klabshire's thread - 11/03/08 04:47 PM
Copied and pasted from another thread.
Didn't want it to get buried and lost in that other thread, nor sidetrack the other thread from its original poster.
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One of the problems I am having is that H is living with OW and has one of our 4 children living with him. I have told him that I know what is going on, even though he continues to have the kids lie to me to cover for him. He has told me that she doesn't live there, and (of course) that there is nothing going on between them. I have told him that I do not want her around when the kids are there, but he continues to expose them to this situation. I have told him that he is doing nothing but confusing the kids, especially the younger ones because they don't understand what is going on.
Next weekend is our daughters birthday and H told me that she wanted to invite OW and her 2 younger brothers to her birthday party. He asked me how to tell her that she couldn't then tried to make me feel guilty that I wouldn't give him an answer. I later told him "I couldn't believe that he even had the nerve to ask me that, I mean come on, what am I supposed to do, welcome her with open arms after she tore my family apart?" His response was "It did take two, and we are adults, what happened to all that talk about the past is the past?" I told him that "yes the past is the past, but he is the one that brought her into it now, I would love to forget she ever even existed, but that cannot happen as long as she is around."
I just don't know how to handle this with the kids. My 15yo son absolutely hates her, 14yo just deals with her because he gets along with her little brother, and by 7yo and 9yo like going around because i think she is like an older sister to them. She paints their fingernails, does their hair and makeup.
S14 is the one that lives with H, (his biological, but I have raised him since he was 2). Since he moved in with H two weeks ago, he is failing 4 classes in school, before he moved, he had 80's in all of his classes except 1 70. Now he is failing 4 classes, and of all things Spanish, when OW speaks it. I asked S14 if he was having problems in Spanish, why didn't he just ask her, she lives there, and he said because it was "proper Spanish" that she didn't understand it. Come on, she just finished college, i guess she couldn't even take the time to read his book to try to help him out? That really upset me.
I know I am really struggling and have to read more on this site, but I need whatever support I can get right now. His family is supportive of his affair, because they have hard feelings towards me because of something that he told them (I don't know what it was). So they feel anything besides me is a blessing and he is better off.
H will be 38 at the end of this month and OW just turned 24. I don't know if he is going through a midlife crisis or what, on top of having bipolar disorder. Of course I have tried to reason with him and that is a lost cause, but I am grasping at straws here. Please someone, help!
_________________________
W-38 H-37
4 children(S15,S14,D9,D7)
Married 12 years
Separated 9-12-3008
Affair since 5-2008 (that I'm aware of)
4th separation in 4 years
1st July 2004/lasted 3 months
2nd August 2005/lasted 3 weeks
3rd January 2007/lasted 4 months
4th September 2008
Didn't want it to get buried and lost in that other thread, nor sidetrack the other thread from its original poster.
---
One of the problems I am having is that H is living with OW and has one of our 4 children living with him. I have told him that I know what is going on, even though he continues to have the kids lie to me to cover for him. He has told me that she doesn't live there, and (of course) that there is nothing going on between them. I have told him that I do not want her around when the kids are there, but he continues to expose them to this situation. I have told him that he is doing nothing but confusing the kids, especially the younger ones because they don't understand what is going on.
Next weekend is our daughters birthday and H told me that she wanted to invite OW and her 2 younger brothers to her birthday party. He asked me how to tell her that she couldn't then tried to make me feel guilty that I wouldn't give him an answer. I later told him "I couldn't believe that he even had the nerve to ask me that, I mean come on, what am I supposed to do, welcome her with open arms after she tore my family apart?" His response was "It did take two, and we are adults, what happened to all that talk about the past is the past?" I told him that "yes the past is the past, but he is the one that brought her into it now, I would love to forget she ever even existed, but that cannot happen as long as she is around."
I just don't know how to handle this with the kids. My 15yo son absolutely hates her, 14yo just deals with her because he gets along with her little brother, and by 7yo and 9yo like going around because i think she is like an older sister to them. She paints their fingernails, does their hair and makeup.
S14 is the one that lives with H, (his biological, but I have raised him since he was 2). Since he moved in with H two weeks ago, he is failing 4 classes in school, before he moved, he had 80's in all of his classes except 1 70. Now he is failing 4 classes, and of all things Spanish, when OW speaks it. I asked S14 if he was having problems in Spanish, why didn't he just ask her, she lives there, and he said because it was "proper Spanish" that she didn't understand it. Come on, she just finished college, i guess she couldn't even take the time to read his book to try to help him out? That really upset me.
I know I am really struggling and have to read more on this site, but I need whatever support I can get right now. His family is supportive of his affair, because they have hard feelings towards me because of something that he told them (I don't know what it was). So they feel anything besides me is a blessing and he is better off.
H will be 38 at the end of this month and OW just turned 24. I don't know if he is going through a midlife crisis or what, on top of having bipolar disorder. Of course I have tried to reason with him and that is a lost cause, but I am grasping at straws here. Please someone, help!
_________________________
W-38 H-37
4 children(S15,S14,D9,D7)
Married 12 years
Separated 9-12-3008
Affair since 5-2008 (that I'm aware of)
4th separation in 4 years
1st July 2004/lasted 3 months
2nd August 2005/lasted 3 weeks
3rd January 2007/lasted 4 months
4th September 2008