So i'm planning my Plan A for my WW. It will not be before the holidays, but i need time to plan it to hit as hard as I can. I also may need some time to steady my emotional behavior in the marriage so home will be an inviting place. Exposing it isn't gonna do any good unless I am to look like the better choice.

I'm planning on picking up a digital voice recorder to put in our front room. I work overnight, so while i'm sleeping during the day, she has plenty of time to engage in phone conversations with the OM... I have already overheard her say "I love you.. bye sweetie" to him. And she already fessed up to it, but I need hard evidence of course.

I've begun to write the letter i'll be delivering to the houses of his and her loved ones. which i'll go ahead and post...

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To Whom It May Concern:

This letter is to bring a matter to your attention that may be endangering the familial status of your loved ones.

WW and OM are involved in an extramarital affair that is taking place. If you check the call histories on their cell phones, you will find the two of them are spending an inordinate amount of what should be productive work/family time to further their relationship.

This was brought to my attention a few months ago, and has come into light more since then. And now i have sufficient proof of the actions that have been taken, and the damage those actions are causing, that is tearing not only myself, but my family apart. I fear for the repurcussions of this news on the lives of (OM wife and children).

I have made more physical and emotional effort in trying to repair WW and my relationship than anything else in my life. But as long as this affair continues, regardless of the extent of it, we cannot repair our marriage in effort to save it.

If you have any questions, please call me at xxx-xxx-xxxx. Otherwise, I have encouraged WW to end this relationship. I hope that you will do what you feel would be right for Each of the families involved, and discourage them from continuing this destructive relationship in any form.

Regards,

Me

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Any comments on my approach, method, or questions otherwise?

Here is a link to my original post about the situation.

Situation Thread

PT, I would not suggest using that letter. That is a formal letter to be used to for workplace exposure and it doesn't work in a personal context. Rather, I would suggest picking up the phone and CALLING your exposure targets starting with the OM's wife. Tell her about the affair and offer to ally with her to exchange information to kill the affair.

Call up family members, tell them you are trying to save your marriage and [very important---------->] ask for their advice! This seems to gain their buy in.

I would also stop working all night since that condition has led to her affair.

You should start Plan A NOW. Get the book Surviving an Affair so you understand what Plan A means. You can order it on this website for a cheap price.

This is an outline of plan A:

The Carrot and the Stick of Plan A by Pepperband


The carrot of Plan A

Meeting your wandering spouse's emotional needs.

Making "home" a warm and inviting place to be.

Placing emphasis on what has worked in the marriage.

Showing consistent self improvement in areas where previously lacking.

Stop lovebusting behaviors.

Communicating with a calm reassuring voice and relaxed body language, even in the center of a verbal storm created by the infidel.

Becoming the person any reasonable spouse would want to come home to.

Remaining open to the possibility of recovery.

Offering forgiveness and understanding.


The stick of Plan A

Exposing adultery where it matters most. Exposure that takes the form of a swift and sudden unexpected tsunami of truth.

Not apologizing for exposure or speaking the truth in a kind yet direct way.

Directly communicating the hurt and devastation that the affair has caused.

Not accepting blame for the infidel's choice to become adulterous.

Let the consequences of adultery and infidelity fall freely upon the heads of the adulterous.

Establishing boundaries that disallow the affair to effect children of the marriage, financal security of the marriage, and otherwise ruin innocent bystanders.

Standing up to infidelity as a beast that must be slayed for the good of the family.


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Plan A is both a *carrot* and a *stick*.

I do not think that this condition has not contributed to the affair. In fact it helps to deter it. I am at least home when she is awake, if I were to work during the day, our house would be an open target and invitation for OM.

Aside from that.

The phone call idea could work I just do not have too many opportunities to enact them without her knowing... i will consider it. I would prefer the letter method because it would allow me to not be busy making calls when she finds out from one of the first that I called, and tries to contact me... yah. I could see it being complicated, so we'll see.

I was definitly planning on contacting OM's wife prior to any exposing action taken, she deserves that much. Also she may have further info to reinforce it. I was planning on doing this in person in case she doesnt suspect or know of the affair. Having someone there in person that has been through that exact pain can help.