All right I have been here for an hour today and have seen several "old timers" around, some even older than me ! In posting time, not years .<P>So who is here, how long have you been here, what do you think of the MB board ? <P>Lets get some friendly talk going here folks ! I have seen a few topics and posts here that kind of disturb me. But I have also seen some great post/topics that are keeping up with the standard of kindness and caring that first drew me out of lurkdom to post almost 2 years ago. (Oh Lord, has it been that long already ?)<P>So come tell us if you're here and what you think, be honest, we are all grown ups, lets try to find out what our fellow posters need to feel welcome and to be helped.<P>The sense of community is why I keep coming back here !<P><P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

Hi, Bozos_Deb,<P>Been here slightly over 12 months. I believe that this site is a God send for people who are having trouble in their marriages or think they are having trouble with their marriages.<P>JL

JL,<P>I agree that this board is a God-send. There are times when I would have gone insane without it ! Of course we all know I am insane anyway, but you know what I mean !<P>Having this board to come to to and the people here to talk to has made the horror of some of the things I have been through much easier to deal with !<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

Hey Deb, <P>How are you?I have been here 11 months off and on. I have to keep this short. Packing for a trip. This site for me was to learn and grow and know all is not helpless. To know there was others in the same situation. to have support group. Whether I particpated or not. You'll hear from me soon. Thanks everyone!!!<P>------------------<BR>Lilly<P><p>[This message has been edited by Lilly (edited April 12, 2000).]

Deb,<P>I've been here for almost 4 months. And my H's affair is still going on. <P>If I hadn't found this site, I can honestly say that I wouldn't be on this planet any longer. The night I found this sight I was seriously suicidal. <P>So, yes, I can say, MB has been a god-send. I have come to care about everyone here.<P>Mitzi

Deb,<BR>Haven't I been here all my life? At least this life. <BR>Started lurking Jan. '99 I think. D-day Dec. 20. I think I may have registered in March '99 before the big forum Meltdown.<BR>This place saved my marriage and my sanity. (Don't laugh, I do have some sanity somewhere, will have to check my back pocket).<BR>I think we need to spend a little more time here checking out the other forums. "Just Found out" is a very lonely place to be and well.....we need to go there but sometimes it's hard huh?<BR>one thing I need to get back to doing when I visit is to check those posts that don't have many responses and just show some support. Jim does a great job but we all need to be there for each other.

Wassy , I agree, maybe I will check out just found out myself.<P>I wish this board hadn't been split up like it was, then everyone was in one place ! Ah well such is life.<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

Hi:<BR> I've been here since January (I think). Now in recovery after H's EA. Recovery is going well...I like the way we are headed.<P>This site has been VERY helpful in processing all this...many wise, caring people. Oddly, I've found some of my biggest realizations have come when I was trying to put something into words to post to someone else...seems to really clarify things for me (and, I hope it hasn't confused the recipient too much!!!)<P>Kathi<P>

I have been posting since Feb. 2000. D was late November. I wish I had found this site. I do not think I would have been so nuts. I wasn't sleeping and wasn't eating and thought my situation was bizaar and one of a kind.<P>When I realized it was an epidemic. And the things that my H said to me came from a "book" that all WS use....I calmed down.<P>Being able to come here and ventilate has helped me immensely. It has warded off my anger and frustration and sadness.<P>being able to come here and offer support has been therapeutic.<P>I can always find someone on some board that has something in common with my situation. It is very helpful.......

tis me Deb. Been here far too long 30 Dec 98 I registered, only 5 days after discovery.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

Been here since March, 1999. I'm really grateful for the support I've received here, but sometimes it is terribly depressing to see how common infidelity is, and how many lives have been destroyed.

Been here so long - lost count. Registered May 99. I'm embarassed to click on the sunglasses and see how many posts I have made. <P>I have grown. <P>I think the biggest growing has been in the faith area, and really solidifying for me what I think, believe, what I am committed to. <P>Secondly, I have seen a change on this board, in many people. I remember the threads when people would get upset it you said "God Bless You", or "I'll say a prayer for you." Now, I see we have a prayer section, and a women's Bible section. Many times I have seen the support of prayer for members - and the intervention in an otherwise seemingly hopeless situation.<P>I also think, that the Lord brought me here to this board. I was without support, I felt isolated, I felt hopeless. What I learned here is that infidelity is predictable. I do not feel alone.<P>I believe this forum is a Marriage Builder site, and - all people that want help or support in building marriages - or helping understand how the "next time" they can learn from a failed marriage - this is exactly the purpose of this forum.<P>The friends I have made here know so much about me, and I generally feel very safe here. I love you all, and thank God for this forum, and my computer.<P>God Bless me, you, us all - and our computers.<P>TNT

I entered MB in Other Topics, for my H's depression, in Dec 98 (eek, look at that YEAR) when Guard left me the 2nd time, 2 weeks before his confession of his 8 month affair that would stretch well into 18 months, if not the current month, making it 2 years...<P>This morning I made 3 posts, gave excellent advice (well, at least I thought so) and realized I wasn't doing the 3 things myself...<P>I advised against separation, I'm now in my 7th separation, this one beginning Jan00, H gone for a total of more than 13 months, and this one continues because I say it does. Guard just moved into a house on his own. I know separation doesn't help a thing, but I fear trusting him...doesn't help that his OW just emailed him after a silence (he says) of 6 months. He has given me access to his work email, and I found it, he doesn't know if he would have told me...he hopes he would have. <P>I advised against a betrayed seeing their EA...I'm fighting like crazy not to call mine, no contact now for 4 weeks, I don't like withdrawal much at all. But in a lapse of dialing, I found the OM did change his phone numbers, so that helps (?). This also makes me less than trustworthy as well. You can't see someone secretly, and not be deceitful. The OM called it "discretion". I'm leaning toward calling it "scummy".<P>I also advised forgiveness. God and spouses forgive us all our LBs, our betrayals, our malicious or murderous thoughts, our lack of trust in God.<P>I'm coming out of the fog that I didn't see coming and that swallowed me so quickly. I've spent a lot of time lately crying and shaking my head. Great timing to have gone off my Zoloft, huh? . I've asked Guard for his forgiveness...I'm still scared that if I want him, he'll back off yet again. And then I will go nuts. But we're trying to both hop on the recovery train...<P>You'll know if I sign off from the Divorce/divorcing forum and slide on over to recovery...wouldn't that be wonderful?<P>Anyway, I so appreciate this board, this place to be where the turmoil of all these emotions are understood, where no matter how bad your situation is, there is always someone who will pray, or hug, or scold, or praise, or love, or befriend, or inform, the list goes on....<P>Thanks.<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{MBers}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Let love be genuine...hold fast to what is good; love one another." Rom 12:9-10

Ok...<P>I'm not a veteran (real veteran) in time on the forum 6.5 months...<BR>...I guess a veteran in number of posts though...<P>Good idea Deb...<BR>...the <BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/000367.html" TARGET=_blank>"New" E-Mail Exchange</A>…..you started…..1/31/2000<BR>and <BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000037.html" TARGET=_blank>Roll Call</A>…..I started…..2/12/2000<BR>do get out of date after a few months...<P>Of course people are more than welcome to update both!!! hint... hint... wink... wink... <P>Most know me as the "Welcome Wagon"...<BR>...if you missed my <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders</A>... shame on me.<P>Otherwise... I'm just another "long distance" <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>-er... future <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A>-er... future who knows what... <P>Also looking for the "sense of community"... especially when my kids go to sleep! <P>Jim / <B>N</B>ew <B>S</B>un <B>R</B>ising

Ahhh the party girl is back onboard...and just in time for summer?<BR>Thank goodness the board burped and I was one that had to reregister...who knows how long I have been here! <BR>Things are going well in my world right now. H is being loving and pretty wonderful. Working on his issues that led us into this mess! I am enjoying being myself again. <BR>Wow-was I lost for quite some time. As if you old-timers didn't notice? <BR>How are you Deb? and how is Bozo? <BR>

Hi, Deb! Been on the MB forums since 10/15/1998 and just checked - total of 1091 posts recorded... Frightening, isn't it?<P>It was about 1 month after discovery, 1 month before he moved out...<P>The forum has introduced me to people I have become quite close to - and saved me from despair countless times. Now, I am posting over on the Divorced/Divorcing forum ... it's time to move forward in my life. Some people just don't "get" the MB techniques - like my husband...<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR>I can see clearly now,<BR>the rain is gone ...

Hi Deb,<P>Only been her since March 19th. Wish none of us would need this board...but we do and I'm glad its here. The warmth and love is overwhelming and I for one appreciate everyone here!!!<P>J W

Since March of 98........and the forum has changed so much,,for the better, I might add. <P>So many new people all the time, different versions of the same sad story. So many different outcomes. This forum has helped me immensely since I discovered it. And I thank God I did. <P>I don't post or reply very often anymore. But I do visit and read and occasionally respond to a post. Sometimes it's hard to read about all the new, fresh pain or about others that have been hurting so long. I sincerely wish there was no need for this forum.

Found this site 1/99...lurked until May or June '99.<P>Literally saved my sanity.<P>Haven't been on much lately because I have a busy family life right now.<P>My marriage is better than ever. Still, it was the most painful experience of my life.<P>I thought the pain would never end, but it did. I see changes in my H that are significant and I believe long term.<P>Basically we had a happy marriage and a wonderful family, but we didn't focus on "us" enough...and to be honest I don't think he appreciated me. Now he does and I think he is just as horrified at his actions as I am.<P> <P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

Hi Deb!!<P>Well, I've been a registered user since April 23, 1999 (old user name). I lurked for a couple of days after I found the site.<P>This site, and all the wonderful people here saved my sanity. I never would have made it through the last year without this place, and everyone here.<P>I've watched as this site has grown, been divided into sub catagories, and now even includes a place for those of us who were not able to save our marriages. The love and support here is unbelievable.<P>Thoughts & Prayers <BR>Dawnetta<P>PS~ TnT -- I'm not afraid to look at your sunglasses.... it was 2700+ posts!<P>cl ~ good to see you again... it's been a while! I'm glad things are going well for you.<P>------------------<BR>There are deep sorrows and killing cares in life, but the encouragement and love of friends were given us to make all difficulties bearable. <BR>-- John Oliver Holmes<P>The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.<BR>-- Elie Wiesel<P><BR>

Hi everyone,<P>I found this site in October of 1999, about a week after Dday. I showed my husband (firestorm) this site about a week later when we decided to commit ourselves to saving our marriage. I didn't post anything until December 3rd, our anniversary.<P>Finding this site made me realize that I was not alone in this fight and that our situation was not hopeless. I give this site and the Harley philosophy a lot of credit for the fact that we have made it together so far.<P>I guess the best way to say it is that I LOVE THIS PLACE, but wish that nobody needed to have it!<P>Peppermint

Hey, Deb, how's it going??? <P>Oops, hope nobody checked this post when there was just an "x" on it. Can't spell, can't type AND hit the wrong button. <P>Registered here July 99. Lurked for a while before, seems like forever, but I'm really not sure how long.<P>Got over 2000 posts (scared to check how many)- now that IS sad and you can rest assured that most of them are long!!!! Sheba and NB will, anyway!<P>This site, wow. It saved my life. It saved my sanity. It saved my marriage. Everyone I knew, who knew what was going on, told me it was over. I believed it was over. It was suffering, hanging on by a thread, but not over!!!<P>The best thing that happened to me in finding MB happened to ME! Plan A taught me so very much about myself....my strengths, my weaknesses, my capacity to grow and change for the better. I really do LIKE me now...so much more than before. I love my strength, my confidence, a whole lot of things about myself.<P>YOU told me I'd survive in my very first post! (I can still remember thinking, "she can't possibly know how I feel!" ) Wassi told me I could grow, if I chose to. Sheba taught me I could find humor in even the darkest moment. Lucks never minded setting me straight and stopping me from feeling sorry for myself. Jim provided the voice of reason. Frank comforted when I was down. DeWayne held my hand (virtually, of course) when I couldn't go on. Ceecee made me laugh and keep my temper in check. Kat, ES and Hopeful, Lonestar and Petunia, Crazy or What?, SHA, Chris and so many others provided inspiration and motivation during those early days. So many more have since then. And everyone encouraged. So many more friends. So many more people I love so much. Shoulders to cry on who wouldn't let me just feel sorry for myself. There's a big difference. Started naming them all and this post got REALLY long. That's the most amazing thing. To truly care about so many. To have so many care about you.<P>You know, Harley's principles are great. No question about it in my mind. But the real treasure of the site - all the wonderful people. Through each post I learned patience, compassion, what real love really is. I learned to ride out the pain, let go of the anger, feel for others (including PT and my WS!), and strive to be my best. I got my hand slapped when I was out of hand. Was told to take another look at a situation from a different perspective. I know it happened gradually, but all of a sudden I realized I was waking up and viewing the world and the day from a whole new place - and looking forward to facing it. All that when I STILL didn't believe Robert would ever come home.<P>Oh, my gotta stop. One thing you guys COULDN'T teach me was to be brief!!! Sorry! [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/grin.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/grin.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/grin.gif[/img]<P>I love this site, I love the people here. Right now, in recovery and rebuilding, there's not so much time anymore, but I still stop by almost every day. <P>Can't thank of a better place or time to say thank you, with all my love and everything inside me to all the dear, dear people here. I wouldn't be THIS Lori if it weren't for you.<P>Love to everyone.<P>Lori<p>[This message has been edited by lostva (edited April 13, 2000).]

Wow guys, looks like we all pretty much like this place, a lot.<P>For all who asked, well I'm still here and it looks like I'll stay. The depression I have been dealing with for years has started to lift a little, Mike (debs_bozo here) has actually started being a tiny bit more attentive, especially when I remind him. <P>I realise that some of the things I want from him are just not in his nature to give, at least not after the first year in a relationship. *sigh*. <P>All in all I have decided that I was more unhappy without him than I am with him (most days !).<P>I'm so glad to see so many old faces showing uo, I am saddened to see that so many new folks need to be here, but glad they found us too.<P>Lets face it, Steve Harley provides this board for us, (May God bless him for that !) but it is us , the users of this board who make a difference in those long hard hours we struggle with all the problems that beset a marriage in this world.<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

I have been here three months I think - or so - was away for a while after intially joining the group - but some recent events brought me back to help me straighten out in my head some of the things going on with me. <P>It was comforting to see that once again - I am not alone in my feelings - it is a great comfort and helps when I get really mad at H and just need to talk to someone from both positions. <P>I really appreciate this site - I wish I could get my husband to join - then again - he may be here since alot of the things he does and says now are very new for him and 'so rational', which he has never been before. Many of the ways he reacts to me - sound so much like the advice this site has to offer - he may be here - I hope. He needed as much help with this as me. <P>

I think I found this site around memorial day weekend and joined in June 1999. This site has been a God send and I know He brought me here to help me heal after 8 affiars in 7 years. Ouch!!!!<P>We are getting along a little better now that she is wanting revenge for him cheating on her while he was cheating on his W with her and the fact that he owes both of us individually money. We are planning on taking him to small claims court to get it back. <P>She called me today to let me know how her eye and dental exams went. She even called me to let me know how long she expects to be at part-time job tonight. I am waiting for her to start calling before she leaves work since it is usually very late when she leaves.<P>------------------<BR><B><I>God Bless,<BR>Rob</I></B><BR> regilmor@swbell.net

I have only been here for a couple of weeks. I thank God I too found this site. I read it every day. I cry at some and know that I am not alone in how I feel. It is so hard to be Patient. I want things done now. I want my H home and not with the OW. I read other postings and it gives me hope that things can change. Thanks to everone here who support all of us. It sure makes life a little easier every day.

Hi Deb -- Interesting responses so far. . .<P>Me? I've been here for over a year. Over 800 posts. My W and I are still together, and doing very well considering where we were.<P>What do I think of this board??<P>This is a tricky question. . .<P>Over all I love it. My time here has helped me learn a great deal. I have also met some people whom I consider to be friends. I pretty much lurk now. Don't seem to have much time to post very often. I still have a lot of questions, but I'm pretty sure that I will never get all the answers I want.<P>My W has posted here, and every once in a while still does.<P>I also hate this place. I mean just the fact that society has gotten so out of hand, that a place like this has to exist . . . It's just a shame.<P>God Bless

Hallo!<P>Been here about 6 weeks. I came here looking for simple answers to a complex situation. <P>My H and I are in recovery right now. He posts occasionally. This place has really been a significant part of my recovery even as the betrayer.<P> <BR>Mercy

HI All,<BR> Well, I've been here since October 99 and you can see by my user name, I was pretty desperate!! I had NO idea when I picked that name just HOW MUCH help I could get from virtual strangers!! <BR> My W's affair still goes on but I too have grown sooo much! Being a man, and taught NOT to cry, I can't believe how much ALL of the stories here have made me cry!!<BR> I can relate to most, and some, I don't know if I would be strong enough to go through your pain. Really, you AMAZE me sometimes MB!<BR> I have made close friends that I will NEVER EVER EVER forget if I live to be as old as my W's OM I really feel as close to some as my own family!! And some I may even owe my life to because when I got here, I was just out of my mind with grief. The people here kept me off the bridge until GOD could come back into my life and save and comfort me. NB, Sheba, Chris, MEDIC, NSR, WilliamJ, professorg and so many more I've forgotten (names only!!) OH, that's right here's another lostva. Yeah, she's helped me a little. Lori, I love you (I know I don't need to explain to you )<P> I really think that GOD made MB!! If ALL people would care about their fellow man like we do here OH MY GOD!! What a great world this would be!!!<BR> I pray DAILY for you all!! GOOD LUCK & PRAYERS FRANK<P>------------------<BR>desperate<BR>"If yesterday didn't stop today, Why should TODAY stop tomorrow??" <BR>"Wisdom is why!!"<P>