<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by personal:<BR><B>Brief history, hubby is a flirt always has been, always bothered me. I recently had an internet affair with him, he thought I was someone else, and trashed me, looks and person. <P></B><BR><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>I don't know what you meant by "trashed" but if your husband is still with you, that's good. <P>Knowing your husband is a flirt and setting him up like that is quite a task, but to what end? <P>Many co-workers of the opposite sex who are in friendships think that because no sex is involved, it's not an affair--that's not true.<P>Many husbands and wives think it is OK to consistently meet or visit long after work hours because no sex is involved. It is easy for them to feel it is all right to do so because they are not on the receiving end of the situation. So hanging out--to them--is OK.<P>Sadly, some husbands and wives may never understand that what they are doing is hurtful, especially if the co-worker is not emotionally mature enough to see the harm it can do to a marriage.<P>What I mean by 'emotionally mature' is that--let's say in your case--the woman does not have a mind to encourage your husband to go home because she does not know or care that he should respect his wife.<P>Other speculations are she may be married, but have an understanding with her husband (or maybe he's suffering and she does not know or she has him under control)
<P>Could be she is not married and may only have a boyfriend (in the same situation stated above)
so she really cannot see or care of the impact of the co-worker friendship on your marriage.<P>Some people like to hangout and have fun, but neglect the responsiblity of the spouse who is waiting at home.<P>Even though we know we reap what we sow, that is not an incentive for those ignorant to that fact or callous of heart to do right by their spouse.<P>One can always speculate, but if the co-worker lacks integrity or self-respect, chances are she does not have the wisdom necessary to steer your husband home and cultivate their friendship--provided that's all she is expecting.<P>Whatever the case, it's up to you to decide whether or not to confront your husband on what you have done.<P>The most I have done with husband regarding e-mail is sending him pages from this forum to review. I don't want to know how far he will go.<P>My husband and I have always talked even during his affairs because he never allowed the door of communication to close between us and I did not--and long as we are married<BR>--will never refuse to talk to him.<P>People play mind games even when it comes to love and marriage. I have said this to many women. I developed this viewpoint after much suffering. Remember YOU have the upper hand because you are the wife. You have to answer to God for your conduct in keeping your vows in your marriage.<P>If your husband decides to have the co-worker in his life, you can rest assured that you did your part as a wife. That way you won't be tormented about wondering,<BR>""Did I give it my all?"" <P>I have always believed you can't push anyone away from you if their love was true to begin with. If they leave, it is because THEY wanted to go.<P>The co-worker may be hoping for something more than a friendship between her and your husband. Some women don't want to be played with, but they don't mind being the toy.<P><BR>------------------<BR>Love hurts no one.<p>[This message has been edited by AGoodPhrend (edited September 20, 2000).]