Anybody have an opinion on how long waywards will put with having limited EN met and being LBed continually?

I've gone through the EN and tried to guess at what EN OW is meeting for WH.

1. Affection: - I'm assuming this one. I don't really think it is very consistant anymore but I imagine there is some. DDs say they still "kiss" like a peck but haven't "made out" in a while.

2. Sexual Fulfillment - <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Not as much as at the beginning I'm sure. Let's just say WH has some "issues" and an A can't fix it.

3. Conversation - I think this one is getting met to some degree. They talk about work, me and Bab's WH, etc. But I don't think they talk on a "deep" level about what is really going on inside them. WH told me as much around the beginning of the year (6 months into the A). "Even when she is there, I'm alone"

4. Physical Attractiveness - <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> I'm going to really assume this one. I think she is a dog but WH must have found something attractive about her.

The lovebusters (some EN of OW are actually LB for WH and vice versa):

1. Financial Support: Their finances are mostly split. They have separate sides of the refrigerator, etc. OW gets after WH if he spends too much of his own money. "You know we can't be spending money like that!"

2. Domestic Support: OW is obsessive compulsive when it comes to a clean house, car, etc. WH has to do dishes, vacuum, keep the house nice, etc. Bab's takes a rag with her when they get in the car so she can wipe it down each time. WH very seldom helped with housework when he was at home and when he did acted like he was doing ME a huge favor. I considered his domestic duties to be outside working on the vehicles when it was necessary and on rare occassions, would rake and mow the lawn.

3. Family Commitment: WH does NOT like Bab's son and Bab's does not like our DDs. Alot of tension and friction when kids are at WH house.

MIL birthday is today and WH had DDs yesterday so they took his mom out to dinner and bought her gifts. Bab's was invited but refused to go. WH mother has always been the epicenter of his life. For Bab's to be unwilling to go to her birthday dinner is HUGE.

4. Honesty and Openness: Ain't none of that going on.

5. Recreational Companionship: WH was always an outdoors kinda guy. Bab's is very much a city girl. Watches TV and does her nails, goes "out with the girls" sometimes.


6. Selfish Demands: All over the place! Bab's likes it her way and gets quite vocal if she does not agree.

7. Disrespectful Judgements: Bab's tells WH how to do things and what is the "right" way. Made him wash his hands again one day because she didn't hear the water running when he did it the first time. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

8. Angry Outbursts: Yup, DDs have heard those too. Bab's and WH had a loud verbal disagreement and Bab's walked out saying "whatever" and slamming the door behind her. WH HATES slamming doors and the term "whatever", to him you might as well say "kiss off, buddy"

9. Annoying Habits: I'm sure they are there. I don't know what she does, but I know what he does that annoyed me and I'm pretty easy going. My house didn't have to be impeccable, her's does.

10. Independent Behavior: Yup, this is happening too. WH is trying to rebuild a motor in one of his trucks and because he does not have a garage, he goes to his buddy's house (which is out by mine) and Bab's does not go. WH is not welcome at Bab's sisters' homes so on the rare occassion that Bab's goes, she goes alone. Bab's is barely speaking to her sisters anymore. Her parents have both passed. WH attends all his kids performances, etc alone and Bab's attends all her son's games alone. Not that I want them to attend with each other, but in a real R that would eventually happen. Right now, that is time away from each other.

11. Dishonesty: Has to be happening. I don't know the details but I'm sure it is happening. I imagine one of them is over money. WH probably tries to hide when he spends money so Bab's doesn't get on him about it.

There are so many things that are bad in that R right now. I just wonder how long he will put up with it.

I'm not looking for specific dates on when my WH will have his eyes opened. I was just wondering, in general, how long a person in an A will stay there with these type of conditions. When the bad far outweigh the good, what keeps them hanging on?

Fox

Pride. Pure, unadulterated pride.

Look at what WS had to "give up" to be with his "soulmate". <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

WS could NOT have made a bad choice. WS will stick it out until the complete destruction of the A. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

He can not be wrong! He has to prove that to EVERYONE (most expecially himself)! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Sounds like a solid relationship, for those who don't really want a relationship.

My opinion, they are going to implode, at some point, and you may only actually hear a thud, due to the lack of enthusiasm to even fight about the breakup. They may both just be relieved to be rid of each other.

The whole thing about Independent Behavior==mine and PWC's kryptonite. We both are guilty of this. We separated our lives after DS was born, because we were too [email]d@mned[/email] lazy to fight to find a good babysitter, or even talk about it. Death to a relationship.

I ditto walkingthefield.

After everything he has done and put his family through,
he couldn't possibly have been sooo wrong.....could he? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />
And even if he is wrong you don't think he is going to admit it do you? Especially not to himself <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />
That would mean looking at what is real and what is FANTASY!

MyBad

This is about as well as I have seen this belief written. I concur 110%.

That's a darned good question. My XH is in a R that began after we split, but it has a lot of the earmarks of an A except the secrecy part. I knew about it from the start, and I had a post-M R too, but I ended it.

My XH's GF lived off him for more than a year, she didn't work, no DS (my kids said the place was always filthy, yet she was home all day), no FS, XH complained to me about her kids and their issues, he was in the financial toilet all year (the NSF notices still get mailed to my house!)... then in April after a 6-week trip "back home" when she left but her kids remained with my XH for that whole time, she announced upon her return that she and her kids were moving back - and they did 2 weeks later.

But they're still "together" whatever that means, and he's about to leave next week (I think) on a vacation to see her.

I don't get it either.

I approached reconciliation with XH before the divorce, but the new GF was still warm and fuzzy to him, so he tried to eat cake for a while but I put a stop to that.

I approached reconciliation with him just last week and he said, "Unlikely" (I told him that if he felt it was "never in a million years" he could tell me - but he didn't say that... just "Unlikely")... and he's not going to move out there to be with her, because I asked him and for him, leaving his kids isn't an option.

So he *knows* he's at a dead end, but he's still hanging on.

It baffles the heck out of me.

JinGA