My opinion on letters from OW - 07/31/03 11:04 AM
After calling me a coward she sent this e-mail.
I tried to speak with you on Friday afternoon primarily from one mother to another regarding a very private issue, however, you chose to put the phone down without even hearing what I have to say. How many abusive calls have I taken from you, yet I listened. (After D-day 2001)
>
> Most importantly, when certain issues happen in my home I have all the right to have my say, especially when it involves dishonesty.
>
> The issues I tried to raise with you on the phone are as follows:
>
> * Sanitary towels placed in ** luggage.
> * **'s Hair - and the special treatment thereof.
>
> Firstly, the initial thought that came to mind was that **had commenced with her monthlies, therefore, I asked her if she required any assistance. ** had no idea why they were placed in her luggage, furthermore, she did not understand the process of adolescence. ** very clearly stated that you had not given her any guidance on the subject.
>
> I merely phoned you to clarify what education you had provided on the subject in order not to confuse **.
>
> Due to your refusal to speak with me and on **request, I explained the process with the aid of a young woman's medical journal.
(dd is 11yo eduction started way back in 2001)
>
> We have created a transparent and loving home and we encourage all four children to speak freely about their parents and their day to day lives. We have never uttered a bad word against you or your family and will continue to live by those standards in order not to hurt the children.
>
> In my case, thank goodness, they are free to call and speak with their dad's fiancée, **, whom they love. I, in turn respect her fully because she loves my children, just as I do yours. After all, your children will be part of my family for the rest of my life, just as you will be (as their mom) and that **, is reality.
(Ex-husband and his OW)
>
> It takes no rocket scientist to understand that your children will eventually not believe a word you say when they are older, and find out that you have told them the most hurtful and dreadful lies, will they have respect for you?
>
> I suggest that you take some quiet time and reflect on the hurt and the emotional pressure you are causing your family. Requesting children to withhold the truth and bare secrets have an adverse effect on children and instill a fear of them speaking out openly and honestly. When a child is unable to express their feelings it is indeed the most damaging emotion a parent can inflict on a child, all their feeling are kept within and bottled up, which we both know will cause future emotional problems.
>
> Take the best interests of the children into consideration, rather than finding every possible angle to be revengeful and un-cooperative.
>
> Secondly, I would like to raise some issues that both children have discussed with us.
>
> There is no use in you denying any of the undermentioned issues, because quite simply, a 5-year-old and a 10-year-old child do not have the ability to manufacture such stories.
>
> * Children have repeatedly overheard you and your family/friends discussing their dad and putting him down - it deeply hurts their feelings.
Soon after D-day 2001. STopped immediately when I started therapy in Sept 2001.
> * Both children expressed that you were moving to Canada/Australia for> work purposes. They asked me to show them the different countries on a map. Children upset and distraught because they may have to move far away from their dad. Had a job offer had to refuse it due to emotional status. Sept 2001
> * You informed the children in December 2001 that you went on a holiday to Australia, but returned to meet with them in ** three days later. Children confused because we took the trouble to explain to them where Australia was and that it takes 16 hours to fly there. We explained to children that some people MAY fly to Australia, touch down for a couple of hours and fly back to **. (to save you the embarrassment of explaining your lie).
Had to go on work assignment to another city in our country informed WS and DD.
> * You read the divorce settlement letter to **, some of the contents she discussed with us (conversation April 03). DD found copy of DV in my file in my cupboard.
> * No home telephone because daddy does not pay. He agreed on paying and then stopped
> * No extra-mural activities because daddy does not pay i.e. Guitar, ballet etc. Teacher reminded DD that payments were in arrears.
> * You told the children that because of their dad's decision they were forced to move out of the house by October 2003. (told May/June 03).
Looking at houses because he has requested in dv that house must be sold and I must be out of it by Oct 2003.
> * Children were told that daddy is late with the maintenance, and cannot afford to go out to movies etc. Had to go to court for maintenance
> * Children being told to switch the cellphone off, when going to ** or to leave the cellphone behind when visiting family members.
> * Children unable to call their dad because mom would not let them use her phone.
> * ** confused regarding the results of her school report, said she was not allowed to see it and the report has not been discussed with her as of thisdate.
> * Mom said that she had faxed and posted ** report, as of this date we have not received it.
> * Mom agrees with dad re: flight schedules to ** and then
> frequently phones to change the ticket and request that the children return home with a promise of a holiday, which never transpires. Confuses the children
> * ** asked us to buy stationery approx. R25.00, she stated that you have no time and no money, a fear to ask for necessities
I will not even attempt to answer this. Children are seeing their therapist next week and she can deal with this.
* ** repeatedly requesting assistance and guidance with regard to her weight, is very self-conscious. You are not assisting her with her weight loss and health. I am aware that you have an incredible weight problems, I have seen photos and are you are inclined to snack on fast foods and sweets. Kindly, teach your children healthy eating habits, for their own health.
> * Both girls complain that they do not interact with children their own age from their schools, and always mix with family members. They would also like to visit their external friends more often and that their mom phones and makes arrangements. Sometimes they do not attend birthday parties that they are invited to.
>
> I would sincerely recommend that you do not interrogate the children for being honest and discussing these issues with us. If you would like clarity on any issue, please feel free to contact **or me at anytime.
>
> Furthermore, how can a grown woman confide and request emotional support from a 23-year-old niece of **. Do you honestly think that in the prime of her young life she needs to be pressurised by solving and commenting on the -**(** and **) "defective genetic make-up". How naïve of you to forget that she too, is a **. Have you even considered that you are actually hurting her feelings?
Father an alcoholic, My WS is a recovering alcoholic, youngest brother committed suicide. Niece is a psychologist wanted my input on sitch as I belong to Al-Anon and ACA.
>
> Are you not mature and compassionate enough to understand that your
> children are too young to be burdened with parents finances, your divorce settlement and your personal problems, they are your children for goodness sake, not your mates.
>
> Requesting half of the voyager miles is one of the most spiteful demands you have recently requested , you are well aware that the voyager miles are used for the children to fly up to see their father and visa versa, how dare you deny your children happiness in visiting their father. You seriously have a jealously problem, which makes us pity you. WS told me I could have them. Thus far she and her family are the people using all his voyager miles. Not worried about his children not having a roof over their heads but worried about voyager miles.
>
> Have a little self-respect and get a grip woman, stop feeling sorry for yourself, you are leading a sad and bitter life. You and you alone are responsible for all the anger you are feeling, don't take it out on your children and other **relatives.
>
> Move on with your life, there is so much out there if only you allow yourself to enjoy it.
>
> Finally, two years have past, for goodness sake do you think you are the only person to get a divorce? Kings and Queens do it, Presidents do it, and normal people do it. Believe me you are not the first and certainly not the last.
>
> Surely, your interdict for violent behaviour and verbal abuse in the worse form, clearly portrays your reputation in a bad light, if I might add, these acts were performed in front of small children, together with all your other hate letters and of course we have your confessions of how you were part and parcel of destroying your own marriage, you are well aware of the old saying "it takes two to tango", which also outlines your anger and may I add, just to refresh your memory that you would keep the children away from their dad, the real
>
> Fortunately, I have kept every bit of correspondence, which confirms and backs up every word outlined above, are you also going to deny and lie to the Judge that you did not write them?
>
> If you so desire, I will gladly email this letter to your attorney as soon as possible. I have no qualms in telling the truth and I am prepared to stand before a judge and swear before God. You will not and cannot possibly get away with anymore of your lies.
>
> When the divorce is final, I shall gladly return all your correspondence, including your wedding dress and photo album, which I refused to destroy, because it is not mine to destroy. You do with your private things as you
> seem fit.
>
<small>[ August 28, 2003, 03:17 AM: Message edited by: GinnyF ]</small>
I tried to speak with you on Friday afternoon primarily from one mother to another regarding a very private issue, however, you chose to put the phone down without even hearing what I have to say. How many abusive calls have I taken from you, yet I listened. (After D-day 2001)
>
> Most importantly, when certain issues happen in my home I have all the right to have my say, especially when it involves dishonesty.
>
> The issues I tried to raise with you on the phone are as follows:
>
> * Sanitary towels placed in ** luggage.
> * **'s Hair - and the special treatment thereof.
>
> Firstly, the initial thought that came to mind was that **had commenced with her monthlies, therefore, I asked her if she required any assistance. ** had no idea why they were placed in her luggage, furthermore, she did not understand the process of adolescence. ** very clearly stated that you had not given her any guidance on the subject.
>
> I merely phoned you to clarify what education you had provided on the subject in order not to confuse **.
>
> Due to your refusal to speak with me and on **request, I explained the process with the aid of a young woman's medical journal.
(dd is 11yo eduction started way back in 2001)
>
> We have created a transparent and loving home and we encourage all four children to speak freely about their parents and their day to day lives. We have never uttered a bad word against you or your family and will continue to live by those standards in order not to hurt the children.
>
> In my case, thank goodness, they are free to call and speak with their dad's fiancée, **, whom they love. I, in turn respect her fully because she loves my children, just as I do yours. After all, your children will be part of my family for the rest of my life, just as you will be (as their mom) and that **, is reality.
(Ex-husband and his OW)
>
> It takes no rocket scientist to understand that your children will eventually not believe a word you say when they are older, and find out that you have told them the most hurtful and dreadful lies, will they have respect for you?
>
> I suggest that you take some quiet time and reflect on the hurt and the emotional pressure you are causing your family. Requesting children to withhold the truth and bare secrets have an adverse effect on children and instill a fear of them speaking out openly and honestly. When a child is unable to express their feelings it is indeed the most damaging emotion a parent can inflict on a child, all their feeling are kept within and bottled up, which we both know will cause future emotional problems.
>
> Take the best interests of the children into consideration, rather than finding every possible angle to be revengeful and un-cooperative.
>
> Secondly, I would like to raise some issues that both children have discussed with us.
>
> There is no use in you denying any of the undermentioned issues, because quite simply, a 5-year-old and a 10-year-old child do not have the ability to manufacture such stories.
>
> * Children have repeatedly overheard you and your family/friends discussing their dad and putting him down - it deeply hurts their feelings.
Soon after D-day 2001. STopped immediately when I started therapy in Sept 2001.
> * Both children expressed that you were moving to Canada/Australia for> work purposes. They asked me to show them the different countries on a map. Children upset and distraught because they may have to move far away from their dad. Had a job offer had to refuse it due to emotional status. Sept 2001
> * You informed the children in December 2001 that you went on a holiday to Australia, but returned to meet with them in ** three days later. Children confused because we took the trouble to explain to them where Australia was and that it takes 16 hours to fly there. We explained to children that some people MAY fly to Australia, touch down for a couple of hours and fly back to **. (to save you the embarrassment of explaining your lie).
Had to go on work assignment to another city in our country informed WS and DD.
> * You read the divorce settlement letter to **, some of the contents she discussed with us (conversation April 03). DD found copy of DV in my file in my cupboard.
> * No home telephone because daddy does not pay. He agreed on paying and then stopped
> * No extra-mural activities because daddy does not pay i.e. Guitar, ballet etc. Teacher reminded DD that payments were in arrears.
> * You told the children that because of their dad's decision they were forced to move out of the house by October 2003. (told May/June 03).
Looking at houses because he has requested in dv that house must be sold and I must be out of it by Oct 2003.
> * Children were told that daddy is late with the maintenance, and cannot afford to go out to movies etc. Had to go to court for maintenance
> * Children being told to switch the cellphone off, when going to ** or to leave the cellphone behind when visiting family members.
> * Children unable to call their dad because mom would not let them use her phone.
> * ** confused regarding the results of her school report, said she was not allowed to see it and the report has not been discussed with her as of thisdate.
> * Mom said that she had faxed and posted ** report, as of this date we have not received it.
> * Mom agrees with dad re: flight schedules to ** and then
> frequently phones to change the ticket and request that the children return home with a promise of a holiday, which never transpires. Confuses the children
> * ** asked us to buy stationery approx. R25.00, she stated that you have no time and no money, a fear to ask for necessities
I will not even attempt to answer this. Children are seeing their therapist next week and she can deal with this.
* ** repeatedly requesting assistance and guidance with regard to her weight, is very self-conscious. You are not assisting her with her weight loss and health. I am aware that you have an incredible weight problems, I have seen photos and are you are inclined to snack on fast foods and sweets. Kindly, teach your children healthy eating habits, for their own health.
> * Both girls complain that they do not interact with children their own age from their schools, and always mix with family members. They would also like to visit their external friends more often and that their mom phones and makes arrangements. Sometimes they do not attend birthday parties that they are invited to.
>
> I would sincerely recommend that you do not interrogate the children for being honest and discussing these issues with us. If you would like clarity on any issue, please feel free to contact **or me at anytime.
>
> Furthermore, how can a grown woman confide and request emotional support from a 23-year-old niece of **. Do you honestly think that in the prime of her young life she needs to be pressurised by solving and commenting on the -**(** and **) "defective genetic make-up". How naïve of you to forget that she too, is a **. Have you even considered that you are actually hurting her feelings?
Father an alcoholic, My WS is a recovering alcoholic, youngest brother committed suicide. Niece is a psychologist wanted my input on sitch as I belong to Al-Anon and ACA.
>
> Are you not mature and compassionate enough to understand that your
> children are too young to be burdened with parents finances, your divorce settlement and your personal problems, they are your children for goodness sake, not your mates.
>
> Requesting half of the voyager miles is one of the most spiteful demands you have recently requested , you are well aware that the voyager miles are used for the children to fly up to see their father and visa versa, how dare you deny your children happiness in visiting their father. You seriously have a jealously problem, which makes us pity you. WS told me I could have them. Thus far she and her family are the people using all his voyager miles. Not worried about his children not having a roof over their heads but worried about voyager miles.
>
> Have a little self-respect and get a grip woman, stop feeling sorry for yourself, you are leading a sad and bitter life. You and you alone are responsible for all the anger you are feeling, don't take it out on your children and other **relatives.
>
> Move on with your life, there is so much out there if only you allow yourself to enjoy it.
>
> Finally, two years have past, for goodness sake do you think you are the only person to get a divorce? Kings and Queens do it, Presidents do it, and normal people do it. Believe me you are not the first and certainly not the last.
>
> Surely, your interdict for violent behaviour and verbal abuse in the worse form, clearly portrays your reputation in a bad light, if I might add, these acts were performed in front of small children, together with all your other hate letters and of course we have your confessions of how you were part and parcel of destroying your own marriage, you are well aware of the old saying "it takes two to tango", which also outlines your anger and may I add, just to refresh your memory that you would keep the children away from their dad, the real
>
> Fortunately, I have kept every bit of correspondence, which confirms and backs up every word outlined above, are you also going to deny and lie to the Judge that you did not write them?
>
> If you so desire, I will gladly email this letter to your attorney as soon as possible. I have no qualms in telling the truth and I am prepared to stand before a judge and swear before God. You will not and cannot possibly get away with anymore of your lies.
>
> When the divorce is final, I shall gladly return all your correspondence, including your wedding dress and photo album, which I refused to destroy, because it is not mine to destroy. You do with your private things as you
> seem fit.
>
<small>[ August 28, 2003, 03:17 AM: Message edited by: GinnyF ]</small>