SKM, I don't know your email address or I would have sent this to you directly. <P>You are truly an inspiration to me. My H directed me to your post on withdrawal yesterday. I can relate to everything you said... EVERYTHING. Even though my H (SS4N) posted the other day about us being through, I'm hoping neither one of us believes that. We have hit a very rough patch, and on top of me having turned to someone else (OM), he is now involved with someone who he is considering "making a new start" with. <P>I love my H, and for the first time since this whole A started, I can honestly say I miss him. I pray that we can somehow find a way to get through this. I don't know what is changing in me, but SOMEthing is. I guess I feel I have reached a turning point, because all along I have been able to envision a future with OM, but for the first time in a long time, maybe ever, I simply can't imagine a future without my H. <P> I don't know where this road will take me, and I know I can only travel one step at a time. I'm not ready to post any specifics on my feelings or what is happening in our situation. I just wanted to thank you, SKM, for being here for the rest of us, and for showing that someone is out there who has been there and understands the hell we're going through. <P> If I could, I'd give you a big hug. I hope you and your husband continue to find the happiness you both deserve. <P>My H once wrote to me that "true love conquers the test of time". I hope he still believes that.<P>lost_in_love<P>p.s. As a side note, my H is having knee surgery today, so everyone, please keep him in your prayers.<p>[This message has been edited by lost_in_love (edited November 01, 2000).]

This is a very inspirational posting, for more than one reason. First of all, we all know and appreciate the level of support that SKM has given to us, and it is nice that you point that out. Second, I don't know if you realize how much it helps us here to read your second paragraph, seeing how your mind can change from envisioning future with OM, to not envisioning one without your husband. That statement alone is inspiration to everyone that is fighting for their marriage.<P>I truly wish you all the best and hope that you both work through this, and I hope that your husband's surgery goes well.<P>Thanks and take care.

Lost_in_love, <P>I agree with Rick37, SKM's posts has been a great inspitration to many of us, me included. I wish to thank her for honest words in her yesterday's posting. In fact, I'm thinking about showing it to my H who is now struggling with his feelings, many of them I recognised in SKM's posts. <P>BTW, do you think it's a good idea? My H doesn't know about this site; I'm not even sure in the stage he is, would he be acceptive to the idea (perhaps he might consider it pushing from my side). On the other hand, seeing he's not the only one with the same problem might help him. <P>Rick, I wished to tell you this many times by now: you are great person. I admire you patience and commitment to your marriage. I read your posts, and whenever I found myself down and miserable, thinking of what have you been thru gave me new strenght to carry on Plan Aing.<BR>Hang on, bud, you're doing good job, and I pray for you to finally see some response. You deserve it. <P>Adrian<BR>

I'm there too with my appreciation for the insight that SKM has given me. I have forwarded some of her postings to my W in hopes that she will realize that her struggle is not unique and can be won.<P>Rick37 is also inspiring...so dedicated, and far more patient than I am!<P>Adrian: If you have a good line of communication going with your H, and he is working to restore your marriage, I would recommend getting him here to see that others have gone through the same experience and have survived and grown.<P>Bob<BR>

Hey guys. . .all of these "thank you" posts are making me cry. You will never, ever know how much I appreciate your posts, too. Your posts give me the inspiration and pep to keep going. Now, I'm at a point where I feel like, maybe, I do have something good to contribute to society. I have hope again. <P>In a really strange way, I've always felt this need to help others. I've always wanted volunteer to feed the hungry, build houses for the homeless etc. . . In some really odd and bizarre way, I feel like this IS what God whats me to do - not necessarily as pennance, but to "help others" and to provide encouragement. So, I feel really good that I am doing something to help someone - other than myself. So, it is I that must thank you - for wanting my opinions. It means a lot to me. <P>LIL - I have never posted a private email address on MB (1) Because I was afraid of getting anyone in trouble with their spouses - since a lot of the problems for some people start with the Internet, via Internet Relationships etc. . . and (2) I've always been kind of scared that it would make things too real for me - it's weird.<P>But, I can understand that many people, like yourself, feel uncomfortable posting your real feelings or thoughts where your spouse can read them - if they, too, visit this site.<P>So, for anyone who wants to contact me by email, please feel free to use the following address: skm_mb@hotmail.com. <P>LIL, for you in particular, please keep in touch. There was another WS on this site who reached out to me and touched my heart - she gave me her email address and invited me to keep in touch. We have been doing that for almost 6 months - and we help each other through those rough spots. We don't always agree, but we definitely get good opinions from each other. She has helped me out enormously. <P>I can't gaurantee that we'll always agree, but I will be there for you if you want to talk or get a "second" opinion. I don't know if I can help you and Small Steps, but I think we all could use a few more friends in this world. So, please, let me know what's going on.<P>You know, the biggest thing for me, when I realized that I had no future with the OM - it wasn't that I realized that the OM was a bad person or anything - it was actually visualizing my life without my H. I actually pictured, and I know it sounds morbid, but I actually pictured that he was dead. Because, ultimately, we do not have any kids, if we were divorced, I think there would be so much pain - that we would never be able to be "friends." So, my life without my H would be - in essence - a life totally without him, like he was dead.<P>And you know, I actually thought about that long and hard - tears flowed non-stop when I thought about how I would begin each day. I wouldn't even KNOW where to begin. Who would I talk to when work was unbearable, who would I share the news of a promotion with? Who would help me get my car fixed? Who would eat dinner with me night after night? Who would I kiss before I left in the morning to go to work? Who would I welcome home at night?<P>7 months ago, if the OM had died suddenly, yeah, I would have been sad. But, even 7 months ago, when I was still confused, if my H had died, I would have been completely devastated. In a weird way, that's love to me - love that has developed over a long period of time - it is devastating when you face the possibility of losing that forever.<P>So, stay in touch, I think you know what you need to do - one way or the other - but I'm willing to listen.<P>Adrian - I definitely think you can show your H some of the stuff on this site. I invited my H to come on here for support, but he's not really "into" it. So, occasionally, I'll just talk about some of the thoughts and ideas - or let him read some things that struck me. I haven't done that in a while - shared threads for him to read - but I definitely think this board has been a God send for me as a WS - and it could possibly help your H. Heck, if he doesn't feel comfortable posting here, he can just read a little. I did that for several months prior to registering.<P>Rick37 - You hit on something really important. . .Anyone can change at any moment. Someone who is doing everything wrong, who is falling into the abyss, can suddenly do the right thing and change his/her life. For me, if you have hope, you can have it all.<P>To everyone who maybe lurking - feel free to email me. Sometimes I don't have a chance to respond to all the threads, but if you really have a question or what to bounce something off me - you can send an email. I promise to limit my responses to 100 words of less .<P>Sometimes, I feel bad that I cannot respond to everyone, but my thoughts and prayers are with all of you, please know that.<P><p>[This message has been edited by SKM (edited November 01, 2000).]

SKM for President!<P>WAT<BR>****************<BR>Time wounds all heels.

SKM...All I can do is echo everything good said about you, I have read ALOT of your postings...they have helped me tremendously in my recovery struggles. A heartfelt thanks.

You guys are TOO much. . .I don't know how I'll get my head through the door when I get home - you've filled it so full of good thoughts, it's about to pop!!<P>SKM for President - hmmmm - well, I guess the current President and I have a little something in common (and I don't mean that we're both Democrats! Honestly, I think the media would have a field day with all of the skeletons in my closet!! So, thanks,for the vote of confidence, but I'll keep those little rascals to myself

SKM,<P>I smiled to read what the others have written here...just last night I was thinking about the things you wrote in that post yesterday, and how wonderfully you communicate where you've been and where you are now. I was deeply moved and interested in ALL that you had to say. (though you say you ramble - NOT TRUE) <P>One thought that passed through my mind was 'this is as helpful and good as any book I've read on this subject'...and thought I should 'ask SKM for her email so I can bounce some things off of her'....so thank you for that.<P>As a 'mostly lurker' I appreciate all that people share here - thanks to all.<P>-Dawnn

SKM<BR>I agree with everything here. You don't realize how much you've helped me to understand this. I've printed out a lot of your postings for my H to read. Just the other day, he decided to keep one. Pretty good for a guy who wasn't interested at all in this website & now has agreed to read the articles & is thinking of possibly posting himself.<BR>You've done a lot of good here & I'm grateful.

Dawnn - I think about you and often wonder how you are doing. I think you started posting shortly after I did - but I'm not sure. Please feel free to email me anytime. I really am interested in how you are doing.<P>Searching -Thank you for your kind words too. When will this stop? You all are really too much. . .I'm glad your H has been able to at least get something out of what I posted. I hope you two are doing okay. I have trouble keeping up with everyone's story, or I forget who's who and for that I am deeply sorry. I do remember bits and pieces here and there, but how are things with you? Encourage your H to post. . .it really does help. At first I thought I would just share my thoughts - from my perspective - for whatever it was worth. But we all get encouragement in different ways, and sometimes, I get mine just from responding to questions - it kind of helps me confirm the way I feel about my H. I also feel like, if I'm going to talk the talk, I'd better be willing to walk the walk - and that isn't always easy - but it helps me stay on the straight and narrow.<P>I hope you all don't mind, but I printed this thread, just to read over when I get down on myself. I also want to share it with my H so that he knows why I like coming to this site - you all are the best!<BR>

<B>SKM</B><BR><B>SKM</B><BR><B>SKM</B><P>When it comes to you, your response to other, your advice, your thoughts. it made me speechless. <P>There is no word to describe that would be enough to what you have done to help us.<P>OOOO<P>Oop, I have to go, I 395 traffic is very very bad lately. <P>

SKM,<P>Just one other thought I wanted to mention to you. It is nothing that hasn't already been said, really, but just something that I've thought many times when considering the invaluable support you have provided. You know the saying "out of something bad comes something good"? Well, I think of your situation as proof of that. Obviously you and your husband went through some very difficult times, and you would never want to repeat that, but the good that came out of it is what you are giving to so many people. I know everyone would agree that when we see the number of responses go up on one of our postings, there is this little thing inside hoping that SKM might have added her thoughts. I've also often thought that I'd like to convey to your husband that I respect him too. You are together an inspiration for everyone who is trying to save their marriage.

SKM-<BR>I just wanted to let you know that I too have been touched by your posts and truly appreciate your willingness to share. So much has already been said and I don't want your head to any bigger <P>THANK YOU!!!

My H just read your post about withdrawal. This is the first post he has ever read. He kept asking questions about what I was doing on the computer all the time- I invited him over and pulled up your post. It brought tears to his eyes and opened the door for a discussion that we had to end tonight due to kids bedtimes,etc., but will likely continue for days. Quick update, H is WS, still involved in A, possibly ending, we are separated (I snooped yesterday).<P>Thank you so much. The pain that is evident when you write makes me remember that H is a good person that made a mistake and he is having a lot of his own pain to deal with right now. It also gives me hope that we too will be able to rebuild our marriage.