bab's does not go. WH is not welcome at Bab's sisters' homes so on the rare occassion that Bab's goes, she goes alone. Bab's is barely speaking to her sisters anymore. Her parents have both passed. WH attends all his kids performances, etc alone and Bab's attends all her son's games alone. Not that I want them to attend with each other, but in a real R that would eventually happen. Right now, that is time away from each other.
11. Dishonesty: Has to be happening. I don't know the details but I'm sure it is happening. I imagine one of them is over money. WH probably tries to hide when he spends money so Bab's doesn't get on him about it.
There are so many things that are bad in that R right now. I just wonder how long he will put up with it.
I'm not looking for specific dates on when my WH will have his eyes opened. I was just wondering, in general, how long a person in an A will stay there with these type of conditions. When the bad far outweigh the good, what keeps them hanging on?
Fox
I've gone through the EN and tried to guess at what EN OW is meeting for WH.
1. Affection: - I'm assuming this one. I don't really think it is very consistant anymore but I imagine there is some. DDs say they still "kiss" like a peck but haven't "made out" in a while.
2. Sexual Fulfillment - <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Not as much as at the beginning I'm sure. Let's just say WH has some "issues" and an A can't fix it.
3. Conversation - I think this one is getting met to some degree. They talk about work, me and Bab's WH, etc. But I don't think they talk on a "deep" level about what is really going on inside them. WH told me as much around the beginning of the year (6 months into the A). "Even when she is there, I'm alone"
4. Physical Attractiveness - <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> I'm going to really assume this one. I think she is a dog but WH must have found something attractive about her.
The lovebusters (some EN of OW are actually LB for WH and vice versa):
1. Financial Support: Their finances are mostly split. They have separate sides of the refrigerator, etc. OW gets after WH if he spends too much of his own money. "You know we can't be spending money like that!"
2. Domestic Support: OW is obsessive compulsive when it comes to a clean house, car, etc. WH has to do dishes, vacuum, keep the house nice, etc. Bab's takes a rag with her when they get in the car so she can wipe it down each time. WH very seldom helped with housework when he was at home and when he did acted like he was doing ME a huge favor. I considered his domestic duties to be outside working on the vehicles when it was necessary and on rare occassions, would rake and mow the lawn.
3. Family Commitment: WH does NOT like Bab's son and Bab's does not like our DDs. Alot of tension and friction when kids are at WH house.
MIL birthday is today and WH had DDs yesterday so they took his mom out to dinner and bought her gifts. Bab's was invited but refused to go. WH mother has always been the epicenter of his life. For Bab's to be unwilling to go to her birthday dinner is HUGE.
4. Honesty and Openness: Ain't none of that going on.
5. Recreational Companionship: WH was always an outdoors kinda guy. Bab's is very much a city girl. Watches TV and does her nails, goes "out with the girls" sometimes.
6. Selfish Demands: All over the place! Bab's likes it her way and gets quite vocal if she does not agree.
7. Disrespectful Judgements: Bab's tells WH how to do things and what is the "right" way. Made him wash his hands again one day because she didn't hear the water running when he did it the first time. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />
8. Angry Outbursts: Yup, DDs have heard those too. Bab's and WH had a loud verbal disagreement and Bab's walked out saying "whatever" and slamming the door behind her. WH HATES slamming doors and the term "whatever", to him you might as well say "kiss off, buddy"
9. Annoying Habits: I'm sure they are there. I don't know what she does, but I know what he does that annoyed me and I'm pretty easy going. My house didn't have to be impeccable, her's does.
10. Independent Behavior: Yup, this is happening too. WH is trying to rebuild a motor in one of his trucks and because he does not have a garage, he goes to his buddy's house (which is out by mine) and Bab's does not go. WH is not welcome at Bab's sisters' homes so on the rare occassion that Bab's goes, she goes alone. Bab's is barely speaking to her sisters anymore. Her parents have both passed. WH attends all his kids performances, etc alone and Bab's attends all her son's games alone. Not that I want them to attend with each other, but in a real R that would eventually happen. Right now, that is time away from each other.
11. Dishonesty: Has to be happening. I don't know the details but I'm sure it is happening. I imagine one of them is over money. WH probably tries to hide when he spends money so Bab's doesn't get on him about it.
There are so many things that are bad in that R right now. I just wonder how long he will put up with it.
I'm not looking for specific dates on when my WH will have his eyes opened. I was just wondering, in general, how long a person in an A will stay there with these type of conditions. When the bad far outweigh the good, what keeps them hanging on?
Fox