A crack in the door - please give me some advice - 07/27/07 05:13 AM
Hi there,
Let me begin by saying that yesterday while I was walking I asked G-d to give me a sign for my path. When I got home there was an offer from a neighbor on my house and fixing it up and splitting the net profits. He is actually going to take care of the lawsuit.
When I walked inside, there was a message from the apt complex that I wanted to live at saying there were 2 3 bedroom apts available. So, if I can get my WH to sign the paper relinquishing of the house, then the house can be sold and I can move out. I have also lost 49 lbs as of yesterday.
But today I had this online conversation with my WH and have no idea what or if it means anything. Could you please read and let me know if there is anything I can do or just turn it over?
Mind you, he is still living with the OW. So nothing has changed there.
me: does your auto deposit kick in tonight?
George: No they lost the check and I need another one
me: what? how did that happen?
George: I have no idea it was stapled to the paper
me: lol is it ok to still do?
George: Yes it is we will try again
me: ok, I'll get a check to you. Do you want me to send you one?
George: No I need to work on the house soon
me: actually I wanted to talk to you about that we need to still get the stuff out of the garage.
Can I Iower the prices and see if we can get that completed
George: Ok did you repost the Sub and stuff?
me: I did and nothing
George: Make the Sub 1000 and engine 800 or both for 1500 firm
me: how come down so much
George: What did we post at before?
me: 1500 for sub I can't remember the other one
George: I think 1000 for the engine
me: ok
George: Is Mike done with the deck?
me: so the plan is to make the money that will free us up to sell Whistler and fix the house up? Or have you changed your mind?
I have some friends coming over in 3 weeks to do the deck
George: Yes that was the idea but I thought you wanted to be out soon?
me: what do you want
George: To get the house done and move on
me: and what does move on mean
George: To be done with the house
me: ok. We need to talk sometime about what is next for this family
George: Yes we do. Dose Aaron have a phone yet?
me: yes Do you have an idea of what is next
George: Not right now and you?
me: I have some thoughts, but I wanted your input to see what my next move is do you know when you might have an idea
George: What are your thoughts? what do you want? where are you headed?
me: My thoughts are I have two ways to go. With you and a complete family or without you and it's just me and the boys. I want you to be a part of our family
I am headed in a new life, one that I have been building since the day you walked out on us. What do you want?
George: Was told to leave
me: Not by me
George: Yes by you and the boys
me: the boys not me. And aren't we the parents and decide what is best for our family.
George: Yes we are
me: and haven't I asked you to come home many times
George: You have and you know the answer
me: does it change once we are out of the house
George: With work and change yes it could
me: what kind of work and change are you thinking
George: You and I a whole new leavel
me: I completely agree is that something that you would like to see?
George: Yes
me: me too
George: Is Mikki alright?
me: Yes, why? I worry about her in that relationship
just to make sure I am understanding. With absolute work and complete change, you are willing to see us be together as husband and wife
George: It would be more than you and I have ever done with no garenties
me: can you explain. I'm not sure I understand. I get the no guarantees.
George: First hes an [censored] and I am worried about Mikki
me: well we agree there
George: next we have never relley had a chance to grow up or I hadent yet,. I dont and wont be alone any more
me: You are right. That is something that I have been working extremely hard on. I will NOT leave you alone
George: Is Mike ok?
me: for the most part. How did you come to your realization about growing up. I told you, I have given up all my volunteer work, ok not lacrosse, but I am usually home almost every night now I have gotten the boys and me on a schedule that I am enjoying.
George: I have had time and am begining to see things that I needed in my life that I just went without
me: like what
George: Someone who wants to be in all my life
me: I want to offer you that. I too have had a lot of time to think and learn about myself and that you are, next to G-d the most important person in my life
George: The boys were who I lived for and miss more than any of you could ever know. (Please note: he hasn't contacted them in over 2 months)
me: would you agree that the ideal situation would be to be completely in love with the mother of your children.
George: That would be ideal. But is that real?
me: I want you to have the best. And with what I have learned and come to understand, I believe it can be absolutely real. Would you be interested in finding out how that could be possible
George: Well we will see I am not the same nor are you as we were
me: not I am not. Would you be willing to talk a someone who could give you some information about whether this is possible or not the reality is, the same is dead
our marriage died that day and I don't want it back. I want to create something entirely different and magnificent
George: Who do you have in mind? Oh yes I know the same is DEAD
me: a counselor? I have looked on this website called Marriage Builders. I spoke with this man, who explained to me all the things I did wrong and what I needed to do to change. He offered to speak with you and just give you information or rather gather information this isn't a commitment to do anything, I am not getting any hopes us, just strictly an opportunity for you to gather information about getting that ideal scenario of loving the mother of your children
The conversation went on to where he would talk on the phone to him, but that he wanted to know how much it would cost first. I told him I would sell something to pay for it, but he said no.
He said that one of the ways that we could begin to see if things had changed was by working on the house. If I sell the house, that takes that opportunity away. Any thoughts? I don't want to blow any chances, but then again, I really am changing and want to do what's best for everyone.
So, what do you think? Is he still completely WH and I just need to move on, or do you have any suggestions how I could continue this conversation with him.
Thank you,
SG
Let me begin by saying that yesterday while I was walking I asked G-d to give me a sign for my path. When I got home there was an offer from a neighbor on my house and fixing it up and splitting the net profits. He is actually going to take care of the lawsuit.
When I walked inside, there was a message from the apt complex that I wanted to live at saying there were 2 3 bedroom apts available. So, if I can get my WH to sign the paper relinquishing of the house, then the house can be sold and I can move out. I have also lost 49 lbs as of yesterday.
But today I had this online conversation with my WH and have no idea what or if it means anything. Could you please read and let me know if there is anything I can do or just turn it over?
Mind you, he is still living with the OW. So nothing has changed there.
me: does your auto deposit kick in tonight?
George: No they lost the check and I need another one
me: what? how did that happen?
George: I have no idea it was stapled to the paper
me: lol is it ok to still do?
George: Yes it is we will try again
me: ok, I'll get a check to you. Do you want me to send you one?
George: No I need to work on the house soon
me: actually I wanted to talk to you about that we need to still get the stuff out of the garage.
Can I Iower the prices and see if we can get that completed
George: Ok did you repost the Sub and stuff?
me: I did and nothing
George: Make the Sub 1000 and engine 800 or both for 1500 firm
me: how come down so much
George: What did we post at before?
me: 1500 for sub I can't remember the other one
George: I think 1000 for the engine
me: ok
George: Is Mike done with the deck?
me: so the plan is to make the money that will free us up to sell Whistler and fix the house up? Or have you changed your mind?
I have some friends coming over in 3 weeks to do the deck
George: Yes that was the idea but I thought you wanted to be out soon?
me: what do you want
George: To get the house done and move on
me: and what does move on mean
George: To be done with the house
me: ok. We need to talk sometime about what is next for this family
George: Yes we do. Dose Aaron have a phone yet?
me: yes Do you have an idea of what is next
George: Not right now and you?
me: I have some thoughts, but I wanted your input to see what my next move is do you know when you might have an idea
George: What are your thoughts? what do you want? where are you headed?
me: My thoughts are I have two ways to go. With you and a complete family or without you and it's just me and the boys. I want you to be a part of our family
I am headed in a new life, one that I have been building since the day you walked out on us. What do you want?
George: Was told to leave
me: Not by me
George: Yes by you and the boys
me: the boys not me. And aren't we the parents and decide what is best for our family.
George: Yes we are
me: and haven't I asked you to come home many times
George: You have and you know the answer
me: does it change once we are out of the house
George: With work and change yes it could
me: what kind of work and change are you thinking
George: You and I a whole new leavel
me: I completely agree is that something that you would like to see?
George: Yes
me: me too
George: Is Mikki alright?
me: Yes, why? I worry about her in that relationship
just to make sure I am understanding. With absolute work and complete change, you are willing to see us be together as husband and wife
George: It would be more than you and I have ever done with no garenties
me: can you explain. I'm not sure I understand. I get the no guarantees.
George: First hes an [censored] and I am worried about Mikki
me: well we agree there
George: next we have never relley had a chance to grow up or I hadent yet,. I dont and wont be alone any more
me: You are right. That is something that I have been working extremely hard on. I will NOT leave you alone
George: Is Mike ok?
me: for the most part. How did you come to your realization about growing up. I told you, I have given up all my volunteer work, ok not lacrosse, but I am usually home almost every night now I have gotten the boys and me on a schedule that I am enjoying.
George: I have had time and am begining to see things that I needed in my life that I just went without
me: like what
George: Someone who wants to be in all my life
me: I want to offer you that. I too have had a lot of time to think and learn about myself and that you are, next to G-d the most important person in my life
George: The boys were who I lived for and miss more than any of you could ever know. (Please note: he hasn't contacted them in over 2 months)
me: would you agree that the ideal situation would be to be completely in love with the mother of your children.
George: That would be ideal. But is that real?
me: I want you to have the best. And with what I have learned and come to understand, I believe it can be absolutely real. Would you be interested in finding out how that could be possible
George: Well we will see I am not the same nor are you as we were
me: not I am not. Would you be willing to talk a someone who could give you some information about whether this is possible or not the reality is, the same is dead
our marriage died that day and I don't want it back. I want to create something entirely different and magnificent
George: Who do you have in mind? Oh yes I know the same is DEAD
me: a counselor? I have looked on this website called Marriage Builders. I spoke with this man, who explained to me all the things I did wrong and what I needed to do to change. He offered to speak with you and just give you information or rather gather information this isn't a commitment to do anything, I am not getting any hopes us, just strictly an opportunity for you to gather information about getting that ideal scenario of loving the mother of your children
The conversation went on to where he would talk on the phone to him, but that he wanted to know how much it would cost first. I told him I would sell something to pay for it, but he said no.
He said that one of the ways that we could begin to see if things had changed was by working on the house. If I sell the house, that takes that opportunity away. Any thoughts? I don't want to blow any chances, but then again, I really am changing and want to do what's best for everyone.
So, what do you think? Is he still completely WH and I just need to move on, or do you have any suggestions how I could continue this conversation with him.
Thank you,
SG