T25: kids saw H, they're baptized, and the IL's are ignorant. - 05/12/03 03:15 PM
Where do I start? I guess in order of appearance, would be good. This is VERY LONG, as I'm adding all the details I can, and will be printing this out and using this as my report to my CAS worker.
On Wednesday, my MIL called to confirm that she and FIL would be coming by on Saturday May 10th, at 10am (give or take, due to traffic and weather) to pick up the boys to supervise visitation with stbxH. I was a wreck, b/c as you may know, I do NOT approve of my IL's as supervisors, as they are not unbiased.
Saturday morning came, and I had the boys packed and ready to go. IL's arrived at 10:15am, and started getting the car seats into their minivan. During this time, I explained to them what is supposed to be going on, and stated some facts, and asked a few questions.
I asked if they knew what THEIR ROLE in supervising visitation was. MIL looked at me as though I was stupid, and said, "er, role?". So I told her how as SUPERVISORS it is not their responsibility to look after the boys... that's H's role. Their role is to ensure that H is doing things appropriately. For example, if the twins need a new "bum" (diaper), it's H who does it. If they need juice or snacks or meals, it's H's responsibility to provide them. If they'll be outside, H must buy sunblock (we're so fair and burn easily). And most importantly, I asked that she let H know that once I get my own vehicle, and install the carseats, I will NOT be transferring them back and forth for visitations. With that in mind, H will be responsible for purchasing his own. (I thought I was being nice to let him know ahead of time, so that he can budget for it... yah! I know... budget? MY H??? LOL).
I also informed them of how all of the boys are familiar with using "Time Out" as their form of discipline (yes, even the twins now! ), but that if Alex (twin B) is put on time out, you have to stay with him, b/c he's a sneak and will take off the moment you turn your back. They nodded in agreement, but you know what? I don't think they had a clue as to what "time out" is.
It was time to put the twins in their carseats. The seats were fastened into the vehicle well enough, and the IL's started to put the boys in. Simple enough job, right? Nope. The boys were GREAT, and didn't mind being there. The problem, was that the IL's couldn't get the seats done up!! Thankfully, I double checked JonJon's buckle, as it wasn't attached! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I told them how they have to listen for the "click", and should tug on the belt to make sure it's in place. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> I know that when they left here, there were properly fastened in, however, I have no idea if that was the case for the rest of the day.
They left at 10:35am. And I BAWLED!!! I was a wreck!!! I had done everything I could do, to avoid this from happening (not visitation, just the IL's being the supervisors). I was so worried about how they would be. The twins nap from 1pm to 4pm everyday (yes, they DO sleep that long! honest! ). Thankfully, my childhood friend was in town for their baptism (she's their Godmother, and was also Andrew's), and was to arrive shortly.
She got here shortly after 11am, and we had a great day together. She took me out for lunch, and we did a bit of shopping (books and groceries). The day went by quite fast.
One of the things we did, as per HER suggestion, was to go and see where H's apt was. So we did. I know where H lives, b/c it's listed on his bail conditions, which I have copies of (and they're public records anyways, as I was told by the crown attorney). To put it simply, H lives in an apt complex which is inbetween two VERY busy roads, and there are no fences. There is no playground (although there is a pool). There are tons of trees, which make it very pretty... but with so much foliage, kids could hide and not easily be found too. H has a ground floor apt, and since the boys all know how to open patio doors and screens, it concerns me that they could easily "escape" from H's apt if they were there. (they learned how to use those types of doors from my dad.... who also has a ground floor apt, however, his place is fenced in, and the boys do NOT know how to access that gate (yet?) ).
The boys were returned at 5:55pm (IL's obviously knew better than to dare be late). I was so happy to see them, and they ran to me to give me hugs. I asked the IL's how the visit went, and all they could say was "fine" (and their tone was saying that I was being silly for asking such a question).
Then I asked MIL who it was that they were to report the visitation to? She again, looked at me like I was crazy, and said, "er, no-one". THAT worries me folks... it really does! What good is supervised visitation if there is no one they need to report to??? I also asked if the twins had their naps. Apparently MIL took them to her hotel room to nap, while H and FIL took Eric to a park.
I asked IL's when they'd be here next for visitation, and told them that I require a MINIMUM 2 weeks notice. They cannot yet give me a date, but ensured me that I'll have my 2 weeks notice. FIL sounded really annoying at this point.
Just before they left, I had Eric give MIL her mother's day card and present (a garden stake I made), as I didn't want to forget them the next day (my mind would be in a flurry over the baptism).
IL's left, and my friend and I went out back to play with the boys. Eric wanted juice, so I filled up his 500mL cup, and he downed the whole thing in a matter of 2 minutes!!! My boys, between the 3 of them, go through at LEAST 6L of juice in a day... for them to be so thirsty, there is NO WAY their fluids were kept up while they were gone.
Sure enough, I started to ask Eric how his day was. He was excited to tell me that he went to 2 parks with FIL and H, had chicken and french fries at the restaurant for lunch, and then had chicken and french fries at McD's for dinner too. Then I asked him what daddy said to him. I was expecting he'd tell me "daddy said he misses me and loves me". Instead, this is what he told me, "Daddy told me not to talk" and "Daddy told me to say NOTHING!!" . Can you guys say RED FLAGS!!! ??? I sure did!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
Eric was extremely ANGRY for quite a few hours after coming home. Now I know what that's all about (I've read on here how the kids have been hard to handle sometimes, after visiting with the non-custodial parent).
Needless to say, I've informed my social worker at the Children's Aid Society. I'll email my lawyer once I've spoken with my CAS worker.
Sunday (Mother's Day) was the baptism. It went really well too. My IL's were there, as were my parents. After the service, I thanked my IL's for attending. I smiled, and was sincere (not an ounce of sarcasm... good for me! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ). Then my friend said to them that it was good to see them again too. They shook hands, and the IL"s even leaned forward to give HER a kiss on the cheek. Then they walked away!!! They didn't even acknowledge my comment (oh, sorry, MIL nodded to me) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> All of this, in front of my boys!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> THIS is where I labelled the IL's as IGNORANT! GRRR!!!
Well... that's about it for now. Of course, other things happened, but for the purposes of leaving this thread as a report for the visitation and attitudes from my IL's, I'll not write about it. Besides, this is long enough as it is! LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
If you've actually read this far, THANK YOU!!
Karen
p.s. Nikko: I asked IL's to get the VHS tapes... but they "forgot" to ask about them! GRRR!!! So it'll have to wait until the case settlement in front of the judge on June 9th.
<small>[ May 12, 2003, 10:21 AM: Message edited by: Topie25 ]</small>
On Wednesday, my MIL called to confirm that she and FIL would be coming by on Saturday May 10th, at 10am (give or take, due to traffic and weather) to pick up the boys to supervise visitation with stbxH. I was a wreck, b/c as you may know, I do NOT approve of my IL's as supervisors, as they are not unbiased.
Saturday morning came, and I had the boys packed and ready to go. IL's arrived at 10:15am, and started getting the car seats into their minivan. During this time, I explained to them what is supposed to be going on, and stated some facts, and asked a few questions.
I asked if they knew what THEIR ROLE in supervising visitation was. MIL looked at me as though I was stupid, and said, "er, role?". So I told her how as SUPERVISORS it is not their responsibility to look after the boys... that's H's role. Their role is to ensure that H is doing things appropriately. For example, if the twins need a new "bum" (diaper), it's H who does it. If they need juice or snacks or meals, it's H's responsibility to provide them. If they'll be outside, H must buy sunblock (we're so fair and burn easily). And most importantly, I asked that she let H know that once I get my own vehicle, and install the carseats, I will NOT be transferring them back and forth for visitations. With that in mind, H will be responsible for purchasing his own. (I thought I was being nice to let him know ahead of time, so that he can budget for it... yah! I know... budget? MY H??? LOL).
I also informed them of how all of the boys are familiar with using "Time Out" as their form of discipline (yes, even the twins now! ), but that if Alex (twin B) is put on time out, you have to stay with him, b/c he's a sneak and will take off the moment you turn your back. They nodded in agreement, but you know what? I don't think they had a clue as to what "time out" is.
It was time to put the twins in their carseats. The seats were fastened into the vehicle well enough, and the IL's started to put the boys in. Simple enough job, right? Nope. The boys were GREAT, and didn't mind being there. The problem, was that the IL's couldn't get the seats done up!! Thankfully, I double checked JonJon's buckle, as it wasn't attached! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I told them how they have to listen for the "click", and should tug on the belt to make sure it's in place. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> I know that when they left here, there were properly fastened in, however, I have no idea if that was the case for the rest of the day.
They left at 10:35am. And I BAWLED!!! I was a wreck!!! I had done everything I could do, to avoid this from happening (not visitation, just the IL's being the supervisors). I was so worried about how they would be. The twins nap from 1pm to 4pm everyday (yes, they DO sleep that long! honest! ). Thankfully, my childhood friend was in town for their baptism (she's their Godmother, and was also Andrew's), and was to arrive shortly.
She got here shortly after 11am, and we had a great day together. She took me out for lunch, and we did a bit of shopping (books and groceries). The day went by quite fast.
One of the things we did, as per HER suggestion, was to go and see where H's apt was. So we did. I know where H lives, b/c it's listed on his bail conditions, which I have copies of (and they're public records anyways, as I was told by the crown attorney). To put it simply, H lives in an apt complex which is inbetween two VERY busy roads, and there are no fences. There is no playground (although there is a pool). There are tons of trees, which make it very pretty... but with so much foliage, kids could hide and not easily be found too. H has a ground floor apt, and since the boys all know how to open patio doors and screens, it concerns me that they could easily "escape" from H's apt if they were there. (they learned how to use those types of doors from my dad.... who also has a ground floor apt, however, his place is fenced in, and the boys do NOT know how to access that gate (yet?) ).
The boys were returned at 5:55pm (IL's obviously knew better than to dare be late). I was so happy to see them, and they ran to me to give me hugs. I asked the IL's how the visit went, and all they could say was "fine" (and their tone was saying that I was being silly for asking such a question).
Then I asked MIL who it was that they were to report the visitation to? She again, looked at me like I was crazy, and said, "er, no-one". THAT worries me folks... it really does! What good is supervised visitation if there is no one they need to report to??? I also asked if the twins had their naps. Apparently MIL took them to her hotel room to nap, while H and FIL took Eric to a park.
I asked IL's when they'd be here next for visitation, and told them that I require a MINIMUM 2 weeks notice. They cannot yet give me a date, but ensured me that I'll have my 2 weeks notice. FIL sounded really annoying at this point.
Just before they left, I had Eric give MIL her mother's day card and present (a garden stake I made), as I didn't want to forget them the next day (my mind would be in a flurry over the baptism).
IL's left, and my friend and I went out back to play with the boys. Eric wanted juice, so I filled up his 500mL cup, and he downed the whole thing in a matter of 2 minutes!!! My boys, between the 3 of them, go through at LEAST 6L of juice in a day... for them to be so thirsty, there is NO WAY their fluids were kept up while they were gone.
Sure enough, I started to ask Eric how his day was. He was excited to tell me that he went to 2 parks with FIL and H, had chicken and french fries at the restaurant for lunch, and then had chicken and french fries at McD's for dinner too. Then I asked him what daddy said to him. I was expecting he'd tell me "daddy said he misses me and loves me". Instead, this is what he told me, "Daddy told me not to talk" and "Daddy told me to say NOTHING!!" . Can you guys say RED FLAGS!!! ??? I sure did!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
Eric was extremely ANGRY for quite a few hours after coming home. Now I know what that's all about (I've read on here how the kids have been hard to handle sometimes, after visiting with the non-custodial parent).
Needless to say, I've informed my social worker at the Children's Aid Society. I'll email my lawyer once I've spoken with my CAS worker.
Sunday (Mother's Day) was the baptism. It went really well too. My IL's were there, as were my parents. After the service, I thanked my IL's for attending. I smiled, and was sincere (not an ounce of sarcasm... good for me! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ). Then my friend said to them that it was good to see them again too. They shook hands, and the IL"s even leaned forward to give HER a kiss on the cheek. Then they walked away!!! They didn't even acknowledge my comment (oh, sorry, MIL nodded to me) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> All of this, in front of my boys!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> THIS is where I labelled the IL's as IGNORANT! GRRR!!!
Well... that's about it for now. Of course, other things happened, but for the purposes of leaving this thread as a report for the visitation and attitudes from my IL's, I'll not write about it. Besides, this is long enough as it is! LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
If you've actually read this far, THANK YOU!!
Karen
p.s. Nikko: I asked IL's to get the VHS tapes... but they "forgot" to ask about them! GRRR!!! So it'll have to wait until the case settlement in front of the judge on June 9th.
<small>[ May 12, 2003, 10:21 AM: Message edited by: Topie25 ]</small>