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Joined: Sep 2000
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Brief history, hubby is a flirt always has been, always bothered me. I recently had an internet affair with him, he thought I was someone else, and trashed me, looks and person. Almost set up a meeting with her(me) lots of sex talk. When confronted he said he was venting past angers and the sex was all in fun. Asked to end, he agreed, but lied kept it going and said it was over. Then he claims he has rediscovered his love for me and he has been very nice. Probably heres why..<P>Now theres a real person. I wrongfully, because of the above incident decided to look into his work email. He has been receiveing mail, which he deletes(why), from a "coworker". He has sent her our kids pictures, she has given him small gifts, and sends him pictures, smiley faces etc. Okay you say just a coworker? well today he gets a fancy "you bring a sparkle to my day" note..Now are we still in the co worker mode? <P>So what do I do, if I confront him he will know I have been snooping and change his password and I will be totally in the dark. Letting it go causes me to hate him and its hard to be nice when he walks in the door. He will just lie himself out of it again, I have considered waiting, or trying to see what she looks like, hoping she may not be his type(350lbs) what the heck do I do? I hate to cut off my link. Help???

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I wish I had some great advice for you. But all I can do is let you know someone is listening and cares. If it were me I think I would start printing out those emails for when you do confront him. He won't be able to deny written proof. But as you said if you confront he will just get sneakyer. Maybe you could arrange to get an annon. letter / note from someone stating that you need to look into h and co-worker and have it signed "another co-worker"? Sneaky and dishonest ? you bet, but so is what he is doingf. And no honey that sounds like way more than just friends/co-workers, you are no crazy, unless I am too, of course the jury is still out on that. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] <P>------------------<BR>Deb<P>Hepatitis C, Please educate yourself ! <A HREF="http://www.hepatitis-central.com/<P>In" TARGET=_blank>http://www.hepatitis-central.com/<P>In</A> memory of a very dear friend <A HREF="http://fathom.org/teemingmillions/wally.adp" TARGET=_blank>http://fathom.org/teemingmillions/wally.adp</A>

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<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by personal:<BR><B>Brief history, hubby is a flirt always has been, always bothered me. I recently had an internet affair with him, he thought I was someone else, and trashed me, looks and person. Almost set up a meeting with her(me) lots of sex talk. When confronted he said he was venting past angers and the sex was all in fun. Asked to end, he agreed, but lied kept it going and said it was over. Then he claims he has rediscovered his love for me and he has been very nice. Probably heres why..<P>Now theres a real person. I wrongfully, because of the above incident decided to look into his work email. He has been receiveing mail, which he deletes(why), from a "coworker". He has sent her our kids pictures, she has given him small gifts, and sends him pictures, smiley faces etc. Okay you say just a coworker? well today he gets a fancy "you bring a sparkle to my day" note..Now are we still in the co worker mode? <P>So what do I do, if I confront him he will know I have been snooping and change his password and I will be totally in the dark. Letting it go causes me to hate him and its hard to be nice when he walks in the door. He will just lie himself out of it again, I have considered waiting, or trying to see what she looks like, hoping she may not be his type(350lbs) what the heck do I do? I hate to cut off my link. Help???</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I know this is very sneaky but I would print out the emails first of all, then make copies of them, at least 3. Then I would send one to him at work, one to her at work, and one to his boss at work anonymously. He will be terrified that you will find out and about losing his job. She will also be nervous and it will probably end before anything too irrepairable starts. Good-luck<BR>

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Ohhhhh, burnedagain I like the way you think ! Sneaky and not nice, but just like me, only smarter !

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Majority of affairs are between co-workers. So you need to get very real and plan and do your utmost to prevent one because the signs are there that they are close.<P>Visit the office every now and then for lunch with H if possible. <P>Get to church with H and into counselling - you have good reason to because of the internet affair. Your H is a flirt is a problem, you need to help him realise that in the context of marriage or any relationship that matters, this is damaging. Ask him what if the tables are turned?<P>Take Care<BR>weep

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<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by personal:<BR><B>Brief history, hubby is a flirt always has been, always bothered me. I recently had an internet affair with him, he thought I was someone else, and trashed me, looks and person. <P></B><BR><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>I don't know what you meant by "trashed" but if your husband is still with you, that's good. <P>Knowing your husband is a flirt and setting him up like that is quite a task, but to what end? <P>Many co-workers of the opposite sex who are in friendships think that because no sex is involved, it's not an affair--that's not true.<P>Many husbands and wives think it is OK to consistently meet or visit long after work hours because no sex is involved. It is easy for them to feel it is all right to do so because they are not on the receiving end of the situation. So hanging out--to them--is OK.<P>Sadly, some husbands and wives may never understand that what they are doing is hurtful, especially if the co-worker is not emotionally mature enough to see the harm it can do to a marriage.<P>What I mean by 'emotionally mature' is that--let's say in your case--the woman does not have a mind to encourage your husband to go home because she does not know or care that he should respect his wife.<P>Other speculations are she may be married, but have an understanding with her husband (or maybe he's suffering and she does not know or she has him under control) [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] <P>Could be she is not married and may only have a boyfriend (in the same situation stated above) [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] so she really cannot see or care of the impact of the co-worker friendship on your marriage.<P>Some people like to hangout and have fun, but neglect the responsiblity of the spouse who is waiting at home.<P>Even though we know we reap what we sow, that is not an incentive for those ignorant to that fact or callous of heart to do right by their spouse.<P>One can always speculate, but if the co-worker lacks integrity or self-respect, chances are she does not have the wisdom necessary to steer your husband home and cultivate their friendship--provided that's all she is expecting.<P>Whatever the case, it's up to you to decide whether or not to confront your husband on what you have done.<P>The most I have done with husband regarding e-mail is sending him pages from this forum to review. I don't want to know how far he will go.<P>My husband and I have always talked even during his affairs because he never allowed the door of communication to close between us and I did not--and long as we are married<BR>--will never refuse to talk to him.<P>People play mind games even when it comes to love and marriage. I have said this to many women. I developed this viewpoint after much suffering. Remember YOU have the upper hand because you are the wife. You have to answer to God for your conduct in keeping your vows in your marriage.<P>If your husband decides to have the co-worker in his life, you can rest assured that you did your part as a wife. That way you won't be tormented about wondering,<BR>""Did I give it my all?"" <P>I have always believed you can't push anyone away from you if their love was true to begin with. If they leave, it is because THEY wanted to go.<P>The co-worker may be hoping for something more than a friendship between her and your husband. Some women don't want to be played with, but they don't mind being the toy.<P><BR>------------------<BR>Love hurts no one.<p>[This message has been edited by AGoodPhrend (edited September 20, 2000).]


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