Hey guys. . .all of these "thank you" posts are making me cry. You will never, ever know how much I appreciate your posts, too. Your posts give me the inspiration and pep to keep going. Now, I'm at a point where I feel like, maybe, I do have something good to contribute to society. I have hope again. <P>In a really strange way, I've always felt this need to help others. I've always wanted volunteer to feed the hungry, build houses for the homeless etc. . . In some really odd and bizarre way, I feel like this IS what God whats me to do - not necessarily as pennance, but to "help others" and to provide encouragement. So, I feel really good that I am doing something to help someone - other than myself. So, it is I that must thank you - for wanting my opinions. It means a lot to me. <P>LIL - I have never posted a private email address on MB (1) Because I was afraid of getting anyone in trouble with their spouses - since a lot of the problems for some people start with the Internet, via Internet Relationships etc. . . and (2) I've always been kind of scared that it would make things too real for me - it's weird.<P>But, I can understand that many people, like yourself, feel uncomfortable posting your real feelings or thoughts where your spouse can read them - if they, too, visit this site.<P>So, for anyone who wants to contact me by email, please feel free to use the following address: skm_mb@hotmail.com. <P>LIL, for you in particular, please keep in touch. There was another WS on this site who reached out to me and touched my heart - she gave me her email address and invited me to keep in touch. We have been doing that for almost 6 months - and we help each other through those rough spots. We don't always agree, but we definitely get good opinions from each other. She has helped me out enormously. <P>I can't gaurantee that we'll always agree, but I will be there for you if you want to talk or get a "second" opinion. I don't know if I can help you and Small Steps, but I think we all could use a few more friends in this world. So, please, let me know what's going on.<P>You know, the biggest thing for me, when I realized that I had no future with the OM - it wasn't that I realized that the OM was a bad person or anything - it was actually visualizing my life without my H. I actually pictured, and I know it sounds morbid, but I actually pictured that he was dead. Because, ultimately, we do not have any kids, if we were divorced, I think there would be so much pain - that we would never be able to be "friends." So, my life without my H would be - in essence - a life totally without him, like he was dead.<P>And you know, I actually thought about that long and hard - tears flowed non-stop when I thought about how I would begin each day. I wouldn't even KNOW where to begin. Who would I talk to when work was unbearable, who would I share the news of a promotion with? Who would help me get my car fixed? Who would eat dinner with me night after night? Who would I kiss before I left in the morning to go to work? Who would I welcome home at night?<P>7 months ago, if the OM had died suddenly, yeah, I would have been sad. But, even 7 months ago, when I was still confused, if my H had died, I would have been completely devastated. In a weird way, that's love to me - love that has developed over a long period of time - it is devastating when you face the possibility of losing that forever.<P>So, stay in touch, I think you know what you need to do - one way or the other - but I'm willing to listen.<P>Adrian - I definitely think you can show your H some of the stuff on this site. I invited my H to come on here for support, but he's not really "into" it. So, occasionally, I'll just talk about some of the thoughts and ideas - or let him read some things that struck me. I haven't done that in a while - shared threads for him to read - but I definitely think this board has been a God send for me as a WS - and it could possibly help your H. Heck, if he doesn't feel comfortable posting here, he can just read a little. I did that for several months prior to registering.<P>Rick37 - You hit on something really important. . .Anyone can change at any moment. Someone who is doing everything wrong, who is falling into the abyss, can suddenly do the right thing and change his/her life. For me, if you have hope, you can have it all.<P>To everyone who maybe lurking - feel free to email me. Sometimes I don't have a chance to respond to all the threads, but if you really have a question or what to bounce something off me - you can send an email. I promise to limit my responses to 100 words of less
.<P>Sometimes, I feel bad that I cannot respond to everyone, but my thoughts and prayers are with all of you, please know that.<P><p>[This message has been edited by SKM (edited November 01, 2000).]