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Joined: Dec 2001
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After calling me a coward she sent this e-mail.

I tried to speak with you on Friday afternoon primarily from one mother to another regarding a very private issue, however, you chose to put the phone down without even hearing what I have to say. How many abusive calls have I taken from you, yet I listened. (After D-day 2001)
>
> Most importantly, when certain issues happen in my home I have all the right to have my say, especially when it involves dishonesty.
>
> The issues I tried to raise with you on the phone are as follows:
>
> * Sanitary towels placed in ** luggage.
> * **'s Hair - and the special treatment thereof.
>
> Firstly, the initial thought that came to mind was that **had commenced with her monthlies, therefore, I asked her if she required any assistance. ** had no idea why they were placed in her luggage, furthermore, she did not understand the process of adolescence. ** very clearly stated that you had not given her any guidance on the subject.
>
> I merely phoned you to clarify what education you had provided on the subject in order not to confuse **.
>
> Due to your refusal to speak with me and on **request, I explained the process with the aid of a young woman's medical journal.
(dd is 11yo eduction started way back in 2001)
>
> We have created a transparent and loving home and we encourage all four children to speak freely about their parents and their day to day lives. We have never uttered a bad word against you or your family and will continue to live by those standards in order not to hurt the children.
>
> In my case, thank goodness, they are free to call and speak with their dad's fiancée, **, whom they love. I, in turn respect her fully because she loves my children, just as I do yours. After all, your children will be part of my family for the rest of my life, just as you will be (as their mom) and that **, is reality.
(Ex-husband and his OW)
>
> It takes no rocket scientist to understand that your children will eventually not believe a word you say when they are older, and find out that you have told them the most hurtful and dreadful lies, will they have respect for you?
>
> I suggest that you take some quiet time and reflect on the hurt and the emotional pressure you are causing your family. Requesting children to withhold the truth and bare secrets have an adverse effect on children and instill a fear of them speaking out openly and honestly. When a child is unable to express their feelings it is indeed the most damaging emotion a parent can inflict on a child, all their feeling are kept within and bottled up, which we both know will cause future emotional problems.
>
> Take the best interests of the children into consideration, rather than finding every possible angle to be revengeful and un-cooperative.
>
> Secondly, I would like to raise some issues that both children have discussed with us.
>
> There is no use in you denying any of the undermentioned issues, because quite simply, a 5-year-old and a 10-year-old child do not have the ability to manufacture such stories.
>
> * Children have repeatedly overheard you and your family/friends discussing their dad and putting him down - it deeply hurts their feelings.
Soon after D-day 2001. STopped immediately when I started therapy in Sept 2001.
> * Both children expressed that you were moving to Canada/Australia for> work purposes. They asked me to show them the different countries on a map. Children upset and distraught because they may have to move far away from their dad. Had a job offer had to refuse it due to emotional status. Sept 2001
> * You informed the children in December 2001 that you went on a holiday to Australia, but returned to meet with them in ** three days later. Children confused because we took the trouble to explain to them where Australia was and that it takes 16 hours to fly there. We explained to children that some people MAY fly to Australia, touch down for a couple of hours and fly back to **. (to save you the embarrassment of explaining your lie).
Had to go on work assignment to another city in our country informed WS and DD.

> * You read the divorce settlement letter to **, some of the contents she discussed with us (conversation April 03). DD found copy of DV in my file in my cupboard.
> * No home telephone because daddy does not pay. He agreed on paying and then stopped
> * No extra-mural activities because daddy does not pay i.e. Guitar, ballet etc. Teacher reminded DD that payments were in arrears.
> * You told the children that because of their dad's decision they were forced to move out of the house by October 2003. (told May/June 03).
Looking at houses because he has requested in dv that house must be sold and I must be out of it by Oct 2003.
> * Children were told that daddy is late with the maintenance, and cannot afford to go out to movies etc. Had to go to court for maintenance
> * Children being told to switch the cellphone off, when going to ** or to leave the cellphone behind when visiting family members.
> * Children unable to call their dad because mom would not let them use her phone.
> * ** confused regarding the results of her school report, said she was not allowed to see it and the report has not been discussed with her as of thisdate.
> * Mom said that she had faxed and posted ** report, as of this date we have not received it.
> * Mom agrees with dad re: flight schedules to ** and then
> frequently phones to change the ticket and request that the children return home with a promise of a holiday, which never transpires. Confuses the children
> * ** asked us to buy stationery approx. R25.00, she stated that you have no time and no money, a fear to ask for necessities
I will not even attempt to answer this. Children are seeing their therapist next week and she can deal with this.

* ** repeatedly requesting assistance and guidance with regard to her weight, is very self-conscious. You are not assisting her with her weight loss and health. I am aware that you have an incredible weight problems, I have seen photos and are you are inclined to snack on fast foods and sweets. Kindly, teach your children healthy eating habits, for their own health.
> * Both girls complain that they do not interact with children their own age from their schools, and always mix with family members. They would also like to visit their external friends more often and that their mom phones and makes arrangements. Sometimes they do not attend birthday parties that they are invited to.
>
> I would sincerely recommend that you do not interrogate the children for being honest and discussing these issues with us. If you would like clarity on any issue, please feel free to contact **or me at anytime.
>
> Furthermore, how can a grown woman confide and request emotional support from a 23-year-old niece of **. Do you honestly think that in the prime of her young life she needs to be pressurised by solving and commenting on the -**(** and **) "defective genetic make-up". How naïve of you to forget that she too, is a **. Have you even considered that you are actually hurting her feelings?
Father an alcoholic, My WS is a recovering alcoholic, youngest brother committed suicide. Niece is a psychologist wanted my input on sitch as I belong to Al-Anon and ACA.

>
> Are you not mature and compassionate enough to understand that your
> children are too young to be burdened with parents finances, your divorce settlement and your personal problems, they are your children for goodness sake, not your mates.
>
> Requesting half of the voyager miles is one of the most spiteful demands you have recently requested , you are well aware that the voyager miles are used for the children to fly up to see their father and visa versa, how dare you deny your children happiness in visiting their father. You seriously have a jealously problem, which makes us pity you. WS told me I could have them. Thus far she and her family are the people using all his voyager miles. Not worried about his children not having a roof over their heads but worried about voyager miles.
>
> Have a little self-respect and get a grip woman, stop feeling sorry for yourself, you are leading a sad and bitter life. You and you alone are responsible for all the anger you are feeling, don't take it out on your children and other **relatives.
>
> Move on with your life, there is so much out there if only you allow yourself to enjoy it.
>
> Finally, two years have past, for goodness sake do you think you are the only person to get a divorce? Kings and Queens do it, Presidents do it, and normal people do it. Believe me you are not the first and certainly not the last.
>
> Surely, your interdict for violent behaviour and verbal abuse in the worse form, clearly portrays your reputation in a bad light, if I might add, these acts were performed in front of small children, together with all your other hate letters and of course we have your confessions of how you were part and parcel of destroying your own marriage, you are well aware of the old saying "it takes two to tango", which also outlines your anger and may I add, just to refresh your memory that you would keep the children away from their dad, the real
>
> Fortunately, I have kept every bit of correspondence, which confirms and backs up every word outlined above, are you also going to deny and lie to the Judge that you did not write them?
>
> If you so desire, I will gladly email this letter to your attorney as soon as possible. I have no qualms in telling the truth and I am prepared to stand before a judge and swear before God. You will not and cannot possibly get away with anymore of your lies.
>
> When the divorce is final, I shall gladly return all your correspondence, including your wedding dress and photo album, which I refused to destroy, because it is not mine to destroy. You do with your private things as you
> seem fit.
>

<small>[ August 28, 2003, 03:17 AM: Message edited by: GinnyF ]</small>

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Dear OW,

I did not have the pleasure of reading your very long tome, but would only refer you to my husband instead. You see, the welfare of our children and the status of our marriage is, and will always remain, between he and I. While I appreciate your concern, it is truly none of your business. You and I have nothing to communicate about. XX and I are their parents, not you, and that status does not change when the children are in their father's home.

Best regards,

<small>[ July 31, 2003, 07:31 AM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>

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Ginny,
Please just blow her off. She is a CLASS A manipulator who is only trying to control you. I would also try to control the children's exposure to her. She is DANGEROUS. Can you demand that he fly to the kids? I am betting that she is doing some MAJOR lovebusting and will go ballistic if you blow her off. I bet your H hears about this ALL THE TIME!

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HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just spewed coffee all over my computer...

uuughhhhh, gagggg, bleeeech, plhththththththt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

what a bunch of hooooeeey!!!!!!!!!!!!

help I've fallen down and i can't get up...

ARK

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I would also keep copies of everything and document times and dates in case you need to fight for 100% custody since your X doesn't seem to be doing his side of parenting.

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Ginny,

Did you get my email? This woman really wants to get up to have a fit. She wants you LB. There must not be enough excitement in her life so she needs to do something to up the drama level. Don't play her game.

If you respond at all, the response should be as stated above by MelodyLane, that you and your husband are parenting your children. You will discuss the parenting issues with your husband.

There is no way you should ever talk to this woman. So just don't. By the way all her threats of using your letters to your husband against you.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> I'm sure the court would be interested to see that she and yoru husband are on the attack against you. It would only help you.

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MelodyLane:
On D-day this women threatened to take me and WS to court for sexual harassment. She is his secretary.

As for responding, I have received good advise from you and Zorweb. I will not respond now as both WS and OW is waiting for it.

My reaction to all this is that I am being so nice to WS on the phone(my 180), I am sure this is confusing the hell out of him.

New Jersey
From day one I have kept a record of each and every document, incident with children and all her threats to sue me for dafamation of character. Also the message where she infornmed me that WS did not love me and he was only back with me for the sake of the kids. His exact words to me was "she is not only a dangerous women but also manapulative and controling one"

ARk^^
Thank you for making me smile.

Zorweb
I have received your e-mail this morning. I was thinking along the same lines. I must not lovebust, show resentment or anger they thrive on this.
I have e-mailed you and I will respond in the morning.

MelodyLane
I think the flying of the kids will eventually stop as WS's voyager miles are just about depleted. WS and OW used the voyager miles for their "Fly High Mile Club" excursions (her words). It is also used to fly her children to their father.
WS and I were saving the voyager miles for five years because we wanted to travel the world. Slowly reality is setting in.

Eventually, he will have to fly to our city to see the kids. Also his work circumstances have changed he is not doing such a lot of travelling anymore.

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LOL!

The funniest thing just happened ...

I actually feel sorry for the WS here!

This OW has got his 'effin balls in a vise!

But, it's a "transparent and loving" vise ....

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

WS must be soooo miserable.

Here's the thing, be the exact opposite of this woman .... your H will be drawn toward you.

Geezelouise....

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To paraphrase the other posters' advice, more or less:

"Never wrassle with a pig. You get all dirty, and the pig likes it!"

How the *** did this *#%** get your wedding dress and wedding album?

Ginny, you're winning!

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Keep on doing the right thing here..........

The fog will soon lift & your husband will see this woman for what she truly is.....

Just give all your efforts to your children....

You are certainly shining through the storm.

God Bless

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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Delusional OW wrote:
I suggest that you take some quiet time and reflect on the hurt and the emotional pressure you are causing your family</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If I allowed this to get to me I'd be hurling in the bathroom about now. She is simply and grossly unbelievable, TRULY. Talking about denial ... let me get this straight, she invaded your marriage and stole your husband BUT you are the one who has caused hurt and emotional pressure on your family? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Ginny, you are doing a great job. You have risen above it and I'm really proud of you. You are MB personified ... God Bless you, Hon.

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the letter drips with irony upon irony..
responding to any of it would be a monumental waste of everything...

just the opening line...
speak to you as one mother to another...

right there she's got me...

she sure is a mother....of a different sort though...
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

ARK who laughed out loud at peppers response as well....

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I can't begin to imagine what kind of h&ll this man has created for himself and his children! I'm sure he's heard all of this garbage too. Sadly, he deserves it...when one lays down with dogs they get up with fleas. Talk about micro-management. I'm sure she was a very efficient secretary..gag!

I wouldn't respond to this at all. This woman has serious problems. It sounds as if she's losing a grip on him and this is a desperate attempt to hold him. She has to make herself out to be better (ergo the high ground she takes in not destroying your wedding gown-please) therefore he dare not leave her. She's trying to prove that she'll be the perfect mother...micro managing the children's lives too. (Many children at puberty age will pudge up which will melt away soon after the body adjusts to changing hormones-the damage she's doing to this child's self esteem is mind boggling)

None of this is any of her business. The only response if any at all needs to come from your attorney to him stating that parenting is his responsiblity-not hers.

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I have been mad about this all day long. This woman is profoundly evil and sick. She not only is sleeping with your husband but is hell bent on taking over your children and destroying you in the process. It wasn't enough to just take your H and children. She wants to emotionally destroy you.

Please do not even read any more of her emails. Block her. And you just can't expose your children to this sick, evil woman. She is dangerous. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

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Yeah Mel, same here. It makes my blood boil.

This OW has elephant balls. From reading her email, seems there's no end in what she will claim as her's. Then she's not satisfied with that, she feels the need to tell the kid's mom what she isn't doing right. No shame, no empathy, no conscience ... just unmitigated aggressive preditory pontification spewing from her. Amazing ....

I agree, block that women's email addy.

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One thought, which may not be a popular one: is there anything at all you can learn from her criticism? If some of this stuff is coming from H through her, you might learn more about his needs, for a better Plan A, should the time come.

Not responding, or the limited response Melody suggested, will throw her back to H to continue venting. That's probably a good place for it.

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Pepperband: Somehow, I am also feeling sorry for him.

Bellevue: After D-day WS came back home for one month. When he decided to go back to her in my emotional state I gave him everything. I was angry because we needed such a lot of things in the house, which he said we could not afford.

Yet in three months he has spend so much money on the OW whilst I was struggling at home just to survive financially. So on the day he left I hired a removal truck and just got rid of everything that needed to be replaced in my house. The wedding dress and photo's were in one of the cupboards.

JPH: This letter is with my atty already. There is a legal agreement in place for visitation rights so I cannot stop my DD's from going to their dad. However, the only measure I could take was to arrange appointments with their therapist after each visit they have with their dad and OW. I also listen to them when they want to speak to me about things that happened whilst there without showing any anger.

MelodyLane: I have blocked her e-mails. Unfortunately, as she is my WS's secretary she has access to his e-mail at work. I cannot block his e-mail as there are times that we use it for verification of flight schedules and other matters regarding children.

I have spoken to my childrens' therapist about this exposure. As a family we had a very close bond. My 11yo d, wants to see her dad. Even the 5yo starts missing her dad after a couple of weeks. Somehow, he is also still maintaining this bond. I have noticed that since they came back after the last visit his telephoned calls to them increased. This past week alone he phoned them everyday.

A.M.Martin: You have raised a good point. I did sit down and asked myself what I could take out of the letter to improve the relationship not only with my kids but also with my husband. One of the things she brought up was the interaction with other kids. Fortunately for me I have taken action regarding this matter some time ago. We were a very isolated family, no friends just us.

When my au pair had to go because Ws refused to pay, it was a blessing in disguise. My children are in day care now and they have met some wonderful friends. The last summer was so different from other summer months because everyday I had their friends over to come and swim. I enjoyed it and so did they.

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You know, just let OW rant on. Save all the email, letters, etc. They are good things to put in that folder you talked about for you children to read when they are older. Like this one, you could learn from them.

The letter was meant to get a rise out of you. By not acknowledging it at all you doing the right thing. Your lack of reaction will only lead to her LB'ing and you looking like a class act.

She, she helped you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

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[QUOTE] GinnyF:
[QB]Bellevue: After D-day WS came back home for one month. When he decided to go back to her in my emotional state I gave him everything. I was angry because we needed such a lot of things in the house, which he said we could not afford.

Yet in three months he has spend so much money on the OW whilst I was struggling at home just to survive financially. So on the day he left I hired a removal truck and just got rid of everything that needed to be replaced in my house. The wedding dress and photo's were in one of the cupboards."

Got it. Total chaos.

Okay, so you can't block her emails. Melody Lane, new jersey and Zorweb are right.

And Zorweb's advice, to keep all the emails, is brilliant. She is weaving her own shroud, that OW. But what I'm thinking is they can help you legally. Any judge reading that cr*# will have a microscope on a real diseased mind.

Also, her true colors are showing, and they are muddy. Not responding to her is wonderful strategy. Her irritation will ricochet toward your H, he is going to see her meanspiritedness, selfishness. She's losing her glamour.

ROoting for you!

<small>[ August 01, 2003, 10:59 AM: Message edited by: Bellevue ]</small>

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Received another letter from OW in the post this am.

"As for blocking my e-mail address proves to me once again what a big coward you are.

I am returning all your hate mail (letter send to WS after D-day) and your wedding dress will follow shortly.

"A person never knows what they have until they have lost it. Your loss have given me a wonderful man which I will treasure and protect with all my life".

WS and I wish that you someday find the love and happiness that we have found in each other.

Signed: WS and OW

I am crying, I am angry, I am swearing. This women is Santan in itself.

Does she have no feelings...........My dv will be final on 4th Sept. I am dealing with the end of my marriage, I am dealing with a change in my financial situation............God how I would love to say I hate her but I think that even that will not to justice to such an insane person.

Again, I will have to ignore this letter and act very happy with WS as we are busy transferring all financial matters into my name and there is contact between us. Deep down in me I feel like telling him to P@$%$&%) off and never see him again. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

What do I do?

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