Has anyone on this site had suspicions of infidelity, especially women, of their husband?

I am reading and educating myself as quickly as I can from the info on this site.

I know this is a general question, but I would like to find out if their are other folks whom have suspected their H or W cheating, and in fact, they found out they were not?

How the heck can I find out?

I posted similar question on the Just found out section.

There doesn't seem to be a way for me, in my situation, to REALLY KNOW.

The couseling we have doen opend up the lines of communication.

My H seesm to really love me, need me, and want me.
\But, as I have learned from reading other posts here and other forums, a spouse can have an affair EVEN when they love their SO....


Help anybody. I am sick most of the time. I am doing the best I can to try to be this happy person, fulfill his emotional needs, tell him what my needs are, not be depressed, so he wants to be with me...all the advice I have read.

But I can't take this uncertainty.

I saw where you were planning on putting a recorder in his vehicle. Did you do that?

Sadly, suspicions are usually comfirmed. I keep hoping, in case after case that nothing is going one, but there usually is. Its amazing how gut feelings can be trusted.

I chickened out. I wish I could just go to radio shack and buy the recorder and put it in. It will be difficult to actually do this, he is a very light sleeper, and seems to be "looking" or be aware that I am going to monitor im.

he really is on his cell, not the home phone....
And then we have a good weekend, we talk, he is VERY re-assuring, loving, caring, and I lose my nerve.

Like I have said, I believe, after finding this site a few mos ago, and educating myself, he went thru the withdrawal about 9 mos to a year ago. This is based on the description of that process from this website.

I have been petrified for the past couple of years, very insecure, very down on myself, and too worried about what makes HIM happy.

I also don't make enough $ to keep my house, or even my vehicle...I have an awful job, I have been putting a lot of effort to find a new one, and having my M be so full of stress, and my worklife, at the same time, ahs been very very hard for me to deal with.

I have confiede in a couple of friends/siblings, and they say maybe I am being insecure.

sled, I have found from personal experience and from being on this forum for years, that gut instincts about this kind of thing are almost always right. In fact, I can't think of a single case where they WEREN'T.

That doesn't mean yours is, but I would encourage you to INVESTIGATE your feelings so you can rule it in or out.

Ways to find out would be to check cell phone bills, place GPS on his car, check his computer, etc.

GPS...His job takes him ALL OVER THE PLACE....HE HAS NO "SCHEDULE"
HIS CELL IS CO. ISSUED (I do check the rec'd calls...but he has like over 110 customers! No way for me to research all the no's.

He isn't on our home pc...unless he is sneaking home during the day...I haven't checked the history all that much because of that.

How do I find out, if it was a while ago, and he isn't involved anymore?

I am calling my dr. because my IBS is full-on and I am sick all the time.

Please, any more suggestions or advice?

Did you put a recorder in his vehicle?

I'm sorry that you're feeling so unwell. You wrote that a few years ago his attitude towards you changed, that he removed his wedding ring, etc.

Is that attitude still continuing? What is the current status of your interactions with each other?

God thank you for replying so fast. I am drowning.

He put his ring back on about 4-5 mos ago.

He stopped wearing it (he told me, I did not notice at the time) around March 2005, I "noticed" around August last year or so..

No I did not put the recorder in his vehicle. I don't know where I should stick it, so it will work, and he won't find it.

Last year, August 5th to be exact, he told me he was sick of being married to me. Prior to that, our sex life was about 1-2 times per week, generally O.K., he was very distant, depressed....

I strated to get my courage back last fall, and told him WE had a problem, and we have been making progress as a couple ever since.

He spent from (this is an estimate) mid 2004 to last fall, 2006, in this moody phase.

He only started working out about 1 mo ago, with me.God he SEEMS SO GUILTY, LIKE HE WANTS TO TELL ME.

But, he is very patient, loving, holds me looks me in the eye, says he has NEVER BEEN UN-FAITHFUL.

Funny thing is, I only came to the conclusion (suspicion) that he possibly had an affair the beginning of April of this year.

At that time, I started "adding up" all the behavior:

Stopped wearing his ring, and for 19 years he wore it all the time
Treated my like crap...from roughly mid 2004 to fall 2006
and picked on me for stupid things

Sex, during that time felt "mechanical"

Did I say he was depressed, and moody?

Now, again,

No phone calls/hang-ups
He isn't/wasn't out at night, or, late from work
No lipstick on his collar
No weird cc charges, or receipts or any "signs" like that.

Anyone have exp. with the tape recorder in a vehicle things?

Take a deep breath and calm down, okay?

This isn't a sprint, it's a marathon. So, keep some perspective about it. You're in a good place in that he has made moves back toward you and into the marriage, regardless of what may have occurred earlier. I'm not excusing or downplaying his possible infidelity, I just want you to recognize the positives you have going right now.

Do you work full time or are you free to do and go during the day?

Yes..,need advice on how to actually put a tape recorder in a 2006 Ford ranger extended cab.I need somehting that won't click off, or make a noise so he finds it.

Obviously, I have been questioning my H since april on whether or not he has cheated...and, I have good days and bad days.

Good days, I am confident, I am happy, I laugh.

Bad days (when he comes home depressed, moody) I am full of insecurity again, and I "gently" bring up the subject.

He REPEATEDLY says he hasn't ever strayed. Oh my god, I have to do something.In the past, over the years, when I have "accused" him of something, he usually gets really mad.
Not so with this situation, which is so weird.

I actually am considering checking myself into the looney bin to deal with my feelings.

I work full time, but I have some latitude in my day...

But he has a service route, changes with the wind, almost impossible for me to follow him.

And, I have no $ for a PI. Or, have any close friends that can follow him, or I would have done that.

I am trying to calm down...

I feel like such a fool. I should of had some courage 2 years ago, when he was in his "fog" or what have you, and made a stand then.

I am such a wimp.

If you feel that you are that close to the edge, do you have a physician or counselor you can talk to today?

I couldn't tell whether or not you had answered the question on whether or not you are free during the day?

I am very atrractive for my age, thank god I have kept in great shape.

We have some good hobbies together, he is home every night, and, in the past couple of mos recoginzes that I am alive, and I have needs too.

He actually says that my suspicions are my hormones, or my lack thereof.

(Yes, I started menopause about 2 1/2 yrs ago).,-

Is it possible to meet him during the day for lunch on occasion?

Have you ever gone by his place of business, do you know his coworkers?

He is on the road....big territory. No way for me to check up on him, or stop by...

All his co-workers (for the most part) are other guys, who will IN NO WAY give me any info.

A couple of them are probubly cheaters themselves.

I am sure, though, that he has confided in somebody.

Any advice on how to put in the tape recorder? Or advice on how I should proceed, based on the info I have given?

Woohoo! menopause-I "feel" you there. Chemo put me into "abrupt menopause" and because I had breast cancer, I can't take any of the hormones (even natural ones) to help with those wonderful "personal tropical vacations". I am trying some other natural remedies, but so far...I'm glad we are having a rainy week here (not typical this time of year).

Have you been to your Dr. about that? If so, did your Dr. tell you that being suspicious of your H's change in behavior was a side effect of fluctuating hormones?

It's a nice excuse for your H to use but I don't buy it. When I was researching the side effects of menopause, what I found out was it causes physical symptoms, and some brain fuzziness (like not being able to remember someone's name or information that usually you could recall) but not suspiciousness. Isn't that PMS?

Just MHO.

I'll have to defer to others regarding the recorder since I have no experience or knowledge of them.

As to how to proceed, I do have a suggestion or two.

Right now, asking him whether or not he is/has had an affair accomplishes little. You've asked several times and you didn't get anything helpful in response. So, I would stop asking.

Also, when he comes home and he's moody, don't make it about you or a possible affair. Dealing with the public every day in large quantities is more than enough to make someone down. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Make home a welcome place for him. Don't hit him with affair talk if he's cranky when he walks in the door - tell him you're glad he's home and pet on him some.

Is he open to marriage counseling?

Check out this thread...lots of good ideas in there.

Spying 101

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...part=1&vc=1

SB, I've done the recorder in the car. I bought it at Radio Shack, about 80 bucks. Its digital, voice activated- doesnt make any noise turning on/off.

I put it under the passenger seat- velcro'd it so it wouldnt slip or slide forward incase of a quick stop.

It does pick up every noise though, so if a radio is on, it will pick that up- but most people turn a radio down when on the cell. Because it picks up every sound- it tends to run constantly in the car, which burns thru batteries.

Some people have suggested using the little mic that comes with it and running it up the steering column- but I would be concerned it would be seen..

But if there is something to hear, and your H is in his vehicle alot, it wont take long to hear at least his side of a conversation.

When I was putting it in the car- I had to ask myself- what has brought me to this place in my 22 year marriage that I would feel the need to do that.

Like you- no other signs at all- and in our business, he talks to ALOT of people- male/female ( at least 2500-3000 mins a month) so looking at cell bills wouldnt normally be odd to see several calls to same number etc. He's very friendly and my concern was someone taking that friendliness the wrong way- and him not nipping it , because it is a stroke to our egos to have someone who doesnt know our "baggage" or our "moody side" listen to us about things spouses have heard for years....

Plus my gut was talking to me. ( Also, a listen to his voice message from a particular client, that was I believed inappropriate at best.)

Anyway, a voice recorder is quick, cheap but get ready for what you may hear.

Must chip in here, as I am going through peri-menopause myself. I believe my meno was prompted by the shock of my H's affair last year, although I think I had been having some vague meno symptoms for some time (I had a hysterectomy at quite a young age). One of these symptoms is what I can only describe as 'brain fog'. The mood swings are horrendous - one minute fine, the next crying constantly. And I then all the affair thoughts come back to the surface again, making me sink even further. Although suspicion may not be a sign of the meno, it's during these moments that I start to get a little anxious again that something could start up, although I know, in my rational brain, that it wouldn't.

So, it's not as far-fetched as it sounds, but I agree that sometimes men can put anything down to hormones. Luckily, my H came out of his fog fairly quickly, and he's being an absolute rock at the moment.

[color:"red"]Here's where I hang out[/color] to get support on the menopausal stuff.

Thank you guys, so so much. I am picking up the DAR right after work. The velcro is a great idea...

I stopped asking him IF he had an affair a few weeks ago...your absolutely right that is a waste of time.

Why it took me so long to come to that conclusion? Its funny, but I had been doing the part of plan A where you try to be cheery, don't do the Love buters, be all supportive, show them that great side of yourself they fell in love with..


God, that is SOOO HARD.One of the reasons I have been dragging my feet about taping him is just that...I HAVE come to a place now where I feel I can handle hearing the worst.

Why did I wait? He treated me like crap for over 2 years...looking back, after reading all the info on this site, he obviously was "mourning" a loss of some kind...geez the signs were right there, in my face.

I guess that I firmly believed that it would never happen to us...I pray to god, all day long, to be able to GET THE TRUTH OUT, AND MOVE FORWARD WITH THE NEXT PHASE. How can we, as a couple, do that, when he won't come clean about having an affair?

I don't know who she is, what she looks like, what they did together, if she is younger, prettier THAN ME...I KNOW YOU FOLKS UNDERSTAND THAT.

FOR THE PAST 3-4 MOS OR SO, HE HAS BEEN NICER, MORE ATTENTIVE, HELPFUL, THAN AT ANY OTHER TIME IN OUR MARRIAGE.

For 2 years I walked around "wounded" and allowed him to blame me for how our mariage was. I don't care what I did or didn't do, there is NEVER a reason to commit adultery. The counselor, well, you guys would be shocked at how her advice is so different than Dr. Hanley's.

I was buying into a lot of her advice and statements, and I absolutely do not now.

What a waste of time.

Someone on here asked me if HE wants counseling...he brought it up, but basically said he would go under "duress". So I went alone.

Now, he seems to be concerned about where MY attention is. I am not doing turnabout, but maybe he did wake up from his fog, and realized that if he cheated, there is a possibility that I would.

I think he was having the affair before he changed his job within his co. I believe, that part of the terrible "stress" he was going thru was the guilt of an affair. Not just his job.

Pray for me, and I will pray for all of you.

I am having a lot of anxiety about taping him, but that seems to be (right now, anyway) the only way I can get some info.

Thank you to everyone who posted to me.

I fired my counselor yesterday. This site (and I literally just joined) has done more for me in that short time, than the therapist has in 6 mos.

Sled,

Do you think he is having an A now, or do you think he had one and it is now over?

This thread seemed to jump pretty quickly to get a recording device.

I ask because if you think its over, the risk/reward potential of a hidden recorder is pretty poor. Others can correct me if I'm wrong, but I think its a long shot that someone who has already ended an A is going to be chatting about it.

If you suspect an A continues, then by all means, use the recorder.

I'm not trying to rain on the parade, your suspicions are probably right. I'm just saying your suspicions seem to be he had an A. Using a recorder is great for catching someone actively in an A. I can think of better MB techniques for dealing with someone had an A.

I honestly don't know if it ended...But I believe it has. After reading the info on this site, and the ay an A generally progresses, I get the impression that he had his grieving phase last fall, into early this spring.

But, maybe he is doing a much better job of concealing...

Also, if in fact he isn't anymore, but did, he tends to discuss a lot of our life with a couple friends he has, and I will most certainly hear him refer to it.

I am not o.k. and cannot live on with this man if he has had a A.

That simpke.

If he did, and he is petrified to come clean (yes, he needs me and loves me)that isn't the point.

I cannot and do not want to stay married to him. Because, I believe that if he has had an A, when things get hard for us, and they most certainly will at some point, I believe he will cheat again.

he is very ego-tistical, selfish, self centered, I am getting older, and I am in the process of getting my finances in order.

If I do get some proof, I will INSIST ON HIM COMING CLEAN, AND i WILL GO TO PLAN B.

But, I have been doing a lot of soul searching. I honestly love this man, but I do not want to stay married to this cheater. Plain and simple.

We had a deal....we PROMISED NEVER TO HAVE AFFAIRS...WE PROMISED EACH OTHER THAT HONESTY THING DR. HANLEY TALKS ABOUT. HE IS THE ONE WHO WANTED THAT HONESTY, JUST LIKE ME.

HE WILL NEVER RESPECT ME IF A STAY WITH HIM IF HE HAS CHEATED. NEVER. I DESERVE BETTER. AND, IF I NEED TO BE ALONE, SO BE IT.

"HE WILL NEVER RESPECT ME IF A STAY WITH HIM IF HE HAS CHEATED. NEVER. I DESERVE BETTER. AND, IF I NEED TO BE ALONE, SO BE IT. "

That is not necessarily true. There are lots of recovered folks here who have a marriage that is much better than before.

Believer, I see that clearly.

I have been living this nightmare for a long time. Not the same as others, but....

I won't have respect for ME if I stay married.

This was something we talked about alot in our marriage.

I (at this time, and possibly for the long haul) do not have it in me to forgive him.

I would rather not be married. Really. I have thought about this....the last few months have been an awakening for me.

I have never been the tyoe of gal who really gave a crap about the opposite sex.

I work in construction, and have been in a mans job for years. I am around them all day, day in and day out.

Sad to say, I have lost a huge amount of respect and compassion for the opposite sex. At leats the ones I know and work with.

I have had enough of their shenanigans.

Big part of the reason I am looking for other work.

You have the right to divorce him if he has cheated and broken his vows. Most folks here will support you if that is what you choose.

I am a project manager in construction and work with 10 engineers and hundreds of men. While there are some men that are losers, there are many more who are good decent men.

How has the marriage been in other ways?

Okay, so your plan is to catch him, call him a dirty rotten scoundral and then leave him.

Not exactly in-line with the whole marriage building theme, but its your choice.

We, or so I thought, wrre soul mates. The couple that all the other couples hold up a s the example of a great marriage.

Have many hobbies together, like best friends (again, or so I thought).

Now, I envision the scenario going much differently than the description above.

If I have alover or husband, I have to be able to trust them..
This man of mine was addicted to porn for most of our relationship. Lied about it forever.

Did all the nasty atuff....internet, magazines, vids, phone sex, peep shows..every freakin' day.

After all of that, him promising to stop (yes,it had a very bad effect on our marriage)

I have had enough. I am done. It has taken me a long to get here.

I want more. I want to trust him. I don't see how I ever will.

Somethings you cannot fix, or forget.

No, I will ask him to leave (no way I am giving up my home...I will take 2 more jobs if I have to).

I will have a period of cooling off time for both of us.

Then, we shall see.

Right now, this is how I feel.

Maybe, that will change.

Time for me to do right by ME.
No crying, yelling, screaming.

I want some peace in my life. I have a wondeful grandson and daughter I love very much.

That is where I am putting my effort right now.

I know there are many good men out there. I run a construction company, most of my employees are laborers...

To be truthful, I am glad their SO's cannot hear what MOST of them say...I am not here on this site to trash men.

But, both my bosses cheat on their wives, and, so far, all but a couple of my workers have cheated. I see it, and, unfortunately for me, I have been in some very awkward situations because of it.

I believe that the "trades" attract a certain type. If you are working with "skilled" or "educated" employees, then they obviously have more class than the bunch I have to deal with.

One of the criteria I read about for a "potential" cheater is being a "thrill seeker" and some of the more dangerous jobs out there attract that type.

Just happens to be a common factor in those types of businesses.

Maybe I haven't done an adequate job of mapping out the last 3-4 yrs of my marriage, but I spent most of that time NOT THINKING MY H WAS HAVING AN A.

I "woke up" about 4 mos ago.

I am sure I just was kidding myself.

What you folks are reading is just about every thought and emotion I am having, and have had.

It all comes crashing down, and it can be over-whelming.

I am taking the advice and doing the 180 thing right now....so very very hard. Oh god, I love him soooo much. I am sooo crushed.

If I don't make a stone of my heart right now, I will fall apart and commit myself.

My daughter needs me, my grandson needs me, I am their support system. I can't be in this frame of mind anymore.

I wish with all my heart that I found this site (I posted on another one back in August of last year, the day after my H told me he was sick of being married to me, and call me "Absolutely worthless"

How the ****** do you say something like that to someone who has been by your side, thru thick and thin, for almost 23 years?

And, I kissed his butt.And accepted all the blame. I am a little slow to catch on, I think.

We always suggest that you take some time to decide whether or not you want to work on the marriage. Some people do, some don't. But you need to carefully consider everything.

But first, you need to do a little snooping and see what you find out.

Thank you believer. I messed up big time over the weekend and asked him to give me a call (we have 2-way function on our phones...mine thru work, and his thru his work)

I noticed (again, I am slow to pick up on things) that I almost NEVER hear from him after luch, and I can't get him on the phone (says user co, which generally means his phone is off)

Big mistake I see now. And, I tried reaching oot to him. I told him about my "emotional" needs.

Actually, it is that very subject that I so wimpely addressed last August, that turned into a fight, with him telling me the problem is all in my head, that he is sick of being married to me, and that I am "Absolutely worthless".

And, I backed right down then, cried, and begged him to love me. I am so utterly disgusted with that. I mistakenly thought that by kissing his butt, and doing vereything HE WANTED, giving in to things HE WANTED...that it would solve our problems.

My self-esteem was so un-believeable low at tht time, I retreated, was completely broken...add to the fact that I work for 2 men who are abusive to us here at work...

Yes, I am doing the beat I can to find other employment.

Self-esteem is a difficult thing to lose, and even harder to get back.

Am I scared? You bet ya. The thought of just putting that tape recorder in his truck is making me scared wiless.

But, I have to hear what he is up to...and this guy LOVES the sound of his own voice. Talsk and talks all freakin' day.

Funny, the thing I found attractive abut him when we met, amkes me disgusted now.

Thank you for your posts.

I don't know what I would do without this forum right now.

Please read my post about my up-coming 20th anniversary....no one is answering it. I need some help there getting past that date.

sledbabe,

IMHO, you need to know what it is that you are dealing with before you decide what you are going to do.

So many of us BS really, truly believed that it would be curtains for our marriage if our spouse cheated. Well, the fact is that most marriages where there has been an affair do not end. I, surprised myself by sticking around to try and recover the marriage.

It has been the most difficult thing that I have ever done and I still don't know, after nearly four years if we will completely recover and stay together.

But, at this point, I don't believe anymore that trying has been a waste of time. Mind you, I have not always felt that way.

For all of the similarities that you see here, you have to remember that each one of us and each one of our WS are indivduals and there are some unique circumstances.

If you confirm that your H has, or is still having an affair you certainly will be justified in simply ending your marriage and I agree that no one here will fault you for doing so. I think, however, if your H were to come clean, be completely remorseful, search within himself to figure out why he did it, and be willing to do the heavy lifting in recovery, you might decide to give it a try.

Please don't let this be about your own self esteem and respecting yourself. SOmeone here once advised another poster to not divorce until she could do so with no more emotion than buying a loaf of bread.

Right now, you are suffering because you don't know what you don't know and in many ways that is worse that knowing.

Who

Sled - What you decide to do is up to you.

My point was to consider what's your objective and what's the best way to achieve that given the circumstances.

If what you want is a loving, happy, open and honest marriage, then their are certain things you can do. If you want to find out what your spouse is up to, their are other things you can do. If you want to find out what they've done in the past, then again there are other things you can do.

I wouldn't worry about your 20th anniversary just yet. Get your snooping done. Have you got a recorder yet? Do you have access to his vehicle when he is not around? I have heard of taping them up under the dashboard if there is room, or under the seat.

Thank you who, rp, and believer.

I agree. The first thing I am doing when I get out of work here is buy the recorder, then go to Kmart and get some two-sided velcro.

He is oddly watching me. I have not said any thing to him about "monitoring" him, but he has been nosey...probubly because I have pulled bcak, like the advice in the 180 piece. And, that seems to have gotten his attention.

He has been extra lovey-dovey, extra nice (washed the pots after dinner last nite ?) started laundry....god he is so transparent. This is a guy who NEVER lifts a finger to help.

I turend down so many offers in the last year or 2 to "socialize" and such, thinking if I was around, he would almost surely come right home for work...thinking it would make it all the more difficult for him to see "her".

Now, I realize, that it hurt me more. I could have been busy cultivating my own friendships, and interests, instead of alsways being some damn available to him.

It's going to be hard to get that recorder in his truck...he hears EVERYTHING. That is one of the big reasons I think he has strayed...he is always checking our bank account, checking the atm withdrawals...he has never actually accused me of anything, but he must have realized maybe what is good for the goose..yadayada

Sledbabe,

Shopping list:

Digital recorder (small)
Velcro patches (one side is sticky the other is velcro)
Lots of batteries!
(Optional) Lavelier or Lapel microphone

Cut strips of velcro to attach to the recorder and the area where the recorder will be placed.

I choose under the dash on the drivers side. I then took the lapel mic and ran it up the cracks of the dash, and attached with a drop of super glue on the steering colum, behind the steering wheel (It's still there 3 years later).

The mic is not required, but definately helps with audio quality. The mic are also not as easy to find as they recorders. I bought all my stuff of the web, and used my office as a delievery location.

You will need to change batteries daily. The recorders are small, which means so are the batteries (AAA). Their life span is very limited, and your H drives alot so you may not make it thru an entire day.

You might find a recorder that is slightly bigger, which tyipcally means cheaper also. The big advantage to these might be it holds 2 or more AAA or possibly AA batteries. Take advantage of that, as long as the recorder has enough memory to support an entire days work.

Make yourself very familiar with the operation and the setting of the recorder. Obviously the voice activation feature is a must for your needs.

My experience has been, the recorders also have quality settings. So if a recorder boasts 16 hours of record time. That is on the lowest possible quality setting.

It might cost a few bucks more, but office depot and stores like that normally have a large selection of recorders and mics for dictation/transcription work.

Let me know if you need help,

-JKT

JKT...I found a good digital one at Radio Shack ($40.00! on sale!)yesterday...Now, I am not going the route of the external mic. And, I did not have enough time last nite to get it set-up and aquaint myself with all the features.

I tested it...put it under the lounger (down at my pool, which is a ways from the house...so I could do it covertly).

I was surprised at how well it picked up me talking, with a lot of background noice, and under a towel, and the chair.

You know whats weird? Since I pulled back (one of the suggestions on the 180 list, which by the way is VERY hard to do, but I can see it is working)
he is WATCHING ME. He is being SO NICE, and attentive...I swear I haven't said anything to him.

I am attempting to do the other 180 things like not talk about the future, the marriage, how bad I hurt...HE BROUGHT IT UP.

So, I took the bait, in some way, and went along with the discussion.

He, yet again,(and HE volunteered this info, I, in no way, facilitated this discussion)SWORE HE HASN'T CHEATED. SWORE THAT THE PERIOD OF TIME HE WAS AWFUL, MOODY, ANGRY, TOLD ME HE WAS SICK OF ME, THAT I AM WORTHLESS...

he maintains that was a result of depression on his end.

What a yo yo string I am attached to. Is this one of those situations where he is dangling the carrot again, and will almost invariably yank it back?

Needless to say, I didn't swallow the bait like I generally do.

I stayed reserved, generally un-emotional. Very different from my norm.

I have to say, the 180 list is so very very hard to do, but I see that it is very very effective, and is good advice.

I brought the recorder here to work with me...I need time with it to become familiar with the way it works.


I will put it in his vehicle tonight, with the timer/voice activation on (I couldn't figue it out fast enough last night).

Thanks for your post. Funny how the strangers here have more compassion for my situation than my H does...:)