my story - 02/19/09 05:29 PM
I've been married to my wife for around 5 years. I know our marriage was not perfect by any means but I was blind to many things that have happened the last few years. She had been in a recovery class this past spring, I was not taking the time away from home very well, I wasn't liking the fact that she was spending soo much time w friends that I didn't know and could know anything about. When 1 to 2 nights a week went to 4 to 5 nights a week I started to question things. Who are these people, what do you guys do? and so on, She didn't want to tell me much at all or think it was any of my business. I could see that she was building walls between us but was in denial. She withdrew from me both emotionally and physically. Our sex life had not felt mutual for a long time (another thing I was in denial about). There is no question my drive was much stronger, and when we did have sex we did not have the joint enthusiasm like it says couples should have in their activities.
After weeks of arguing over what was happening in our marriage, She said she needed time to figure things out. I moved in w a friend and tried to give her some space, I was not taking the detachment very well. When she wouldn"t call I would think, what in the world is she doing and with who. When she would call I wanted to know what she was up to. In the two months I was out of the house, I discovered some things that put me in a emotional tailspin. I knew at this time she was having a affair but was living in denial. After being gone for a few months I moved back home.
After a few weeks of moving back home she came clean w the A. I was mad but wanted to fix it but didn't know how. When she told me she also said they were in love and they were building a life together. She didn't have the same feelings for me as she did for OM. She had read Surviving an Affair a month earlier and tried to break it off but kept comming back to OM. She said I should think about what I wanted and to give it some time. I told her I knew what I wanted and it was our Marriage. She said she could not break it off.
The next day she said she would try, she wrote a letter, let me read it and gave it to the OM. Three days later she was back with OM. I let this go on for a week or so then told her if she wouldn't break it off she should move out. She said she would at the end of the week. That was in September. To this day she is still in contact w OM. She moved back home the first of the year, I was told she ended things once again, but found out by her their was nothing said to OM about ending the A. I told her I felt plan A didn't work so on to plan B. I told her I would give her some time to find a place to stay and figure things out but if she didn't break all contact I would want NO contact with her. This timeline comes up this week. I love my wife more than anything but can't live feeling as if I'm sharing her w another man. I've been doing good with the LB's and have been told by her that I can meet her EN's, but the EN's can't start to be meet until OM is out of the picture.
If anybody has any advise please reply. I want my marriage, but don't know how much longer I can deal with this.
thanks for listening
After weeks of arguing over what was happening in our marriage, She said she needed time to figure things out. I moved in w a friend and tried to give her some space, I was not taking the detachment very well. When she wouldn"t call I would think, what in the world is she doing and with who. When she would call I wanted to know what she was up to. In the two months I was out of the house, I discovered some things that put me in a emotional tailspin. I knew at this time she was having a affair but was living in denial. After being gone for a few months I moved back home.
After a few weeks of moving back home she came clean w the A. I was mad but wanted to fix it but didn't know how. When she told me she also said they were in love and they were building a life together. She didn't have the same feelings for me as she did for OM. She had read Surviving an Affair a month earlier and tried to break it off but kept comming back to OM. She said I should think about what I wanted and to give it some time. I told her I knew what I wanted and it was our Marriage. She said she could not break it off.
The next day she said she would try, she wrote a letter, let me read it and gave it to the OM. Three days later she was back with OM. I let this go on for a week or so then told her if she wouldn't break it off she should move out. She said she would at the end of the week. That was in September. To this day she is still in contact w OM. She moved back home the first of the year, I was told she ended things once again, but found out by her their was nothing said to OM about ending the A. I told her I felt plan A didn't work so on to plan B. I told her I would give her some time to find a place to stay and figure things out but if she didn't break all contact I would want NO contact with her. This timeline comes up this week. I love my wife more than anything but can't live feeling as if I'm sharing her w another man. I've been doing good with the LB's and have been told by her that I can meet her EN's, but the EN's can't start to be meet until OM is out of the picture.
If anybody has any advise please reply. I want my marriage, but don't know how much longer I can deal with this.
thanks for listening