What is your best guess of when WS stopped lying? - 08/24/00 03:51 PM
This is kind of an academic question and of course none of us knows the answer for certain, but when do you think your WS stopped lying to you about the affair?<P>My own H, who I had never caught in any kind of lie in our previous 16 years of marriage lied during the affair, but that wasn't hard because I had no clue.<P>He gave some pretty incredible denials during the few hours of discovery. When I came up with a love note scribbled in a woman's writing and a new sweatshirt (in bag with tags) of our archrival team (gift he never gave her) in his car, he had to admit it. <P>The first words out of his lips were "well now you won't believe me when I tell you the truth."<P>Actually anything he did say about the affair I think was true, but believe me he hasn't said much.<P>What he then continued to lie about was contact. Although I think I did catch him walking away, and he was so accountable with his time, I don't think he ever saw her again, he did continue to call her from work.<P>We read SAA together, he agreed to no contact, I asked him every day for weeks if there had been contact (I thought she may have tried to call him)...and he lied and lied and lied.<P>Finally I found a phone card and knew...and I think phone contact finally stopped. Of course who knows? <P>Anyway, when did your WS stop lying to you? Discovery/confession? Recommitment? End of withdrawl? Is it unrealistic to think a WS CAN stop lying abruptly or do they need to work back into truthfulness?<P>And aside from trust issues in general, do you still have a tendency to evaluate their words and sift them for the truth?<P>I have to say I do andI wonder if I will ever stop doing that. I think my H is totally honest again, but if he says the sky is blue, I don't think I can help but just take a little peek for myself.