mojo,

I didn't want this to get lost:


Even recovered BSs have felt like run run run away! I know I have....it's been too crazy. I don't think anyone feels particularly safe right now.


It must be really hard to be without your husband. I'm so glad he's coming home soon. Yes....there are many triggers for BSs....not just on the board, but everywhere....the tv, the radio, a box of cheerios....it's weird how small things will set the chain of events in motion. And a place like MB can be excruciating.....a real minefield. Ask Mulan....almost everytime she posts (because her H sounds so much like mine) it can still trigger me even after five years and I have to stay away from her threads. But I think you represent alot of people.....those who just read and follow along.....only weighing in when they feel really compelled and passionate.

I'm sorry about the misunderstanding....I realized what you probably meant right after I posted. I prefer not to edit because....my mistakes are reminders of what I still need to work on. Again...sorry for the misinterpretation.

No problem, really. I was just relieved you realized it!

He's coming home for 10 days and then back until May 3rd. We're going to meet up for a few days alone, no kids, in Nebraska where we met. Then head to Texas to reunite with the kids (well, minus our 20 year old who is moving out on his own in February). After that, we are headed to Atsugi Japan for four years! Can't wait! His job is a very high security position... high enough that our private phone calls aren't private and he lives apart from the general community due to the people he helps guards each day. I'm extremely proud of him.

My biggest hurdle has been resentment lately. Thankfully, the man he's become is helping me get through it. Yep, the threads here can be so hard to deal with... like today, a BS finds out about a secret phone. Makes me want to throttle someone, it really does.

Don't worry any more about the misunderstanding. We're good!

SF, MJ,

Hope it's OK to TJ.

What you say is not very reassuring, ya know. I find the triggers are what make recovery so painful. I had hoped that they would be pretty minimal a few years from now.

Jennifer did give me a procedure to follow when I am dealing with one. But, honestly, when I am dealing with a trigger, I don't feel much like following any procedure. KWIM?

Sure, SMB, we all know what you mean. That's what "triggers" do. But love is a CHOICE, not a reaction. And we also CHOOSE how we respond to triggers and the real feelings that we feel when they hit.

In perhaps a "bad analogy," it's sort of like a diabetic who MUST take insulin. The shots they give themselves DO hurt, but they choose to endure the momentary pain for the benefit of the "goal," health and successful management of the underlying problem.

God bless.

FH,

My mom is diabetic, so I can understand your comparison. She is not on insulin yet. But I bang my head on the wall sometimes with her not doing what she needs to do.

So, I just need to "follow the procedure" because I KNOW it will make me feel better and be healthier.

Thanks.

SMB:

The TRIGGERS do get better over TIME..but the key is TIME...

I had to come to ACCEPT that this has been a major trauma..requiring major healing..