Does she understand - 01/23/01 12:50 PM
Hi,<P>Yesterday I spent the day working on a letter to my wife to tell the complete truth about some things I told her, which did not contain the complete truth. I wrote the letter so I would not stumble my words and say everything I need to tell her. I then read her the letter I promised to write in regards to how I am going to change my life. When that was done I read her a list of things that are making me change my life, and finally I read her, on advice from people on this site, my last post which publicly stated how I am going to change. She listened and thanked me for sharing everything with her and then that was it. She went on with the rest of the night. I know I have to give her time, but it seems lately (the past two weeks) she is just thinking about everything. She said she is not checking this site out now because she is working on a book (this is true) and she just needs time to sort her thoughts. I then told her I was ordering the SAA book and she just said "ok." I also told her I made an appointment today to go and speak with a counselor. She did not have any reaction to this. I know that she does not want to go to one now because she has told me since I confessed about a month ago, that she did not want to go to one right now. Even though, for some reason, I think in the back of my mind this will somehow work out in the long run, I feel like I am losing her. I told her that I am afraid in a couple of months she will come home one day and just say "sorry, this is not going to work." She then said, "maybe that will happen, I dont know how I am going to feel in a couple months." It almost seems like she was preparing me for it.<BR>She has continued on with future plans, refinancing house, talking about travel in June, new school for kids next year, so I think she still wants this to work, but I am really scared. <BR>All I can think about is her with another man, even though I am the one who cheated. I will talk to the counselor about this today as well as some other issues.<BR>I am trying not to make trouble, and want to give her space, but like I said, I am really scared.