Part Two: Working with automatic thoughts.<P>The first steps in beginning to recognize your automatic thoughts are:<UL TYPE=SQUARE><LI>Identify your automatic thoughts in specific situations<LI>Do they have a customary inclination, pattern, style? Do they consistently seem to exaggerate or distort the situation?<LI>Do you usually blame yourself?</UL><P>The next time you feel that you are about to explode, try this: <UL TYPE=SQUARE><LI><B>STOP<LI>BREATHE</B><BR>-release physical tension<LI><B>REFLECT</B><BR>-Ask yourself:<BR> What's going on here? <BR> Why am I so distressed? <BR> Is this really a crisis? <BR> Is this currently happening to me now?<BR> Will worrying about it help?<BR> Am I jumping to conclusions?<BR> Is it to my advantage to think this way?<BR> Am I making a mountain out of a molehill? <BR> Is this how I want to spend my time?<P><LI><B>CHOOSE</B> <BR>--Ask yourself: <BR> What can I do? <BR> What coping techniques would work here? <BR> Do I need to temper my emotional response<BR> before I can act responsively,<BR> practically, and appropriately?</UL> <P>--CHOOSE ONE of the following <B>COPING TECHNIQUES:</B><UL TYPE=SQUARE><LI>DISTRACTION-put aside a problem or stress until it can be dealt with more effectively (Scarlett O'Hara technique--"I'll worry about it tomorrow"). Examples: grab a magazine, turn on the radio or TV, splash cold water on your face.<LI>DIRECT ACTION: Just do it! Examples include confronting the problem, changing your environment, changing your behavior.<LI> RELAXATION--stop thinking and switch to something you enjoy doing...exercise, take a bath, bake a cake, etc.<LI>REFRAMING--the ability to look at an event from a different perspective. (e.g. the glass is half full -vs- half empty). *insert Marie's comments: my own personal favorites are sayings I've used over and over on this site: Your H didn't cheat because of who YOU ARE, but because of WHO HE IS....and, Your H didn't do this to YOU, he did this to HIMSELF. Or, if you're trying to restore respect in your spouse, say, "I disrespect my H's *actions*, but RESPECT the man that he is capable of being/has been in the past.<LI>AFFIRMATIONS: an affirmation is a positive thought which has meaning for you and is always stated in the present. (Affirmations can also be repeated thru out the day by themselves to help alleviate stress)...*Marie's note:I say mine first thing in the morning and before bed!. Examples of affirmations are:<BR>I can handle it. <BR>I accept myself as I am. <BR>I am at peace.<BR>I am taking one day at a time. <BR>I am becoming strong and healthy. <BR>I would rather be happy than force my opinion on someone. <BR>I can "let it be." <BR>I am doing the best I can. <BR>I love my spouse. <BR>I want my family UNITED. <BR>I am strong enough to do what I know is right for MY FAMILY. <BR>I CAN make it!<LI>SOCIAL SUPPORT: talk out your problems with friends, family, co-workers, professionals, etc. <LI>SPIRITUALITY: Call on your own personal belief system.<LI>CATHARSIS: Find an emotional release. Sometimes a good cry--or laugh--will release stress.<LI>JOURNAL WRITING: Write things down to get them off your chest.<LI>ACCEPTANCE:Recite the Serenity Prayer--"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." Simply stated: make the choice to *accept* that it happened and you cannot change the past.<P>And, after you've chosen your coping technique, the last/final step is to:<P><LI><B>JUST DO IT!</B></UL><P>Final Note: Successful coping is a matter of the wisdom to achieve the delicate balance between acceptance and action, of letting go and taking control. It is also the art of choosing the right strategy at the right time. At times, it is neither wise nor possible to act immediately in the face of stress. In such cases, distractions, relaxation, humor, or acceptance may be the most effective until the situation allows you to act directly. There are also times when distraction is ineffective, when you need to act directly. You would not say, "I'll think of it tomorrow" if your house was burning down. Each coping strategy is effective in some situations and ineffective in others. Successful coping depends on your taking the time to Stop, Breathe, Reflect, and Choose the most appropriate coping strategy for the situation.<P>Hope this helps you guys!
Of course, it doesn't have to be this long....everyone will need to cut and paste so that the technique *fits* their personality. Personally, I use the affirmations and the serenity prayer--these two things alone *do it* for me. <P>Surely, there's something for everyone!!!<P>Remember, don't limit yourself, don't get stuck...if you can dream it, YOU CAN BE IT!<P>Peace, ~Marie<P>------------------<BR>"If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars." ~unknown<p>[This message has been edited by ohmy_marie (edited October 27, 2000).]