One Night Stand Affairs that Turn into Full Blown Affairs - 11/01/07 09:36 PM
Hello Everyone,
My wife had a ONS with a guy on a girls trip back two years ago. After returning home, she kept in touch and fought hard to keep the relationship. She said all the common wayward talk, rewrote history, and the whole "Maybe I don't love you anymore". On top of that, she wanted an open relationship, wanted to come and go as she pleases, wanted to go on trips with this new friend, and basically said she just wanted him as a boy toy and that it was all in fun and zero committment by either.
Crazy, she wanted to give him all the benefits of a partner(sex, conversation, care, intimacy, companionship, etc) without him having to deal with the day-to-day things like work, kids, bills, etc).
She stopped in November after a Marriage Retreat and began to do the things for recovery. She found God, found new friends, very accountable for her time, etc. She did have a difficult time being honest about the ONS details. In fact, she finally(6 months ago) seems to be completely honest about the ONS details. Yes, that did hinder recovery big time because of her lack of honesty.
So, the questions, has anyone had to deal with a woman that became wayward so quickly without the immediate remorse. She said she was drunk and would not have considered behaving the way she did prior but after the act, she felt zero remorse and even tried to continue it. She actually was fighting to keep him and did not care how it hurt me. I felt and still feel that I was not valuable in her life then. She says that I am now extremely valuable and that she was in the fog and all that, but, I just can not imagine treating her like that. I can see myself making a mistake because we are all human BUT I love her and would do anything to protect her and show great care. If I made the mistake and was caught, I would immediately fight to keep her not the OW. That is just how I feel. Anybody else had to deal with a WS that started a physical affair abruptly and let it develop into a longer term emotional and physical affair.
We talked today and my wife said that maybe I am not the type of person that can get over a betrayal. And yes, I do feel that way because of the treatment after the mistake(ONS). She gave in to temptation under the influence but what about the following days. Those were all conscious choices and those choices are more difficult to forgive. Again, I feel if I did not fight, that she would have just let me walk away and destroy our family as we know it.
HF
My wife had a ONS with a guy on a girls trip back two years ago. After returning home, she kept in touch and fought hard to keep the relationship. She said all the common wayward talk, rewrote history, and the whole "Maybe I don't love you anymore". On top of that, she wanted an open relationship, wanted to come and go as she pleases, wanted to go on trips with this new friend, and basically said she just wanted him as a boy toy and that it was all in fun and zero committment by either.
Crazy, she wanted to give him all the benefits of a partner(sex, conversation, care, intimacy, companionship, etc) without him having to deal with the day-to-day things like work, kids, bills, etc).
She stopped in November after a Marriage Retreat and began to do the things for recovery. She found God, found new friends, very accountable for her time, etc. She did have a difficult time being honest about the ONS details. In fact, she finally(6 months ago) seems to be completely honest about the ONS details. Yes, that did hinder recovery big time because of her lack of honesty.
So, the questions, has anyone had to deal with a woman that became wayward so quickly without the immediate remorse. She said she was drunk and would not have considered behaving the way she did prior but after the act, she felt zero remorse and even tried to continue it. She actually was fighting to keep him and did not care how it hurt me. I felt and still feel that I was not valuable in her life then. She says that I am now extremely valuable and that she was in the fog and all that, but, I just can not imagine treating her like that. I can see myself making a mistake because we are all human BUT I love her and would do anything to protect her and show great care. If I made the mistake and was caught, I would immediately fight to keep her not the OW. That is just how I feel. Anybody else had to deal with a WS that started a physical affair abruptly and let it develop into a longer term emotional and physical affair.
We talked today and my wife said that maybe I am not the type of person that can get over a betrayal. And yes, I do feel that way because of the treatment after the mistake(ONS). She gave in to temptation under the influence but what about the following days. Those were all conscious choices and those choices are more difficult to forgive. Again, I feel if I did not fight, that she would have just let me walk away and destroy our family as we know it.
HF