I know my wife cheated. But, to this day, she will not admit it. So, here's the short list of what I found out. Tell me if you could expain this any other way than an affair.
1) Out two or three nights a week unitl 6a.m(we have 3 kids)
2) Make up to the hilt when going to the movies with her girlfriend or out doing her paper route at night. Dressed to the 9's as well.
3)Frederics of Hollywood negligee in her backpack after a night spent watching movies at her girlfriend's house( a friend ihave never met.
4. PI follows her to her old boyfriend's house when she claimed she was doing her paper route. She is in there from 12 midnight to 4 am.
5) Cell phone bill averaging $300 a month. Minimum 300 calls per month to this guy.
6)Bounces $1000 worth of checks.
7) Gets a job to payoff her bounced checks(I refused to cover them). Work starts at 8. She leaves at 6 each morning and PI follows her to the guys house where she stays for 1 and a hlf hours each time.
8) Confront her. She goes ballistic and says she cannot trust me and is moving out.
9) Rental house already set up before confrontation.She moves out with the kids(man that was dumb of me. But , I was not thinking clearly. I had not looked at sites like this.
10) OM gives her 4,000 for her attorney.
11) OM parks his car three blocks away each night and heads into her house around midnight after kids are sleeping. He rises early and leaves before kids get up.

There is more but really, what kind of person denies an affair with all this?

And, I am to blame for all this because I worked 2 jobs to support us.
I'd like to publish her cell phone bill. Post divorce, I've kept them so if my kids ever believe her, I can show them.

Ah, that's pretty damning evidence. About the only thing you could throw in there would be actual e-mails to the OM.

Have you keylogged her computer?

Can you get actual text messages from the cell company?

All this and yet she still denies. I guess your WW could be the poster child for the *FOG*

Have you ever read my posts on snooping?

Give us links, please

You need a voice activated recorder in her car pronto.

You also need to get ahold of her cell phone and check for text messages, take pix of them if possible.

Sign up online to check phone records.

A key logger on the computer wll work wonders too.

You have to become a master sneak to juggle obtaining and never letting on as you gather evidence.

Absolutely NEVER tip your hand at the first tidbit of evidence.

When you do tip your hand, remember "one of her friends" ratted her out and refuse to give them up.

Can you sue for D on the grounds of adultery where you live?

Have you exposed her A to anyone?

Your WW went balistic because she's 100% guilty. It's called getting defensive. Guilty people do that.

Zelmo! You are NOT to blame. Infidelity is a choice.

I've been divorced over two years, now. Once she moved out, I filed. I did tell her that if she would go to counseling, I would try to work it out. But, she insisted i serve her with papers.

Once she was out, the guy was on the scene, sneaking in at night for the first six months. Her brother was the one that was watching him park blocks away and sneaking in.

her plan, apparently , was to attempt to introduce him as a new, legitimate love interest that came on the scene post divorce. But her father busted her, as well. as he would see the guy comingout of the house in the morning on his way to work.

During this time, she began barricading her bedrom door at night, so my young daughters could not intrude if they were sick or having a bad dream. This would buy her time to stash the guy inthe closet if theytried to get in.

I know this because my then 7 year old told me and my wife's dad "Mommy puts chairs in front of her door at night. She told us it was in case robbers came into the house". Nice, eh. Mom is safe. You kids are on your own. She is psycho.

She is so pissed at me for telling everyone. Her family , brothers, mom and dad would chastise me if I expressed any doubt about her cheatin. Her dad told me she was a habitual liar and her mom describes her as a sociopath.

I learned from her family and old friends that she had slept with her soccer coach while in HS and that she had had at least two affirs with married men whne she was single.

I also learned that she had not finished college as she claimed and had no degree. Her dad told me she quit school her senior year and sent home fake grade transcripts for a year to make them believe she was still in school. In fact, she quit and was having an affair with a married guy in her college town while working in a factory.

Her dad learned she had quit when her softball coach called in the Spring, inquiring why she was not enrolled. When questioned about this after the school year, she simply told her folks that it was in the past and she refused to talk about it. I guess that is how she is handling this affair.

Same with the soccer coach thing. Her folks learned of this and did nothing, despite the fact that the guy was acting criminally.

It is nuts, the way that family sweeps thins under the rug. I'd go ballistic if one of my kids was being abused like that.

I think this expalins a lot about her being so messed up. No intervention by the parents when their kid was being abused by an older guy at school. WTF is wrong with these people? when she refused to tell them about quitting school and falsifying her grades, the just let it go. Never talked about it again.

Does this woman get any of your money post D.

She sounds charming to meet. Will you know what to look for in someone that would become the new Mrs Zambo.

SHe gets about 2400 a month in child support, half of my 401k,and 18 months of maintenance at 500 a month. And, Ihad the privelige of paying her attorney fees. It is so great to be a male in the family court system.

But, her family has disowned her, essentially. He brothers and dad play golf with me and I go on at least one yearly golf trip withe her dad, brothers and uncle. I also get invited to dinner and breakfas with them all the time.

This drive her crazy, how they took my side. And , her OM bit the dust afte 18months. My kids hated him and her folks made it clear he could never set foot on their property. Her brothers know the guy and would beat his [censored] if he ever crossed their paths.

The guy must have been so confused. Here he was hearing fals horror stories about me but he could not reconcile it with my kids love for me as well as her family's. Man, that pissed her off, to finally get some consequences for her lifelong abusive behavior.

She got arrested in front of my kids 6 nonths ago. She had 4 misdemeanor deiving after supension charges and she just blew off her court appearances. They took her out of her house in front of the kids and left a policewoman with the kids until a neighbor could come and watch them.

Now, she has lost her driving priveliges. She tells the kids she is not driving because the car is broken She told them the cops took her away because she had witnessed an accident.

So, why do courts think because she is female, the kids are better off with her/

I will never,ever marry again. It is the worst deal in the world for a guy.I know of so many folks that cheat, it is just too big a risk.

She MUST be related to my exh#2!!!

How long were you two married?

Wow, Zelmo...it sounds like you were married to my ex-SIL!!

Yikes!!

Charlotte

With all that going on in her life, is there any way you can sue for custody now?

So, are you going to spend the rest of your life worrying over this?

You're divorced for 2 years now. Concentrate on getting the kids and write her off already.

Move on, you deserve better.

Denial, she does not have to face some one and say what they did was wrong.

With her being arrested you check with a lawyer for full custody.

$2900 a month in child support plus maintenance? WOW!!!!! Does she work? With that much money, who needs to work?

WIth her arrest record, I would definately sue for custody. All the courts are doing right now is enabling her behavior. I bet her next move is to find another victim, get pregnant, then try and get more child support.

Dazed,

This woman wasn't(and still isn't) good for you, and she's certainly not healthy for your children to be around.

Get your children away from her.

Ditto -

must have had a poor atty - paying nearly 36k in CS per year. Thats near the avg national income.

Never had to be those circumstances - what happens (in light of current economy) if your income drops drasically?

Good question on the income dropping. I'm not sure as it has not happened yet.

I doubt I could get custody based on misdemeanor driving offenses. No endangerment to the kids and the courts here are not inclined to change things. My lawyer said I'd spend a fortune with almost a zero %chance of winning.

But, my 10 year old has already told me she may want to live with me when she is 12 and the court will listen to her desires.The attorney I used is highly respected here. It's just not like folks think in terms of a man getting custody from a stay at home mom. Unless she is abusing or neglecting the kids, they just will not do it.

She works, now. So, she has plenty of money.I do, too, actually.
But, the thing that still amazes me is how she still refuses to talk to anyone about her cheating.

I'm with MIM.

She's nuttier than squirrel poo.

Reminds me alot of my Sister in Law. She's been cheating on my brother for years. Total nutcase...inbreeding I think. Serious mental deficiencies, prescription drugs,2 DUI with child endangerments charges within a one week period, fell in the closet and claimed my brother "beat her up" and had him arrested, her brother committed suicide via methadone but she sees him all the time and talks to him all the time and moves things around in their house, etc., claimed she was "raped" and went to hospital and called another guy besides my brother to come get her, she is a frequent flyer at the ER in our hometown. It just goes on and on and on and they have a 13 year in the house having to live through all this crap. Don't understand what happens to people like this to make them this way. And, of course, she won't own up to anything... Really sad.

Zelmo,

What state do you live in? What is your custody arrangement right now?

She's not a SAHM and you could likely get a 50/50 deal if you filed.

Find a different attorney. There's plenty there for you to file for a change. I would file within the day if my exww was arrested for anything.

You could get a representative for your kids and they often listen to what the kids want. Your daughter may not have to wait till she's 12.

Protect those kids.

And don't write off all women. It sounds like you were married to Satan Spawn.

Which reminds me:

A crowd was sitting in an auditorium one day when all of a sudden the devil appeared in front of everyone, spewing fire and yelling and scaring the heck out of everyone. The crown panicked and all ran for the gates. All but this old man who simply stared at the devil, looking bored.

So the devil upped his display to scare him. He screamed louder and shot flames out of his hands and the guy still just sat there, looking at him bored.

Finally, the devil gave up and went up to the old man.

He said, "What gives? Aren't you afraid of me?"

The old man said, "Nope."

The Devil continued, "Well, don't you know who I am?"

The old man looked at him, and very plainly said, "Yeah. I know who you are. I've been married to your sister for years."

Zelmo, you been divorced two years?

Your wife hit the freaking jackpot.

Guess what, your evidence don't mean squat now.

Why are you here?

Guess what, P. I don't owe you any answers. ***edit***

$2400 is 35% of my net, P. So, I am doing fine. My standard of living has improved.

***edit***

***edit***

***edit***

Pariah,

You're out of line. I'm still on this forum after 3 years. I'm here to help others and to process what happened to me and to connect with those with similar experiences.

What you said to Zelmo is a low blow and uncalled for. Many of us here can also say that our ex waywards are happy now.

Doesn't make what they did any less painful or wrong.

Let's keep it respectful folks.

Thank you.

Zelmo, as rich as you are, why are you not out hiring the meanest bulldog attorney in the country to get your kids away from her?

Your words don't add up. She is handcuffed and taken away, and yet you have no chance to get your kids because you have driving offenses? Did you kill someone while drunk or something? I can think of no other thing that would make you ineligible to get the kids.

My guess is you LIKE being free from the responsibility and being free to be a single guy again. And making yourself out to be a huge martyr.

What's the truth?

Cat,

His XW is the one who was arrested, not him.

I also don't think he's looking to be a martyr.

It's not an easy decision to continue or go back to litigation. It's very high stress and risky with no guarantee of victory.

My ex spent close to $80k and had not one but two attorneys.

It didn't do her much good. Clients, not lawyers, win cases.

Her attorney (the one that took the lead) is a real [censored] and a bulldog like you describe. But it didn't work. She fought and fought and fought and ended up much worse off than if she had accepted one of the many offers I made.

So constantly going to court isn't the solution and it takes its toll on the kids because the parents are very, very stressed.

I'm a lot more at peace now than I was a few months ago and I would have to really, really think about going back to court right now despite the fact that there's much about the current arrangement that I don't like.

Zelmo,

I'm glad you are here as financial consequences is also part of the trauma of infidelity.

Getting an overall picture of what happened may help. If the kids comes over to stay with you, hopefully some of that money comes back.

I don't view myself as a martyr. But, there is a sense of relief in getting away from my XW, who was abusive.
I just think I need more to contest custody than her being arrested for driving after suspension offenses.

I am an attorney and in court a lot. I see how judges view this stuff. It simply is not important to them. Misdemeanor driving offense will make no impression IMO. Heck, infidelity, which to me is a greater offense, makes no difference.

My oldest has mentioned that she would like to live with me when she is 12. I believe courts listen to the kids around that age.

I was and still am very involved with my kids. I work two jobs and am not out and about enjoying the swinging single life. I am trying to make enough $$ so they can go to college and not have to work their way through and go at night, as I did. So, the charge that i am just enjoying the single life and playing martyr is not true.

I have never been arrested. You are mixed up on that.

You said at another post that you don't see yourself get married. Is this true?

I really cannot imagine trusting someone enough to get married again. But, maybe this will change with time.