Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our discussion forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
#2216734 02/19/09 11:29 AM
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 6
R
Junior Member
OP Offline
Junior Member
R
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 6
I've been married to my wife for around 5 years. I know our marriage was not perfect by any means but I was blind to many things that have happened the last few years. She had been in a recovery class this past spring, I was not taking the time away from home very well, I wasn't liking the fact that she was spending soo much time w friends that I didn't know and could know anything about. When 1 to 2 nights a week went to 4 to 5 nights a week I started to question things. Who are these people, what do you guys do? and so on, She didn't want to tell me much at all or think it was any of my business. I could see that she was building walls between us but was in denial. She withdrew from me both emotionally and physically. Our sex life had not felt mutual for a long time (another thing I was in denial about). There is no question my drive was much stronger, and when we did have sex we did not have the joint enthusiasm like it says couples should have in their activities.
After weeks of arguing over what was happening in our marriage, She said she needed time to figure things out. I moved in w a friend and tried to give her some space, I was not taking the detachment very well. When she wouldn"t call I would think, what in the world is she doing and with who. When she would call I wanted to know what she was up to. In the two months I was out of the house, I discovered some things that put me in a emotional tailspin. I knew at this time she was having a affair but was living in denial. After being gone for a few months I moved back home.
After a few weeks of moving back home she came clean w the A. I was mad but wanted to fix it but didn't know how. When she told me she also said they were in love and they were building a life together. She didn't have the same feelings for me as she did for OM. She had read Surviving an Affair a month earlier and tried to break it off but kept comming back to OM. She said I should think about what I wanted and to give it some time. I told her I knew what I wanted and it was our Marriage. She said she could not break it off.
The next day she said she would try, she wrote a letter, let me read it and gave it to the OM. Three days later she was back with OM. I let this go on for a week or so then told her if she wouldn't break it off she should move out. She said she would at the end of the week. That was in September. To this day she is still in contact w OM. She moved back home the first of the year, I was told she ended things once again, but found out by her their was nothing said to OM about ending the A. I told her I felt plan A didn't work so on to plan B. I told her I would give her some time to find a place to stay and figure things out but if she didn't break all contact I would want NO contact with her. This timeline comes up this week. I love my wife more than anything but can't live feeling as if I'm sharing her w another man. I've been doing good with the LB's and have been told by her that I can meet her EN's, but the EN's can't start to be meet until OM is out of the picture.
If anybody has any advise please reply. I want my marriage, but don't know how much longer I can deal with this.
thanks for listening

robert_seager #2216749 02/19/09 11:41 AM
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 346
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 346
Robert,

I moved your post to it's own thread. You will get more input this way.

Maverick


robert_seager #2216756 02/19/09 11:45 AM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,986
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,986
Quote
She had been in a recovery class this past spring

What kind of recovery class was she attending?

Welcome to MB.

I think you're confused about the Plans... these aren't something that you do together, and not something that you tell your WW about.

What about exposure? Have you exposed to anyone?



Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists. Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
robert_seager #2216803 02/19/09 12:21 PM
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
Is OM married?
Do they work together? How do they know each other?
Any children?
Have you exposed the A to anyone?


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
princessmeggy #2217028 02/19/09 04:48 PM
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 6
R
Junior Member
OP Offline
Junior Member
R
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 6
a recovery class for addictions (alcohol) at our church, this is where she met OM

black_raven #2217032 02/19/09 04:52 PM
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 6
R
Junior Member
OP Offline
Junior Member
R
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 6
OM was married, at time but is now divorced and has a little boy. I don't think they work together. I didn't do a written plan A

princessmeggy #2217036 02/19/09 04:58 PM
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 6
R
Junior Member
OP Offline
Junior Member
R
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 6
This has only been exposed to a few of my friends and our MC,

robert_seager #2217190 02/19/09 08:42 PM
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 843
O
Member
Offline
Member
O
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 843
she is a cake eater. She wants security with you. And him in her bed. You have to take a hard line. No contact till she goes NC. You may love her but if she is allowed to believe that there are no consequences to her action she will do it as long as she is can. Plan B and talk to the lawyers. File and then see what happens. If she doesn't stop it. Go on with your own life and find someone who will love only you.

robert_seager #2217195 02/19/09 08:49 PM
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
Is WW still attending this class and OM is there too? Do you and WW have children?

You need to expose the A to family, her sponsor (if she has one), pastor, and anyone else of influence. She needs to feel the consequences of her actions.


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt

Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 27 guests, and 40 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
caraduke, Convict20, GTNY, Avianna, BootsJeans
71,736 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,550
Posts2,322,804
Members71,737
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2020, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.  |  Web Development by SunStar Media.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5