Vent! My H is an idiot! - Marriage Builders® Forums

Folks, I'm venting here. You can ignore this if you want because I'm rambling.I asked my H, "Do I have the word STUPID stamped on my forehead? Do you think that I have an IQ of 0??"OOOOHHHHH...I just needed to type this or else I will scream and the entire neighborhood will hear me!

My husband is an idiot too. I know it, his family knows it - but when will he catch on? I am now looking at this as something that 'needed to happen' in the big scheme of things. There is a reason. My husband needs to grow up and grow up he will...hugs, Paint.

Been there, done that.....We're here for you....

Thanks Paint & hurting: I swear...the dumb stories my H sometimes comes up with to explain his actions are so ridiculous.Even though I don't believe him, I told him, "Thank you for your honesty. Your honesty makes me feel confident about where our marital recovery is going and how much I can trust you."Okay...I know I was being sarcastic. Right now, I don't care! I'm getting tired of Plan A and having to be the nice-guy all the time!

Let's see a few phrases to help cheer you up. He's not the sharpest tool in the shedFew sandwiches short of a picnicHe rode the short busadd to the list for me! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

breath- refocus- let it slide [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

LOL Scared! I'm chuckling here. Hey, that's a good sign to be laughing, isn't it?

Adding to ScaredInNY's list:He has the whole six-pack, he's just missing that little plastic thingy that holds it all together.Survivor: Love it. Can you pull that off with a straight face? I can!My favorite personal humor during an A story:My WH (during a rare moment of honest communication): "Think there'll ever be a time when we can look back on this an find something, anything to laugh about?"My response: "There already is."WH: "What? Tell me one."Me: "Ya know that pheromone oil you used to hide in your jacket pocket?"WH (shocked look): "Yes, what about it?"Me: "It's not pheromone oil any more... it's jalapeno oil."WH: Silence. Just a "Thaaaat's why" look.LOL... keep laughing. Some days it's all we have.

BH....this is great! I love the humor! In fact, I need it!Ever since all this mess started, I rarely laugh anymore.Honestly, our marriage is recovering pretty well. But it seems that my H is still afraid to tell me the truth on things. Sigh...

Hey, Scared gave me some ideas...here's another to add to the list:The wheel is still spinning but the hamster died.

What fun! Can I add one???He lives where the buses don't run.

When God was throwing intelligence down to the Earth, he was holding an umbrella.

My favorite:A prize short of the Cracker Jack box.belld [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

HAHAHA! You folks have me in stitches!

I Like this!Not the brightest light on the tree (use during the holidays)Snow

A few fries short of a happy meal.Lights or on but nobody is home.This quoted from a post i saw this morning "Your village called, seems they are missing an idiot."[This message has been edited by Heart's Cry (edited June 08, 2001).]

Why, if you think your spouses are such a joke and so stupid do you knock yourselves out to try to make the marraige work?

I think you missed the first word of the topic...vent.Do you not say things out of frustration but not truly mean them? [This message has been edited by Heart's Cry (edited June 08, 2001).]

cactus...hmmmm, I could think of one for that. You picked THIS for your first post?????The point here cactus, is to vent our anger and frustration here ... instead of at our ws's.My H was abducted by aliens. Thankfully they returned him, I think they gave him a brain tune up.Have a great day folks![This message has been edited by trace (edited June 08, 2001).]

Jalapeno Oil?! Geez, i think he wins the stupid award for the day! Sending one frying pan to Survivor......a really big cast iron fry pan. Story time ladies....a frined of mine was telling me about a great aunt that dies in an insane asylum in the early 1920s. I asked if she was truly insane, and what symproms did she have. Apparently her husband had a bad habit of stopping in at a female friend's house instead of coming home from work. The great aunt found out about it since the whole town was gossiping. One afternoon she was outside butchering a chicken for dinner and as he came thru the gate, she lost it. Major LB. She screamed at him and started chasing him around with the butcher knife. Neighbors got hold of her before she killed him. The courts found her to be insane and she died in the asylum a couple yrs later of old age. As I listened to the story I thought, she sounds perfectly normal to me! In fact I often honor her in my prayers. aloha, clps.....feeling rather nasty today! Can ya tell!!!

IF that is in fact a true story I think it may be the saddest one I have ever heard. Imagine the sheer aloness she felt....oh thats sad..... [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

Oh, been there, did that with the sharp end of a wine glass I broke to get his attention... it was him or me... luckily for me, I did neither... but how well I understand the passionate pain that get's you to that point...The year was 1988, and I'd just found out about OW #2... petite, tan, young and healthy, compared to me at the time, big, fat, blobby, pasty-white, and unhealthy...Not a good year. [This message has been edited by Nyneve (edited June 08, 2001).]

Hello Heartcry, yes it is very sad to think that women were treated in such a manner just in this century. This was only a few generations ago! I have no idea if it is family lore or true. Usually family stories have some ring of truth to them....and i have never asked if she verifed the info with the asylum. I recall that she was older than her h, but no idea by how many yrs. I am not convinced she died alone and scared-her life at home may have been worse? Cactus, welcome to MB. And welcome to your first vent thread. We dont always slam our spouses. In fact we love them very much, that is why we are here. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

The threads that are labeled vent, are just that-ugly thoughts that are better off stated away from the spouse than to them. If this purging bothers you, I would suggest you not read those labeled as such. Survivor, feeling any better? (((((hugs)))))

Hi All!Thanks for your support & for the humor. I do feel better now. My H called before coming home from work to say that he missed me. He was also sweet when he got home.So far, I've just accepted his excuse and moved on. Don't know what else to do right now, but that.Anyways, I do feel better. Thanks for being here for me and letting me vent! I really needed to! [This message has been edited by Survivor [aka_NoTrust] (edited June 08, 2001).]

I couldnt resist adding my favorite- He's a few tacos short of a combo plate!!!!! lifeismessy

Ok, I'm a gutsy chicken. I was going to start a new thread entitled, "Does anyone else see the humor?", but don't want a post listed under my name.It is my sense of humor that has gotten me through the last six months. D-Day 1-31-01. Even when all seems hopeless, I try to find the humor in everyday occurrences. I laugh (to myself) at the delusions of the fog and look for (as my C calls them) "creative ways to empower myself".During a recent C session (my C is familiar with MB, but does not strictly follow it), my C felt that there were some things I needed to let WH know. I expressed concern about upsetting him, as he had just days before, been hospitalized for a heart problem. Her response: "That's what 911 is for."All I could picture was ER's final episode of the season-- me standing over hiim with "the paddles", asking "you gonna pull yourself together NOW?"Postscript: We just celebrated our anniversary, went out to dinner and were able to discuss many of MY ENs calmly and without any LB. I got to tell him the things that were bothering me, and the paramedics were not required.

Survivor [aka_NoTrust]: RE: I asked my H, "Do I have the word STUPID stamped on my forehead? Do you think that I have an IQ of 0??"This is soooo FUNNY....describes how my WH tries to make me feel.Here's a few more:Thinks Taco Bell is a Mexican phone company.A few walls short of a complete house.Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel.Shooting an empty gun.Hunting in an empty forest.A few crumbs short of the cake.His porch light is flickering.No grain in the silo.Receiver is off the hook.Slinky's kinked.Too much yardage between the goal posts.Not the sharpest pencil in the box.About a half a bubble off level.Not the brightest crayon in the box.A few gunmen short of a posse.Missing some of dots on his dice?Only got One Oar In The Water.Not the quickest bunny in the forest.Too much chlorine in the gene pool.Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.The cheese has slipped off the cracker.Not the brightest star in the galaxy.Not the sharpest tack in the box.I.Q. of two, but takes three to grunt.Thinks the Hard Rock Cafe is a restaurant for boulders.Tried to read a book "between the lines."A few chocolate chips short of a cookie.A few tantrums short of a toddler.A couple gallons short of a swimming pool.IQ lower than your average rock.A couple apples short of a bushel.Several aliens short of a UFO.A few CDs short of a jukebox.Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top.One brick shy of a fireplace.One bubble short of a bath.Wheels are spinning but the tires are off the ground.One eye closed and can't see out of the other.One tree short of a hammock.He thinks the Mexican border pays rent.If he blew up a balloon his head would deflate.Two slices of bread shy of a sandwich.A few clowns short of a circus.An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.Dumber than a box of hair.A few peas short of a casserole.One fruit loop shy of a full bowl.A few feathers short of a whole duck.Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear.He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.As smart as bait.Sharp as a marble.Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.Forgot to pay his brain bill.Their sewing machine's out of thread.His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.His belt doesn't go through all the loops.If he had another brain, it would be lonely.Missing a few buttons on his remote control.Can't remember how to spell "IQ."Can't remember the number for 911.Stares at an orange juice can because it says concentrate.Lists the police department as a reference on his resume.Can't find the "ANY" key on the keyboard.

Oh these are priceless. I haven't laughed this hard in a long time. My laundry bag incident was kind of funny. Anyway, the jalapeno oil was too funny and Hurtwife, you should be Jerry Seinfeld's writer. I don't have anything witty to add, but I did mention to H once that I thought his calculator was broken. H looked a bit puzzled and I said, the one in your brain. You think you can go out there pay more towards rent/food,etc. and still keep up with your bills when you are working less, making less and couldn't pay your way before? I was right the EverReady bunny had taken a hike and H's calculator was dead. He couldn't even add 2+2= 4. H had kind of that dazed look back then. Thanks for the laughs. I really needed a good picker upper today. L.

You folks are a riot!Hurtwife: Where did you find all those lines? So many of them...they're hilarious!

(Paint picks herself up off the floor)....Oh, those are priceless - thankyou! My WH, in his mid-life-crisis, just can't stop checking himself in the mirror when he visits - I am so, so tempted to write on it "Warning - objects in the mirror are dumber than they appear"....Oh let me, please can I?

I wrote "stupid" on the mirror once (at forehead height for H), but wrote it so that it APPEARED backwards... Duh.The Hat.

Hey girl!Long time no hear from! I have to page through to see what's been goin' on with you. Just wanted to post real quick and let you know that I'm still out here!I hope things are better for you... [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

I'll send an email real soon. Hang in there and smile, smile, smile!--purplemag

This is a story about my XH. I used to find condoms all over the place. One of the many times I found some in his glove box I poked large, gapping, holes in all of them with a pencil.After I left him I told him about it. He got a stupid look on his face.. "" OH DUH so that's what happened to them.""Now, to realize the full depth of the sick humor here, this is the guy who to this day says he never cheated on me. Even with the box full of concrete evidence I have. Deny it and it does not exist. So yes my XH is an idiot... he really thinks I'm that stupid.Z

I can't take the credit, I found many of these on the internet. Here are some other ones......maybe a laugh.I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my [censored].Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have any film.Proof that evolution can go in reverseDoesn't have all his Cornflakes in one boxAll foam, no beerSome drink from the fountain of knowledge, he only gargledTried to drop acid but the car battery fell on his foot.Got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the W's.Missed the 44 bus, and took the 22 twice instead.Bought a solar powered flashlight. Called the 7-11 to see when they closed.His mind is so open - so open that ideas simply pass through it. The only genius with an IQ of 60." Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today? Don't let you mind wander - it's far too small to be let out on its own He always finds himself lost in thought - it's an unfamiliar territory He doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear" - but then again he doesn't know the meaning of most wordsI don't know what makes you so dumb but it really worksHe does the work of three men: Larry, Curly & Moe As an outsider, what do you think of the human race? Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you'd had enough oxygen at birth?Do you want people to accept you as you are or do you want them to like you? Women want mediocre men, and men are working hard to become as mediocre as possible Don't you have a terribly empty feeling - in your skull? Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you? Have you considered suing your brains for non-support? Has a mind like a steel trap - always closed! He is living proof that man can live without a brain! Not stupid; he's possessed by a retarded ghost. How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open? I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.I bet your mother has a loud bark! I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!I don't think you are a fool. But then what's MY opinion against thousands of others? I heard you went to have your head examined but the doctors found nothing there. I know you are nobody's fool but maybe someone will adopt you. I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo. I would ask you how old you are but I know you can't count that high. I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in? I'd like to leave you with one thought...but I'm not sure you have anywhere to put it! I'll never forget the first time we met - although I'll keep trying. I've seen people like you before, but I had to pay admission! If I ever need a brain transplant, I'd choose yours because I'd want a brain that had never been used. If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean. If your brain was chocolate it wouldn't fill an M&M. Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent. Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control! Pardon me, but you've obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn. So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey. Some day you will find yourself - and wish you hadn't. Go ahead, tell them everything you know. It'll only take 10 seconds"The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest." Am I getting smart with you?...how would you know?Everyone has a right to be stupid. Some just abuse the privilege.We have strange and wonderful relationship. You're strange and I'm wonderful.Were your parents disappointed they never had any children?-~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ My wife said I never listen to her. At least I think that's what she said.Marriage is a three ring circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffer-ring

A family was in the hospital waiting room rather worried about a family member. The doctor comes in to let the family know of the patient's condition. The doctor says it is grave but the patient will survive if he recieves a brain transplant. It will cost 5,000 for a man's brain and 100 for a woman's. The family members look at each other bewildered over the price difference. A family member askes why such the difference in price. The doctor says well the female brain is so low because it was used. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]